Every decision my kids made me make in one day
March 31, 2019 4:12 PM   Subscribe

I decided to write down every question that required a decision that my two kids asked me during a single day.
posted by Foci for Analysis (76 comments total) 43 users marked this as a favorite
 
Can we listen to bouncy music instead of this podcast about the Mueller investigation while we make breakfast?

If only the answer was “yes,” children, if only.
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:16 PM on March 31, 2019 [35 favorites]


Oh god, I could never have kids. My job is constant questions being asked allllllll day, except they are very complicated ones, and if I had to come home to listen to all of this all day after that, I fear what would happen.
posted by jenfullmoon at 4:26 PM on March 31, 2019 [25 favorites]


My job is constant questions being asked allllllll day

This is my job too, and I have a six year old. Pray for me.
posted by soren_lorensen at 4:34 PM on March 31, 2019 [44 favorites]


AskMe: Where do I put the pan that has the food in it?
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:36 PM on March 31, 2019 [4 favorites]


I was actually expecting there to be more questions. I’m not even kidding. My kids have so many questions they’ve started asking Siri too, (Siri what does a skeleton look like? Siri, tell me a joke!) which gives me a break but also kind of makes me feel bad because shouldn’t I be teaching them about skeletons? Then they ask me where farts come from and I don’t feel bad anymore, go ask Siri.
posted by Jubey at 4:37 PM on March 31, 2019 [42 favorites]


We have an assertive toddler and the idea that he will someday ask permission before doing something just seems like mad science fiction

Bring on the questions please
posted by phooky at 4:41 PM on March 31, 2019 [38 favorites]


Can I play on your phone until you wake up?

How did this require a decision "no, if you were old enough for a phone you'd already have one".
posted by Brockles at 4:45 PM on March 31, 2019 [3 favorites]


Will you pre-chew my gumball since it is too large to fit in my mouth?

ಠ_ಠ
posted by Anonymous at 4:45 PM on March 31, 2019


I like the inline interpreter action but I would also have been delighted to hear the verbatim versions.
posted by hwestiii at 4:47 PM on March 31, 2019 [3 favorites]


How did this require a decision "no, if you were old enough for a phone you'd already have one".

The decision on a lot of these isn't "Which of these choices is most sensible?" but "Given that the totally sensible choice isn't what my kid wants, do I have the energy to assert Yet Another boundary?"
posted by nebulawindphone at 4:51 PM on March 31, 2019 [98 favorites]


Surprised to not see something like "Why are you taking notes on everything we say?"
posted by exogenous at 4:51 PM on March 31, 2019 [8 favorites]


sigh - just imagine that instead of the kid asking you, you have to ask the kid and she repeats what you say, so you have to keep asking until you're sure you have an answer - unless she doesn't answer at all

well, 15 years later, she will ask questions - the problem is, most of them are "did you see that sparrow?" - "what was that sound?" (another sparrow) - other repetitive obsessive questions she is concerned with ... over and over, all day ...

repeat tomorrow and the next day and ...

welcome to autistic parenting - although sometimes she does ask questions like the one in the article - it took a long time for that to happen
posted by pyramid termite at 4:54 PM on March 31, 2019 [17 favorites]


Though now that I've rtfa, the questions I tend to get are of a different sort. I don't get nearly as many "can I..." and "how do I..." questions, I think because I'm a terrible parent and have raised a rude child who doesn't ask nicely. (Sorry, fellow earthlings, I'm really trying my best here.) But I do get a thousand billion unending questions about what's that thing, how does this work, why isn't there this thing instead of that thing, what is the exact, precise nature of this chemical/life form/cultural artifact. Which actually more closely parallels my job in tech support which is less decision-making/permission-granting and more "Explain! EXPLAIIIIN!"

I'm very tired
posted by soren_lorensen at 4:54 PM on March 31, 2019 [32 favorites]


I love the first comment after the list of questions.
posted by njohnson23 at 5:08 PM on March 31, 2019 [10 favorites]


This is also a fun exercise for teachers.

I'm definitely not disappointed the weekend is over and I get to manage 31-teenager classes. No, sirree.
posted by thegears at 5:11 PM on March 31, 2019 [6 favorites]


Cats are so much simpler:

Will you feed me?

Will you feed me now?

Will you feed me now?

Will you feed me now?

Can I go into this room?

The door blew shut, can I come out of this room?

Can I have a treat, because I came out of the room?

Can I have another treat?

Can I have a third treat?

