Just the [french] tip.
January 28, 2019 4:56 PM   Subscribe

Heather comes in every 3 weeks to get tiny dicks painted on her fingers. All nail art by @HeyNiceNails.
posted by phunniemee (27 comments total) 20 users marked this as a favorite
 
Frankly, Scarlett, I got too many dicks on my hands as it is...

In all seriousness, I’ve never had nail polish stay on for more than about 30 seconds, I’m amazed by anyone who can mantain a manicure.
posted by SecretAgentSockpuppet at 5:14 PM on January 28 [12 favorites]


I’ve never had nail polish stay on for more than about 30 second

Japanese gel manicure sets seem to last forever.

My wife has a whole setup complete with LED curing lights and Dremel tools (sorry, Electric Nail Files), gels, nail blank type things you glue on then shape, etc. She's working a giant salon trade show this week in Long Beach (coincidentally where the 'dick painter' is located) and apparently we'll be adding an airbrush to the kit this evening.

She's been flirting with getting into the same business (her corporate job at a big time make up company seems to never be melting down just the right amount to get her to jump ship) as the shop linked up above, as that kind of work can go for $150 a set, easy.

That's obviously expensive, but I've seen the quality difference first hand of the real expensive stuff verses something cheap done at the local nail salon.
posted by sideshow at 5:42 PM on January 28 [2 favorites]


Looking at their site, they charge $120 for gel extensions plus art, so I wan't that far off on the price.
posted by sideshow at 5:46 PM on January 28


I guess you could say she......nailed it

the rainbow butt one is nice
not dick-ist

posted by lalochezia at 5:50 PM on January 28 [6 favorites]


Woah. That is really a talent! I can’t imagine the reactions she gets on a daily basis wearing those. Now I want a (tame) manicure!
posted by gryphonlover at 6:33 PM on January 28


Creepy!
posted by peeedro at 6:51 PM on January 28 [1 favorite]


and glow in the dark sparkly semen

commitment x10
posted by not_the_water at 7:17 PM on January 28 [3 favorites]


when I was 14 I had one, ONE fingernail that I grew out like half an inch past my fingertip, so I could paint teeny little flower designs on it

I don't know what I would have done if I'd had the internet at that time
posted by the_blizz at 7:51 PM on January 28 [2 favorites]


Best title ever.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 8:01 PM on January 28 [1 favorite]


Heather is a sexual health advocate....

I bet in this line of work, these nails really get some laughs.

The sparkle spooge is a nice touch.
posted by amanda at 8:41 PM on January 28 [3 favorites]


So, I'm a gay guy, in my 50s, who has a giant grey beard, and I wear nail polish from time to time but not habitually, and I often notice women's nails, and I often want to notice them in a polite way that isn't creepy.

How do I do that?

(Sorry for the derail. These nails are spectacular, and I'd want to say "wow, those are great" but I've said before "wow, those nails are great" to a woman who then treated me coldly for the rest of our interaction and so I'm at a loss. Are cool things not to be commented upon?)
posted by hippybear at 9:33 PM on January 28 [1 favorite]


In all seriousness, I’ve never had nail polish stay on for more than about 30 seconds, I’m amazed by anyone who can mantain a manicure.

This makes me wierdly proud because apparently I'm pretty good at painting my own nails. I can actually get it to stick and survive for a week or two, clearcoat and all. My last boss and several coworkers (all cis women or AFAB/GQ) once playfully-but-no-seriously called me out because the Cobalt blue-purple metallic flake I used was so shiny and perfect it was distracting everyone from our work meeting.

All that time I spent painting plastic models when I was a kid paid off.

On the other hand I almost invariably fuck up a good polish doing something mundane like getting it scratched up on the carabiners I use for canteens or working on my bike or something. And then I usually just go full spooky goth kid and let it wear off and get fucked up.
posted by loquacious at 9:41 PM on January 28 [4 favorites]


More like #heathersNASTYnails, amirite?

Peeedro's Creepy link reminds me of this guy.
posted by Paul Slade at 11:39 PM on January 28


These were cute but I honestly liked the abstract or more traditional ones more. OTOH I'm a pretty standard repressed midwesterner so I would.

