So that's what would've happened if I invented the Finglonger
October 5, 2018 8:08 AM   Subscribe

What if your phone had a finger? Just think of the possibilities. (cw: kinda weird?)
posted by Jpfed (86 comments total) 14 users marked this as a favorite
 
I don't like it
posted by EndsOfInvention at 8:12 AM on October 5 [16 favorites]


This feels like the beginning of a progression that ends with an unexpected new champion of the Great Outdoor Fight.
posted by the phlegmatic king at 8:13 AM on October 5 [10 favorites]


Peak Francotech Aesthetic.
posted by adamgreenfield at 8:20 AM on October 5 [1 favorite]


Obi-Wan Kenobi voice: THAT'S NO FINGER
posted by lollymccatburglar at 8:22 AM on October 5 [7 favorites]


I mean you might as well just make it a tentacle
posted by Grimp0teuthis at 8:22 AM on October 5 [23 favorites]


I liked some of the ways they used the articulated limb to inch along and stroke the user's wrist and then they had the idea of covering it in simulated skin and AAH DO NOT WANT.
posted by jackbishop at 8:24 AM on October 5 [15 favorites]


iPhone XS, Don Hector Salamanca edition
posted by ejs at 8:24 AM on October 5 [23 favorites]


“We fear change”
posted by sjswitzer at 8:27 AM on October 5 [3 favorites]


Alexa, pick my nose,
posted by Segundus at 8:28 AM on October 5 [44 favorites]


Finally, someone to tickle my wrist creepily while shaking my hand, WITHOUT the associated fuss of actually making eye contact!
posted by DSime at 8:29 AM on October 5 [6 favorites]


God, I hate it. I hate every bit of it.
posted by Krazor at 8:29 AM on October 5 [4 favorites]


I don't mean to derail, but when did TW become CW? and what does the C stand for?
posted by jrishel at 8:30 AM on October 5 [1 favorite]


Geeze, just market your 8-out-of-10 creepy sex app for what it is.
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:31 AM on October 5 [5 favorites]


I don't mean to derail, but what did TW become CW? and what does the C stand for?

"Content warning"

It's a way to get away from "trigger", partially because that's been co-opted so viciously by the right, and partially because even if you aren't "triggered" by something, you might not want to be exposed to it without warning.
posted by Etrigan at 8:32 AM on October 5 [26 favorites]


"Look like human skin" part of video does not make it look like finger. Make it look like penis.
posted by clawsoon at 8:32 AM on October 5 [5 favorites]


CW: Content Warning. Probably not going to trigger a trauma reaction, but you might not want to click.
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:32 AM on October 5


Etrigan, thanks... that makes sense. I had been subconsciously reading it as Chigger Warning.
posted by jrishel at 8:33 AM on October 5 [29 favorites]


I mean you might as well just make it a tentacle

I see no problem with this, at all.
posted by Fizz at 8:33 AM on October 5 [5 favorites]


Geeze, just market your 8-out-of-10 creepy sex app for what it is.

Question: Creepy sex-app or creepy-sex app?

Answer: Yes.
posted by a car full of lions at 8:33 AM on October 5 [17 favorites]


In Russia, phone swipes you.
posted by chavenet at 8:35 AM on October 5 [24 favorites]


David Phonenberg
posted by paper chromatographologist at 8:37 AM on October 5 [84 favorites]


Like Uber, but for ????????
posted by nubs at 8:39 AM on October 5 [1 favorite]


Disrupting “Just Using My Damn Phone, Do You Mind?”

The ultimate startup
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:41 AM on October 5


Needs a thumb and additional fingers. Probably an articulated wrist too. What I’m saying is the iPhone 20 will be Thing from The Addams Family.
posted by Burhanistan at 8:42 AM on October 5 [10 favorites]


it needs seven more of these, so it can scamper around like a terrifying dystopian tarantula.
posted by Reclusive Novelist Thomas Pynchon at 8:44 AM on October 5 [13 favorites]


"Just because you can, doesn't mean you -should-."
posted by The otter lady at 8:51 AM on October 5 [4 favorites]


David Phonenberg

This is the winner, folks.
posted by Rock Steady at 8:56 AM on October 5 [7 favorites]


Let me put my finger in your bellybutton.

...that's not my bellybutton.

...that's not my finger.
posted by mule98J at 8:59 AM on October 5 [7 favorites]


David Phonenberg’s Fiddleodrome

All hail the New Touch!
posted by GenjiandProust at 9:01 AM on October 5 [7 favorites]


I see no problem with this, at all.

Degree of difficulty:

Knife-wielding tentacle.