I cannot find the third treat. (Implied: Can I have a fourth treat?)

Can I go into this other room?

Something may have happened in the first room. (Implied: Can I go back into the first room?)

Will you feed me again?

Will you feed me again now?

Will you feed me again now?

Will you feed me again now?

I am going to take a shit. (Implied: Do you want to stay in this room while I shit?)
posted by turbid dahlia at 5:17 PM on March 31, 2019 [98 favorites]


Every night before I tuck my almost-6-year-old into bed, we have a ritual that I think she invented, informally called "One question?" She gets to pick one thing that has really given her pause during the day, and I get to explain (from memory! no cheating looking it up on your phone, dad!) some arcane corner of the world that puzzles her. The whole practice is absurd on its face--she asks a thousand questions every day, about anything that pops into her head, testing my ability to recurse on small details ad infinitum. Why is chlorophyll green? Because that's what color it is, love--we'll ask my friend Laura about it some day, she's a scientist, she'll know the real reason. (Rest assured, Laura: that question will be asked and answered within five minutes of your next meeting with her, however many weeks or months from now that might be)

Anyway, we don't have a lot of rituals that are consistent, amongst the chaos of two children under six and two working parents, but we've managed to maintain this one. Tooth-brushing or clothes-wearing can be forgiven when things get too hectic, or when she gets sick, but One Question? For no reason shall it ever be forsaken. Recent subjects of discussion include: how cotton fabric is manufactured; why crayons get smaller when you use them; how big the planets are relative to how far apart they are; why curse words are forbidden in polite society; what do you get when you subdivide {molecules, atoms, subatomic particles, quarks, strings} into their constituent pieces; why is Donald Trump STILL president, it's been like two years?

So: yes, my question list today looked a lot like this, but she also stared wonderingly into the sky and made me explain nuclear fusion to her ("why is the the sun so bright EVERY TIME it comes out from behind the clouds?"), based on 20-year-old recollections of high school coursework and the occasional refresher course from PhysicsMatt.

All of which to say: yes decision fatigue is real, and yes raising children is exhausting and full of inane questions you have to devote precious mental energy to answering, but sometimes you just have to look for the diamond in the rough, and remember that in ten years, ain't no way that kid's going to be asking you to button her sweater for her.
posted by Mayor West at 5:22 PM on March 31, 2019 [64 favorites]


Similarly, but at least those people are getting paid.
posted by The corpse in the library at 5:26 PM on March 31, 2019


9: “We met Lori Lightfoot when we were in Chinatown yesterday. Who is she? Why do people not like her?“
13: “Can I set up a Minecraft server on a raspberry pi? What version of Linux should I use? Why is this version not working? How do I set it up on the router?”

The questions may have a more constant when they were younger, but they were certainly easier to answer.
posted by debgpi at 5:26 PM on March 31, 2019 [12 favorites]


If I was a human being but didn't have any autonomy about what happens or when I'd be asking all of these same questions basically non stop of whoever was in charge. I think the way we have set up modern life where only one or two parents has full charge over their kids all day every day (minus school) is bad for kids and bad for parents.
posted by bleep at 5:27 PM on March 31, 2019 [12 favorites]


We have an assertive toddler and the idea that he will someday ask permission before doing something just seems like mad science fiction

Please bear in mind that your answer may have little to no bearing on the actual outcome of any given question-asking situation.
posted by ryanshepard at 5:28 PM on March 31, 2019 [14 favorites]


welcome to autistic parenting

Ha! My 14-year-old is on the autism spectrum, as it relates to this article this demonstrates itself anytime there is music playing in the car:

* What does (name of song) mean?
* Have you heard this song before?
* What year did this song come out?
* Were you in (high school/college/Living with [name of old roommate]) when this song came out?
* Is (singer or anyone in the band) dead?
posted by The Gooch at 5:37 PM on March 31, 2019 [19 favorites]


All of this is my life except that it mostly goes like this

- Mama?
- yes, sweetie?
- Mama?!
- yes, I’m right here, what is it?
- Mama???
- yes, what?
- MAMA??!!
- goddamit what do you need just fucking tell me WHAT

except I think the last bit very loudly.
posted by lydhre at 5:49 PM on March 31, 2019 [31 favorites]


The response that I learned from a friend that has helped me in most situations is "Yes, just not right now." But I had easily 5 times this many questions when my kid was between 3 and 7.
posted by Ashwagandha at 6:03 PM on March 31, 2019 [1 favorite]


