Nobody parks in L.A.
April 3, 2019 1:23 PM Subscribe
When chicken tikka mariah (@Mrhflrs) noticed a stalemate over a parking space she decided to tweet about it. It went on a little longer than expected.
Car culture is deeply toxic, exhibit no. 19,263,853,721,341.
posted by gauche at 1:36 PM on April 3, 2019 [24 favorites]
posted by gauche at 1:36 PM on April 3, 2019 [24 favorites]
I liked the end where they didn't want to get out of their cars.
posted by ShakeyJake at 1:37 PM on April 3, 2019 [16 favorites]
posted by ShakeyJake at 1:37 PM on April 3, 2019 [16 favorites]
Amazing. #TeamBlackCar
Just checked out the user's main feed... they found the other car that ended the stalemate by leaving the spot in front (he wants to be friends), and Chrissy Teigen has weighed in, she's also #TeamBlackCar
posted by sunset in snow country at 1:37 PM on April 3, 2019 [6 favorites]
Just checked out the user's main feed... they found the other car that ended the stalemate by leaving the spot in front (he wants to be friends), and Chrissy Teigen has weighed in, she's also #TeamBlackCar
posted by sunset in snow country at 1:37 PM on April 3, 2019 [6 favorites]
I came home yesterday to find a moving truck blocking one of the few disabled spots at my complex. This is one of my big hangups. I was probably less than polite when I pointed this out to the movers and that's on me. But I got "there's nowhere else for us to park" as an answer.
Well you can bet your ass they found somewhere else to park after I called the number on the side of their truck.
posted by East14thTaco at 1:38 PM on April 3, 2019 [23 favorites]
Well you can bet your ass they found somewhere else to park after I called the number on the side of their truck.
posted by East14thTaco at 1:38 PM on April 3, 2019 [23 favorites]
This story has it all. Sunk cost. Escalation of Commitment. I laughed, I cried, I have a vaguely uncomfortable sense that there but for the grace of god go I.
posted by tclark at 1:44 PM on April 3, 2019 [17 favorites]
posted by tclark at 1:44 PM on April 3, 2019 [17 favorites]
Somewhere we've gone very wrong as a species.
posted by jzb at 1:52 PM on April 3, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by jzb at 1:52 PM on April 3, 2019 [3 favorites]
I'm stunned at the passive aggression. Here in Boston, one of them would have just gotten out and slashed the other's tires, screwing over both of them.
posted by backseatpilot at 1:53 PM on April 3, 2019 [33 favorites]
posted by backseatpilot at 1:53 PM on April 3, 2019 [33 favorites]
One of the most incredible parking jobs I've ever seen was in SF. I was on a date at a really high end sushi place somewhere near Gold Coast/Lost Coast area. The street was pretty steep.
We had a front window seat view of someone driving a high end compact or coupe physically wedge her car with extended bumper tag and contact into a space about 4" too small, pushing both cars far enough until they were also making contact with the two other cars on either side.
Meanwhile the manager of the sushi restaurant is out on the sidewalk after about the third bumper contact and screaming "you absolutely cannot park there what the hell are you doing?" and a crowd of horrified and amused onlookers quickly gathered and she ignored everyone and everything and spent like 5 minutes getting her car wedged in there until it was a legal distance from the curb and exited and went on her way like it was perfectly normal, like we were the ones hassling her.
It was soooo bonkers.
posted by loquacious at 1:54 PM on April 3, 2019 [19 favorites]
We had a front window seat view of someone driving a high end compact or coupe physically wedge her car with extended bumper tag and contact into a space about 4" too small, pushing both cars far enough until they were also making contact with the two other cars on either side.
Meanwhile the manager of the sushi restaurant is out on the sidewalk after about the third bumper contact and screaming "you absolutely cannot park there what the hell are you doing?" and a crowd of horrified and amused onlookers quickly gathered and she ignored everyone and everything and spent like 5 minutes getting her car wedged in there until it was a legal distance from the curb and exited and went on her way like it was perfectly normal, like we were the ones hassling her.
