Some churches...
October 30, 2018 7:06 PM Subscribe
this is the church you go to if you were a Cool Lutheran in the seventies and never got over it
I was raised nominally Lutheran, and this is pretty bang-on. The Lutheran church I was baptized in looked almost like this, but was slightly more boring. More red brick than window action, basically.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 7:33 PM on October 30, 2018 [12 favorites]
I was raised nominally Lutheran, and this is pretty bang-on. The Lutheran church I was baptized in looked almost like this, but was slightly more boring. More red brick than window action, basically.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 7:33 PM on October 30, 2018 [12 favorites]
Every one of these has constant roof leaks, hot and cold spots, and never has electrical outlets where you need them. Every one.
posted by emjaybee at 7:55 PM on October 30, 2018 [33 favorites]
posted by emjaybee at 7:55 PM on October 30, 2018 [33 favorites]
this is the church you go to when it is time to be blessed by St. Alia of the Knife.
...or you're a ski jump enthusiast.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 8:26 PM on October 30, 2018 [2 favorites]
...or you're a ski jump enthusiast.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 8:26 PM on October 30, 2018 [2 favorites]
I once went to a Synagogue in Northern California where in the foyer was a sculpture that made the entire building look like an alien landing site. Adding to the atmosphere of the crazy sculpture was the sort of non-descript stain glass light lighting everything in reds and blues. It was fucking wild.
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 8:30 PM on October 30, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 8:30 PM on October 30, 2018 [2 favorites]
I remember the first time that I went to one of those "cool Lutheran" churches (actually cool post-Vatican II Catholic), and wondering how they could get away with it; I'd been raised in mostly-small church parishes, and a lot of these new churches were like physical versions of Godspell.
posted by Halloween Jack at 8:44 PM on October 30, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by Halloween Jack at 8:44 PM on October 30, 2018 [5 favorites]
Aah, Star Trek architecture.
posted by twoplussix at 8:52 PM on October 30, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by twoplussix at 8:52 PM on October 30, 2018 [2 favorites]
StarchiTrekture, please.
posted by drfu at 9:00 PM on October 30, 2018 [32 favorites]
posted by drfu at 9:00 PM on October 30, 2018 [32 favorites]
this is the church you go to when you're definitely not bringing fricassee of orphan to the potluckNearly made me choke on my cough drop.
StarchiTrekture, please.
THANK YOU
posted by The Underpants Monster at 10:55 PM on October 30, 2018 [5 favorites]
Religion is fucking weird. One can only hope the the insides aren't as depressing as the outsides.
posted by a humble nudibranch at 11:07 PM on October 30, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by a humble nudibranch at 11:07 PM on October 30, 2018 [3 favorites]
A friend from college used to refer to these collectively as the "Church of Jesus Christ Space Alien."
Actually I think the "eagerly await the cleansing" one is kind of gorgeous; that tower looks like someone tried to replicate a bit of the Sagrada Familia all in glass.
posted by huimangm at 11:09 PM on October 30, 2018 [6 favorites]
Actually I think the "eagerly await the cleansing" one is kind of gorgeous; that tower looks like someone tried to replicate a bit of the Sagrada Familia all in glass.
posted by huimangm at 11:09 PM on October 30, 2018 [6 favorites]
They're weird, sure, but I don't find any of them depressing in the slightest. Some are downright playful.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 11:10 PM on October 30, 2018 [6 favorites]
posted by The Underpants Monster at 11:10 PM on October 30, 2018 [6 favorites]
I stopped going to mass as soon as my mom let me, but I liked the looks of the Brutalist church we went to. I don’t find these depressing either (maybe ley lines and counterintelligence church.) I like a distinctive church.
A few of the descriptions had me cackling, fun post.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 11:32 PM on October 30, 2018 [1 favorite]
A few of the descriptions had me cackling, fun post.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 11:32 PM on October 30, 2018 [1 favorite]
I always expect to find St. Francis de Sales on these lists..
