"Are you sure I'll still be a virgin?"
March 1, 2019 7:04 PM Subscribe
Bleeding is fucking weird. And the various contraptions that the feminine hygiene industry has come up with to “handle” it are also pretty fucking odd. I mean, at the end of the day, from pads and tampons to cups, sponges and rags, to each her own. But bleeding is still weird AF. And the culture that has arisen around it is also weird.
Belated Black History Month Fact: The sanitary belt was invented by Mary Beatrice Davidson Kenner.
Belated Black History Month Fact: The sanitary belt was invented by Mary Beatrice Davidson Kenner.
The company that first showed interest in her invention rejected it after they discovered that she was an African American woman. Between 1956 and 1987 she received five patents for her household and personal item creations. She invented a bathroom tissue holder which she patented with patent number US 4354643, on October 19, 1982, and a back washer mounted on the shower or bathtub wall, which she patented in 1987. She also patented the carrier attachment for an invalid walker in 1959.
(Not really. Who doesn't enjoy poop?)
posted by bendy at 7:20 PM on March 1, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by bendy at 7:20 PM on March 1, 2019 [4 favorites]
Belated Black History Month Fact
Call it a Women's History Month fact and you don't have to be late!
posted by the agents of KAOS at 7:20 PM on March 1, 2019 [25 favorites]
Call it a Women's History Month fact and you don't have to be late!
posted by the agents of KAOS at 7:20 PM on March 1, 2019 [25 favorites]
I’m still mystified about the discrepancy that we have a giant reinforced box with biohazard symbols all over it for needle disposal, but our method of handling used menstrual products literally dripping with blood is “Wrap it in TP and then stick your hand into this communal paper bag”.
posted by Autumnheart at 7:22 PM on March 1, 2019 [48 favorites]
posted by Autumnheart at 7:22 PM on March 1, 2019 [48 favorites]
tbh the chance of you contracting anything from brushing a TP wrapped menstrual pad, vs stabbing yourself with a used needle, is pretty slim.
posted by The otter lady at 7:33 PM on March 1, 2019 [41 favorites]
posted by The otter lady at 7:33 PM on March 1, 2019 [41 favorites]
Metafilter: "are you sure I'll still be a virgin?"
posted by killdevil at 7:40 PM on March 1, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by killdevil at 7:40 PM on March 1, 2019 [4 favorites]
I see what you did there, homo neanderthalensis.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 7:42 PM on March 1, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 7:42 PM on March 1, 2019 [1 favorite]
I like the "sanitary bloomers" myself- slight overkill, but sometimes... perhaps a necessary overkill?
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 7:45 PM on March 1, 2019
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 7:45 PM on March 1, 2019
I was always bemused by how they showed women wearing white athletic wear during their periods. No. Not at all. Maybe someone, somewhere, was that confident in their tampons or pads or whatever, but that person was not me. I did all the stuff I wanted to do, whenever I wanted to do it, but I for damned sure didn't do it in white.
posted by which_chick at 7:57 PM on March 1, 2019 [38 favorites]
posted by which_chick at 7:57 PM on March 1, 2019 [38 favorites]
Bleeding is not "weird AF". It only is because we let bullshit tell us it is. It's more like snot. or pee, sure. Yeah, it's gross. Yeah, you don't want to spread it around on someone. But FFS, it's been going on a long, long, long, long, long, long time. It's not weird. It's normal. GROW THE FUCK UP.
posted by The otter lady at 8:02 PM on March 1, 2019 [99 favorites]
posted by The otter lady at 8:02 PM on March 1, 2019 [99 favorites]
I was always bemused by how they showed women wearing white athletic wear during their periods. No. Not at all. Maybe someone, somewhere, was that confident in their tampons or pads or whatever, but that person was not me. I did all the stuff I wanted to do, whenever I wanted to do it, but I for damned sure didn't do it in white.
The white chairs a previous office had were clearly chosen by the woman in charge, who really really liked to wear white pants. I'm not sure what that was about, some kind of display of confidence or superiority or petiteness or what, but those chairs were so anxiety-inducing. But then, I wear mostly black all the time anyway.
posted by limeonaire at 8:12 PM on March 1, 2019 [3 favorites]
The white chairs a previous office had were clearly chosen by the woman in charge, who really really liked to wear white pants. I'm not sure what that was about, some kind of display of confidence or superiority or petiteness or what, but those chairs were so anxiety-inducing. But then, I wear mostly black all the time anyway.
posted by limeonaire at 8:12 PM on March 1, 2019 [3 favorites]
Limeonaire: was this woman... of a certain age? I lack that set of plumbing myself, but to me it sounds like the setup you describe would seem to require nerveless confidence.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 8:39 PM on March 1, 2019 [8 favorites]
posted by ricochet biscuit at 8:39 PM on March 1, 2019 [8 favorites]
I remember those belts. Nope, they didn't work any better than you would expect them to.