I shouldn't have been surprised, but the Mueller podcast question was just as relevant in the 2018 edition.
posted by Monochrome at 6:10 PM on March 31, 2019 [1 favorite]


Not the same thing, but this reminded so much of a game our family used to play when we were much younger. Essentially an exquisite corpse constructed by writing down everything that everyone in the room said as quick as you could, but necessarily missing or garbling words and sentences by dint of the self-appointed scribe being unable to keep up. The first you knew of the fact you were "playing" the game was the fact that someone had been surprisingly quiet for a good five minutes, prompting the question "You're not writing down everything we say, are you?" at which point the piece was read out to general hilarity.
posted by I'm always feeling, Blue at 6:18 PM on March 31, 2019 [29 favorites]


Should have kept that to myself and made my millions with a LOL Lossy Recorder app for iPhones and smart tellies.
posted by I'm always feeling, Blue at 6:27 PM on March 31, 2019 [3 favorites]


This is, for me, like many of you MeFites and spiders. I am just not going to voluntarily retraumatize myself here. IOW, nope.
posted by drlith at 6:42 PM on March 31, 2019 [8 favorites]


Every day for the last few weeks as we drive to daycare, the 2 year old person in the back begins: "what you doing Mom?". Then I answer eleventy million times about how "I am taking a bath" or "flying a plane" or "hitting a home-run" to which they answer "oh no", until I say "I am driving you to school". Then they say without a missed beat - "what you doing Mom?". For 10 minutes or so each morning, I like to think I am in some sort of Nick Jr Samuel Beckett play. Only bleaker.
posted by recklessbrother at 6:53 PM on March 31, 2019 [49 favorites]


I have an 18 year old son with ADHD (as well other conditions). The questions change, but it's still kinda relentless. This morning: "Where are my pants?", "Can you dry them?", "How do I dry them?", "Will they dry in time?", "Can I wear them wet?"... sigh
posted by greenhornet at 7:00 PM on March 31, 2019 [10 favorites]


It's also important to remember that each decision is usually attached to an entire decision tree with lots of other questions that need to be answered before the decision can be made. Like, "can I have some ice cream for dessert?" needs thinking about: did he eat well for dinner? When did he last eat ice cream? Is he sick, or going to fall sick? Do we have ice cream in the freezer? Is it a flavour he likes? Is there something else he was supposed to have after dinner instead that needs to be eaten tonight? Is his sister going to demand ice cream too? What is the answer to all the above questions, but for her? Is there any hard liquor left at home?
posted by destrius at 7:17 PM on March 31, 2019 [31 favorites]


We encourage our son's creative spirit, so it is a not stop barrage of What If? questions usually beginning "Imagine if..."

It's fine at first, but goddamn if I'm tired of hearing about a variety T-Rex's bite strengths vs Superman.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 7:19 PM on March 31, 2019 [14 favorites]


Also, as somebody mentioned above, if the answer is going to be no, then a whole slew of new questions arise: is he going to have a meltdown (this is usually quite easy to answer), do I have the energy to deal with the meltdown? Do I have the time to spend dealing with it? Are there going to be other, more important battles today that I should save my energy (and his limited emotional control) on instead? If so, how can I give in to him without compromising parenting consistency? Can I come up with a clever "just this once" special case argument that makes it clear to him why I'm giving in today, and today only? Am I sure he won't figure out a way to game this new exception to the rules?
posted by destrius at 7:42 PM on March 31, 2019 [15 favorites]


Ha! My 14-year-old is on the autism spectrum, as it relates to this article this demonstrates itself anytime there is music playing in the car

I find myself suddenly the parent of an autistic 11 year old. There's a real comfort that comes from being reminded that my son is normal, for his value of normal.
posted by wotsac at 8:24 PM on March 31, 2019 [6 favorites]


My daughter always starts with, "Mama? Can I ask you a question?" I occasionally say, "No, thanks." But she just asks anyway.

