Every way to cook an egg
April 1, 2019 1:41 AM   Subscribe

 
One of my favorite work meals from the graveyard shift days was spagheggy. Nuke a tin of canned spaghetti in the microwave until scalding hot, then stir an egg through.

As the bard said - more ways of cooking eggs in heaven and earth something something philosophy.
posted by colin.jaquiery at 2:01 AM on April 1, 2019 [1 favorite]


How I like my eggs?

Yes, please.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 3:06 AM on April 1, 2019 [1 favorite]


That's not a prairie oyster...
posted by groda at 3:35 AM on April 1, 2019 [17 favorites]


The coals cooking method seems a bit under thought. The coals they used were still too hot, and I believe you’re supposed to crack them to relieve pressure as well. #AskAGirlScout
posted by tilde at 4:01 AM on April 1, 2019 [3 favorites]


Im afraid I don’t have time for a 30 minute video, but do they address the eldritch Egg Master?
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:12 AM on April 1, 2019 [1 favorite]


I generally don't like raw yolks-- I'd love to see a version by someone who also likes their yolks cooked.
posted by Nancy Lebovitz at 4:13 AM on April 1, 2019 [1 favorite]


I actually watched this with interest because I was hoping for more....guidance. I've never been able to do a proper fried egg; but that's because I like a firm yolk, and by the time the yolk is done to my satisfaction the white is too rubbery.

Nearly all the eggs were done with a runny yolk and I don't like it that way. Boo.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:14 AM on April 1, 2019 [1 favorite]


You can do it third world style, in a wok with at least a half inch (I guess? There's got to be a pool) of hot oil. The whites won't be rubbery but you also have to love a nice crispy one instead. No other way of fried egg I know gets to a nice balance... Unless you try covering the pan for a bit to induce convection (or something like that)
posted by cendawanita at 4:30 AM on April 1, 2019 [3 favorites]


I ended up watching the whole thing never realised there were so many ways to fry an egg, let alone anything else, although he seemed to be reaching a bit by the end. The solar cooker probably wouldn't work too well at 28 degrees, which, come to think of it explains why he didn't include the heatwave egg, where local news organizations send out a junior reporter to fry an egg on the pavement or a car hood when the weather is unusually warm.
posted by Fuchsoid at 4:35 AM on April 1, 2019 [2 favorites]


I like to scramble via radar range in a small ramekin, creating a nuclear dome of fluffy eggness.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 4:36 AM on April 1, 2019 [5 favorites]


Very interesting stuff. He should've done tamagoyaki, though.
posted by zardoz at 4:48 AM on April 1, 2019 [2 favorites]


Oh, yeah! That solar oven. Very little insulation, and 4 hours in the afternoon in winter? No. At least he used a dark pan.
posted by tilde at 4:53 AM on April 1, 2019 [1 favorite]


that was surprisingly entertaining
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 5:28 AM on April 1, 2019


There are one hundred ways to love an egg, one hundred loving ways. Way one: tRY Not tO eXPLODe It. One hundred loving ways...
posted by merriment at 5:35 AM on April 1, 2019 [1 favorite]


I've never been able to do a proper fried egg; but that's because I like a firm yolk, and by the time the yolk is done to my satisfaction the white is too rubbery.

It’s possible to get a tender white with very low heat and a lot of patience, but you might like a technique my mother calls “froaching.” Start by frying the egg briefly, like 30 seconds or less, then add just a couple tablespoons of water, and put a lid on it. If you get it right, the whites are still super tender by the time the yolk is done, because the small amount of water keeps their temperature from going above its boiling point.
posted by musicinmybrain at 5:38 AM on April 1, 2019 [3 favorites]


cendawanita, that is more or less the technique used for José Andrés' famous "Spanish fried egg." A big pool of extra virgin olive oil is heated in a skillet, then an egg is dropped in and the pan is tilted, the egg is basted with the hot oil and then sort-of rolled over itself to thoroughly enrobe the yolk within the whites, more basting and rolling until the egg is crispy on the outside with a runny yolk within.
posted by slkinsey at 5:38 AM on April 1, 2019 [5 favorites]


