Careful with that axe, Eugene

September 26, 2018 6:46 PM

What happens when you have a bar that combines beer, ax throwing, drinking shots straight from bottles and maybe some tightrope walking or juggling before throwing axes? A severe liquor license suspension. (SL)
posted by a non mouse, a cow herd (48 comments total)

Drinking alcohol while throwing axes, ax-throwers wearing open-toed shoes, a lack of monitoring by bar management and axes ricocheting off targets in the direction of participants were among the concerns listed by Michigan Liquor Control Commission investigators who visited the warehouse-style bar at 2550 Innovation Drive in Auburn Hills.

Buncha officious beaureaucratic killjoys, amirite?
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 6:48 PM on September 26, 2018 [8 favorites]

Great ad synergy with that “Bad Axe Throwing” banner. Book an unforgettable experience!
posted by rodlymight at 6:51 PM on September 26, 2018 [1 favorite]

ax-throwers wearing open-toed shoes

That's the set-up for some pretty gory slapstick.
posted by Halloween Jack at 6:55 PM on September 26, 2018 [3 favorites]

One of these days I'm going to cut you into little pieces.
posted by TedW at 6:56 PM on September 26, 2018 [8 favorites]

Wait, this isn't in Australia? Maybe this can be framed as a yooper/nonyooper thing?
posted by TedW at 7:01 PM on September 26, 2018 [4 favorites]

According to the pictures patrons were throwing hatchets, which is perfectly reasonable.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 7:03 PM on September 26, 2018 [2 favorites]

They should have had naked drunken ax throwing. I mean, if you are going to get yourself suspended, go all the way...
posted by Alexandra Kitty at 7:04 PM on September 26, 2018 [7 favorites]

I'd really want to axe them why they went with the concept.
posted by Quackles at 7:05 PM on September 26, 2018 [3 favorites]

This sounds like it should be an onion/clickhole article and its... real? What is real? Is Michigan real?
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 7:12 PM on September 26, 2018 [5 favorites]

Bars like these, and their inebriated patrons, constitute axes of evil, arming to threaten the peace of the world.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 7:15 PM on September 26, 2018 [11 favorites]

The one-day suspension was served on Sept. 10.

Well, that’ll show ‘em.
posted by Huffy Puffy at 7:18 PM on September 26, 2018 [2 favorites]

/r/nottheonion
posted by loquacious at 7:19 PM on September 26, 2018 [6 favorites]

Is Michigan real?

Oh, it’s real.
posted by Etrigan at 7:24 PM on September 26, 2018 [5 favorites]

The combination of "2550 Innovation Drive" and questionable drinking games fired a stereotype in me so I looked it up in Maps, and sure enough it's in the middle of an industrial park chock full of companies with names like Dynamic Prototype Operations and Quality Engineering Center. You can take the engineer out of college, but...
posted by traveler_ at 7:24 PM on September 26, 2018 [9 favorites]

There's a bar in a Portland suburb (Oregon City) that has had throwing axes or hatchets for years now. It's my favorite example of how chill Portland is, that it's not only conceivable but works out just fine.

I can't imagine that in Boston or Philadelphia.
posted by msalt at 7:28 PM on September 26, 2018 [1 favorite]

Axe throwing is a big fad lately, there are like half a dozen places around here although being Pennsylvania they don't serve alcohol (although you can BYOB).
posted by octothorpe at 7:29 PM on September 26, 2018

Baltimore has at least one of these bars.
posted by postel's law at 7:30 PM on September 26, 2018

I tried the drinking & ax-throwing thing, or in my case, gently tossing the ax and then running away because of a deep terror of flying axes.
posted by betweenthebars at 7:31 PM on September 26, 2018 [2 favorites]

Michigan is constantly advertising itself as a tourist destination around where I live. The problem is I live in Wisconsin and they keep advertising the lake scenery and fall colors and I'm like, "It's the exact! same! thing! You don't have anything different over there!"

