That’s right: “Your Body Is a Wonderland” is not music.
October 30, 2018 8:54 AM Subscribe
67 different editions of Now That's What I Call Music! have been released in the US (not counting Christmas or Now Esto Es Musica! Latino variants) since the concept was brought to our shores in 1998. For your convenience, they have now been ranked according to a highly scientific proprietary formula. Is a snapshot of twenty songs (or so) radio hits from 2013 going to outperform the one from 2003? Is Rolling in the Deep by Adele more representative of its time and place than Clocks by Coldplay? Did Jennifer Love Hewitt ever do something that, now, we call music?
Did Jennifer Love Hewitt ever do something that, now, we call music
Are we counting inspiring LFO's "Girl on TV"?
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 9:16 AM on October 30, 2018
Are we counting inspiring LFO's "Girl on TV"?
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 9:16 AM on October 30, 2018
I like the Ringer, and I read a lot of their stuff, but their pop culture stuff just isn't as good as Grantland's was. I think the difference can be summed up in two words: Rembert Browne.
posted by kevinbelt at 9:20 AM on October 30, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by kevinbelt at 9:20 AM on October 30, 2018 [3 favorites]
Baha Men had a second single.
Hmmmm. Risky click....
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 9:20 AM on October 30, 2018
Hmmmm. Risky click....
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 9:20 AM on October 30, 2018
I have a few of these CDs because my kids like the pop hits. Sure each one has two or three decent hits, but the rest (each has like 18 tracks) of the songs are absolutely terrible.
Also my personal rankings of the ones I have:
#1 53:
Not Charlie XCX, that song is boring and it's buried in the middle of the cd. Track #1 is Uptown Funk and #2 is Lips are Moving by Meghan Trainor, which is way more soulful than most pop hits on these CDs are. It's a great start that doesn't involve skipping a bunch of tracks. You can continue all the way to track #5 and hear some mediocre Maroon 5 and a whiny Ed Sheeran song without skipping. Then you have to skip all the way to #17 for Shut Up and Dance.
#2 46.
Track #1 is Locked Out of Heaven but then you have to skip all the way to #6 for Taylor Swift I Knew You Were Trouble (which I personally find awful but the kids like it) to Pink - Just Give Me a Reason (hilarious lyrics) to Fall Out Boy to Little Talks by Of Monsters and Men and you are done. Easy peasy.
#3 (distant) 45.
Swift We are Never Getting... is track #11, Catch My Breath by Kelly Clarkson is #12, and Try by Pink is #13. The rest are terrible. That's a lot of skipping for average songs. That one didn't make the cut in car cd player rotation.
posted by The_Vegetables at 9:23 AM on October 30, 2018
Also my personal rankings of the ones I have:
#1 53:
Not Charlie XCX, that song is boring and it's buried in the middle of the cd. Track #1 is Uptown Funk and #2 is Lips are Moving by Meghan Trainor, which is way more soulful than most pop hits on these CDs are. It's a great start that doesn't involve skipping a bunch of tracks. You can continue all the way to track #5 and hear some mediocre Maroon 5 and a whiny Ed Sheeran song without skipping. Then you have to skip all the way to #17 for Shut Up and Dance.
#2 46.
Track #1 is Locked Out of Heaven but then you have to skip all the way to #6 for Taylor Swift I Knew You Were Trouble (which I personally find awful but the kids like it) to Pink - Just Give Me a Reason (hilarious lyrics) to Fall Out Boy to Little Talks by Of Monsters and Men and you are done. Easy peasy.
#3 (distant) 45.
Swift We are Never Getting... is track #11, Catch My Breath by Kelly Clarkson is #12, and Try by Pink is #13. The rest are terrible. That's a lot of skipping for average songs. That one didn't make the cut in car cd player rotation.
posted by The_Vegetables at 9:23 AM on October 30, 2018
In a weird coincidence, the best Now volumes are all from when I was in high school (4,5,6).
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 9:26 AM on October 30, 2018 [9 favorites]
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 9:26 AM on October 30, 2018 [9 favorites]
I'm surprised 'Strolling on Sunlight' by Cartoona and the Wigs didn't rank higher. :/
posted by sexyrobot at 9:40 AM on October 30, 2018
posted by sexyrobot at 9:40 AM on October 30, 2018
The only one of these I have ever purchased was #17, which was released in late 2004 when I driving interstate in a vehicle that had a not working radio but would play CDs. I stopped into a late night Wal-Mart and it was the best of the bad choices. On review of the track listing, it turns out that my self-assessment that I'm becoming less of a music snob as I age is wrong because woo howdy are these some bad songs. That said, now I remember why I know every part of "Let's Get It Started by the Black Eyed Peas by heart
posted by MCMikeNamara at 9:41 AM on October 30, 2018
posted by MCMikeNamara at 9:41 AM on October 30, 2018
In a weird coincidence, the best Now volumes are all from when I was in high school (4,5,6).