It was soooo bonkers.
posted by loquacious at 1:54 PM on April 3, 2019 [19 favorites]
Like, during a snow storm recently someone fucking booted a car that had taken their precious parking spot. People are vicious about their cars.
posted by backseatpilot at 1:54 PM on April 3, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by backseatpilot at 1:54 PM on April 3, 2019 [1 favorite]
This reminds of me how whenever someone is going on about how terrible humans can be on the internet or whatever, I'm like, but have you been in a Trader Joe's parking lot?
posted by thivaia at 1:57 PM on April 3, 2019 [53 favorites]
posted by thivaia at 1:57 PM on April 3, 2019 [53 favorites]
I'm stunned at the passive aggression. Here in Boston, one of them would have just gotten out and slashed the other's tires, screwing over both of them
In LA the tradition is to come back in the middle of the night and key the offending car. If silver car makes it unscathed till morning I'll be shocked.
Team Black Car all the way. What kind of heathen pulls forward into a parallel parking spot anyway?
posted by fshgrl at 2:00 PM on April 3, 2019 [9 favorites]
In LA the tradition is to come back in the middle of the night and key the offending car. If silver car makes it unscathed till morning I'll be shocked.
Team Black Car all the way. What kind of heathen pulls forward into a parallel parking spot anyway?
posted by fshgrl at 2:00 PM on April 3, 2019 [9 favorites]
Oh man, if I drove and was in the black car, I could see myself doing this.
There's a pedestrian crossing outside my house. A lighted one, with a little push button system to request the flow of traffic stopped. It doesn't actually change the lights until there are no cars anyway, so I pretty much never use it. Anyway, occasionally cars will stop at a green light because I'm standing in the little area between the two lanes of different-direction traffic. This annoys me to no end, because I like rules, and predictable rule-abiding traffic is safe traffic. Even worse is when there is no traffic and people do it. I have a red to cross, they have a green to drive, so I'm never going to walk out in front of a car that hasn't come to a dead stop. Everyone saves time if they just keep driving, and I cross behind them after waiting like two seconds (less than I'd be waiting to make sure they'd actually stopped for me even if I were minded to cross in front of them). Worst is when people do this late at night, when there's no other traffic on the road. Like dude, just blow through, and then I can walk and everyone gets home early.
One time, a car did exactly that, in the middle of the night. Stopped in a green light, when I had a red to cross. So I did what I always do: pointedly look at the traffic lights as if to confirm that yes, it is indeed them to go, not me. Car didn't budge. I stretch an arm out, hand open, palm up, the universal signal of "after you". Car doesn't move. Now, I have a lot of charming qualities (I forget what they are, but I'm sure I have them) but if you asked anyone close to me for a one-word description of me, you'd hit "stubborn" within one or two requests for a different word, if not as the first thing. So I wait, my head cocked well to the side, staring at the car in confusion. The driver seems angry. Well, I'm certainly not about to break the highway code to cross in front of a driver who's angry at me, in a situation where he clearly has priority (his green light, my red). So I pull out my phone, and get on metafilter. Reader, nearly ten full minutes pass before the driver rolls down his window, shouts something at me that I shan't repeat here, and drives off. I shrug, pocket my phone, and cross the last lane from the island in the middle of the road. Victory! Asshole who's breaking highway code, making traffic flows slower, less predictable, and less safe simply in order to feel like a gallant chap for making it harder and slower for a person to cross than it would have been if he'd just obeyed the lights and driven through the crossing doesn't get his way!
Except he does. He slams on the brakes, shifts to reverse, and reverses back through the junction, just so he can drive through it again after I've crossed. I'm now standing on the pavement on my side of the road, mouth agape, staring, as he shouts at me again (words I again won't repeat, to the effect of me not being grateful enough for his "letting" me cross an otherwise deserted road) and drives off.
Long story short: team black car. I would've done the same.
posted by Dysk at 2:01 PM on April 3, 2019 [80 favorites]
There's a pedestrian crossing outside my house. A lighted one, with a little push button system to request the flow of traffic stopped. It doesn't actually change the lights until there are no cars anyway, so I pretty much never use it. Anyway, occasionally cars will stop at a green light because I'm standing in the little area between the two lanes of different-direction traffic. This annoys me to no end, because I like rules, and predictable rule-abiding traffic is safe traffic. Even worse is when there is no traffic and people do it. I have a red to cross, they have a green to drive, so I'm never going to walk out in front of a car that hasn't come to a dead stop. Everyone saves time if they just keep driving, and I cross behind them after waiting like two seconds (less than I'd be waiting to make sure they'd actually stopped for me even if I were minded to cross in front of them). Worst is when people do this late at night, when there's no other traffic on the road. Like dude, just blow through, and then I can walk and everyone gets home early.