Well, now they do. They should update their advertisements, because I'm sure it'd be quite appealing to Wisconsinites.
posted by brook horse at 7:36 PM on September 26, 2018 [11 favorites]

+1 for the Pink Floyd reference - that really takes me back.
posted by Greg_Ace at 7:38 PM on September 26, 2018 [3 favorites]

MANLY darts...
posted by jim in austin at 7:58 PM on September 26, 2018 [2 favorites]

r/whatcouldgowrong
posted by lalochezia at 8:02 PM on September 26, 2018 [4 favorites]

Well, now they do. They should update their advertisements, because I'm sure it'd be quite appealing to Wisconsinites.

Too late! There's one on the east side of Milwaukee. Hasn't been closed yet, apparently.
posted by Kyol at 8:08 PM on September 26, 2018 [1 favorite]

ax-throwers wearing open-toed shoes

What's the problem? These cocktails won't just sourtoe themselves, you know.
posted by flabdablet at 8:18 PM on September 26, 2018 [4 favorites]

Oh... this exists in the Boston area too. Yes, its a little out of town... but Axe throwing is being democratized to the biggest bunch of drunks and odd denizens
posted by Nanukthedog at 8:31 PM on September 26, 2018

There is a hatchet throwing bar in Iowa City (my hometown) as well. Barcades are old news, so something new had to come along in bar innovations?
posted by wellifyouinsist at 8:42 PM on September 26, 2018

Drinking alcohol while throwing axes

At an axe-throwing-themed bar? I'm shocked! Who could have seen this coming?!
posted by augustimagination at 9:26 PM on September 26, 2018 [1 favorite]

I can't imagine that in Boston or Philadelphia.

Urban Axes has a BYOB location in Philly.
posted by grumpybear69 at 9:59 PM on September 26, 2018 [1 favorite]

"Someone should open a Shout at the Wolf bar..."
posted by Windopaene at 10:07 PM on September 26, 2018

Is Michigan real?

Actually, no. The real Michigan disappeared in the Montauk Incident of 1983 and the area now mistakenly referred to as Michigan is a shadowy netherrealm of imposters, ghouls, and inter- and intra-dimensions. Enter at your own risk.
posted by zardoz at 11:44 PM on September 26, 2018 [9 favorites]

> The combination of "2550 Innovation Drive" and questionable drinking games fired a stereotype in me so I looked it up in Maps, and sure enough it's in the middle of an industrial park chock full of companies with names like Dynamic Prototype Operations and Quality Engineering Center.

It's the other side of I-75 from Chrysler's technology center, which means it's going to be in the midst of a zillion engineering consultancies and equipment manufacturers hustling for tier-A contracts to provide everything from entertainment center firmware programming to seat leather dye color formulation.
posted by ardgedee at 1:56 AM on September 27, 2018 [1 favorite]

I bet this whole concept makes the ghost of Carrie Nation super mad.
posted by zamboni at 2:17 AM on September 27, 2018 [5 favorites]

Is Michigan real?

Growing up in Wisconsin, I would have tended towards “no,” but now that Wisconsin is increasingly unreal, I don’t know what that means for Michigan’s reality.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:31 AM on September 27, 2018

I'm just sad that I don't live in Michigan, because this sounds awesome.
posted by Optamystic at 3:36 AM on September 27, 2018 [1 favorite]

I might like to try axe-throwing, but I don’t like the idea of anyone near me throwing axes. Or even holding axes, most of the time.
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:16 AM on September 27, 2018 [1 favorite]

I went to an axe-throwing thing in London (hipsters, innit) but you weren't allowed anywhere near alcohol. No alcohol on the premises and if they caught a whiff of it on you, you weren't allowed to play.

Considering just how well I did sober I'm just blinking in disbelief that anyone thought to take this further than a passing joke.
posted by like_neon at 4:51 AM on September 27, 2018 [4 favorites]

I've been axe-throwing a couple times, mostly in Canada, where I had a friend who worked at the place. But the first time I went to the one in Brooklyn, the "instructor" who was showing us the ropes somehow managed to cut his finger with the axe within the first minute and ended up wiping blood all over his face before he even realized he was bleeding. Not a great way to start when you're teaching axe throwing safety.
posted by Grither at 5:05 AM on September 27, 2018 [4 favorites]

There’s a couple places to throw hatchets here in Philly, and they are BYO and a ton of fun. Every lane has a staff member assigned to it that monitors activity the whole time and will eject people if they break any of the bright line rules. They also do one on one training with everyone before any “free throwing” takes place.