@hippybear - not a nail polish user but I've never had a bad reaction complimenting someone's nails (or glasses, cool scarf, whatever). I think the day-brightening upside of being nice to people is worth the downside of "sometimes people might not like it." And who knows, maybe the person in question was just distracted and you read it as cold, or it was cold because they think manly men shouldn't notice nails, whatever. Life is too short to spend much of it on the futile project of trying to manage everyone else's reaction to everything you do or say.
posted by firebrick at 12:04 AM on January 29 [5 favorites]


hippybear, yeah, what firebrick said. You did nothing wrong. Don't let that one person frighten you off from commenting again and brightening the days of others similarly complemented.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:38 AM on January 29 [8 favorites]


MetaFilter: The sparkle spooge is a nice touch.
posted by chavenet at 1:01 AM on January 29 [4 favorites]


sideshow - any Japanese brands in particular to recommend?

I've been getting biweekly gel manicures for the past three months to try to cure my nailbiting habit (currently gel-free with neat, home-painted nails!) and never got past day eight or nine without them getting shitty-looking and peely. I'm sure that with extensions or longer natural nails, it's easier to get a good seal at the tip, and it's worth having nail art done.

These are extremely creative and pretty nails, anyway.
posted by carbide at 1:49 AM on January 29


I tried gels once, now I’m a convert to NextGen powder coats. A lost less grinding down of the nail bed. I’m rough as crap on my fingers and they are tough as rocks. Compared to smearing traditional polish jobs on my way to the car from the salon even after painful (to me) uv drying.

Only do it twice a year, though; not my cuppa tea, but work events require a certain look.
posted by tilde at 3:15 AM on January 29


but I've said before "wow, those nails are great" to a woman who then treated me coldly for the rest of our interaction and so I'm at a loss

This is fine but if you specifically say "wow, that nail polish is great" it'll be better. Everyone has fingernails. Polish is a conscious, intentional choice.

See also:
nice feet vs great shoes
beautiful eyes vs cool glasses
pretty hair vs I like your haircut
posted by phunniemee at 4:46 AM on January 29 [13 favorites]


I'm generally a fan of the "compliment choices not bodyparts" thing, but "nice nails" is exactly what I would say to another woman to compliment her fingernail polish, and we would both understand it to mean "your nails are nicely painted" and not "I am a keratin fetishist who is lusting after your actual underlying fingernails themselves."

(hippybear, I'm pretty sure any weird reactions you're getting are "Ugh, this man is violating a gender norm and I am being a jerk about it" or "Huh, that was an unexpected interaction and I am suspicious of the unexpected," and not "I would have been fine with this had he used a different phrase, but now he has Said It Wrong and must be Punished By Grumpiness.")
posted by nebulawindphone at 5:03 AM on January 29 [15 favorites]


Those are adorable.
posted by merriment at 6:24 AM on January 29


Hey, the nails are extremely good, but "just the tip" is pretty much a joke about sexual coercion, and not something I love to see here.
posted by ITheCosmos at 7:15 AM on January 29 [5 favorites]


I've been getting biweekly gel manicures for the past three months to try to cure my nailbiting habit

It me. Except not gels.

I have a 40+-year nail biting habit that I've never really ever been able to curb for more than a couple of months or so. I finally managed to string together two weeks of no biting at the beginning of the month and my nails were getting to the "if I don't bite them soon they're going to really start bugging me" stage, so i went to get a manicure to treat myself. After explaining why I was there, the nice nail lady trimmed them up cleanly and asked me if I wanted a base coat for protection. Then she laughed and said "or we could put color on them". I looked at the wall, a color immediately caught my eye, and I said "YES THIS ONE".

This weekend I went back for my second manicure/color, just shy of three weeks since that first one. I haven't bitten my nails in five weeks, and I'm kinda proud of that.

Also, that color is called "Stay off the Lawn!" which, as an old white guy, is apparently the perfect shade name for me.
posted by hanov3r at 8:11 AM on January 29 [7 favorites]


I love these nails. I myself type too much, cook too much, garden too much, and overall stick my hands in too much weird stuff on a monthly/weekly/daily basis to justify $120 for a set of dick nails, but if I didn't, I'd be seriously tempted and I don't like throwing money at temporary/frivolous things.

Damn, Heather. You have great nails, my dudegirl.
posted by offalark at 9:06 AM on January 29 [2 favorites]


These are delightful and vicariously exhausting.
posted by janey47 at 3:35 PM on January 29


Is this where I post my vagina nail art?

I love Hey Nice Nails and the dick series is fantastic. There is an incredible world of mind-blowing nail artistry out there-- if your interest is piqued by this, spend some time looking around instagram at nail accounts, especially folks doing Japanese-style gels. It's beyond your wildest dreams.
posted by bookish at 3:39 PM on January 29 [3 favorites]


Metafilter: the futile project of trying to manage everyone else's reaction to everything you do or say.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 6:26 PM on January 29 [1 favorite]


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