For Sale: Haunted Shoes. Very Cursed.
October 11, 2018 9:26 AM   Subscribe

Haunted teddy bears, eyeglasses, dolls, and teacups are big business on eBay. So we bought some.

The cardboard box was about three feet long by four feet wide and sealed in at least three layers of packing tape. It was too big to take onto the subway, so I called a car. The driver helped me load the box into the trunk, and on the hour-long ride home we made conversation about the MTA and rent in New York City. It was all very pleasant and normal, but every pause made me nervous. I wanted to tell him there were six cursed objects in the vehicle.

posted by poffin boffin (15 comments total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
Nice to see that three years after My Brother, My Brother, and Me, initiated their first "Haunted Doll Watch" that the rest of the world is finally catching on to this weird/awesome business model.
posted by deadaluspark at 9:33 AM on October 11, 2018 [6 favorites]

Putting fake eyeballs behind the haunted antique eyeglasses is a dick move (in that it makes them very scary to me) so even though I think buying haunted objects is a kind service to perform, I hope they get haunted something fierce.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 9:53 AM on October 11, 2018 [1 favorite]

I wonder sometimes what the rate of return is on these things. I could write some hella scary item descriptions, I'm pretty sure.
posted by Scattercat at 10:10 AM on October 11, 2018

I don't believe in haunting or curses. But I do believe in my own twisted mind and the tricks it can play. So I won't be purchasing any.
posted by Splunge at 10:22 AM on October 11, 2018

This is creepy and awesome and I love the photography.
posted by misskaz at 10:23 AM on October 11, 2018

I own a cursed object. It's a crayon portrait of the Devil, drawn by a troubled kindergartener. It causes minor kitchen accidents and spiders are drawn to its presence. I received it in the mail from an ex-girlfriend. It is not for sale.
posted by prize bull octorok at 10:50 AM on October 11, 2018 [16 favorites]

And here I just thought the haunted / blessed doll thing was a Splatoon meme.
posted by lucidium at 12:35 PM on October 11, 2018

Am I missing page 2, or did the author really buy a haunted wooden box sold with the warning, "DO NOT OPEN THE BOX," for a story about haunted objects and then. . . not open the box?
posted by eotvos at 1:22 PM on October 11, 2018 [4 favorites]

posted by bystander at 1:44 PM on October 11, 2018 [2 favorites]

It causes minor kitchen accidents and spiders are drawn to its presence.

If this is the metric for measuring hauntedness then I am basically The Amityville Horror.
posted by turbid dahlia at 2:56 PM on October 11, 2018 [9 favorites]

Whoo boy, have I got a haunted bridge doll to sell you!
posted by BlueHorse at 3:04 PM on October 11, 2018

Paging David Wong
posted by ian1977 at 4:57 PM on October 11, 2018

I feel like there should be laws prohibiting the posting of photos of items for sale online unless said photos contain snazzy velvet backdrops.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 6:59 PM on October 11, 2018 [1 favorite]

I have numerous haunted items, which although not touched by human hands for many years, have mysteriously attracted an eerie encrustation of cobwebby dust and sometimes fall over and break for no readibly discernable reason. I am frozen with terror at even the thought of having to keep them dusted. I had not considered eBay as a remedy to my dilemma...
posted by a humble nudibranch at 11:30 PM on October 11, 2018 [1 favorite]

"This object is over 120 years old, and some of its former owners are now dead. OOOooooOOOooooooOOOOOOoooo!"
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 12:16 PM on October 12, 2018 [3 favorites]

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