"She advised the deputy that she was fine."
March 6, 2019 10:51 PM   Subscribe

Police logs of Port Townsend. (SLYT, very safe for work.)
posted by loquacious (19 comments total) 18 users marked this as a favorite
Pfft the guy lying half naked covered in flowers: "no crime had been committed"
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 11:05 PM on March 6, 2019 [1 favorite]

This is quality content at a very high level of execution. A+ would click again.
posted by prismatic7 at 11:06 PM on March 6, 2019 [3 favorites]

To lightly repurpose the previous FPP: They're a snapshot of a time & a place; witty, irreverent po-faced, all evocative of a hardscrabble easygoing life in the big smallish city.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 11:37 PM on March 6, 2019 [1 favorite]

A couple of them seemed like they might be tragic if you knew the backstory.

But still funny.
posted by alexei at 11:48 PM on March 6, 2019 [1 favorite]

Just 'cause they're tragic doesn't mean they're not also hilarious
posted by aubilenon at 12:20 AM on March 7, 2019 [3 favorites]

If you enjoyed this, you might like lelilo's Bar Harbor Police Beat.
posted by MtDewd at 1:02 AM on March 7, 2019

NOTICE: No otters were harmed in the making of this video.
posted by scalefree at 2:43 AM on March 7, 2019

Looks around in a weird way.
posted by nubs at 4:44 AM on March 7, 2019 [1 favorite]

I can hardly wait for the next episode, when the otter comes back as a vigilante fighting against a corrupt system.
posted by slkinsey at 7:07 AM on March 7, 2019

I wonder if the tradition of repurposing people's police calls for public amusement is overall a social good.
posted by Baeria at 7:17 AM on March 7, 2019 [1 favorite]

Stop harassing recumbent Americans!!!
posted by es_de_bah at 8:26 AM on March 7, 2019 [1 favorite]

I’m pretty sure that the skateboard bike guy and the purple flower guy are both loquacious.

Possibly the otter too.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 8:29 AM on March 7, 2019 [8 favorites]

I want to know more about the woman who set up a bedroom on the docks and told the officer she was "just resting". I hope it was art or a prank and not homelessness.
posted by ook at 8:58 AM on March 7, 2019

Who does not want a bedroom on a dock by water?

But yeah, hope she's OK.

The reclining flower guy and sandwich eaters are also groovy.
posted by NorthernLite at 9:39 AM on March 7, 2019 [1 favorite]

I miss Police Log Comics.
posted by Scattercat at 10:12 AM on March 7, 2019

I’m pretty sure that the skateboard bike guy and the purple flower guy are both loquacious.

Nah, I'm considered fairly normal and boring around here and I like it like that. People think I have my shit together. Hahahaha.

I have an idea about who the bike-skateboard guy might be. He's a sweetheart but has some problems, like he likes to get into fights and get his ass kicked for some inexplicable reason.

And I have no idea what naked flower dude was thinking. It's usually way too cold around here for that. I've honestly never, ever seen anyone actually sunbathing around here. Going to the beach and into the water generally involves a wetsuit. There's maybe one week a year where it's hot enough to jump in the water without one or actually go swimming. Unless you're one of those polar bear weirdos, but they're rare.

And if it was actually sunny enough, if I did that it's be like toasting bacon with a nearby nuclear explosion. I'd take off my shirt and there would be a flash and a puff of smoke as my skin vaporized.

The city dock bedroom probably wasn't someone homeless. It's a little too involved for our local homeless and hobos, though I've seen people set up camp right in town many times. Nor do I think it is an art project. Rather it was likely it was one of the residents from the Admiralty building, which is a lovely little vintage low income apartment building. I could totally see one of the older hippies that lives in that building dragging their whole bedroom right out on the dock for a nice sleep outside.

I have set up my hammock on the same dock to read a book and have a siesta. The main problem with doing this is that if the weather is nice enough for this, it's also tourist season. And people are compelled to state the obvious like "Well, you look comfy!" or "Nice hammock!" or whatever, which gets irritating after about the 12 iteration and you can't even keep your headphones on for a full song or read more than a page before someone wants to interact with you, even though you obviously have headphones on and your nose deep in a book and you're like cocooned deep into a hammock.

I still do this, but I have secret spots where I can sling my hammock up underneath a dock so I don't get bugged as much.

As for otters? The river otters around here are remarkably aggressive and large. They're basically pirates and the trash pandas of the sea. They will cruise right through downtown. I think they're amazing and totally awesome and adorable but I've also had a lot of encounters with them on the docks in the harbor where they'll haul out and have a big messy lunch of crabs or mussels right on the dock and they'll stand their ground with a lot of growling, hissing and haunch-raising if you even think of trying to pass before they're done with lunch or back in the water for seconds.

The town do be like this, though. It's genuinely this quirky, bucolic, peaceful and relaxed.

That being said - this town isn't exactly entirely easy going retired hippies. It has a long history as a rough, wild frontier and port town. Almost all of the people I know are as tough as nails and very scrappy. A significant portion of the town readily identifies with pirates or directly as a pirate themselves.

Many people live on boats or otherwise have hard working and playing lives. They're worldly and well traveled, they're not just simple country folk that never left home or never saw or lived in a big city. A really common refrain around here and sort of cultural badge of honor is the people who have traveled the world and have chosen to come back to stay or call it home base.

A major fraction of the demographic around here has to chop wood, haul water and other everyday country living tasks. A lot of people work in the harbor doing boat overhauls, which is some of the toughest, most dangerous work out there short of logging and deep sea crabbing. I know a few women who work in the boatyards and they're tough as cinders.

And so there have been a bunch of incidents where some Navy kid on leave, dudebro tourist or some uptight right-leaning redneck has tried to start shit in a local bar and they've always been really surprised when the whole bar stands up and a bunch of nerds, hippies and weirdos are ready to throw down and defend themselves or a friend.

I am not too proud to say that I find their sudden confusion and "I've made a horrible mistake" reactions deliciously entertaining, like the thought never crossed their mind that they were the only stranger in the bar - that everyone else around them knew each other quite well. Especially when it dawns on them that none of these pissed off people are the type that calls the cops to solve their problems.

So far they've backed down every time because there's usually like 20+ suddenly very angry and unchill people telling them to get the fuck out of the bar or even the whole town.

We're all real friendly until someone starts trying to mess with one of our family or starts flinging hate speech or other bullshit around, or generally spoil the peace we're here to enjoy.

And I like this part of the town just fine. If it was all excessively mellow hippies I wouldn't be able to stand it here. The people around here have surprisingly strong backbones and know how to work hard and play hard.
posted by loquacious at 12:23 PM on March 7, 2019 [17 favorites]

loquacious I bet we have half a dozen acquaintances in common.
posted by Mei's lost sandal at 6:03 PM on March 7, 2019

"Two adults and three children chased a duck, with a stick, on Branch Street": Scott Carrier reads from Central Vermont police logs on Rumble Strip Vermont.
posted by baseballpajamas at 7:51 PM on March 7, 2019

This reminded me of a similar video from a few years back. I can't for the life of me find it though. Anybody remember it?
posted by ambulocetus at 2:03 PM on March 8, 2019

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