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January 25, 2019 2:09 AM   Subscribe

Does your MeFitePoop resemble rabbit droppings or chicken nuggets? Perhaps Galaxy Ripple? The Bristol Stool Chart (or scale, or form scale) is a visual way of describing your poop. (Recipe) There are seven classifications of stool, covering a spectrum from Maltesers to chocolate bar to river-running-through-you. Devised in Bristol and referenced in many medical papers, type 3 or 4 (sausage or snake) are the aspirational classes. However, other factors such as color and poop time, and impacts such as diet and hydration are also important. Edible. (If you pass this stool then seek medical assistance)
posted by Wordshore (80 comments total) 19 users marked this as a favorite
 
Yes.
posted by stillnocturnal at 3:13 AM on January 25, 2019 [10 favorites]


Am I alone in never looking?

No, I don't look at your poos either.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 3:57 AM on January 25, 2019 [24 favorites]


Been a real good week for MeFi fecal content, I tell you what.
posted by cupcakeninja at 4:10 AM on January 25, 2019 [10 favorites]


Am I alone in never looking?

Technically, even if you looked - you really should be alone.
posted by jkaczor at 5:01 AM on January 25, 2019 [7 favorites]


I need time to digest this post properly.
posted by kinnakeet at 5:09 AM on January 25, 2019 [3 favorites]


Literally a shit post.
posted by Fizz at 5:20 AM on January 25, 2019 [9 favorites]


As a Crohn’s sufferer I know the scale well. I actually have an app which I use to track frequency and Bristol score. It’s a bit of a pain keeping it up, but it means that when the gastro staff ask I can tell them authoritatively that it’s three or six or eight times a day*, average score four or six or whatever. I can give them graphs. I believe six and above is considered problematic in terms of frequency, though it’s not that simple.

*Did you know some people can go 48 hours or longer without a poo? Blew my mind.
posted by Segundus at 5:22 AM on January 25, 2019 [3 favorites]


I want to be a super poo donor.
posted by pracowity at 5:26 AM on January 25, 2019 [1 favorite]


Segundus: "*Did you know some people can go 48 hours or longer without a poo? Blew my mind."

Apparently, the "normal" range is anywhere from 3 times a week to 3 times a day. I'm more of a 3 times a day, and it blows my mind that some people don't do it at least once a day! Do you not eat food? More importantly, when do you find the time to read, if not on the john??
posted by Grither at 5:31 AM on January 25, 2019 [6 favorites]


Dietary fiber is my jam.
posted by slogger at 6:01 AM on January 25, 2019 [1 favorite]


So glad I read this over my oatmeal this morning. No regrets at all.
posted by HotToddy at 6:09 AM on January 25, 2019 [3 favorites]


I have an aunt, she's senile now, poor thing, whose inlaws instituted discussion of your morning stool at the breakfast table... "And, how did you go this morning? Fine?" - I remember visiting as a kid and rehearsing my descriptions beforehand.
posted by infini at 6:13 AM on January 25, 2019 [4 favorites]


"It’s a bit of a pain keeping it up.".

... and the frequency tracking's a damn nuisance too.
posted by Paul Slade at 6:20 AM on January 25, 2019 [1 favorite]


Yesterday I woke up and started having Type 7s. I called in sick to work, and am now eyeing the container of beef rendang I made the night before with great suspicion. I would really like to be able to eat that, but sadly I think I will have to throw it out and make new.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 6:21 AM on January 25, 2019 [2 favorites]


"River-running-through-you."

Also known as the brown rain.

Bonus item: Meg coins a useful phrase.
posted by Paul Slade at 6:28 AM on January 25, 2019 [2 favorites]


And no I did not leave it in my Instant Pot at room temperature overnight, I made it and then ate it straightaway! The only reason I'm at all on the fence here is that I can't imagine how it got contaminated, unless the beef was contaminated at the store. That, and it is incredibly delicious.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 6:29 AM on January 25, 2019 [2 favorites]


*Did you know some people can go 48 hours or longer without a poo? Blew my mind.