I felt like I was a stand-in for a Tarzan movie.
posted by TrishaU at 8:44 PM on March 1, 2019 [4 favorites]
I felt like I was a stand-in for a Tarzan movie.
posted by TrishaU at 8:44 PM on March 1, 2019 [4 favorites]
I was joking last month.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 8:48 PM on March 1, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 8:48 PM on March 1, 2019 [2 favorites]
Also: let's make Menopausal May a thing. Because I want some equal time here for the hot flashes and general crappiness at the other end of the spectrum. Flo doesn't visit here anymore -- yay!
posted by TrishaU at 8:56 PM on March 1, 2019 [42 favorites]
posted by TrishaU at 8:56 PM on March 1, 2019 [42 favorites]
Periods aren't that weird, but those ads sure are. It was impressive the extent to which they avoided the topic completely. Did I say impressive, I mean appalling. Seriously, you want to sell stuff for menstruation but you can't even name it?
posted by Margalo Epps at 9:40 PM on March 1, 2019 [10 favorites]
posted by Margalo Epps at 9:40 PM on March 1, 2019 [10 favorites]
I cannnot recall the comedian, but I do recall in the eighties or nineties someone with a mic stand in front of a bare brick wall bringing up that very point. “Just what is feminine protection, anyway? Is it a pink flamethrower or something like that?”
posted by ricochet biscuit at 10:08 PM on March 1, 2019 [5 favorites]
posted by ricochet biscuit at 10:08 PM on March 1, 2019 [5 favorites]
I'm going to hug my menstrual cup now.
posted by Vesihiisi at 11:52 PM on March 1, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by Vesihiisi at 11:52 PM on March 1, 2019 [4 favorites]
The chartreuse flamethrower joke also appeared in Bloom County.
Most of the things that come out of a human body are fascinating and strange in my experience.
posted by poe at 12:33 AM on March 2, 2019 [6 favorites]
Most of the things that come out of a human body are fascinating and strange in my experience.
posted by poe at 12:33 AM on March 2, 2019 [6 favorites]
Most of the things that come out of a human body are fascinating and strange in my experience.
Particularly other humans.
posted by Literaryhero at 2:05 AM on March 2, 2019 [19 favorites]
Particularly other humans.
posted by Literaryhero at 2:05 AM on March 2, 2019 [19 favorites]
which_chick: Pro tennis used to be particularly sadistic that way - and still is, at Wimbledon.
posted by wendyg at 3:02 AM on March 2, 2019
posted by wendyg at 3:02 AM on March 2, 2019
People are afraid to say "menstruation" or "tampons" to an astonishing degree. Even inside women's bathrooms. At my work, there are signs in each stall saying "please do not put any feminine products in the toilet." I mean, isn't everything that comes out of my body literally a feminine product...?
posted by heatvision at 4:02 AM on March 2, 2019 [21 favorites]
posted by heatvision at 4:02 AM on March 2, 2019 [21 favorites]
Wow. What a strange rabbit hole I fell into. 2 1/2 hours lost. Oh well.
I am so glad guys don't menstruate. Can you imagine all the guys whining and complaining? I can because I'd be whining and bitching. It would be a nightmare. Guys are such babies.
posted by james33 at 4:36 AM on March 2, 2019 [4 favorites]
I am so glad guys don't menstruate. Can you imagine all the guys whining and complaining? I can because I'd be whining and bitching. It would be a nightmare. Guys are such babies.
posted by james33 at 4:36 AM on March 2, 2019 [4 favorites]
I like the "sanitary bloomers" myself- slight overkill, but sometimes... perhaps a necessary overkill?
Fast forward to today....
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:46 AM on March 2, 2019 [3 favorites]
Fast forward to today....
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:46 AM on March 2, 2019 [3 favorites]
I am so glad guys don't menstruate. Can you imagine all the guys whining and complaining? I can because I'd be whining and bitching. It would be a nightmare. Guys are such babies.
Hello! I'm a guy, and I menstruate. Please don't say this stuff.
posted by ITheCosmos at 4:56 AM on March 2, 2019 [74 favorites]
Hello! I'm a guy, and I menstruate. Please don't say this stuff.
posted by ITheCosmos at 4:56 AM on March 2, 2019 [74 favorites]
Reading through these past decades of ads....this stuff is as weird as it is because the toxic masculinity culture cannot handle blood. Which is a normal bodily fluid.
posted by floweredfish at 5:37 AM on March 2, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by floweredfish at 5:37 AM on March 2, 2019 [2 favorites]
Toxic masculinity culture can handle blood just fine. When it's arcing in slo-mo from broken skin, and someone is screaming.
Maybe routine bleeding, borne by women as a regular annoyance, takes some of the mysticism and "cleanliness" from blood-as-symbol-for-war.
posted by pykrete jungle at 5:46 AM on March 2, 2019 [14 favorites]
Maybe routine bleeding, borne by women as a regular annoyance, takes some of the mysticism and "cleanliness" from blood-as-symbol-for-war.
posted by pykrete jungle at 5:46 AM on March 2, 2019 [14 favorites]
My mother remembers going to the little neighborhood store for the lady next door when she was a little girl. In addition to the shopping list, there was a folded-up note she was supposed to give the storekeeper. He, in turn, went behind the a counter and handed her a box wrapped in plain brown paper. Later, she found out it was sanitary pads, which weren't displayed on the store shelves.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 6:42 AM on March 2, 2019 [12 favorites]
posted by The Underpants Monster at 6:42 AM on March 2, 2019 [12 favorites]
I have a lot of trouble with the whole "oh it's so normal, stop making a big deal" mentality about menstruation. I get where people are coming from, but for me as someone who had horrific periods from the first one to the last this approach was used for years to silence me when I complained about it - "Menstruating is totally normal, stop whining!" yeah, being in intense pain that wakes you up at night and having mood swings like the worst roller coaster is totally normal, because AFAB folks are expected to be in pain, and to cover that pain and be pleasant and confident, but not too confident.