"Siri, pluck out mine eye."
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 9:05 AM on October 5 [8 favorites]


I mean you might as well just make it a tentacle

Why stop at one?
posted by adamrice at 9:07 AM on October 5 [4 favorites]


I want to humiliate it by making it dial a rotary phone.
posted by Kabanos at 9:07 AM on October 5 [48 favorites]


JESUS. FUCK. NO.
posted by pompomtom at 9:11 AM on October 5


I want to humiliate it by making it dial a rotary phone.

That... is a... very specific... fetish.
posted by GenjiandProust at 9:13 AM on October 5 [50 favorites]


So we've come full-circle to early 90s cell phones that had the rubberized antenna on the end. Except the antenna is prehensile now.
posted by tobascodagama at 9:18 AM on October 5 [7 favorites]


"So that's what things would be like if I'd invented the fing-longer."
posted by JDHarper at 9:26 AM on October 5 [2 favorites]


This would be much more useful to me if the finger read as a middle finger.
posted by skyscraper at 9:28 AM on October 5 [1 favorite]


Finally, a phone that can both text and pick your nose at stoplights!
posted by TedW at 9:30 AM on October 5


it needs seven more of these, so it can scamper around like a terrifying dystopian tarantula.

Yes! When I first saw this I thought "why didn't they go full spider with this?".
posted by Jpfed at 9:30 AM on October 5 [4 favorites]


Okay, now make pants with a prehensile tail.
posted by peeedro at 9:32 AM on October 5 [2 favorites]


I had been subconsciously reading it as Chigger Chigurh Warning.

FTFY, etc.
posted by aramaic at 9:33 AM on October 5 [7 favorites]


Okay, now make pants with a prehensile tail.

You could call them ‘Possum Pants™️!
posted by TedW at 9:37 AM on October 5 [3 favorites]


I don't mean to derail, but when did TW become CW? and what does the C stand for?

Just FYI, people also sometimes use "CN" for "Content Note" when it's not something you necessarily would need to warn people about but people might still appreciate knowing what to expect.

Also, ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww but also I'm kind of into it? Very confusing.
posted by aka burlap at 9:41 AM on October 5 [2 favorites]


Reach out and touch
Somebody's hand
Make this world a better
creepier place
If you can

posted by Foosnark at 9:47 AM on October 5 [2 favorites]


> Also, ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww but also I'm kind of into it? Very confusing.

truly, it speaks to our dystopian cyberpunk times. tbf it speaks to our times in a creepy voice that makes you want to take a shower just hearing it.

but still, it speaks to our times.
posted by Reclusive Novelist Thomas Pynchon at 9:48 AM on October 5 [5 favorites]


my one problem with it is that it doesn't appear to be positioned such that it could be used to turn itself off.
posted by Reclusive Novelist Thomas Pynchon at 9:49 AM on October 5 [8 favorites]


Oh great a new thing to break
posted by kinnakeet at 9:49 AM on October 5


> Oh great a new thing to break

in cyberpunk america, technology breaks you.
posted by Reclusive Novelist Thomas Pynchon at 9:55 AM on October 5 [3 favorites]


What happens when you pull it?
posted by waving at 10:15 AM on October 5 [7 favorites]


Train a neural net to what you find attractive, fire up the Tinder app, and let your phone swipe its way to your next SO in seconds.
posted by hanov3r at 10:18 AM on October 5 [4 favorites]


20% of the way to Fister Roboto

I’m so happy for Krieger
posted by schadenfrau at 10:19 AM on October 5 [1 favorite]


Have you ever been given a prostate exam... by your phone?
You will. And the company that will bring it to you is A҉̬̩̬̰́ͅT̨̧̪̰̠̯̜̱̝̙&̻̱̦͚̹͓̤͞ͅT̼̩̪.
posted by dephlogisticated at 10:23 AM on October 5 [16 favorites]


You know what's fun is to make a joke and then see the joke an hour later as the subject line of the post
posted by JDHarper at 10:24 AM on October 5 [14 favorites]


Wait, couldn't this finger loop back to the phone and send texts or emails for you - including ones to your boss saying you quit?
posted by arnoldsnarb at 10:28 AM on October 5 [1 favorite]


Just in time for prostate health awareness month!
posted by dr_dank at 10:39 AM on October 5 [3 favorites]


Black Mirror (2015): what if phones, but too much
Black Mirror (2019): what if... uhhhh.... your phone... has a dick now?
posted by mhum at 10:44 AM on October 5 [7 favorites]