One time, a car did exactly that, in the middle of the night. Stopped in a green light, when I had a red to cross. So I did what I always do: pointedly look at the traffic lights as if to confirm that yes, it is indeed them to go, not me. Car didn't budge. I stretch an arm out, hand open, palm up, the universal signal of "after you". Car doesn't move. Now, I have a lot of charming qualities (I forget what they are, but I'm sure I have them) but if you asked anyone close to me for a one-word description of me, you'd hit "stubborn" within one or two requests for a different word, if not as the first thing. So I wait, my head cocked well to the side, staring at the car in confusion. The driver seems angry. Well, I'm certainly not about to break the highway code to cross in front of a driver who's angry at me, in a situation where he clearly has priority (his green light, my red). So I pull out my phone, and get on metafilter. Reader, nearly ten full minutes pass before the driver rolls down his window, shouts something at me that I shan't repeat here, and drives off. I shrug, pocket my phone, and cross the last lane from the island in the middle of the road. Victory! Asshole who's breaking highway code, making traffic flows slower, less predictable, and less safe simply in order to feel like a gallant chap for making it harder and slower for a person to cross than it would have been if he'd just obeyed the lights and driven through the crossing doesn't get his way!
Except he does. He slams on the brakes, shifts to reverse, and reverses back through the junction, just so he can drive through it again after I've crossed. I'm now standing on the pavement on my side of the road, mouth agape, staring, as he shouts at me again (words I again won't repeat, to the effect of me not being grateful enough for his "letting" me cross an otherwise deserted road) and drives off.
Long story short: team black car. I would've done the same.
posted by Dysk at 2:01 PM on April 3, 2019 [80 favorites]
Maybe it's just the angle from which we're viewing, but it absolutely looks like the black car has enough room to slide much farther into that spot.
It could definitely back up until the silver car is level with the front quarter panel.
posted by madajb at 2:04 PM on April 3, 2019 [2 favorites]
It could definitely back up until the silver car is level with the front quarter panel.
posted by madajb at 2:04 PM on April 3, 2019 [2 favorites]
This is the crossing in question from my previous comment, since I'm not sure my descriptions were clear!
posted by Dysk at 2:13 PM on April 3, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by Dysk at 2:13 PM on April 3, 2019 [2 favorites]
One thing I can note from lots of experience on ferries: Most people have no clue how large their cars are or aren't. In general, they rarely think their car is smaller than it is, and often think it's far larger than it actually is.
posted by maxwelton at 2:18 PM on April 3, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by maxwelton at 2:18 PM on April 3, 2019 [4 favorites]
To clarify for those of you who have never tried to park in Koreatown from a former resident: It is basically a pirate community. The residents are mostly fine people but when it comes to parking laws and decency have no meaning there. An ever-increasing number of people live there but the number of parking spaces remains flat. If you don't live in a building with assigned parking and you arrive home any later than 4:30 PM you will almost certainly have to park half a mile away from your destination. When I moved to Koreatown the building managers were thrilled to learn that I didn't own a car, because the biggest reason their tenants would move out was the parking situation.
The pettiness of this confrontation is surprising only in that most K-Town drivers consider parking spaces to be more of a suggestion than a legal mandate. The usual solution is just to turn on your hazard lights, park your car in the middle of the street and go inside. This forces other drivers to go around until eventually the person who has the parking space comes out and honks repeatedly until you come down and move your car so they can get out, at which point you move into their space.
I miss living in Koreatown, mostly because the lax attitude towards parking enforcement also extended to last call at the local bars. As annoying as the constant honking was, I am proud that I learned to drive there; I can parallel park into spaces roughly the size of a postage stamp.
posted by Parasite Unseen at 2:20 PM on April 3, 2019 [19 favorites]
The pettiness of this confrontation is surprising only in that most K-Town drivers consider parking spaces to be more of a suggestion than a legal mandate. The usual solution is just to turn on your hazard lights, park your car in the middle of the street and go inside. This forces other drivers to go around until eventually the person who has the parking space comes out and honks repeatedly until you come down and move your car so they can get out, at which point you move into their space.