This dude definitely comes from the short-order school of egg cooking which is high heat all the time, an egg philosophy to which I do not subscribe. Fried eggs benefit from low to low-medium heat which allows the white to coagulate without getting crispy. Furthermore, in his "over medium" egg the yolk is partially solidified, which is a complete failure. An over medium yolk should be moderately viscous but never solid.
posted by grumpybear69 at 6:07 AM on April 1, 2019 [1 favorite]


slkinsey, are you sure about that? You typically don't want to cook with extra-virgin; the smoke point is too low.
posted by Faint of Butt at 6:11 AM on April 1, 2019


The egg-in-coals method I learned was to make fresh orange juice, then crack an egg into each half-orange-sphere, wrap in tinfoil, and nestle in coals.
posted by nebulawindphone at 6:14 AM on April 1, 2019 [2 favorites]


Which in hindsight is such a delightful combination of resourceful (don't waste the peels! use every part of the buffalo fruit!) and impractical (you were planning on packing in all those oranges?) that I want to reach back in time and pat my former scoutmaster on the head.
posted by nebulawindphone at 6:19 AM on April 1, 2019 [4 favorites]


Growing up we had one of the dedicated egg steamer contraptions. I was an adult before I realized that other people actually boiled their boiled eggs. Ours was mostly pressed into service to make deviled eggs for potlucks and company, but that means it got *a lot* of use.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 6:22 AM on April 1, 2019 [1 favorite]


It’s possible to get a tender white with very low heat and a lot of patience, but you might like a technique my mother calls “froaching.” Start by frying the egg briefly, like 30 seconds or less, then add just a couple tablespoons of water, and put a lid on it. If you get it right, the whites are still super tender by the time the yolk is done, because the small amount of water keeps their temperature from going above its boiling point.

A version of this is shown in the video, by the way.

I used to only like well-cooked yolks, but now I am much more appreciative of runny eggs, especially on hashbrowns or rice to soak up the goodness.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:37 AM on April 1, 2019


"Froaching" is a profoundly upsetting word
posted by nebulawindphone at 6:47 AM on April 1, 2019 [8 favorites]


It's the only way to keep a fried egg moist.
posted by flabdablet at 6:50 AM on April 1, 2019 [9 favorites]


I was not prepared for the first three ways to cook an egg to be "drink a raw egg in a glass."
posted by gauche at 6:53 AM on April 1, 2019 [2 favorites]


i cannot see/hear the word "frittata" without thinking of this cartoon.
posted by entropicamericana at 6:55 AM on April 1, 2019 [1 favorite]


I'm the only one irritated that the video opens with him describing the shape of an egg as "ovular" without any comment on how redundant that is? Just me, ok cool cool cool.
posted by solotoro at 6:56 AM on April 1, 2019 [10 favorites]


No, same.
posted by gauche at 6:57 AM on April 1, 2019 [2 favorites]


Fried eggs benefit from low to low-medium heat which allows the white to coagulate without getting crispy

No, they really do not.

Crunchy white, runny yolk, and a ton of pepper. Just like my grandfather used to make.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 6:58 AM on April 1, 2019 [2 favorites]


Faint of Butt: slkinsey, are you sure about that? You typically don't want to cook with extra-virgin; the smoke point is too low.

That's really more a concern with respect to high heat searing than it is for shallow frying. Extra virgin olive oil can certainly get up to 350F, which is about the temp you want for shallow frying. Of course, even at temperatures below the smoke point extra virgin olive oil will break down more quickly than other oils, so it's not often used for deep or shallow frying in volume (except for, e.g., potatoes and onions for tortilla) because it can't be re-used very well. But for something like the crispy Spanish egg, the amount used is small enough that it's not a big deal.
posted by slkinsey at 7:05 AM on April 1, 2019 [2 favorites]


Also, I'm not seeing a century egg on the list.
posted by gauche at 7:05 AM on April 1, 2019 [2 favorites]


I like he got the baveuse description of the proper slow scrambled egg in there. Maybe "slobbery" is a better translation?
posted by Mei's lost sandal at 7:06 AM on April 1, 2019 [2 favorites]


If you expand the video's description there's a list of all the methods with timestamps. Also props to them for demoing both coddled and shirred eggs.
posted by Nelson at 7:14 AM on April 1, 2019 [1 favorite]


I like to scramble via radar range in a small ramekin, creating a nuclear dome of fluffy eggness.

That's how I make omelettes. 2 eggs, seasoned with vanilla extract, a splash of milk, a bit of sharp cheese, nuked on High for 2 min. 20 sec (YMMV). Fluffy, yes; runny, not.

