The UK will attempt to decide something (2019 Eurovision entrant)
January 23, 2019 7:26 AM   Subscribe

As decisions and qualifiers in various countries (France, Netherlands, Spain) take place, and a Finnish singer declines, so the six potential entries from the UK are revealed by the BBC. Being the UK, the decision process is needlessly contorted: 'Each of the three songs will be performed in two different musical styles by two different acts, with three rounds of ‘song-offs’ being performed by six acts in total.' UK Sing-off on February 8th; the final in Tel Aviv, Israel (inevitable question) on May 18th. Last year the UK came 24th out of 26th after a stage invasion.
posted by Wordshore (31 comments total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
 
I was hoping they would just find a better song and send Surie again.
posted by JanetLand at 7:35 AM on January 23, 2019 [1 favorite]


This inexplicable decision process is also a Russian plot to subvert the EU.
posted by GoblinHoney at 7:38 AM on January 23, 2019 [1 favorite]


If ever there was a time to put a cover version of The FInal Countdown in the Eurovision, this is it.
posted by ocschwar at 7:39 AM on January 23, 2019 [15 favorites]


Wait I thought this was what we were voting ourselves out of in that referendum
posted by EndsOfInvention at 7:46 AM on January 23, 2019 [6 favorites]


I've made a terrible mistake
posted by EndsOfInvention at 7:46 AM on January 23, 2019 [9 favorites]


Surie deserved better than 24th. Maybe not a lot better, but it wasn't the third worst song in the competition.

As ever, Moldova was robbed, and I'm still upset about it.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 7:48 AM on January 23, 2019 [2 favorites]


"and that weird "ghost cat" noise that's been on every pop single since Justin Bieber's What Do You Mean"

what
posted by EndsOfInvention at 7:50 AM on January 23, 2019 [1 favorite]


I like Kerrie-Anne's version of Sweet Lies. That's a delightful 90s slice of Eurovision right there The less said about the rest of the songs the better.
posted by halcyonday at 8:09 AM on January 23, 2019 [1 favorite]


"Each of the three songs will be performed in two different musical styles by two different acts"

Wait, what? Does someone actually think this is a contest about quality songwriting?
posted by dnash at 8:22 AM on January 23, 2019 [3 favorites]


If this decade has proved anything, it has proved that repeatedly - with elections, referendums, Eurovision entrants, Sports Personality of the Year, and all manner of other votes - that entrusting the 'Great British public' to make a decision is a corruptable, regrettable and inevitably terrible idea.

Far better to let sensible and rational John Bercow, the Speaker of the House - who is acquainted with musical scales - decide on our entrant for the Eurovision Song Contest.

{disgusted}So-called 'Wisdom of crowds' my English arse...{/disgusted}
posted by Wordshore at 8:47 AM on January 23, 2019 [6 favorites]


OK, I think the Kerrie-Anne version of "Sweet Lies" should be the UK entry. As for the others, I preferred Maids' version of "Freaks" and Michael Rice's version of "Bigger Than Us".

Overall, these songs just sound like warmed-over Max Martin to me. Was Cathy Dennis too busy? Because she can write bangers. Anyway, good luck to these kids.
posted by droplet at 9:09 AM on January 23, 2019 [1 favorite]


Did anyone even _ask_ Jedward if they were busy?

(Yes, yes, I know, Ireland's not the UK. But if any country asked Jedward to perform as their entrant, they'd be there in two heartbeats and ask only for plane tickets and meals.)
posted by delfin at 9:26 AM on January 23, 2019 [3 favorites]


If we're going to lose anyway - and, let's face it, 2019 is already going to be a nul points year for us before a note is written or recorded - we should probably just send a duo of an electric guitarist contributing Metal Machine Music feedback, and a drink-addled, dangerous-looking fellow, bellowing "FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF" into the microphone.

Or Brian Eno doing a thinly-disguised revision of his famous version of X For Henry Flynt. (Like that, except he used both forearms, if I remember correctly.)

Or a hundred seven-year-olds playing recorders. With that many recorders and that many seven-year-olds the actual tune probably wouldn't matter.

Or another ex-stage-school twentysomething doing the usual sub-chart shit, I suppose. Why not?
posted by Grangousier at 9:27 AM on January 23, 2019 [2 favorites]


It feels like just a few months since the last Eurovision. Will this nightmare never end.
posted by Joe in Australia at 9:47 AM on January 23, 2019 [2 favorites]


With that many recorders and that many seven-year-olds the actual tune probably wouldn't matter.