I went there to celebrate the birthday of a friend of my wife not too long ago. When there’s an event, they will setup a little single elimination tournament for the group complete with brackets and stuff. Much to the chagrin and annoyance of the manly flannel wearing bearded men that were present, I found out that I am weirdly good at throwing hatchets. Wasn’t even close.
posted by lazaruslong at 5:06 AM on September 27, 2018 [1 favorite]

Oh... this exists in the Boston area too.


Heh, wow, the axe-throwing establishment here is the most suburban Massachusetts thing ever, and the exact opposite of the drunken, dangerous, toe-threatening joint in Michigan.

Even though the sport is safe, it still includes inherent risks we mitigate with our rules and staff. You will have a Monitoring Coach in the throwing lanes with you, teaching you how to throw, going over the game, and monitoring for safety. We follow tried and true rules and regulations to ensure you have a fun and safe experience.

posted by jeremias at 5:07 AM on September 27, 2018

Hey, Like_neon! I was in that same axe throwing place, the week after you.
I couldn't get the hang of the double handed throw or the underhand throw, but was pretty ok at the single handed throw.

Inspired by this I have since set up some old cut up tree trunks on my island because I had a spare hatchet lying around. It's quite a nice relaxing way to spend a summer evening.
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 5:24 AM on September 27, 2018 [1 favorite]

This also exists in Austin. Maybe the real problem was the open toe shoes?
posted by tofu_crouton at 5:38 AM on September 27, 2018

Axe throwing with alcohol seems like it would be a fine idea early in the evening when everyone is still functional, but disastrous as a way to finish out the night right before closing time. I hope they have last call for axes well before last call for alcohol.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:41 AM on September 27, 2018

> What [do you get] when you have a bar that combines beer, ax throwing, drinking shots straight from bottles and maybe some tightrope walking or juggling before throwing axes?

A coterie of Republican SCOTUS nominees?
posted by glonous keming at 7:09 AM on September 27, 2018 [3 favorites]

Strange to see this without its formerly obligatory association with 'Indians'.

There was a famous hatchet throwing bit on the Johnny Carson show featuring Ed Ames, for example.
posted by jamjam at 7:54 AM on September 27, 2018 [1 favorite]

The activity of throwing sportsball at bowling pins just doesn't sound real. It's like a bit from someone who doesn't get or like sports just mashing disparate games together as a joke.

As for the axe throwing, I just wish they had individual lanes. Even in sober environments, seems like a fence between each target would go a long way for safety. I always cringe seeing videos of axe-throwing joints because it's all too easy to see one going astray and hurting someone.
posted by GoblinHoney at 8:14 AM on September 27, 2018

Also, summer camp rules—you get two extra points for showing up in a hockey mask.
posted by bigbigdog at 8:57 AM on September 27, 2018 [1 favorite]

"bombowling," better known in the Detroit area as "fowling," a bowling-football hybrid sport that involves competitors throwing footballs at bowling pins.

The last four words made this sentence far less interesting than it seemed at the beginning. Come on, football-bowling game designers. You're competing with axe throwing for attention. You can do better than that.
posted by eotvos at 12:50 PM on September 27, 2018 [1 favorite]

The best conference event I have been to was in northern Denmark. They took us into a huge dip in a wooded glen, with massive tarps high in the trees for shelter and fed us as much free local beer as we could drink. After the dinner we kept drinking and there was axe throwing, archery and log sawing. Even muntered I could tell it was a health and safety nightmare. Every few throws an axe went over the target wall and someone would go to fetch it, trusting everyone not to throw another one. But bows and arrows too, how potentially lethal is that? It was brilliant, I have wanted to do axe throwing since i watched Kirk Douglas in The Vikings when I was about seven. The real danger was the local honey beer. I have never woke up feeling quite so fcuked up.
posted by biffa at 1:24 PM on September 27, 2018 [3 favorites]