I prefer to forgo runny yolks, because of the presence of Salmonella in American eggs.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 7:40 AM on April 1, 2019


2 eggs, seasoned with vanilla extract

I now have no need for any egg recipes at all, as I'm never going to eat anything ever again.
posted by ominous_paws at 7:43 AM on April 1, 2019 [11 favorites]


This video seemed fine but I watched his chicken breast one and... he doesn't seem to know how to cook. I gave up half way through so not sure if he gets a properly done chicken breast or not. Three fail safe methods that always work for me:

1. Pre-heat oven to 375. Place chicken breast on tinfoil. Pour on some olive oil, salt and pepper. Close tinfoil. Bake on middle rack for 3 minutes. Perfect chicken breast.

2. Pour a cup of water in Instant Pot. Put a stainless steel colander upside down inside. Place a chicken breast or two on top of the dome. Sprinkle with salt and pepper. Cook for 5 minutes (not the ten he specifies) and natural release for 5 before releasing pressure. Absolutely perfectly moist chicken breast.

3. Preheat oven at 400. Put chicken breasts in a dutch oven. Pour on salt and pepper and olive oil. Cook for 15 minutes. (I usually use this method after first cooking a pot of vegetables for 30, then I put the chicken on top of the carrots, potatoes, beets, etc, for the last 15.

Also, for eggs in the Instant Pot:

5 Mins with 5 min natural release for hardboiled. 3 minutes, quick release for soft boiled.

I mean, no wonder he hates the Instant Pot. He hasn't a clue how to use it.
posted by dobbs at 8:50 AM on April 1, 2019 [1 favorite]


i cannot see/hear the word "frittata" without thinking of this [Achewood] cartoon

When I worked as a waiter in a restaurant, our regular Sunday brunch item was 2 or 3 different configurations of frittata. Occasionally we were so busy we ran out, at which point the kitchen staff would start singing "Hakuna Frittata, means no more omelettes..."
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:12 AM on April 1, 2019 [1 favorite]


51) The Hogg: Train a medium pig to swallow eggs in the shell. Slow roast pig. Discarding the pig, recover eggs and serve with a sprig of parsley.

52) Space Egg: Place egg in low-earth orbit, making sure it stays in the shade. Egg will cook through heat of re-entry. May require tiny parachute.

53) Femtosecond egg: Place egg in path of petawatt infrared laser for 10e-15 - 10e-14 seconds, turning once. Note that your home petawatt laser may vary, so some adjustment may be required.

54) Old Faithful egg: Catcher's mitt or lacrosse stick recommended.
posted by kleinsteradikaleminderheit at 9:44 AM on April 1, 2019 [8 favorites]


51) The Hogg: Train a medium pig to swallow eggs in the shell. Slow roast pig. Discarding the pig, recover eggs and serve with a sprig of parsley.

LOL, and also seriously I went through a phase while living in West Africa during which my lunch every day was a spit-roasted chicken from a street vendor around the corner from my office, and once a week or so I'd end up with a bonus hard-boiled (hard-roasted, I guess actually) egg inside 'cause they'd slaughtered a hen prior to laying. Bonus to the bonus, always before the shell had formed.
posted by solotoro at 10:16 AM on April 1, 2019 [5 favorites]


Has anyone else had Chinese tea eggs, which are a kind of hard-boiled egg? Has anyone had any that were good?
posted by Kirth Gerson at 10:42 AM on April 1, 2019


Low temp egg cookery is one of the great strengths of electric frying pans (I like the old – really old – 8" Revere Ware because of the copper bottom and the much more complete than average coverage of the cooking surface by the embedded heating element).

Set the temperature to 225 °F, which is 25° less than the browning point of the butter I use for frying, and your fried eggs will have firm yolks and tender whites without a hint of browning.
posted by jamjam at 11:31 AM on April 1, 2019 [1 favorite]


I grew up on occasional breakfast "egg nogs" which involved one raw egg in milk with either chocolate syrup or vanilla and sugar, blended until frothy. Immuno-competent adults do not really have anything to be seriously afraid of from raw eggs, from what I've been told by doctors, but you can get pasteurized eggs if necessary. A life without soft egg yolks in various configurations is not, IMO, a life worth living. No soft-boiled eggs in ramen, no over-easy eggs on sourdough toast, no chocolate mousse pie? I couldn't imagine it.
posted by Sequence at 12:24 PM on April 1, 2019 [5 favorites]


Now I want to ask about something a bit outside the norm; salt-pickled egg yolks. Either these delicious soy sauce yolks or the simple salt-preserved yolks I can find in Asian groceries. If you let them really salt up the texture becomes hard, like cheese. They're delicious! But how are they made? What do I do with them? All I know to do is put it on a topping for ramen...
posted by Nelson at 2:03 PM on April 1, 2019


Tea eggs are good; sweet black vinegar eggs are even better.