Blew something anyway I betcha.
posted by RolandOfEld at 6:39 AM on January 25, 2019 [2 favorites]


> Did you know some people can go 48 hours or longer without a poo? Blew my mind.

I poo once or twice a week, whether I need to or not.

Seriously though, I do sometimes easily go a day or two between going. I hit three days and I start to worry, because when I do finally poo I end up building a monument to the hubris of man. I have a fairly decent and steady diet rich in fiber. I just take these massive quantum poops that empty me out and leave a rift in the space time continuum whereby I am pooping stuff I haven't eaten yet. I'm like, "When did I have corn? Oh yeah, next Thursday." Then I feel all empty and existential inside and it takes a long time to reload the angst.
posted by cjorgensen at 6:47 AM on January 25, 2019 [41 favorites]


Anticipation, that comment required me to make the connection to the previous about beef rendang petty quickly, because out of context, Nope.
posted by theora55 at 7:00 AM on January 25, 2019 [1 favorite]


Has anyone here done a poo (or poop) that was NOT on the Bristol Stool Chart? The fabled, legendary, category/type 8, or something?

An occasion where it is probably a good thing MetaFilter comments are text-only
posted by Wordshore at 7:11 AM on January 25, 2019


The fabled, legendary, category/type 8, or something?

I once expelled enough flatus that my belt felt loose. Seeing as the scale goes in increasing order of fluidity, that would probably count as a type 8. Seriously it was like 30-40 seconds at a constant rumble. I honestly wish I had a recording, but people would dismiss it as fake. It wasn't a thin stream squeaker, more of an absolute buttock rumbler. I probably expelled over a liter of gas.
posted by koolkat at 7:18 AM on January 25, 2019 [6 favorites]


Why did I click on this post?
posted by GenjiandProust at 7:25 AM on January 25, 2019 [15 favorites]


Type Zero would be when it just stops coming out at all and eventually you have to go to the hospital and have a few pounds of impacted feces dug out of your colon. It happens.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 7:31 AM on January 25, 2019 [1 favorite]


Anticipation, is your ask related?
posted by Vesihiisi at 7:37 AM on January 25, 2019 [6 favorites]


Is there a study on men vs women (or sit-to-pee people vs the other type.) If you're already sitting, might as well poop if you can is my motto.. er theory.

Where's my grant to study this important topic?
posted by vespabelle at 7:38 AM on January 25, 2019 [2 favorites]


And folks, if you find yourself trending in that direction, where regular laxatives aren't working and you're starting to worry that you may have to get a doctor to excavate your rear end, a bottle of magnesium citrate is your friend. Chug one of those bad boys and then don't stray too far from the toilet, because it's gonna liquefy whatever's inside you and then it will have to come out. Ready or not.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 7:40 AM on January 25, 2019 [1 favorite]


No, thank heaven.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 7:41 AM on January 25, 2019 [2 favorites]


[ice t]
It's a Bristol Type VII stool. The kids are callin' it the Hershey Squirts.
[/ice t]
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 7:43 AM on January 25, 2019 [11 favorites]


Travel (especially camping) is my great constipator. We're talking 1 - 2 times per week, and the first one out always presents a gradient of Bristol grades.
posted by serif at 7:57 AM on January 25, 2019 [4 favorites]


MetaFilter: more of an absolute buttock rumbler.
posted by Wordshore at 8:08 AM on January 25, 2019 [3 favorites]


🎵 Vacation Constipation! 🎵
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 8:09 AM on January 25, 2019 [4 favorites]


So I cautiously tried just a little more of that rendang because god dammit that was like four meals' worth of delicious food that I spent three hours making on Wednesday night, and… I guess the beef must have been contaminated at the store.