6 is the only one I actually owned, and is a very strong entry pretty much all the way through. Looking back at it reminded me of the existence of both that one song by Fuel, which is good, and the entire corpus of Evan and Jaron, which is bad.
posted by Copronymus at 9:41 AM on October 30, 2018
6 is the only one I actually owned, and is a very strong entry pretty much all the way through. Looking back at it reminded me of the existence of both that one song by Fuel, which is good, and the entire corpus of Evan and Jaron, which is bad.
posted by Copronymus at 9:41 AM on October 30, 2018
I used to work occasional shifts at a locked psychiatric facility, and every Saturday there was a "dance party." When I first started working there they had a massive CD changer with like 200 albums from all different genres and eras, and it was lovely to see the older people requesting Frank Sinatra and the younger people requesting Bruno Mars and everyone dancing. Then the CD changer broke and we had a single boom-box set-up and the staff "DJing" basically stuck to a few recent-ish "That's What I Call Music" compilations. A few people danced, but not really for very long.
posted by lazuli at 9:50 AM on October 30, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by lazuli at 9:50 AM on October 30, 2018 [2 favorites]
Every time someone mentions John Mayer, I have to mention my pet theory that he’s a serial killer.
As you were.
posted by pxe2000 at 10:05 AM on October 30, 2018 [3 favorites]
As you were.
posted by pxe2000 at 10:05 AM on October 30, 2018 [3 favorites]
Then That’s What They Called Music by Nathan Rabin for the A.V. Club.
posted by chrchr at 10:08 AM on October 30, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by chrchr at 10:08 AM on October 30, 2018 [1 favorite]
entire corpus of Evan and Jaron, which is bad.
There's actually a different Evan and Jaron song on Now 7. I've never listened to it, even though I will love "Crazy for this Girl" until my dying breath and no amount of mockery from the likes of you can change that.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 10:22 AM on October 30, 2018
There's actually a different Evan and Jaron song on Now 7. I've never listened to it, even though I will love "Crazy for this Girl" until my dying breath and no amount of mockery from the likes of you can change that.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 10:22 AM on October 30, 2018
The only one of these I have ever purchased was #17, which was released in late 2004 when I driving interstate in a vehicle that had a not working radio but would play CDs. I stopped into a late night Wal-Mart and it was the best of the bad choices.
It's this kind of thing that makes me really glad that I can just make music in my head when things get this dire. These compilation albums are ridiculous and horrible.
OTOH thanks to tinnitus I also can't really turn it off, either.
Another choice I actually recommend is hitting up truck stops for tapes or CDs. There's some totally wacky shit in truck stops. Heck, more than half the inventory in a proper truck stop seems to be all about really poor impulse control and road-weary purchasing. After 8-10 hours on the road that oversized folding Bowie knife with the LED light up American flag handle and built in lighter and bottle opener looks like a beacon of civilization.
posted by loquacious at 10:27 AM on October 30, 2018 [3 favorites]
It's this kind of thing that makes me really glad that I can just make music in my head when things get this dire. These compilation albums are ridiculous and horrible.
OTOH thanks to tinnitus I also can't really turn it off, either.
Another choice I actually recommend is hitting up truck stops for tapes or CDs. There's some totally wacky shit in truck stops. Heck, more than half the inventory in a proper truck stop seems to be all about really poor impulse control and road-weary purchasing. After 8-10 hours on the road that oversized folding Bowie knife with the LED light up American flag handle and built in lighter and bottle opener looks like a beacon of civilization.
posted by loquacious at 10:27 AM on October 30, 2018 [3 favorites]
Now That's What I Call Quite Good (Especially This)
posted by maudlin at 10:40 AM on October 30, 2018
posted by maudlin at 10:40 AM on October 30, 2018
Every time someone mentions John Mayer, I have to mention my pet theory that he’s a serial killer.
Danny Mercer is a serial killer too! He's even got a song on one of these CDs about stalking some poor lady, but since it's pop music it's supposed to be endearing instead of disturbing.
posted by The_Vegetables at 11:09 AM on October 30, 2018
Danny Mercer is a serial killer too! He's even got a song on one of these CDs about stalking some poor lady, but since it's pop music it's supposed to be endearing instead of disturbing.
posted by The_Vegetables at 11:09 AM on October 30, 2018
Awfully cowardly of you to post this now that we are no longer roommates and I can't get drunk and set up obnoxious playlists to which to subject you.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 11:20 AM on October 30, 2018 [4 favorites]
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 11:20 AM on October 30, 2018 [4 favorites]
Every time someone mentions John Mayer, I have to mention my pet theory that he’s a serial killer.
He'll need to extend his name to John Clayton Mayer.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 11:59 AM on October 30, 2018
He'll need to extend his name to John Clayton Mayer.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 11:59 AM on October 30, 2018
My body is a cheap carnival spookhouse.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 12:13 PM on October 30, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by The Underpants Monster at 12:13 PM on October 30, 2018 [3 favorites]
Lord, my daughter was all about the Now... discs back in junior high and early highschool. Then, she stole my Jagged Little Pill disc and that was that...
posted by Thorzdad at 12:57 PM on October 30, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by Thorzdad at 12:57 PM on October 30, 2018 [3 favorites]
There's actually a different Evan and Jaron song on Now 7. I've never listened to it, even though I will love "Crazy for this Girl" until my dying breath and no amount of mockery from the likes of you can change that.