We need to insert a virus in the controlling app so that when you turn the finger on, it immediately turns around and taps the screen to turn itself off.
posted by straight at 11:29 AM on October 5 [2 favorites]


I don't need my phone to get a trembling erection every time I receive a text

(why does this exist)
posted by caution live frogs at 11:33 AM on October 5 [7 favorites]


"No, nobody said it couldn't be done. They said it shouldn't be done."
posted by Johnny Assay at 11:52 AM on October 5 [4 favorites]


> I don't need my phone to get a trembling erection every time I receive a text

that makes one of us
posted by Reclusive Novelist Thomas Pynchon at 11:57 AM on October 5 [7 favorites]


Like Uber, but for ????????

prostate exams
posted by poffin boffin at 12:34 PM on October 5 [9 favorites]


JESUS. FUCK. NO.

Quoted for truth.
posted by corvikate at 12:45 PM on October 5 [2 favorites]




Oh, I see the creator is Marc Teyssier. He must be one of the Teyssier-Ashpools.
posted by adamrice at 1:18 PM on October 5 [6 favorites]


This is creepy af . But! How many times have I gotten a notification or wanted to look something up, but my phone is juuuust out of reach and it's not worth the effort of getting up? It'd be awesome to have my phone inch over to me, even if it did look like it was straight out of Beetlejuice.

This also could be a great automatic cat chin scritcher.
posted by Fig at 1:30 PM on October 5 [1 favorite]


Help my skin crawled off
posted by hapaxes.legomenon at 1:38 PM on October 5 [8 favorites]


The Finger Will Find Your Skin
posted by poffin boffin at 2:12 PM on October 5 [9 favorites]


And wear it.
posted by loquacious at 2:19 PM on October 5 [8 favorites]


And yeah, total fail not giving it the mobility to interact with the screen.

I'm imagining one of those cell phone ad clicking farms, and there's miles of racks filled with hundreds of cell phones, each one with it's own finger clicking away, millions of miniaturized servos whirring like some unholy wasps nest.
posted by loquacious at 2:22 PM on October 5 [8 favorites]


OP: Just think of the possibilities

D-do I have to...?
posted by Ziggy500 at 2:45 PM on October 5 [5 favorites]


The Adult "Novelty" industry holding on line 1...
posted by Fupped Duck at 3:10 PM on October 5


Not without dinner and a movie.
posted by rhizome at 3:14 PM on October 5


"Siri, pluck out mine eye."

"Siri, kill"---famous last words, or great new band name?
posted by qxntpqbbbqxl at 3:18 PM on October 5 [1 favorite]


When they started talking about using cell phones as medical devices, I didn't think they'd start with prostate exams.
posted by loquacious at 3:18 PM on October 5 [3 favorites]


Now Metafilter can beckon to you with a sexy come-hither gesture.
posted by dephlogisticated at 3:22 PM on October 5 [8 favorites]


"Look like human skin" part of video does not make it look like finger. Make it look like penis.

Note the very coy “touch the user at different locations.”

I suspect that for many users, it would be the same locations.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 3:29 PM on October 5 [1 favorite]


"MobiLimb" Would Like to Access
You in this Current Location

[Only While Using the App]
[Always Allow]
[Don't Allow]

posted by Kabanos at 3:39 PM on October 5 [12 favorites]


My first thought was teledildonics. That finger is going to get fucked. The simulated skin connection better be waterproof!
posted by E. Whitehall at 6:09 PM on October 5


so it can carry messages, like a taranshula.
posted by The otter lady at 6:25 PM on October 5 [1 favorite]


total fail not giving it the mobility to interact with the screen.

Just get two of them and put them in a 69 position
posted by metaphorever at 7:38 PM on October 5 [1 favorite]


Perhaps we are one digit closer to the decades-old dream of being able to punch people through the internet.
posted by Countess Elena at 9:01 PM on October 5 [9 favorites]


The system goes online August 4th, 1997. Human decisions are removed from strategic defense. Skynet begins to learn at a geometric rate. It becomes self-aware at 2:14 a.m. Eastern time, August 29th. And then some dipshit said, "Oh, that finger is cute, let's give it a thumb." It was you, wasn't it, Stanley? Asshole.
posted by Halloween Jack at 10:03 PM on October 5 [4 favorites]


Another link without the pay/subscribewall.
posted by doctornemo at 8:05 AM on October 6


Now need phone vulva, then two phone meet make happy.
posted by clawsoon at 4:20 AM on October 7


Is it a finger or a prehensile clitoris?
posted by Burhanistan at 8:53 AM on October 7


Mondo2018
posted by rhizome at 12:02 PM on October 7


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