I blame the Shutdown.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 8:14 AM on January 25, 2019 [3 favorites]


Ah yes, travel. How does that even work? I could be eating a healthier, more fibrous fare than back at home, but the poop just refuses to make an appearance.
posted by Vesihiisi at 8:16 AM on January 25, 2019 [1 favorite]


I blame the Shutdown

The shitdown, more like.
posted by ambrosen at 8:18 AM on January 25, 2019 [3 favorites]


If you google image search beef rendang, it already looks like the final product anyway.
posted by Vesihiisi at 8:24 AM on January 25, 2019 [1 favorite]


As a member of the Poo-Snickerers (we were big in the 90s) and having worked in veterinary offices for years, I am shocked that the Bristol chart squoze into being in the late 90s. I figured it was a 50s thing, or earlier. I'm sure I linked to this last time, but here is the Bristol Stool Chart Air Freshener Fragrance: vanilla, they claim.
posted by juniper at 8:33 AM on January 25, 2019 [2 favorites]


Yeah it's not very Instagramable but hot damn is it tasty.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 8:34 AM on January 25, 2019 [1 favorite]


*sigh* Alright then. Recipe? I do have a brand new Instant Pot.
posted by Vesihiisi at 8:38 AM on January 25, 2019 [1 favorite]


If you pass this [IKEA] stool then seek medical assistance

That's what comes of having way too much fiber in one's diet.
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:40 AM on January 25, 2019 [2 favorites]


My unscientific pet theory regarding vacation constipation is that something about being outside of our home environment trips a Not Safe To Poo flag somewhere in our hindbrains and tells our GI tracts to pump the brakes on the whole peristalsis thing, even if on a conscious level we are feeling perfectly happy and chill.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 8:44 AM on January 25, 2019 [12 favorites]


Hey AoaNLAt, take a look at this handy-dandy foodborne illnesses guide. Might not be your rendang? Unless it is.
posted by vivzan at 9:08 AM on January 25, 2019 [1 favorite]


I'm surprised that you want my recipe, considering, but OK! This is absolutely not authentic beef rendang like anyone's mama used to make, because the traditional ingredients are hard to find in my area and also I don't have an entire day to make it (hence the Instant Pot). You will want to have some rice on hand to serve it over.

Equipment:
  • Instant Pot
  • Saucepan
  • Large pot
  • Wooden spoons
  • Knives
  • Measuring stuff
  • Cutting board
Ingedients:
  • 3lbs beef chuck, cut into large cubes
  • (2) 15oz cans full-fat coconut milk (not light)
  • 1 1/2c unsweetened coconut flakes
  • Coconut oil ("That's a lot of coconut," you're thinking. Yes it is!)
  • (2) packets of This rendang curry paste, or hunt down your own tamarind and galangal if you want, there are recipes online for that
  • 3tbsp fresh ginger, finely chopped
  • 3tbsp garlic, finely chopped
  • 1-2 jalapeño peppers (or any medium-hot pepper, I don't know what kind of peppers they rock in Indonesia) finely chopped, with seeds
Procedure:
  1. Set Instant Pot for sauté and let it get hot.
  2. Add rendang paste and coconut oil, mix it up, sauté until your nose starts to party, about 5 minutes.
  3. Add beef, coconut milk, garlic, ginger, and hot peppers. Stir it up and scrape any residue off the bottom of the pot.
  4. Set Instant Pot for pressure cook, high, 30 minutes.
  5. In a dry saucepan, toast up the coconut flakes until they are golden brown and set them aside.
  6. When Instant Pot finishes, fast vent it (because who has time for slow venting?) and then transfer everything to a large soup pot. Add toasted coconut flakes and stir them in.
  7. Simmer on the stove until the liquid is almost entirely reduced, leaving only oil (which should start to separate out) and little if any water. This will take 1-2 hours. You could try to do this in the Instant Pot but you might burn it.
  8. Serve over rice.
  9. Voila, as they definitely don't say in Indonesia!
It will look like a very oily 6 on the Bristol Stool Scale.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 9:14 AM on January 25, 2019 [7 favorites]


Probably like 3-4tbsp of oil by the way, if you insist on having a measurement for that.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 9:16 AM on January 25, 2019 [1 favorite]


will look like a very oily 6 on the Bristol Stool Scale.

