My what will be at right angles?
October 15, 2018 10:54 PM Subscribe
A Deep Dive Into Uranus Jokes The search for Uranus Joke Zero, including some history of the 19th century US newspaper industry, the naming of celestial bodies, and the possibly first publication of emoticons.
What's the similarity between the starship Enterprise and a roll of toilet paper?
They both circle Uranus in search of Klingons.
posted by Rob Rockets at 11:15 PM on October 15, 2018 [2 favorites]
They both circle Uranus in search of Klingons.
posted by Rob Rockets at 11:15 PM on October 15, 2018 [2 favorites]
This guy wins:
It's my understanding that the first six probes were recklessly plunged into Uranus at such excessively high speeds these early attempts only produced massively dense clouds of methane gas that erupted from Uranus almost on contact with each probe, and these so completely obscured everything that no one was really able to see anything clearly. In fact, it became so frustrating some very famous PhDs openly began saying they found even thinking about Uranus was starting to keep them up at night.
At first it was decided Uranus had so badly damaged the first six probes they tried to use on it, and the gas that kept erupting from Uranus was said to be so noxious, that the CDC actually initially discussed simply designating Uranus unfit for all future human contact.
But then the seventh probe attempt, which you might say was almost ‘eased’ into Uranus by an unlikely group of burly-looking, grinning Russians with fat fingers, finally worked! That last probe being so much larger and moving so much, much slower as it entered Uranus than the first six had, it gave us all an all too brief, but crystal clear, slow-motion picture that came into focus just as a massive, and unbelievably thick, brownish-orange, and oddly lumpy, ring of debris, completely circling Uranus, slid into view, and we all agreed it simply took our breath away when we first saw it. In fact, the tension was so palpable in the room I was watching it in as the pale blue, almost bruised looking picture of Uranus first slid into the frame, everyone gasped. In fact, many near the front of the room were said to be openly and emotionally sobbing afterward at a view of Uranus that frankly no one was prepared for…
posted by protorp at 12:21 AM on October 16, 2018 [5 favorites]
It's my understanding that the first six probes were recklessly plunged into Uranus at such excessively high speeds these early attempts only produced massively dense clouds of methane gas that erupted from Uranus almost on contact with each probe, and these so completely obscured everything that no one was really able to see anything clearly. In fact, it became so frustrating some very famous PhDs openly began saying they found even thinking about Uranus was starting to keep them up at night.
At first it was decided Uranus had so badly damaged the first six probes they tried to use on it, and the gas that kept erupting from Uranus was said to be so noxious, that the CDC actually initially discussed simply designating Uranus unfit for all future human contact.
But then the seventh probe attempt, which you might say was almost ‘eased’ into Uranus by an unlikely group of burly-looking, grinning Russians with fat fingers, finally worked! That last probe being so much larger and moving so much, much slower as it entered Uranus than the first six had, it gave us all an all too brief, but crystal clear, slow-motion picture that came into focus just as a massive, and unbelievably thick, brownish-orange, and oddly lumpy, ring of debris, completely circling Uranus, slid into view, and we all agreed it simply took our breath away when we first saw it. In fact, the tension was so palpable in the room I was watching it in as the pale blue, almost bruised looking picture of Uranus first slid into the frame, everyone gasped. In fact, many near the front of the room were said to be openly and emotionally sobbing afterward at a view of Uranus that frankly no one was prepared for…
posted by protorp at 12:21 AM on October 16, 2018 [5 favorites]
7 year old Baby Bartfast: “Heh, heh...YOUR anus...”
Me: “Yeah, yeah...actually the planet was named after the mythological father of Jupiter. And these days I hear a lot of astronomers are pronouncing it YOOR-un-us now.”
Baby Bartfast: “Heh, you said ‘URINE’!”
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 3:08 AM on October 16, 2018 [15 favorites]
Me: “Yeah, yeah...actually the planet was named after the mythological father of Jupiter. And these days I hear a lot of astronomers are pronouncing it YOOR-un-us now.”
