Baby Burping Made Easy
November 25, 2018 2:24 PM   Subscribe

The Useless Duck Company has unveiled their new system for releasing air bubbles from the stomachs of infants, using their custom-built, ergonomic apparatus in conjunction with a handy app. Come see the future of child care!
posted by JHarris (35 comments total) 19 users marked this as a favorite
 
"And all your problems will be solved." =)
posted by johnxlibris at 2:31 PM on November 25, 2018 [1 favorite]


We have a new baby that is going to need lots of burping so this is perfect. Love the ergronomics.
posted by zrail at 2:33 PM on November 25, 2018 [2 favorites]


As usual, it is arguable whether the sex toy industry pioneered the technology first.
posted by delfin at 2:34 PM on November 25, 2018 [4 favorites]


SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY
posted by cynical pinnacle at 2:35 PM on November 25, 2018 [2 favorites]


Whoa
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 2:48 PM on November 25, 2018 [1 favorite]


That robot is shitty, but it's not a shitty robot.
posted by JoeZydeco at 2:54 PM on November 25, 2018 [1 favorite]


You can't argue with results.
posted by He Is Only The Imposter at 3:09 PM on November 25, 2018 [3 favorites]


Personally I think the Trump Handshake Robot shows more promise.
posted by flabdablet at 3:10 PM on November 25, 2018 [5 favorites]


Pretty sure Ms. Giertz would have realized that the right way to do this is to hold the artificial hand for burping still and have the rotating dingus repeatedly slap the baby against the artificial hand.
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 3:12 PM on November 25, 2018 [6 favorites]


I like the soothing sound that it makes while it burps the baby.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 3:13 PM on November 25, 2018 [6 favorites]


I feel like there are a few problems with this but I just can’t put my finger on it.
posted by egypturnash at 3:33 PM on November 25, 2018 [5 favorites]


this made me laugh like a monster
posted by capnsue at 3:41 PM on November 25, 2018 [8 favorites]


i thought i was prepared. i was so certain i would press play and view something that might perhaps elicit a mild chuckle at best. hubris.
posted by poffin boffin at 3:53 PM on November 25, 2018 [12 favorites]


I'm desperately keeping myself awake to feed and put down a sleeping six week old - it's midnight UK time - and this just broke me entirely. Repressed snorts haven't raised the grub from slumber, thankfully.

"in design, this is called ergonomics" was also wonderful
posted by ominous_paws at 4:09 PM on November 25, 2018 [7 favorites]


> JoeZydeco:
"That robot is shitty, but it's not a shitty robot ."

Hey, now, not EVERYONE can be Simone. The world would be a messier, but happier, place if they could.
posted by Samizdata at 4:29 PM on November 25, 2018 [1 favorite]


> capnsue:
"this made me laugh like a monster"

> poffin boffin:
"i thought i was prepared. i was so certain i would press play and view something that might perhaps elicit a mild chuckle at best. hubris."

Me too. So NO shame for ANYONE!
posted by Samizdata at 4:33 PM on November 25, 2018 [1 favorite]


I knew I had my kids too early.
posted by 4ster at 4:50 PM on November 25, 2018 [1 favorite]


I love this guy. Personally, I am partial to his rocket-powered cake cutter.
posted by 4ster at 5:02 PM on November 25, 2018 [5 favorites]


This is brilliant! I've just been putting the baby in our Juicero, but it's no longer supported. I've been looking for a burping alternative, and Musk's "Burping Co." solution is still a few years off.
posted by phooky at 5:06 PM on November 25, 2018 [8 favorites]


Thank god I actually watched this before mindlessly forwarding it on to my baby-having friends.
posted by The otter lady at 5:23 PM on November 25, 2018 [2 favorites]


Hasn't really eliminated the stain problem, has it?
posted by Fuchsoid at 6:04 PM on November 25, 2018 [6 favorites]


It eliminates the problem of stains on your clothes. You would clearly need to outfit a burping room in plastic sheeting, a la Dexter. But if you own an infant, you should already have that covered.
posted by team lowkey at 6:35 PM on November 25, 2018 [2 favorites]


I like the way that the cake cutter initially appears to work brilliantly, but then when it's done it just ruins the cake. Like, it doesn't obliterate the cake—nothing so dramatic. It just ruins it, almost casually. Ta-dah!
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 6:35 PM on November 25, 2018 [4 favorites]


my best friend just had a baby and her husband is an engineer and i was going to send this to him but I am 99% sure that doing so may end her marriage and our friendship
posted by Hermione Granger at 7:21 PM on November 25, 2018 [8 favorites]


Personally, I am partial to his rocket-powered cake cutter.

It's cute and all, but it doesn't hold a candle to the Cake O Matic.
posted by flabdablet at 11:23 PM on November 25, 2018


Are these guys affiliated with the ketchup bot? Still trying to get a refund it's neigh impossible to reach a human at their address.
posted by floam at 12:04 AM on November 26, 2018


I like the Mathias Wendell vibe.
posted by bonobothegreat at 3:06 AM on November 26, 2018


It has an app! That's very smart. You've got to have an app.
posted by Naberius at 7:05 AM on November 26, 2018 [2 favorites]


yeah it seems like the kind of thing you want to operate from a distance
posted by poffin boffin at 9:07 AM on November 26, 2018 [1 favorite]


So I shouldn't send this to my friends who have just had a baby?

(For real, I think they'd laugh but maybe they'd be horrified and disgusted after they've been touched by the joy of parenthood?)
posted by col_pogo at 9:29 AM on November 26, 2018


yeah it seems like the kind of thing you want to operate from a distance

Not sure whether you mean the baby burper or babies in general but fits either way.
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 10:06 AM on November 26, 2018 [1 favorite]


I need a back massage..... just saying.....
posted by mightshould at 10:47 AM on November 26, 2018


Col_Pogo: give them a few weeks til the sleep deprivation has set in, then send it to wild applause, I'm sure.
posted by ominous_paws at 11:21 AM on November 26, 2018


(For real, I think they'd laugh but maybe they'd be horrified and disgusted after they've been touched by the joy of parenthood?)

Wait a week, and then all their clothing, their couch, their bedding, and even their hair will have that distinctive odor of baby puke. Then, but only after you've ascertained that there has been a strong baby-parent bond, you may send the link.*


*They won't think it's near as funny when it's immediately sent, but since they're most likely not to have time to read email till the little joy is 18 months/night sleeping, it will be then be much funnier, although their may be additional sobbing.
posted by BlueHorse at 5:44 PM on November 26, 2018


This is why you don't let the commandants of penal colonies design labor-saving devices.
posted by um at 8:05 PM on November 26, 2018


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