The World of Sam Sloan
June 12, 2002 10:52 PM   Subscribe

Sam Sloan is well known as an oddball character in the insular world of U.S. tournament chess. But he deserves wider recognition as one of the greatest Internet cranks of all time.

TURN OFF YOUR SOUND before entering Sloan's site or clicking on any of the links below - he seems to embed a MIDI file on every single solitary page.

Sloan, whether driving his New York taxicab, winning his case before the Supreme court, accusing Virginia authorities of kidnapping his daughter, indulging his creepy obsession with young girls, or just playing 1. g4, never fails to surprise and entertain on his incredibly long, scrollable home page.
posted by crunchburger (14 comments total)
Um, how young is that girl supposed to be? She looks pretty cute to me.

(And I'd hardly call his text 'obsessed')
posted by delmoi at 1:49 AM on June 13, 2002

Oh, also its possible to disable only the midi channel on most soundcards under windows. I don't know about macs.

That knowlage is very helpfull for people who like to surf and mp3 at the same time :)
posted by delmoi at 1:49 AM on June 13, 2002

And I'd hardly call his text 'obsessed'

If this is your first visit delmoi, spend a while plowing through the site, he really is a lecherous old goat. And a shitmagnet -- the guy's always in hot water in outlandish circumstances. Check out his account of how he escaped from an Afghan jail. Perversely fascinating, Sam's just a bag of bent impulses.
posted by nikzhowz at 2:35 AM on June 13, 2002

Oh, I've seen the site before. He's definetly crazy. But the link you provided really dosn't justify calling him 'creeply obsessed with young girls'. I mean, I certanly wouldn't call him a pedo after reading it.

Btw. If Cosmo Kramer had a website, it would probably be a lot like that....
posted by delmoi at 2:40 AM on June 13, 2002

On the positive side, seeing his site makes me feel absolutely *normal*. You know that "fine line" between genius & madness? I think he's living on that line.
posted by davidmsc at 5:09 AM on June 13, 2002

If I was a movie studio, I'd be all over this guy in a second.
posted by PrinceValium at 6:37 AM on June 13, 2002

What is it with chess guys?
posted by UncleFes at 7:15 AM on June 13, 2002

My favorite Sam Sloan stories are "Greyhound Bus stole my computer and What I Would Have If I Could Have Anything I Wanted.

A quote from the latter: "Since my objective is to get a woman pregnant every time I fuck and since in general a woman can only have a baby once in a year, in order to maximize my potential, I need 365 women."

I've always thought of Sloan as Robert Crumb without the cartooning.
posted by rcade at 8:38 AM on June 13, 2002 [1 favorite]

OH shit! Okay, I used to work for a desktop publishing place in Berkeley and Sam used to come in all the time. His pages were some of the first I ever saw on the web and he used to crow that he had more web pages than anyone (this was, like 1996). The guy was a complete freak. He used to have me scanning all these pictures of women he claimed were his wives, old photographs of stunning, topless blondes from Sweden, and stacks and stacks of Playboys, and he would attempt to regale me with stories of the sex club he started in Berkeley in the 70's. I kept meaning to go look these pages up again but I'd forgotten his name. All I remembered was that somewhere on them, there was a letter from someone who was suing him, or whom he was suing, in which the person expressed how happy they were that they'd never have to look at his "piss stained pants" again.
Thanks for the memories!
posted by akmonday at 8:43 AM on June 13, 2002

That story about the escape from an Afghan jail is terrific - a must-read.
posted by fellorwaspushed at 8:56 AM on June 13, 2002

wow! how do i get him as my cabbie? he'll even stop for me to vomit.
posted by witchstone at 8:58 AM on June 13, 2002

Be sure to also read his usenet postings
posted by gyc at 9:02 AM on June 13, 2002

I've been a fan of sam sloans pages for awhile...

I check back every 3 months or so to get a good dose of craziness..
posted by PugAchev at 9:39 AM on June 13, 2002

And if you want confirmation of his absolute creepiness, you can read about his encounters with unfortunate Thai prostitutes (scroll way, way down to the bottom of his site, where you will find link after link of pictures and, I suppose, what you might call reminiscences. The man is insane; after wasting an entire hour of my life reading his site I have to say that I sympathize with the couple who refused to relinquish custody of his daughter--I'm sure she was better off.
posted by jokeefe at 1:22 PM on June 13, 2002 [1 favorite]

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