Every now and then I say, "Questions are closed for the day. Try again tomorrow."
posted by amanda at 8:33 PM on March 31, 2019 [21 favorites]


My 12-year old at some point acquired the habit of opening new lines of inquiry with "Question," followed by whatever it is she's asking about. It gives even casual conversation a bit of a "FBI interrogation" feel.
posted by feckless at 9:18 PM on March 31, 2019 [41 favorites]


They missed the part where “Can we go to the store for candy?” usually is followed by “no” and then you get 28 more variations of the same question, one of which might just get a “yes” out of me because just fucking make it stop.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 9:36 PM on March 31, 2019 [8 favorites]


...my father dealt with decision fatigue by saying yes to pretty much everything, which is how my brothers and I ended up taking turns rolling down the steep hill we grew up on inside an aluminum trash can.
I think we've all had days like that.
posted by Margalo Epps at 9:37 PM on March 31, 2019 [12 favorites]


…acquired the habit of opening new lines of inquiry with "Question…

Haha this delights me because written like that it just sounds so charmingly formal, but I just know I'd never be able to restrain myself from always doing my best androgynous android impressive by leaning forward, tilting my head and saying "Answer," followed by my best Data impression. Then they'd get angry and accuse me of mocking them when I'm just delighted to finally have a reason to do Data impressions.

Then I'd have to explain who Data was, and then I'd cry too at the inescapable march of time towards death and we'd all be unhappy and it would inevitably end in recriminations and lasting hard feelings that somehow scar them for life, and then…

Ahem.  But I digress.
posted by los pantalones del muerte at 9:37 PM on March 31, 2019 [14 favorites]


Holy carp just reading that list was exhausting.

All of this is my life except that it mostly goes like this

- Mama?
- yes, sweetie?
- Mama?!
- yes, I’m right here, what is it?
- Mama???
- yes, what?
- MAMA??!!
- goddamit what do you need just fucking tell me WHAT

except I think the last bit very loudly.
posted by lydhre at 8:49 PM on March 31 [7 favorites]



My kid does this too, I know you’re not looking for advice but I found when he does this he just wants sincere eye contact. (He’s 3.5.) now there’s peace in the jungle again.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 9:38 PM on March 31, 2019 [9 favorites]


“You are really going to ask me why you have to brush your teeth before bed 5 times right now when we’ve talked about dental hygeine and tooth decay and we have all brushed our teeth together literally every night of your entire lives?”
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 9:45 PM on March 31, 2019 [14 favorites]


Sometimes I feel like the only person in the world whose kids often got tired of his answers before he got tired of their questions.... After a while I realized I needed to watch out for that and then would give them the choice between Brief Answers, Painfully Long Answers, and Answers which tend to start with things like "A bit less than 14 billion years ago, there was what we call the Big Bang..."
posted by tclark at 9:51 PM on March 31, 2019 [15 favorites]


if the answer is going to be no, then a whole slew of new questions arise: is he going to have a meltdown (this is usually quite easy to answer), do I have the energy to deal with the meltdown? Do I have the time to spend dealing with it?

Again, also much like my work.

Every now and then I say, "Questions are closed for the day. Try again tomorrow."

I wish I could do that!
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:56 PM on March 31, 2019 [1 favorite]


Sometimes I feel like the only person in the world whose kids often got tired of his answers before he got tired of their questions....

Oh don't worry, I'm like that all the time too. And sometimes it takes a lot of effort on my part to resist going into a monologue about Kantian ethics half an hour past bedtime.

But if you do begin a monologue about Kantian ethics, it turns out to be a pretty good way of making kids fall asleep very quickly
posted by destrius at 10:03 PM on March 31, 2019 [7 favorites]


Jubey, fwiw the My Body Science series (most famous for Everyone Poops) includes one about farts.
posted by brujita at 10:11 PM on March 31, 2019 [2 favorites]


Margalo Epps: "...my father dealt with decision fatigue by saying yes to pretty much everything, which is how my brothers and I ended up taking turns rolling down the steep hill we grew up on inside an aluminum trash can."

I think we've all had days like that.


Question: Do you mean as the father with decision fatigue saying yes to everything, or the kid rolling down the hill in the aluminum trash can? (Either way, I agree with you.)
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 10:18 PM on March 31, 2019 [2 favorites]


I have 3 - 10, 8 and 6. And one is on the spectrum. The questions NEVER. STOP. EVER!!!! Even when I run and lock myself in the bathroom I cant escape the questions from behind the door: "Mama, why is the door locked?" "Mama, can you get me a cookie?" "Mama what sound does a slug make?" "Mama, why wont you open the door?" Mama....
(mefites, please help….!!)
posted by ramix at 11:19 PM on March 31, 2019 [2 favorites]


Reading this and thinking about my conversations with my 11yo, one reason for dad jokes just clicked for me. I annoy him with those jokes and he is less likely to ask me questions. This realization makes me sad at the ways I've deflected really connecting sometimes (this can be true for me with adults too).
posted by kokaku at 12:07 AM on April 1, 2019 [7 favorites]


Lots of people here are reiterating that the questions never stop.