On top of that, I had intense dysphoria around menstruating and around anything remotely fertility-related. The constant reminder that I could, theoretically, get pregnant was nightmare fuel and the psychological relief of getting a hysterectomy is not something I can overstate.
Normal is relative.
posted by bile and syntax at 7:02 AM on March 2, 2019 [33 favorites]
On top of that, I had intense dysphoria around menstruating and around anything remotely fertility-related. The constant reminder that I could, theoretically, get pregnant was nightmare fuel and the psychological relief of getting a hysterectomy is not something I can overstate.
Normal is relative.
posted by bile and syntax at 7:02 AM on March 2, 2019 [33 favorites]
I mean... menstruation is like, optional, biologically, right?
One can take hormones to suppress it and nothing bad happens. This entire massive industry of pads and tampons, and all the cultural guilt and disgust around periods, and all the problematic health issues around severe periods and endometriosis....
It's just a few dudes (fuck you, dudes) who decided that people with uteruses need to bleed every month even if they didn't want to have babies, because ... they need to be reminded that they're not men? Or something?
You can bet if the patriarchy was at risk of staining their Porsche leather seats, or Brooks Brothers suits, or having to run to the bathroom to change a pad in the middle of a board meeting, or cringing from cramps, or losing days every month to extreme fatigue, every single one of them would be on a free pill or subcutaneous pellet that suppressed it.
Menstruation is natural but our society's treatment of people who menstruate is ghastly.
posted by seanmpuckett at 7:36 AM on March 2, 2019 [19 favorites]
One can take hormones to suppress it and nothing bad happens. This entire massive industry of pads and tampons, and all the cultural guilt and disgust around periods, and all the problematic health issues around severe periods and endometriosis....
It's just a few dudes (fuck you, dudes) who decided that people with uteruses need to bleed every month even if they didn't want to have babies, because ... they need to be reminded that they're not men? Or something?
You can bet if the patriarchy was at risk of staining their Porsche leather seats, or Brooks Brothers suits, or having to run to the bathroom to change a pad in the middle of a board meeting, or cringing from cramps, or losing days every month to extreme fatigue, every single one of them would be on a free pill or subcutaneous pellet that suppressed it.
Menstruation is natural but our society's treatment of people who menstruate is ghastly.
posted by seanmpuckett at 7:36 AM on March 2, 2019 [19 favorites]
bile and syntax, I hear you. Intense pain and mood swings are not normal. But calling something "weird" when it happens on the regular to 50% of humanity, is also really alienating, and leads to a lot of shame and isolation around menstruation and menstrual products, which in turn leads to under-recognition of menstrual-related problems like PMDD and endometriosis.
posted by basalganglia at 7:40 AM on March 2, 2019 [24 favorites]
posted by basalganglia at 7:40 AM on March 2, 2019 [24 favorites]
One can take hormones to suppress it and nothing bad happens.
“Nothing bad happens” in the sense that skipping periods won’t hurt you. Assuming it works (it never did for me, I always had breakthrough bleeding after the second month) and assuming that taking hormones, of itself, isn’t contraindicated.
Taking hormones helps millions of people, but it also causes tons of health problems for millions of other people. It’s not a panacea.
posted by Autumnheart at 7:41 AM on March 2, 2019 [46 favorites]
“Nothing bad happens” in the sense that skipping periods won’t hurt you. Assuming it works (it never did for me, I always had breakthrough bleeding after the second month) and assuming that taking hormones, of itself, isn’t contraindicated.
Taking hormones helps millions of people, but it also causes tons of health problems for millions of other people. It’s not a panacea.
posted by Autumnheart at 7:41 AM on March 2, 2019 [46 favorites]
One can take hormones to suppress it and nothing bad happens.
Not universally true. There are absolutely a lot of people — a majority of those who menstruate, I think — for whom hormone control is an effective and reasonable way of suppressing menstruation (and conception). But there are folks who have really bad reactions to artificial hormone regulation, or continue on a (perhaps modified) menstrual cycle nonetheless.
There's also hysterectomy, but (a) for people who wish to some day have biological children, that's not really much of an option, and (b) electively uninstalling your uterus, like uninstalling antivirus software, usually involves a million confirmations of your certainty and even then they usually come up with some reason why they can't/won't do it.
posted by jackbishop at 7:57 AM on March 2, 2019 [6 favorites]
Not universally true. There are absolutely a lot of people — a majority of those who menstruate, I think — for whom hormone control is an effective and reasonable way of suppressing menstruation (and conception). But there are folks who have really bad reactions to artificial hormone regulation, or continue on a (perhaps modified) menstrual cycle nonetheless.