Evan Lowenstein was my boss at (semi) failed startup I worked at a few jobs ago, and the gold record for NOW 6 hung in our office.
posted by sideshow at 3:00 PM on October 30, 2018 [3 favorites]
Evan Lowenstein was my boss at (semi) failed startup I worked at a few jobs ago, and the gold record for NOW 6 hung in our office.
posted by sideshow at 3:00 PM on October 30, 2018 [3 favorites]
That's the what, uh-huh uh-
I call music, uh-huh uh-huh
apologies
posted by rhizome at 4:12 PM on October 30, 2018
I call music, uh-huh uh-huh
apologies
posted by rhizome at 4:12 PM on October 30, 2018
It took until 1998 for it to reach the States? What did pop music loving teenagers too to get hold of all the hits? As a teenager in the UK (born the same year, '83, the series started) these things were unmissable and a pretty good value way of getting a broad(-ish) selection of whatever was in the charts recently.
Also I suppose this is another thing the kids today don't do, surely complication albums aren't published any longer? I assume the cool kids at school make a Spotify playlist and everyone else just streams it.
posted by eddieddieddie at 11:39 PM on October 30, 2018
Also I suppose this is another thing the kids today don't do, surely complication albums aren't published any longer? I assume the cool kids at school make a Spotify playlist and everyone else just streams it.
posted by eddieddieddie at 11:39 PM on October 30, 2018
Yeah, the riginal eighties UK versions of this are excellent. Recommended if you still play vinyl and want a quick, cheap dose of pop nostalgia.
posted by MartinWisse at 12:02 AM on October 31, 2018
posted by MartinWisse at 12:02 AM on October 31, 2018
What did pop music loving teenagers too to get hold of all the hits?
In the 60's and 70's at least K-Tel and Ronco did this in the states (I wasn't in the market after that). When I first saw NTWICM I thought it was a funny retro thing.
posted by bongo_x at 12:45 AM on October 31, 2018
In the 60's and 70's at least K-Tel and Ronco did this in the states (I wasn't in the market after that). When I first saw NTWICM I thought it was a funny retro thing.
posted by bongo_x at 12:45 AM on October 31, 2018
It took until 1998 for it to reach the States? What did pop music loving teenagers too to get hold of all the hits?
There were tonnnnns of compilations, and even K-Tel was a going concern into the late 90s. Especially when CDs were the thing...compliations, everywhere. I'd say those 1hr nostalgia box set infomercials with two vaguely familiar but ultimately unknown and faceless spokesmodels reminisce about the good old days and all that great music (pay no attention to Sammy Johns following Black Sabbath in disc order) started in the 90s too.
posted by rhizome at 12:54 AM on October 31, 2018
There were tonnnnns of compilations, and even K-Tel was a going concern into the late 90s. Especially when CDs were the thing...compliations, everywhere. I'd say those 1hr nostalgia box set infomercials with two vaguely familiar but ultimately unknown and faceless spokesmodels reminisce about the good old days and all that great music (pay no attention to Sammy Johns following Black Sabbath in disc order) started in the 90s too.
posted by rhizome at 12:54 AM on October 31, 2018
Now 8 gives us our first installment of “I Can’t Believe That’s Not Music!” because Now 8 selected the original “I’m Real” by Jennifer Lopez instead of the Murder Remix of “I’m Real” featuring Ja Rule. The latter is a perfect song that begins with Ja Rule yelling “What’s my motherfucking name!” and has a video in which J.Lo confidently wears head-to-toe pink Juicy Couture and a ridiculous fedora. The former is a song you would listen to only if you accidentally clicked on it thinking it was the Murder Remix.
This is true and important.
posted by quadrilaterals at 12:55 AM on October 31, 2018 [1 favorite]
This is true and important.
posted by quadrilaterals at 12:55 AM on October 31, 2018 [1 favorite]
I'm looking forward* to the VH1 nostalgia series "Now That's What We Called Music" looking back at each of the discs in turn, 1 disc per episode, featuring the modern up-and-comer equivalents of Michael Ian Black and Patton Oswalt.
*I'm not.
posted by duffell at 8:52 AM on October 31, 2018 [3 favorites]
*I'm not.
posted by duffell at 8:52 AM on October 31, 2018 [3 favorites]
Obligatory: Now That's What I Call Songs Sung To The Tune Of "Two Princes" By The Spin Doctors 5
posted by wemayfreeze at 9:34 AM on October 31, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by wemayfreeze at 9:34 AM on October 31, 2018 [2 favorites]
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posted by roger ackroyd at 9:12 AM on October 30, 2018 [1 favorite]