I'll pass on the trotters, though, but the marinated ginger is dope.

EmpressCallipygos - if you like crispy whites without it burning and a firmer yolk, use a little more oil than necessary (I'm a fan of grapeseed), and once the white starts crisping, use a spoon to spoon hot oil to pour over the yolk a couple of times.
posted by porpoise at 2:41 PM on April 1, 2019


Almost but not quite; the egg poacher. An instrument of the devil; the eggs will stick to the little pots whatever you try. Also not shown: Poachies (I like these).
posted by StephenB at 2:44 PM on April 1, 2019




do they address the eldritch Egg Master?

The accursed Egg Master is known by many names, one of which is made manifest around the 21 minute mark.
posted by zamboni at 5:11 PM on April 1, 2019 [1 favorite]


I'm realizing I should also state that I don't like crispy whites either.

What i'm looking for is a soft-yet-toothsome white, no rubberiness and no crispiness, an a yolk that doesn't run.

I suspect I'm asking the impossible, however.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:59 PM on April 1, 2019 [1 favorite]


Probably there's a way to do that via poaching or sous vide. There's one of those in the video but he does it at a lower temperature than what would coagulate the yolk (and frankly also the white.) I'm a big runny yolk fan but I appreciate a perfectly hard boiled egg too and I don't know that what you're going for is achievable without some very careful calibration or just straight up separating the egg and cooking both parts separately.
posted by Mizu at 6:23 PM on April 1, 2019


I consider myself pretty cosmopolitan and well-traveled, but I'm getting serious culture shock from the people who don't like crispy egg whites
posted by destrius at 6:59 PM on April 1, 2019 [3 favorites]


> What i'm looking for is a soft-yet-toothsome white, no rubberiness and no crispiness, an a yolk that doesn't run.

Ah, around here the quality of their ajitsuke tamago reflects the overall quality of the ramen place overall.

Involves timing and an ice bath quench. Specific timing (and volume of water, and size of egg - all based on local partial pressure of the atmosphere [elevation]) will have to be determined empirically.

I used to live next to a ramen place that had the solid (but not rubbery) white and a yolk that was *just* on the verge of congealing/ denaturing-crosslinking but wouldn't run. The center was just about nearly the same consistency as the edge of the yolk. The split eggs would have their whites warmed by the soup and brought the yolk's temperature a touch above room temp.

(For the longest time, they wouldn't let you do takeout because the quality suffered.)
posted by porpoise at 7:54 PM on April 1, 2019


btw, I love the word "toothsome" - it means something different, but the Cantonese word(s) for "mouthfeel" that denotes "bounciness" or "chewiness" but without being rubbery shares a similar neurolinguistic space; "dan aghn" transliterated as "bounce teeth" where "bounce" is more like that of a rubber ball than that of a marble striking concrete.

"Texture" requires a lot of context to qualify whether it's pleasant or not. Toothsome seduces as something that one wants their teeth to macerate, and enjoy the act of maceration in addition to the flavours, aromas, and nutrition.
posted by porpoise at 8:00 PM on April 1, 2019


straight up separating the egg and cooking both parts separately

The teggnological imperative: can = must

(for when the Egg Master / Rollie / Condom-Egg Maker proves insufficiently eldritch)
posted by flabdablet at 8:06 PM on April 1, 2019 [1 favorite]


I enjoyed watching this non-cooked egg method from a previous un-boxing post which featured a Tamago Kake Gohan Machine.
posted by Mei's lost sandal at 8:20 PM on April 1, 2019


Metafilter: Insufficiently eldritch
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:26 PM on April 1, 2019 [3 favorites]


I can't believe I've watched the Best Long Egg video twice in my lifetime.
posted by Mizu at 8:29 PM on April 1, 2019 [2 favorites]