Baby Bartfast: “Heh, you said ‘URINE’!”
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 3:08 AM on October 16, 2018 [15 favorites]
Glad to read that someone's finally getting to the bottom of this.
posted by zaixfeep at 3:42 AM on October 16, 2018 [6 favorites]
posted by zaixfeep at 3:42 AM on October 16, 2018 [6 favorites]
Why does Uranus hurt? Because you Saturn it.
posted by zaixfeep at 3:51 AM on October 16, 2018 [6 favorites]
posted by zaixfeep at 3:51 AM on October 16, 2018 [6 favorites]
What's the similarity between the starship Enterprise and a roll of toilet paper?
They both circle Uranus in search of Klingons.
Clearly someone read TFA. Or at least the first few sentences.
posted by TedW at 4:04 AM on October 16, 2018 [2 favorites]
They both circle Uranus in search of Klingons.
Clearly someone read TFA. Or at least the first few sentences.
posted by TedW at 4:04 AM on October 16, 2018 [2 favorites]
Clearly someone read TFA.
I’m more concerned that they apparently wipe with a roll of toilet paper. I haven’t used an entire roll since the time my younger cat helpfully pushed the waiting replacement roll into an open toilet....
posted by GenjiandProust at 6:21 AM on October 16, 2018
I’m more concerned that they apparently wipe with a roll of toilet paper. I haven’t used an entire roll since the time my younger cat helpfully pushed the waiting replacement roll into an open toilet....
posted by GenjiandProust at 6:21 AM on October 16, 2018
Where are we going??
Planet Butt!
When are we leaving??
Real soon!
posted by petebest at 6:45 AM on October 16, 2018 [4 favorites]
Planet Butt!
When are we leaving??
Real soon!
posted by petebest at 6:45 AM on October 16, 2018 [4 favorites]
Wow... the author has some problems... he had to have two PhDs help research Uranus. Generally you can do that with just one Doctor, a lab tech, and a scope.
posted by Nanukthedog at 7:00 AM on October 16, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by Nanukthedog at 7:00 AM on October 16, 2018 [3 favorites]
Honestly, the Royal Family won out on this. If Herschel had prevailed, we’d all be making Georgium jokes....
“Georgium? I barely knew ‘um!”
posted by GenjiandProust at 7:14 AM on October 16, 2018
“Georgium? I barely knew ‘um!”
posted by GenjiandProust at 7:14 AM on October 16, 2018
Meanwhile, just 89 miles up I-44 from where I live is this tourist attraction .
posted by barrett caulk at 7:36 AM on October 16, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by barrett caulk at 7:36 AM on October 16, 2018 [2 favorites]
I shared this with a friend whose 8 year old son likes to tell me "Uranus is a gas giant" no matter how often I tell him "no, its an ice giant, Jupiter and Saturn are gas giants".
I sent the link along with a message to "tell Finn his Uranus jokes are old and tired" and I got a response back saying "Finn says Uranus is old and tired"
posted by Molesome at 7:48 AM on October 16, 2018 [22 favorites]
I sent the link along with a message to "tell Finn his Uranus jokes are old and tired" and I got a response back saying "Finn says Uranus is old and tired"
posted by Molesome at 7:48 AM on October 16, 2018 [22 favorites]
Long ago at work we had a cluster of servers named after the planets. I cannot begin to tell you the number of times we all lost it in meetings when it was time to reboot Uranus, put another patch on Uranus, rebuild Uranus....
posted by machinecraig at 7:51 AM on October 16, 2018 [4 favorites]
posted by machinecraig at 7:51 AM on October 16, 2018 [4 favorites]
People must have been making Uranus jokes because the planet got the name. I'd bet there's something carved into an ancient Roman wall somewhere.