(n.b.: despite the URL of the first link it's not really an evil building but it is notably stark and not to everyone's taste. and of course there's never an electrical outlet where you need one.)
posted by Nerd of the North at 12:41 AM on October 31, 2018 [4 favorites]
(n.b.: despite the URL of the first link it's not really an evil building but it is notably stark and not to everyone's taste. and of course there's never an electrical outlet where you need one.)
posted by Nerd of the North at 12:41 AM on October 31, 2018 [4 favorites]
this is the church you go to when the rhythm to which hymns are sung is the crack of joints as something turns that should not turn.
They are actively summoning Nyarlahotep. Goddam Republicans.
posted by SPrintF at 1:31 AM on October 31, 2018 [3 favorites]
They are actively summoning Nyarlahotep. Goddam Republicans.
posted by SPrintF at 1:31 AM on October 31, 2018 [3 favorites]
this is the church you go to when at the end of the service the only sound is the vicar licking clean the empty brainpan.
Many of these I thought, “it’s just LOL60sand70schurchs,” but this one, fine, yes.
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:06 AM on October 31, 2018 [2 favorites]
Many of these I thought, “it’s just LOL60sand70schurchs,” but this one, fine, yes.
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:06 AM on October 31, 2018 [2 favorites]
Excellent. I love all these for how truly dreadful but completely unfettered they almost invariably are. Wouldn't the world of architecture be poorer were it not for the positively... well... catholic tastes of the church when it comes to commissioning buildings?
I've often wondered about the motivation for this, ever since I first came across it in the apollo-era fantasy that is Liverpool Metropolitan catholic cathedral. How is the church in general (and there are some amazing mosques, synagogues and temples of every kind out there too) so willing to do this?
posted by merlynkline at 3:12 AM on October 31, 2018 [2 favorites]
I've often wondered about the motivation for this, ever since I first came across it in the apollo-era fantasy that is Liverpool Metropolitan catholic cathedral. How is the church in general (and there are some amazing mosques, synagogues and temples of every kind out there too) so willing to do this?
posted by merlynkline at 3:12 AM on October 31, 2018 [2 favorites]
>> this is the church you go to when at the end of the service the only sound is the vicar licking clean the empty brainpan.
> Many of these I thought, “it’s just LOL60sand70schurchs,” but this one, fine, yes.
I can't decide if this is completely at odds with or absolutely aligned with the Wikipedia description of the parish it serves. Certainly a local church for local people, either way.
posted by merlynkline at 3:19 AM on October 31, 2018
> Many of these I thought, “it’s just LOL60sand70schurchs,” but this one, fine, yes.
I can't decide if this is completely at odds with or absolutely aligned with the Wikipedia description of the parish it serves. Certainly a local church for local people, either way.
posted by merlynkline at 3:19 AM on October 31, 2018
And these are the churches you go to if you're Finnish.
posted by Vesihiisi at 3:58 AM on October 31, 2018 [12 favorites]
posted by Vesihiisi at 3:58 AM on October 31, 2018 [12 favorites]
Threadreader link for the folks who like that sort of thing.
posted by tobascodagama at 5:30 AM on October 31, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by tobascodagama at 5:30 AM on October 31, 2018 [1 favorite]
When I read this, I assumed the pictures were invented for the jokes. And then I got to the bit about the artist not having copyright for the images and I realized, omg they're real!
posted by Nancy Lebovitz at 6:19 AM on October 31, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by Nancy Lebovitz at 6:19 AM on October 31, 2018 [1 favorite]
I recognized the "wet tongue-tip feverishly stroke the salt from your palms" one. It's on a drab stretch of Snelling Avenue in St. Paul. It never struck me as being that bizarre, just modernist in an ugly way.
posted by paper chromatographologist at 6:26 AM on October 31, 2018
posted by paper chromatographologist at 6:26 AM on October 31, 2018
This is the church you go to when you're in Iceland for a week and you end up seeing a beautiful organ recital in the first pew, right behind the lady and you're so close you can read the sheet music as she plays. The architecture is based on hexagonal basalt columns from volcanic deposits, so entirely appropriate for Iceland.
posted by M-x shell at 6:28 AM on October 31, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by M-x shell at 6:28 AM on October 31, 2018 [3 favorites]
That skyscraper one makes me seriously uncomfortable. It's worse than a megachurch (at least those are aesthetically pleasing), it's more like a corporate office.
posted by Delia at 7:57 AM on October 31, 2018
posted by Delia at 7:57 AM on October 31, 2018
I just sent this to my pastor.