Going in, coming out, or both? You didn't make that clear.
posted by Wordshore at 9:19 AM on January 25, 2019 [2 favorites]


Hopefully only on the way in.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 9:23 AM on January 25, 2019 [2 favorites]


Sounds lovely, thanks! Saving this for the next Meat Week at Lidl.
posted by Vesihiisi at 9:33 AM on January 25, 2019 [2 favorites]


Has anyone here done a poo (or poop) that was NOT on the Bristol Stool Chart?

Do not poo on the Bristol Stool Chart.
posted by pracowity at 9:40 AM on January 25, 2019 [3 favorites]


GenjiandProust: "Why did I click on this post?"

I fear to watch, yet I cannot turn away.
posted by Chrysostom at 9:45 AM on January 25, 2019 [3 favorites]


Yet another post that is full of shit.
posted by mermayd at 10:02 AM on January 25, 2019 [1 favorite]


That coconut oil will do ya bowels... maybe replace that with a lighter veg oil, and just keep the milk
posted by infini at 10:11 AM on January 25, 2019 [3 favorites]


Hmm, good thought infini. I hadn't considered that, but maybe I will next time.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 10:15 AM on January 25, 2019 [1 favorite]


Why did I click on this post?

Just here for the conversation? Pull up a stool.
posted by pracowity at 10:29 AM on January 25, 2019 [10 favorites]


Help me mods how do I delete Wordshore
posted by loquacious at 10:52 AM on January 25, 2019 [7 favorites]


And the Bristol scale is missing my usual kind of poop, which I like to call "adobe".

I'm building a shit brick house, you see. After that it will be a shit brick outhouse, and well the punchlines write themselves these days.
posted by loquacious at 10:56 AM on January 25, 2019 [1 favorite]


Are you a wombat?
posted by pracowity at 11:02 AM on January 25, 2019 [6 favorites]


(poo cubes)
posted by pracowity at 11:09 AM on January 25, 2019 [3 favorites]


No, I'm not a wombat but Tokyo Rail has had some guy following me around with a clipboard and chronograph for about twenty years and he gets really upset if I sleep in or run out of coffee.
posted by loquacious at 11:20 AM on January 25, 2019 [1 favorite]


One of the ways that having a baby has messed me up is that things that are objectively super weird are now normal and necessary.

For example, I am very concerned and Mrs. VTX and I have serious conversations about our son's poop. I totally understand the importance and reasoning why but still, having in-depth, serious conversations about someone else's poop like that is super weird.

And then there are times when there is something goofy with the poor kid's gut and he ends up pooping some very solid, clay-like poop right into my hand as I'm changing his diaper (I had a wipe to catch the poo, thankfully). He maintained very intense eye-contact the whole time while yelling with effort. Like, when someone is working out in a commercial and they roar with strain and effort? That, except he was pooping in my hand. That's just what normal looks for me now.
posted by VTX at 12:15 PM on January 25, 2019 [17 favorites]


Brb, cauterizing my reproductive organs off with a hot butterknife, then building a time machine to go back and do it again just to be extra certain.
posted by loquacious at 12:21 PM on January 25, 2019 [7 favorites]


Honestly, if I had a choice between getting puked on three times a day or having to have him poop in my hand while maintaining eye contact every time he poos, I'd take the poop. But I don't get to choose.

OTOH, look at that face!
posted by VTX at 12:31 PM on January 25, 2019 [11 favorites]


I was so confused by this. I thought Wordhore always posts about cake.

Then I clicked a link and the world stood upright on its axis again.
posted by SLC Mom at 12:35 PM on January 25, 2019 [4 favorites]


That's just what normal looks for me now.