I just want to share the anecdote that, at least for me, that's not been the case; I still get asked the occasional question, but mostly my (now 11yo) boy is relatively happy to figure things out for himself.
posted by Fraxas at 3:40 AM on April 1, 2019


A thing I have been known to say: "Why are you asking me? I'm not Google Mom!"
posted by drlith at 3:57 AM on April 1, 2019 [8 favorites]


At some point many of them stop asking questions and then you're the one asking the questions and they are Very Patient but you are SO Irrational.
posted by Peach at 4:00 AM on April 1, 2019 [6 favorites]


Teenagers.

“Get your clothes out of the dryer, please.”

(Returning empty handed) “It’s still running.”

“They’re dry.”

“But it’s still running.”

“Open the door and check.”

“Yeowch! Super hot! I’ll let them cool.”

...
posted by tilde at 4:04 AM on April 1, 2019 [3 favorites]


Sometimes you read these parent complaint things and wonder, what did you think was going to happen?

don't @ me
posted by thelonius at 5:15 AM on April 1, 2019 [13 favorites]


We encourage our son's creative spirit, so it is a not stop barrage of What If? questions usually beginning "Imagine if..."

It's fine at first, but goddamn if I'm tired of hearing about a variety T-Rex's bite strengths vs Superman.


For me, the payoff came when, after months of interrogation about superheroes and the nature of good, I was asked, "SUPERMEN[1] SMASH NAZIS[2], RIGHT?"

"Yes. That's definitely something they do."

"I'M GOING TO BECOME A SUPERMAN AND SMASH ALL THE NAZIS."
  1. The child doesn't make a very strong distinction between Superman the character and superheroes as a concept.
  2. Because the current government here includes straightforward Nazis, my partner and I have used the word around the child and then had to give a very careful definition.
posted by frimble at 5:17 AM on April 1, 2019 [4 favorites]


My daughter always starts with, "Mama? Can I ask you a question?"

I believe the correct answer to this question is "I don't know. Can you?"

Oh wait...this isn't the dad joke thread?
posted by LizBoBiz at 5:24 AM on April 1, 2019 [6 favorites]


I like the inline interpreter action but I would also have been delighted to hear the verbatim versions.

Yeah, I think that putting the kids' questions in her own words robbed it of most of its potential charm.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 5:42 AM on April 1, 2019 [1 favorite]


I have a high functioning autism spectrum child. He is very concerned with the Order Of Things. Last night he finished eating dinner and immediately asked if he could have a cinnamon roll for breakfast in the morning.
posted by Fleebnork at 5:45 AM on April 1, 2019 [2 favorites]


Sometimes you read these parent complaint things and wonder, what did you think was going to happen?


I dunno, but I wasn’t prepared for my children to demand to watch me poop, for one.
posted by lydhre at 5:46 AM on April 1, 2019 [19 favorites]


I dunno, but I wasn’t prepared for my children to demand to watch me poop, for one.

I was ready for that. I wasn't ready for the child and dog to wrestle for the privilege of watching me poop.
posted by frimble at 5:48 AM on April 1, 2019 [23 favorites]


> They missed the part where “Can we go to the store for candy?” usually is followed by “no” and then you get 28 more variations of the same question, one of which might just get a “yes” out of me because just fucking make it stop.

"Will you take us to Mount Splashmore? Will you take us to Mount Splashmore? Will you take us to Mount Splashmore?"
posted by The Card Cheat at 6:03 AM on April 1, 2019 [10 favorites]


“You’ve got five fingers, so we need to put a temporary five limit on ‘who would win’, ‘would you rather’, and ‘what if’ question threads.”
posted by tilde at 6:20 AM on April 1, 2019 [1 favorite]


When I was a child many moons ago my mother had two stock answers for my questions.

1. Curiosity is what killed the cat.

2. I taught you to read so you can use the encyclopedia. (I was an accomplished reader at five)
posted by notreally at 6:22 AM on April 1, 2019 [4 favorites]


I was actually expecting there to be more questions.

This isn't a list of every question she was asked, this is a list of every decision she had to make. My sister, when the oldest of her kids were little, used to hand out pennies at the beginning of the day, and each question cost one penny.
posted by FirstMateKate at 6:57 AM on April 1, 2019 [7 favorites]


Is there...a solution...to this problem? It is unbearable.
posted by epanalepsis at 7:28 AM on April 1, 2019 [1 favorite]


Is there...a solution...to this problem? It is unbearable.
There is, through outsourcing - also known as sending them to school or someone else's house.