There's also hysterectomy, but (a) for people who wish to some day have biological children, that's not really much of an option, and (b) electively uninstalling your uterus, like uninstalling antivirus software, usually involves a million confirmations of your certainty and even then they usually come up with some reason why they can't/won't do it.
posted by jackbishop at 7:57 AM on March 2, 2019 [6 favorites]
I was watching the new American spy show called Whiskey Cavalier the other day. The female CIA spy in the show was meeting with her male handler. The handler offered her a kit bag full of everything she would need on her next mission.The female spy opened it up and in additional the the usual spy gear (guns, passports, etc.) there was a box of tampons. It actually said tampons in big letters. (The tampons themselves looked a bit bigger than normal, but I figured maybe it was just to make it very obvious what they were supposed to be.) I was shocked that they'd include something like that in a network TV show because normally that type of thing is taboo. The female spy made a comment something to the effect of the handler always looking out for her or knowing what she needs or something. It was kind of played off as a joke.
I should have known (based on how telegraphy the rest of the show was) that this was going to become a major plot point later on in the episode. [SPOILERS AHEAD]
Later, the good spies end up in situation where they are at the mercy of a bad spy. The female spy is able to grab her tampon and throw it. Said tampon, however, is not a tampon, but a secret hidden explosive device.
So it seems that the only way "feminine paper" (as the drug store calls it) makes it onto network TV is as a weapon of destruction. That's got to be a metaphor for something.
posted by sardonyx at 7:58 AM on March 2, 2019 [18 favorites]
I should have known (based on how telegraphy the rest of the show was) that this was going to become a major plot point later on in the episode. [SPOILERS AHEAD]
Later, the good spies end up in situation where they are at the mercy of a bad spy. The female spy is able to grab her tampon and throw it. Said tampon, however, is not a tampon, but a secret hidden explosive device.
So it seems that the only way "feminine paper" (as the drug store calls it) makes it onto network TV is as a weapon of destruction. That's got to be a metaphor for something.
posted by sardonyx at 7:58 AM on March 2, 2019 [18 favorites]
Thanks for the corrected info, friends.
posted by seanmpuckett at 8:06 AM on March 2, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by seanmpuckett at 8:06 AM on March 2, 2019 [3 favorites]
My mother remembers going to the little neighborhood store for the lady next door when she was a little girl. In addition to the shopping list, there was a folded-up note she was supposed to give the storekeeper.
Heh; you've reminded me of a time I was at a drug store once, and the clerk summoned me to help with another customer; she was a little short-staffed and didn't know quite enough English to cope with his questions. The man she was trying to help explained the situation: his teenage daughter was home sick, and had asked him to get some sanitary napkins for her. But he was totally overwhelmed at the variety on offer, so he had no idea what he should get her (he tried calling her, but the resulting conversation was unhelpful and awkward for both). I gave him a little Sanitary Napkin varieties 101 lecture, patiently answered a couple of his questions about "so wait, is super-maxi better than maxi? Or is overnight better or is that the same thing as super-maxi?", and then gave him a bit of a pep talk as he selected one finally.
It actually was super-sweet, though, because even though he was an embarrassed guy trying to shop for maxi-pads, he was also clearly a father who was going to do anything at all for his girl, and was so concerned about not screwing this up (it was obvious that he was worried that if he got the wrong kind of pad it would hurt her in some way), but was absolutely determined to suck it up and do this task even though he was unsure what to do and uncomfortable and uneasy.
His daughter is probably in her 20s right now and he is probably retired, and I hope that she's doing well and that she's realized by now just how much her dad loves her.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:08 AM on March 2, 2019 [35 favorites]
Heh; you've reminded me of a time I was at a drug store once, and the clerk summoned me to help with another customer; she was a little short-staffed and didn't know quite enough English to cope with his questions. The man she was trying to help explained the situation: his teenage daughter was home sick, and had asked him to get some sanitary napkins for her. But he was totally overwhelmed at the variety on offer, so he had no idea what he should get her (he tried calling her, but the resulting conversation was unhelpful and awkward for both). I gave him a little Sanitary Napkin varieties 101 lecture, patiently answered a couple of his questions about "so wait, is super-maxi better than maxi? Or is overnight better or is that the same thing as super-maxi?", and then gave him a bit of a pep talk as he selected one finally.
It actually was super-sweet, though, because even though he was an embarrassed guy trying to shop for maxi-pads, he was also clearly a father who was going to do anything at all for his girl, and was so concerned about not screwing this up (it was obvious that he was worried that if he got the wrong kind of pad it would hurt her in some way), but was absolutely determined to suck it up and do this task even though he was unsure what to do and uncomfortable and uneasy.
His daughter is probably in her 20s right now and he is probably retired, and I hope that she's doing well and that she's realized by now just how much her dad loves her.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:08 AM on March 2, 2019 [35 favorites]
Intense pain and mood swings are not normal
To be honest, I don't think that the answer here is to say that menstruation isn't normal - it is, and reducing the shame around it would do a lot of good. I even think it would help people with medical conditions leading to painful periods, because if there was less shame, maybe there would be more awareness of what the normal range of symptoms is. Maybe more people would talk about their normal experiences, and their abnormal ones, and we'd get better at treating girls who are suffering.