posted by slogger at 8:07 AM on October 31, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by slogger at 8:07 AM on October 31, 2018 [3 favorites]
I love these. "The greatest of these is clinical depression."
posted by asperity at 9:03 AM on October 31, 2018 [7 favorites]
posted by asperity at 9:03 AM on October 31, 2018 [7 favorites]
The Siilinjärvi one in that Finnish list is beautiful. So is the Icelandic one.
posted by seyirci at 10:01 AM on October 31, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by seyirci at 10:01 AM on October 31, 2018 [1 favorite]
I can't decide if this is completely at odds with or absolutely aligned with the Wikipedia description of the parish it serves. Certainly a local church for local people, either way.
"Park Hill was originally a farm, most of which was disappeared when the A1(M) motorway interchange was constructed in the 1960s"
Wait, did the motorway interchange black bag and assassinate a *farm*?
posted by FatherDagon at 10:17 AM on October 31, 2018 [2 favorites]
"Park Hill was originally a farm, most of which was disappeared when the A1(M) motorway interchange was constructed in the 1960s"
Wait, did the motorway interchange black bag and assassinate a *farm*?
posted by FatherDagon at 10:17 AM on October 31, 2018 [2 favorites]
According to Good Omens, the M25 motorway is secretly a Satanic sigil. Maybe the same is true of the A1(M).
posted by tobascodagama at 10:27 AM on October 31, 2018
posted by tobascodagama at 10:27 AM on October 31, 2018
My family's church. Say what you will, there's no mistaking it for anything but what it is. It's about as churchy-looking as a church can possibly be.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 10:39 AM on October 31, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 10:39 AM on October 31, 2018 [1 favorite]
"That skyscraper one makes me seriously uncomfortable. It's worse than a megachurch (at least those are aesthetically pleasing), it's more like a corporate office."
This is the way you make a skyscraper church: The Chicago Temple Building.
---
Back when they were new, I disliked all those 60s and 70s strange church designs. But now, they are at least interesting to look at, and not very common.
The new prefab steel churches are sad, with a stuck-on facade over a warehouse type of structure.
posted by jjj606 at 10:43 AM on October 31, 2018
This is the way you make a skyscraper church: The Chicago Temple Building.
---
Back when they were new, I disliked all those 60s and 70s strange church designs. But now, they are at least interesting to look at, and not very common.
The new prefab steel churches are sad, with a stuck-on facade over a warehouse type of structure.
posted by jjj606 at 10:43 AM on October 31, 2018
Why do so many churches, especially those Finnish ones, eschew windows?
posted by hydra77 at 11:26 AM on October 31, 2018
posted by hydra77 at 11:26 AM on October 31, 2018
There was a Catholic church in my hometown that looked like a giant flywheel gear; I always called it Our Lady of the Unidentified Flying Object.
posted by donatella at 11:48 AM on October 31, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by donatella at 11:48 AM on October 31, 2018 [2 favorites]
I think "church" must be a euphemism for "jail" in Finland.
posted by Oyéah at 12:47 PM on October 31, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by Oyéah at 12:47 PM on October 31, 2018 [1 favorite]
Say what you will, there's no mistaking it for anything but what it is.
I dunno; kinda looks like a courthouse to me.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 4:08 PM on October 31, 2018
I dunno; kinda looks like a courthouse to me.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 4:08 PM on October 31, 2018
The steeple doesn't give it away?
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 6:50 AM on November 1, 2018
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 6:50 AM on November 1, 2018
The steeple doesn't give it away?
Not unambiguously, no. Not like, say, stained glass or arched or pointed windows or doors might have. Lots of public buildings in the Federal/Adam style have similar structures on the roof.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 7:26 AM on November 1, 2018
Not unambiguously, no. Not like, say, stained glass or arched or pointed windows or doors might have. Lots of public buildings in the Federal/Adam style have similar structures on the roof.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 7:26 AM on November 1, 2018
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This church is particularly heinous to me because you can tell that the architect talked about being "inspired by" and "paying tribute" to the shapes of, you know, a cathedral, the thing he was being paid to design.
posted by Countess Elena at 7:12 PM on October 30, 2018 [5 favorites]