Also, I just learned that it should really be called Caelus anyway, so we should all stop messing about with Uranus.
posted by lucidium at 8:30 AM on October 16, 2018 [1 favorite]
Also, I just learned that it should really be called Caelus anyway, so we should all stop messing about with Uranus.
posted by lucidium at 8:30 AM on October 16, 2018 [1 favorite]
MetaFilter: stop messing about with Uranus.
posted by nickmark at 8:48 AM on October 16, 2018 [4 favorites]
posted by nickmark at 8:48 AM on October 16, 2018 [4 favorites]
I live on Uranus. It's right above The Castro. Yup, that Castro. It's also an endless stream of amusement. Amusement just streams out of Uranus.
Sometimes it's small and petty: It's really muggy around Uranus today. What's that smell coming off Uranus? The view from Uranus is just beautiful today. We're having a party on Uranus and everyone's invited!
Sometimes it's giving your address to someone and having them crack the fuck up. Sometimes it's giving your address to someone and watching them try really hard not to laugh. Sometimes it's giving your address to someone and them not understanding why it's funny to everyone else around you. Sometimes it's just the tourists taking selfies at the street sign.
But mostly it's just profane and stupid. And I love living here.
Oh and yes, there's a 69 Uranus. The owner is everything you'd want from a address of that caliber.
posted by aspo at 9:08 AM on October 16, 2018 [16 favorites]
Sometimes it's small and petty: It's really muggy around Uranus today. What's that smell coming off Uranus? The view from Uranus is just beautiful today. We're having a party on Uranus and everyone's invited!
Sometimes it's giving your address to someone and having them crack the fuck up. Sometimes it's giving your address to someone and watching them try really hard not to laugh. Sometimes it's giving your address to someone and them not understanding why it's funny to everyone else around you. Sometimes it's just the tourists taking selfies at the street sign.
But mostly it's just profane and stupid. And I love living here.
Oh and yes, there's a 69 Uranus. The owner is everything you'd want from a address of that caliber.
posted by aspo at 9:08 AM on October 16, 2018 [16 favorites]
There is a street in San Francisco named Uranus. I lived on the street for several years. True. It never got old (to me) when asked where I live to straight-faced respond "I live on Uranus."
posted by pipoquinha at 9:10 AM on October 16, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by pipoquinha at 9:10 AM on October 16, 2018 [5 favorites]
omg aspo. Just spotted your post!
posted by pipoquinha at 9:14 AM on October 16, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by pipoquinha at 9:14 AM on October 16, 2018 [2 favorites]
Neil deGrasse Tyson: "I'm a professional astrophysicist, and I'm telling you it's pronounced yuh-RAH-nuss."
ER Doctor: "Fine, we got the flashlight our of yuh-RAN-nuss..."
posted by Quindar Beep at 11:54 AM on October 16, 2018 [3 favorites]
ER Doctor: "Fine, we got the flashlight our of yuh-RAN-nuss..."
posted by Quindar Beep at 11:54 AM on October 16, 2018 [3 favorites]
> because the planet got the name
Whoops, *before the planet got the name.
posted by lucidium at 12:30 PM on October 16, 2018
Whoops, *before the planet got the name.
posted by lucidium at 12:30 PM on October 16, 2018
I don't know about Uranus but Mianus is a whole different place.
posted by blaneyphoto at 1:19 PM on October 16, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by blaneyphoto at 1:19 PM on October 16, 2018 [1 favorite]
In 1986, a supplement to the Oxford English Dictionary dictated that henceforth the preferred pronunciation of “Uranus” was going to be “yor-uh-nuss,”
Was *stunned* to hear during a recent podcast interview that astronomers are apparently attempting to stick to this (with the stress on the first syllable -- YOR-uh-nuss). Nice try, suckers!
posted by eugenen at 10:26 AM on October 17, 2018
Was *stunned* to hear during a recent podcast interview that astronomers are apparently attempting to stick to this (with the stress on the first syllable -- YOR-uh-nuss). Nice try, suckers!
posted by eugenen at 10:26 AM on October 17, 2018
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Fry: Oh. What's it called now?
Farnsworth: Urectum.
posted by ZaphodB at 11:04 PM on October 15, 2018 [32 favorites]