As a teenager with a chronic illness, I got a lot of dismissal and skepticism too - I don't think it' the idea that menstruation is normal being the issue. I think that's a handy excuse not to take a sick girl seriously.
One can take hormones to suppress it and nothing bad happens.
Look, just because a lot of women take birth control doesn't mean that taking it is a trivial thing. It's just treated that way because it's women who are bearing the costs. Men don't like to think about that kind of thing, especially not if the cost is related to having a relationship/sex with them.
Birth control is fine (even great) for many women. It's still a major medication and personally, for me it's not worth it. It's a hassle, there are potential side effects I'd rather not risk, and my periods are currently mild.
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 8:10 AM on March 2, 2019 [30 favorites]
To be honest, I don't think that the answer here is to say that menstruation isn't normal - it is, and reducing the shame around it would do a lot of good. I even think it would help people with medical conditions leading to painful periods, because if there was less shame, maybe there would be more awareness of what the normal range of symptoms is. Maybe more people would talk about their normal experiences, and their abnormal ones, and we'd get better at treating girls who are suffering.
As a teenager with a chronic illness, I got a lot of dismissal and skepticism too - I don't think it' the idea that menstruation is normal being the issue. I think that's a handy excuse not to take a sick girl seriously.
One can take hormones to suppress it and nothing bad happens.
Look, just because a lot of women take birth control doesn't mean that taking it is a trivial thing. It's just treated that way because it's women who are bearing the costs. Men don't like to think about that kind of thing, especially not if the cost is related to having a relationship/sex with them.
Birth control is fine (even great) for many women. It's still a major medication and personally, for me it's not worth it. It's a hassle, there are potential side effects I'd rather not risk, and my periods are currently mild.
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 8:10 AM on March 2, 2019 [30 favorites]
One can take hormones to suppress it and nothing bad happens.
Spoken like someone who hasn't taken those meds and hasn't been privy to conversations about the side effects from them, which for many people are quite unpleasant. My most recent girlfriend had a pulmonary embolism from them in her early 20s and is not able to take them anymore. Another friend of mine threw a clot. Everyone, EVERYONE, complains about the weight gain. I'm not even getting into my side effects except to say that they were intolerable and I went through every pill on the market in about a year trying to find one that didn't just make things worse. This is on top of that my mom had premenopausal breast cancer, and the pills are a known risk factor. So no, this is really not a "nothing bad happens" situation.
posted by bile and syntax at 8:36 AM on March 2, 2019 [24 favorites]
Spoken like someone who hasn't taken those meds and hasn't been privy to conversations about the side effects from them, which for many people are quite unpleasant. My most recent girlfriend had a pulmonary embolism from them in her early 20s and is not able to take them anymore. Another friend of mine threw a clot. Everyone, EVERYONE, complains about the weight gain. I'm not even getting into my side effects except to say that they were intolerable and I went through every pill on the market in about a year trying to find one that didn't just make things worse. This is on top of that my mom had premenopausal breast cancer, and the pills are a known risk factor. So no, this is really not a "nothing bad happens" situation.
posted by bile and syntax at 8:36 AM on March 2, 2019 [24 favorites]
It's hard to talk about uterus-haver health stuff in the right way because of centuries of oppression, basically. Whether birth control works for a person or not, it's constantly under threat of being taken away, so our focus tends to be there.
Menstruation supplies are not under threat, but they are unfairly taxed and almost never provided free and should be.
posted by emjaybee at 8:45 AM on March 2, 2019 [2 favorites]
Menstruation supplies are not under threat, but they are unfairly taxed and almost never provided free and should be.
posted by emjaybee at 8:45 AM on March 2, 2019 [2 favorites]
I mean... menstruation is like, optional, biologically, right?
One can take hormones to suppress it and nothing bad happens
men are, also, fully capable of taking hormones to regulate certain physical aspects of the body and their moods up or down, for health or for pleasure, and "nothing bad happens" except when it does. you decide the risk you are willing to take and the unpleasantness you are willing to endure or inflict on others. men and women are subject to very different expectations regarding what we ought to do to our bodies to spare ourselves and other people the side effects of our own unaltered hormones.
of course it is supposed to be all for our own comfort, not other people's. and lot of women do like to use medication to suppress their periods, because they want to. but no women like to be told to stop hitting ourselves, why are we hitting ourselves, if we do not do that. some women think that depression is worse than cramps. other women think that eradicating their sexual life is worse than having to pay for tampons. if you don't know that for huge numbers of women, those are the choices available, you should not be making recommendations on the topic.
anyone making the indiscriminate suggestion of hormone therapy to a vast and diverse population should know a little more about what hormones do.
posted by queenofbithynia at 9:09 AM on March 2, 2019 [26 favorites]
Every birth control pill I've tried (and there have been a lot) has worsened my migraines, depression, or both. Perhaps some women can accept week-long crippling headaches or having to force themselves out of bed with "you're not really suicidal, it's just hormonal, go take a shower and trust that it will pass" as side effects but I am not one of them.
posted by Flannery Culp at 9:16 AM on March 2, 2019 [10 favorites]
posted by Flannery Culp at 9:16 AM on March 2, 2019 [10 favorites]
Again, please, as stated up above - there are men and non-binary people who menstruate. It is not just women. Please, everyone, be inclusive and don't assume that everyone who menstruates identifies as a woman, or that all women menstruate.
posted by bile and syntax at 9:24 AM on March 2, 2019 [18 favorites]
posted by bile and syntax at 9:24 AM on March 2, 2019 [18 favorites]
still fascinated by the deep denial behind the 'blue liquid' used in those vaguely worded ads...