If you put them in a large- and garish-enough costume, the audience might not notice there’s 100 of them.
posted by GenjiandProust at 9:50 AM on January 23, 2019 [2 favorites]


Can they just send Jacob Rees-Mogg so he can do something useful for a change?
posted by delfin at 9:53 AM on January 23, 2019 [1 favorite]


One costume for a hundred seven-year-olds. Magnificent idea.
posted by Grangousier at 9:53 AM on January 23, 2019 [2 favorites]


Whoever wrote "Freaks" is damn lucky Johann S. Bach can't sue them for biting Pachelbel's Canon.
posted by The Pluto Gangsta at 9:59 AM on January 23, 2019 [1 favorite]


Oh, so they still want to do Eurovision?
posted by Naberius at 10:00 AM on January 23, 2019 [1 favorite]


Going by my usual metric for who the UK chooses -- least musicianship and most melismatics -- it'll probably be MAID.

What I want to know is, can Australia just send Jessica Mauboy again? She was robbed last year.
posted by The Pluto Gangsta at 10:06 AM on January 23, 2019 [3 favorites]


Also, Australia has sent POC singers for four years straight, which I don't think any other ESC nation has managed to do in, like, EVER.
posted by The Pluto Gangsta at 10:09 AM on January 23, 2019 [3 favorites]


Look, if we are stuck with Israel and Australia in Eurovision, then by God the UK can just suck it up and keep participating. While I have, in fact, no enmity toward Israel and Australia it still weirds me out that Eurovision, which is seemingly a contest involving European nations, includes nations that are not in Europe. For my own personal mental health, I would prefer if nations that are in Europe continue to participate. (Yeah, it shouldn't matter but it's not like I am the boss of my brain.) Carry on, then.
posted by Bella Donna at 10:36 AM on January 23, 2019 [2 favorites]


What I want to know is, can Australia just send Jessica Mauboy again? She was robbed last year.

We're sending one voted by the public this time, although I suspect we came 20th because the novelty of Australia being in Eurovision has worn off and the Europeans are trying to vote us out.
posted by Merus at 1:57 PM on January 23, 2019 [1 favorite]


I knew Israel was in Eurovision, and they're at least in that general quadrant of the world.

But Australia???
posted by vibratory manner of working at 2:09 PM on January 23, 2019 [1 favorite]


I knew Israel was in Eurovision, and they're at least in that general quadrant of the world.

But Australia???
*sigh* Every year...

(In Australia it's primarily the RWNJs haunting TV blogs & forums, spurred on by a lazy media asking the same question each year, who wonder loudly why Australia is allowed to compete. Which is odd when you think about it, because you'd reckon a group who's identity is so tied up with (a) being white and (b) Making Australia Grate Again would welcome any chance to show off to their preferred mother countries.)
posted by Pinback at 2:57 PM on January 23, 2019 [2 favorites]


But Australia???

Spectator, 2015: Australia joining the Eurovision shows the awesome soft power of the song contest (contains explanatory map of Australia in relation to Europe).

I hope Australia do well in Eurovision this summer. Australians are also here for the World Cup and The Ashes later on, so Eurovision is by far their best chance of winning anything.
posted by Wordshore at 3:33 PM on January 23, 2019 [3 favorites]


Ah, they're a relatively recent inclusion, that makes a little more sense. I was pretty sure I would have noticed if they'd been there when I was paying closer attention 10 years ago
posted by vibratory manner of working at 5:13 PM on January 23, 2019 [1 favorite]


Nil points
posted by fallingbadgers at 11:41 PM on January 23, 2019 [1 favorite]


Obligatory
posted by The Underpants Monster at 7:35 AM on January 24, 2019 [1 favorite]


I've been blasting Eurovision hits from seasons past to help stay warm during this frigid weather we've been having. Fun, funky pop music does wonders for my soul. I was wondering if there were any updates as countries started picking their artists this year, and I am pleased to see there are selections aplenty. I'm already looking forward to some of those bonkers stage presentations. Pyrotechnics and glitter bombs galore, please and thank you.
posted by PearlRose at 12:58 PM on February 1, 2019 [1 favorite]


I wish I’d figured out fanfare before now so we could live post the “you decide” programme that’s on now...
posted by billiebee at 11:44 AM on February 8, 2019


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