Does Long Egg go well with Long Pig?
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:38 PM on April 1, 2019 [1 favorite]


i've recently committed to veganism for the first time (since i became a vegetarian about eight years ago i've always tried to be vegan but in practice it just normally wasn't feasible and too expensive). as most vegetarians are familiar with, people who eat meat often ask "don't you miss meat??," especially while exaggeratedly performing how much they are enjoying some meat they are eating in front of you, but i could sincerely answer them "no not really"; for the most part i really didn't miss meat. but eggs? fuckin' miss 'em. now i sing the praises of Lord Bean to myself; but assuredly Eostre can hear my hymn's self-consolatory tone, and weeps for me
posted by LeviQayin at 8:48 PM on April 1, 2019 [1 favorite]


My favourite recipe for eggs is from Platina (15th Century):

"Pierce eggs lengthwise with a well-heated spit and parch them over the fire as if they were meat. They should be eaten hot. This is a stupid invention and unsuitable, and a cooks' joke".

I love recipes that include a note about what a terrible idea they have within the instructions.
posted by lollusc at 8:56 PM on April 1, 2019 [4 favorites]


55) Head Egg: crack egg smartly using an ordinary racist arsehole's occiput, allowing both white and yolk to adhere to the shirt.

This recipe uses techniques pioneered by HowToBasic.
posted by flabdablet at 10:31 PM on April 1, 2019


tl;dr, but I have been assured many times that prairie oysters are "sheep nuts". They are certainly not eggs no matter how much bottled sauce you add.
posted by Cranberry at 12:27 AM on April 2, 2019 [1 favorite]


What i'm looking for is a soft-yet-toothsome white, no rubberiness and no crispiness, an a yolk that doesn't run.

I bet you could get there with a laser thermometer and a stopwatch and a bit of experimentation. I'd try different combinations of frying covered and uncovered at different temperatures and times to see what works best, as well as different oils and fats.

Size of pan might matter here, too: a small pan in which, say, two eggs fill the pan edge-to-edge might minimize crispiness vs. a large pan where the white runs out to a thin edge on the hot bottom.

Now I'm thinking about it, this order reminds me of eggs that a cook used to make family-style before service at a restaurant I used to work at. He cracked like a dozen eggs into a big hot buttered frying pan and immediately covered the pan with a lid so they steamed from the top while frying at the bottom. The whites took on the consistency of a firm custard while the yolks came out across the gamut from runny to mostly-hard depending on timing (they would continue to cook in the pan a bit after he took it off heat).
posted by gauche at 8:11 AM on April 2, 2019


Amending the above to suggest that the residual cooking time in the pan with the heat off might actually a key variable, should you choose to pursue this.
posted by gauche at 8:12 AM on April 2, 2019


He cracked like a dozen eggs into a big hot buttered frying pan and immediately covered the pan with a lid so they steamed from the top while frying at the bottom

Except for the dozen at a time part this is how I always make my fried eggs, and they come out good every time. It's like the fry/poach method in the video but without the completely unnecessary dash of water. Just clap the lid on.

The other thing that the video doesn't really touch on is the massive quality-of-life difference between breakfasting on store-bought eggs vs. eggs laid the same morning by a backyard chook. Night and day. If you've got room for three or four hens and you don't have three or four hens, you're really missing out.
posted by flabdablet at 10:31 AM on April 2, 2019 [1 favorite]


Stayed for the cast iron fried eggs.
Meh. Cooking over coals is not cooking in the kitchen.
Must heat up the 8-inch skillet and crispy fry some of my MIL's farm-fresh brown eggs. Cholesterol be damned.
posted by TrishaU at 11:35 AM on April 2, 2019


This Roux brothers egg demonstration presents at least three points of argument. No mention of bain marie scrambled eggs? Deep fried eggs implied to be a novel technique? Low heat used for a French omelette?! I am offended, this reflects a truly pathetic lack of research.
posted by lucidium at 5:13 PM on April 3, 2019


> but assuredly Eostre can hear my hymn's self-consolatory tone, and weeps for me.

If Gaiman is right that deities are nurtured and shaped by the beliefs of their worshipers, then in light of the recent awareness of Eostre's association with Easter combined with the relatively new holiday of 4/20, I posit that the modern Ostara is less concerned with eggs and more interested in other ingestibles.
posted by homunculus at 5:18 PM on April 20, 2019


Oops. Link.
posted by homunculus at 7:05 PM on April 20, 2019


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