I am a menstruator, a lucky one, I've had an easy time and the pill works well for me. but I have known many menstruating people who a) cannot tolerate any hormonal bc b) suffer gruesomely every month.
a) this is why we need a wide range of safe contraceptive and cycle-modifying/supporting products and medicines!
b) an open conversation around menstruation and what is 'normal' could really help for those experiencing 'not normal' symptoms. why on earth did it take 15 years of terrible suffering for my friend to be diagnosed with endo???
if I had known at 20 what I know at 50 I would have considered a career in medicine just to be an advocate and a compassionate presence to HEAR and LISTEN and SEE women, POC, obese patients, people suffering through bad menstrual symptoms, LGBTQ and trans people. apparently Kaiser offers the choice of trans and poly understanding and sympathetic doctors for people to choose, which I think is really awesome.
posted by supermedusa at 11:21 AM on March 2, 2019 [8 favorites]
I am a menstruator, a lucky one, I've had an easy time and the pill works well for me. but I have known many menstruating people who a) cannot tolerate any hormonal bc b) suffer gruesomely every month.
a) this is why we need a wide range of safe contraceptive and cycle-modifying/supporting products and medicines!
b) an open conversation around menstruation and what is 'normal' could really help for those experiencing 'not normal' symptoms. why on earth did it take 15 years of terrible suffering for my friend to be diagnosed with endo???
if I had known at 20 what I know at 50 I would have considered a career in medicine just to be an advocate and a compassionate presence to HEAR and LISTEN and SEE women, POC, obese patients, people suffering through bad menstrual symptoms, LGBTQ and trans people. apparently Kaiser offers the choice of trans and poly understanding and sympathetic doctors for people to choose, which I think is really awesome.
posted by supermedusa at 11:21 AM on March 2, 2019 [8 favorites]
After my hysterectomy, I made great note that I could now wear white pants ANY TIME I WANTED.
posted by rmd1023 at 11:33 AM on March 2, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by rmd1023 at 11:33 AM on March 2, 2019 [3 favorites]
I read Inga Muscio’s book Cunt when I was really coming into my own feminism (8th grade) and it led me to have a deep appreciation for my period, which I got very young. I never painted pictures with my menstrual blood or fertilized houseplants with it like Inga, but I tried my best to stop thinking of my period as a burden or a curse. It really helped me get through some intense cramps and I think viewing my own body as an ally is what has led me to be such a fierce protector of my body at large (pun intended as a large woman).
In my late 20’s my periods weren’t as regular and I could chart flat out exhaustion and crippling anxiety as a sign of my impending period. At that time (and currently) I wasn’t sleeping with anyone who could get my pregnant but doctors really wanted to put me on birth control to help with that. I tried around four different kinds and it really messed me up and the risk of blood clots was really worrisome to me so I gave up.
It’s been hard to feel warm or even neutral about my period because of that. But the past two years, my hormones got out of whack and I stopped having regular periods and eventually found a doctor who treated me with respect and we were able to get a diagnosis of endometrial hyperplasia. I don’t have the kind that greatly increases my cancer risk but it is elevated. My treatment plan included an IUD to help balance my estrogen with progesterone. I just had it put in and I was suicidal two days after, though thankfully I could talk to my partner about it and stay safe. I’ve been having cramps ever since and orgasms are painful. And yet when I was researching IUDs the thing that everyone kept saying would be so wonderful is the shorter or fully absent periods. I want my regular periods back and this device out of my body. I don’t want to not have a period, I want to not think about killing myself when my hormones go crazy.
I’m struck that for many folks with uteruses who haven’t gone through menopause your period is a welcome sign of health (I don’t mean this to apply to everyone, for example my partner has had a hysterectomy.) It means you’re eating enough calories, that your stress isn’t sky high, that you’re not pregnant, that your hormones are working as they should. I wish we were more excited about periods and that the solution to everything wasn’t to erase the experience of having them as much as possible or eliminate them completely. At the same time we also need to be sure we don’t judge anyone who isn’t having them but is capable of having them currently because of birth control or other reasons. (And also health isn’t a moral obligation.)
All this is to say that I don’t find mainstream tampon or pad ads any better these days but I don’t know what tone I want from them. I don’t want to see thin young models wearing platform boots (Tampax) or edgy hipsters wearing $40 period panties (Thinx). I also feel pandered to in advertising or by men anywhere who are commiserating with how periods can by painful or inconvenient. This all gets my hackles up.