My kids are 8 and 5 now, but I love the random questions. It's the endless demands for things (which is 50% food, 50% getting things for them that are 5 feet away from them) that I get tired of.
posted by The_Vegetables at 7:39 AM on April 1, 2019 [7 favorites]


Metafilter: Can I put my mittens in your purse?
posted by amtho at 8:07 AM on April 1, 2019 [4 favorites]


I loved this blog post and empathize so hard. “Mom, can I tell you something?” is the constant query at our house, and the result is usually the same regardless of how I answer.

I am curious what the other information-seeking questions were that she didn’t write down - it’s always interesting to hear what obsessions different little humans have. For a couple years my geography-obsessed pre-schooler would ask “what street is she/he/it on?” when hearing us talk about any person, place, or thing. After a couple years of giving real answers I now have a 6-year-old human GPS resource.

I did not have the science knowledge to program him full of information about chemicals, much to our mutual disappointment.
posted by Maarika at 8:32 AM on April 1, 2019 [6 favorites]


Oh man, I got to the first set about mittens and I decided could never have kids. My cat stood on my shoulder this morning and tried to yank the elastic out of my hair but he’s never asked me about mittens. He can stay.
posted by janepanic at 10:20 AM on April 1, 2019 [1 favorite]


Can I come up with a clever "just this once" special case argument that makes it clear to him why I'm giving in today, and today only? Am I sure he won't figure out a way to game this new exception to the rules?

And always, always, lurking behind that thought is "Am I now rewarding the annoying behavior with an inconsistent reward, and are we going to start a new routine?" Which is how little purr started watching tv in the morning while I walk the dog, and near the end of every 15 minute Netflix episode is "can I watch another one?"
posted by Hermeowne Grangepurr at 10:31 AM on April 1, 2019 [2 favorites]


My cat stood on my shoulder this morning and tried to yank the elastic out of my hair but he’s never asked me about mittens. He can stay.

That’s because Mittens doesn’t like being asked about. If Mittens hears you’ve been snooping, you’ll be the one answering questions. No amount of elastics will buy you out of that trouble....
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:10 PM on April 1, 2019 [4 favorites]


I dunno, but I wasn’t prepared for my children to demand to watch me poop, for one.

To be fair, that's the safest option. The son of a close friend ended up in the ER with a mild concussion when he fell off the toilet trying to watch himself do it.

Kid goes to Stanford now.

True story.
posted by The Bellman at 12:53 PM on April 1, 2019 [14 favorites]


This is going in the file of things to send people who bother me about why I don't have kids.
posted by bile and syntax at 1:12 PM on April 1, 2019 [1 favorite]


Question: Do you mean as the father with decision fatigue saying yes to everything, or the kid rolling down the hill in the aluminum trash can? (Either way, I agree with you.)

Mostly the saying yes to something ridiculous and possibly dangerous because you're out of decision-makingness. (But I 'spose we've all been the child rolling down the hill/eating ice-cream for dinner too.)
posted by Margalo Epps at 2:00 PM on April 1, 2019


The son of a close friend ended up in the ER with a mild concussion when he fell off the toilet trying to watch himself do it.

That's how science starts.
posted by amtho at 4:35 PM on April 1, 2019 [6 favorites]


I loved this. I like how she looks at passing-the-buck. I look at that instead as reminding the kids of - hey you have two parents. go interrupt the other one for a while.

my decisions are also unapologetically made in my self interest at times.

ie. oh you want to watch Teen Titans for three hours straight? okay even though I know it will make you both super crabby at the end, that will allow me to drink my coffee in peace and read Metafilter/watch Sex Education on Netflix and...YES. Go ahead and watch Teen Titans until your eyes fall out.
posted by biggreenplant at 7:52 AM on April 2, 2019 [2 favorites]


When I was a child many moons ago my mother had two stock answers for my questions.

Mom's default answer for "why" questions that she didn't feel like getting into was, "Just to make little girls like you ask questions." There was also a lot of, "I specifically had smart kids so that they'd be able to figure these things out for themselves."

They missed the part where “Can we go to the store for candy?” usually is followed by “no” and then you get 28 more variations of the same question, one of which might just get a “yes” out of me because just fucking make it stop.

I honestly don't know what to make of this. I thought that was something that only happened on sitcoms. It certainly would never have been tolerated in our house.

And absolutely none of us ever watched anyone else poop.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 11:01 AM on April 4, 2019


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