Yeah when you are a parent you focus on poop a lot. My kid hated defecating into his diaper so he'd hang on to it. We were pretty worried for awhile then we finally clued in and put him on a little kid potty at a fairly early age (for most North Americans). And there that kid would proceed to defecate "adult human who has eaten a substantial amount of fibre" sized poop. As parents we were both proud and envious. It substantially sped up the potty training and we were able to forgo diapers before he was two. It was really incredible poop.
posted by Ashwagandha at 12:36 PM on January 25, 2019 [5 favorites]


MetaFilter: It was really incredible poop.
posted by loquacious at 12:42 PM on January 25, 2019 [5 favorites]


I'm now torn between wanting to remove this thread from my Recent Activity and surreptitiously giggling along with every new comment, hating myself for it and yet, shit was funny before I hit puberty.
posted by infini at 12:57 PM on January 25, 2019 [1 favorite]


I was not expecting actual recipes in this thread.
posted by the agents of KAOS at 1:43 PM on January 25, 2019 [13 favorites]


My kids (ages 3 and 6) are obsessed with poop. I just shared the Bristol Stool Scale with them and now they are going around saying things like "I usually do a three, but once I did a SEVEN!!" and if this referring-to-poop-as-numbers thing becomes A Thing, this post will have changed. my. life.
posted by forza at 2:40 PM on January 25, 2019 [12 favorites]


I end up building a monument to the hubris of man.

Look upon my shits, ye mighty, and despair.
posted by Segundus at 3:02 PM on January 25, 2019 [3 favorites]


"I usually do a three, but once I did a SEVEN!!"

My poops go to 11.
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:30 PM on January 25, 2019 [6 favorites]


> I once expelled enough flatus that my belt felt loose. Seeing as the scale goes in increasing order of fluidity, that would probably count as a type 8.

I feel like that's a modifier rather than an extension, especially when you get one that just airlifts itself out like a hovercraft. Those are the shinies of the stool scale.
posted by lucidium at 3:49 PM on January 25, 2019 [1 favorite]


Am I alone in never looking?

I guess you've never heard of a Flachspueler? (shelf toilet)
posted by Marky at 4:55 PM on January 25, 2019 [1 favorite]


I once expelled enough flatus that my belt felt loose. Seeing as the scale goes in increasing order of fluidity, that would probably count as a type 8. Seriously it was like 30-40 seconds at a constant rumble. I honestly wish I had a recording, but people would dismiss it as fake. It wasn't a thin stream squeaker, more of an absolute buttock rumbler. I probably expelled over a liter of gas.

Obligatory princess bride reference
posted by sebastienbailard at 3:48 AM on January 26, 2019 [3 favorites]


So what you are saying is that koolkat is Andre the Giant's boss.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 5:08 AM on January 26, 2019 [1 favorite]


The fabled, legendary, category/type 8

Can't believe I'm actually posting about this publically, but had a colonoscopy at the start of the week. After completing all the prep, I expelled clear water containing a few flakes of brown confetti.

I felt like Dumbledore in the cave, but I guess that's what it looks like when everything's flushed out. (Clean bill of health, too!)
posted by cheshyre at 10:34 AM on January 26, 2019 [1 favorite]


A tablespoon of chia seed in juice or water keeps poop flowing here. If travel or the wrong food bungs you up, use 2 tablespoons.

As Gino taught me so long ago, our intestines are our 'divine plumbing'. Need to treat them kindly.
posted by Mesaverdian at 10:43 AM on January 26, 2019 [1 favorite]


Needs KeepMeFiClassy tag.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 12:15 PM on January 26, 2019 [2 favorites]


Needs KeepMeFiClassy tag.

Fixed!
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:51 PM on January 26, 2019 [3 favorites]


Cholera causes such severe diarrhea that the lining of the intestines starts to shed. Rice water poop might qualify as an 8, but at that point, you're not going to live long enough to brag about it.
posted by theora55 at 1:40 PM on January 26, 2019 [1 favorite]


Agents of KAOS, I guffawed hard enough to startle the dog.

MeFi poop threads are teh bomb.
posted by theora55 at 1:42 PM on January 26, 2019 [1 favorite]


MetaFilter: a monument to the hubris of man.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 1:57 PM on January 26, 2019 [4 favorites]


but at that point, you're not going to live long enough to brag about it.

I can brag *very* quickly.
posted by Chrysostom at 1:58 PM on January 26, 2019 [7 favorites]


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