Also I would like to never hear the word hygiene in relationship to menstruation again. I unabashedly love the squishy clots or stringy nature of period blood, used to love having sex with someone on their period because the way their cervix feels and how beautiful the blood was, and though I don’t wear menstrual cups anymore because I spent too much money finding one that feels comfy and doesn’t leak, I really liked seeing the accumulated blood.
Before I got my IUD put in, my friends who have them told me I’d probably bleed a lot for awhile, and I read that chasteberry helps reduce that bleeding post-insertion so I started taking it a few weeks before my insertion. It’s powerful stuff and helps regulate your cycle. I hadn’t gotten a period for four months at that point but within two weeks of taking it I got what was for me a total normal period like I got when I was younger. I cried in happiness. I wonder if it’s the last period I will get like that. If this IUD doesn’t help the hyperplasia my next step is apparently a hysterectomy.
posted by the thorn bushes have roses at 1:24 PM on March 2, 2019 [5 favorites]
In my late 20’s my periods weren’t as regular and I could chart flat out exhaustion and crippling anxiety as a sign of my impending period. At that time (and currently) I wasn’t sleeping with anyone who could get my pregnant but doctors really wanted to put me on birth control to help with that. I tried around four different kinds and it really messed me up and the risk of blood clots was really worrisome to me so I gave up.
It’s been hard to feel warm or even neutral about my period because of that. But the past two years, my hormones got out of whack and I stopped having regular periods and eventually found a doctor who treated me with respect and we were able to get a diagnosis of endometrial hyperplasia. I don’t have the kind that greatly increases my cancer risk but it is elevated. My treatment plan included an IUD to help balance my estrogen with progesterone. I just had it put in and I was suicidal two days after, though thankfully I could talk to my partner about it and stay safe. I’ve been having cramps ever since and orgasms are painful. And yet when I was researching IUDs the thing that everyone kept saying would be so wonderful is the shorter or fully absent periods. I want my regular periods back and this device out of my body. I don’t want to not have a period, I want to not think about killing myself when my hormones go crazy.
I’m struck that for many folks with uteruses who haven’t gone through menopause your period is a welcome sign of health (I don’t mean this to apply to everyone, for example my partner has had a hysterectomy.) It means you’re eating enough calories, that your stress isn’t sky high, that you’re not pregnant, that your hormones are working as they should. I wish we were more excited about periods and that the solution to everything wasn’t to erase the experience of having them as much as possible or eliminate them completely. At the same time we also need to be sure we don’t judge anyone who isn’t having them but is capable of having them currently because of birth control or other reasons. (And also health isn’t a moral obligation.)
All this is to say that I don’t find mainstream tampon or pad ads any better these days but I don’t know what tone I want from them. I don’t want to see thin young models wearing platform boots (Tampax) or edgy hipsters wearing $40 period panties (Thinx). I also feel pandered to in advertising or by men anywhere who are commiserating with how periods can by painful or inconvenient. This all gets my hackles up.
Also I would like to never hear the word hygiene in relationship to menstruation again. I unabashedly love the squishy clots or stringy nature of period blood, used to love having sex with someone on their period because the way their cervix feels and how beautiful the blood was, and though I don’t wear menstrual cups anymore because I spent too much money finding one that feels comfy and doesn’t leak, I really liked seeing the accumulated blood.
Before I got my IUD put in, my friends who have them told me I’d probably bleed a lot for awhile, and I read that chasteberry helps reduce that bleeding post-insertion so I started taking it a few weeks before my insertion. It’s powerful stuff and helps regulate your cycle. I hadn’t gotten a period for four months at that point but within two weeks of taking it I got what was for me a total normal period like I got when I was younger. I cried in happiness. I wonder if it’s the last period I will get like that. If this IUD doesn’t help the hyperplasia my next step is apparently a hysterectomy.
posted by the thorn bushes have roses at 1:24 PM on March 2, 2019 [5 favorites]
I am lucky and i know i am, as in i am one of those uterus havers whose period is like clockwork and mostly pain free. I am also totally NOT squemish about blood.
Ans maybe because i am lucky, i get annoyed with people that get embarrass by periods and how you may talk to your girlfriends about them but not to men, poor fragile souls.
Last weekend i had a swordfighting competition, and as i was waiting for my turn i felt the menstrual cup SHIFT. Panic. I did not have the time to run to the toilet to fix it, so i just did a little twerk dance in a corner trying to reset. One of the competition judges looked at me bewildered.
- What are you doing?
Now, i did think for like two seconds about lieing, but f that. I know for a fact that he has a wife and two daughters, so he can totally handle periods. So i told him, my cup has moved.
He did not speak to me for the rest of the event. Don't care. His problem, not mine
posted by thegirlwiththehat at 2:03 PM on March 2, 2019 [25 favorites]
Ans maybe because i am lucky, i get annoyed with people that get embarrass by periods and how you may talk to your girlfriends about them but not to men, poor fragile souls.
Last weekend i had a swordfighting competition, and as i was waiting for my turn i felt the menstrual cup SHIFT. Panic. I did not have the time to run to the toilet to fix it, so i just did a little twerk dance in a corner trying to reset. One of the competition judges looked at me bewildered.
- What are you doing?
Now, i did think for like two seconds about lieing, but f that. I know for a fact that he has a wife and two daughters, so he can totally handle periods. So i told him, my cup has moved.
He did not speak to me for the rest of the event. Don't care. His problem, not mine
posted by thegirlwiththehat at 2:03 PM on March 2, 2019 [25 favorites]
After my hysterectomy, I made great note that I could now wear white pants ANY TIME I WANTED.
I can't really imagine wearing white pants, but I switched to boxer briefs after mine. So amazing, they never crawl up my ass like the underwear marketed for women always did.
posted by bile and syntax at 4:33 PM on March 2, 2019 [4 favorites]
I can't really imagine wearing white pants, but I switched to boxer briefs after mine. So amazing, they never crawl up my ass like the underwear marketed for women always did.
posted by bile and syntax at 4:33 PM on March 2, 2019 [4 favorites]
i trained pretty seriously in a martial art throughout my 30's. My uniform was white. I really want to say something poetic and meaningful here, but basically, I knew what I had to do and just got it done. Thank you o.b. tampons . . . . you never failed me.
posted by augustinetill at 4:36 PM on March 2, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by augustinetill at 4:36 PM on March 2, 2019 [2 favorites]
trained pretty seriously in a martial art throughout my 30's. My uniform was white. I was all about the sports leggings under my uniform for many reasons, but being certain of never bleeding through onto my dobok was certainly prominent.
posted by TwoStride at 5:01 PM on March 2, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by TwoStride at 5:01 PM on March 2, 2019 [1 favorite]
I can't really imagine wearing white pants
Oh, me either. It was more the freedom to do so after years of oddly scheduled menstruation with SURPRISE BLOOD at various inopportune times. I didn't want to, BUT I COULD!
posted by rmd1023 at 7:02 AM on March 3, 2019 [1 favorite]
Oh, me either. It was more the freedom to do so after years of oddly scheduled menstruation with SURPRISE BLOOD at various inopportune times. I didn't want to, BUT I COULD!
posted by rmd1023 at 7:02 AM on March 3, 2019 [1 favorite]
One can take hormones to suppress it and nothing bad happens.
This was true for me, up until it wasn't. And let me tell you how very delightful it was that the failure mode for my body handling artificial hormones was to grow an 8 cm liver tumor, which, while itself benign, had a 20% chance of exploding and a 10% chance of deciding it wanted to be cancer suddenly, and either way I ended up getting a liver resection, spending a week in the hospital and two months at home recovering, and now I have a 6-inch scar and a copper IUD that gives me excruciatingly painful periods plus also a new superpower of being able to bleed through a tampon in as little as 60 minutes.
So. Yeah. Maybe reconsider that assessment.
Fun fact! My mom had the exact same tumor and surgery with the exact same cause, but all my gynecologists said it was totally safe and fine for me to take birth control pills! Such a great way to learn they were wrong!
posted by athenasbanquet at 10:04 AM on March 3, 2019 [9 favorites]
This was true for me, up until it wasn't. And let me tell you how very delightful it was that the failure mode for my body handling artificial hormones was to grow an 8 cm liver tumor, which, while itself benign, had a 20% chance of exploding and a 10% chance of deciding it wanted to be cancer suddenly, and either way I ended up getting a liver resection, spending a week in the hospital and two months at home recovering, and now I have a 6-inch scar and a copper IUD that gives me excruciatingly painful periods plus also a new superpower of being able to bleed through a tampon in as little as 60 minutes.
So. Yeah. Maybe reconsider that assessment.
Fun fact! My mom had the exact same tumor and surgery with the exact same cause, but all my gynecologists said it was totally safe and fine for me to take birth control pills! Such a great way to learn they were wrong!
posted by athenasbanquet at 10:04 AM on March 3, 2019 [9 favorites]
This article takes me back to the astonishment that I, a boy, felt when the protagonist in 'Are You There, God, It's Me, Margaret' had to strap on a "sanitary napkin belt". A bit of body horror, really.
posted by JamesBay at 10:49 AM on March 3, 2019
posted by JamesBay at 10:49 AM on March 3, 2019
On a broader scale, bleeding is in fact pretty darn weird. Beyond primates, it is known only in bats and the elephant shrew. Other placental mammals apparently manage to reabsorb their endometrium each cycle rather than bleeding it out.
posted by heatherlogan at 12:26 PM on March 3, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by heatherlogan at 12:26 PM on March 3, 2019 [3 favorites]
There's also hysterectomy, but
I totally would, with a do over and a little enough future knowledge to put myself through med school without loans, would specialize in non robotic hysterectomies and endometriosis research. And all other aspects of uterine health under attack at the moment.
I’d just about talked myself back into hysto-shopping when the new warnings against robotic assist surgery came out (after the mortecellation stuff finally got mostly taken off market). After a near miss with Essure (so glad they couldn’t place) and series of pill-associated blood clot worry pregnancies, I’m even more than convinced there is a lot we still need to figure out and start sciencing the sh*t out of.
posted by tilde at 7:16 PM on March 3, 2019 [3 favorites]
« Older So pour a shot in my glass and I'll forget forever | Katherine Helmond, star of "Soap," and "Who's the... Newer »
This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
posted by bendy at 7:07 PM on March 1, 2019 [10 favorites]