I miss living in Koreatown, mostly because the lax attitude towards parking enforcement also extended to last call at the local bars. As annoying as the constant honking was, I am proud that I learned to drive there; I can parallel park into spaces roughly the size of a postage stamp.
posted by Parasite Unseen at 2:20 PM on April 3, 2019 [19 favorites]
Cars were a mistake. Humanity was a mistake.
posted by tobascodagama at 2:21 PM on April 3, 2019 [10 favorites]
posted by tobascodagama at 2:21 PM on April 3, 2019 [10 favorites]
Halloween 2002, San Francisco: I am dressed as Pan, all furry legs, hooves, horns and no shirt. After a long night of bandying about in a Geo Metro, I am hungry and desirous of a taco. I see a spot in front of Taqueria El Zorro in North Beach and, as per parking protocol, line my mirror up with the mirror of the car in front of me in order to perfectly execute the procedure. I then see something in the rear view mirror: some asshandle is attempting to take the spot which I have clearly prepped myself to inhabit. Angry grumpybear.
I open the door and step out of my car, turning to face the jerk behind me. Realizing what I look like, I lock eyes with the driver, raise my hands to the sky and start howling an awful, beastly howl as I adopt the body language of one about to charge the car and ram it with costume horns.
Shortly thereafter I pulled into the now unoccupied spot.
Best. Costume. Ever.
posted by grumpybear69 at 2:25 PM on April 3, 2019 [174 favorites]
I open the door and step out of my car, turning to face the jerk behind me. Realizing what I look like, I lock eyes with the driver, raise my hands to the sky and start howling an awful, beastly howl as I adopt the body language of one about to charge the car and ram it with costume horns.
Shortly thereafter I pulled into the now unoccupied spot.
Best. Costume. Ever.
posted by grumpybear69 at 2:25 PM on April 3, 2019 [174 favorites]
I have to say that I witnessed a woman running to a parking space way ahead of the car she just got out and forbidding any car passing by to consider parking there by shouting at the top of her lungs "I've seen it first !". Even in France, it is rather shocking (but it was in Nice, which, to a French driver, is the part of the purgatory which is nearest to hell).
What describes Loquacious, on the other hand, is a perfectly normal procedure in a city like Toulouse. It's even got a name : "se garer à la touchette" (more or less : "to park making slight contact")
posted by nicolin at 2:27 PM on April 3, 2019 [7 favorites]
What describes Loquacious, on the other hand, is a perfectly normal procedure in a city like Toulouse. It's even got a name : "se garer à la touchette" (more or less : "to park making slight contact")
posted by nicolin at 2:27 PM on April 3, 2019 [7 favorites]
Whenever I say I fucking hate driving and could never live in a city where I have to drive, what I really mean is I hate parking and could never live in a city where I have to find parking.
posted by windbox at 2:31 PM on April 3, 2019 [12 favorites]
posted by windbox at 2:31 PM on April 3, 2019 [12 favorites]
Best. Costume. Ever.
Nicely Pan handled.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:32 PM on April 3, 2019 [56 favorites]
Nicely Pan handled.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:32 PM on April 3, 2019 [56 favorites]
I am so glad I don't even have a driving license, because this would be totally me.
posted by ouke at 2:33 PM on April 3, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by ouke at 2:33 PM on April 3, 2019 [1 favorite]
Forget it, Jake. It's Koreatown.
posted by BlahLaLa at 2:37 PM on April 3, 2019 [12 favorites]
posted by BlahLaLa at 2:37 PM on April 3, 2019 [12 favorites]
The usual solution is just to turn on your hazard lights, park your car in the middle of the street and go inside
I was wondering if there was anyone I'm the cars myself. I don't think she confirms they're not just parked like that for quite a few posts.
posted by fshgrl at 2:37 PM on April 3, 2019
I was wondering if there was anyone I'm the cars myself. I don't think she confirms they're not just parked like that for quite a few posts.
posted by fshgrl at 2:37 PM on April 3, 2019
A couple of years ago my wife went to a giant outlet store, which was in the middle of a giant plaza, which was surrounded by an endless moat of parking lots, which was completely filled with cars despite the fact that it was neither Christmas nor any other major shopping season, and she told me that after she and her friend did the Circle of Parking Lot Futility for 20 minutes she could totally understand why and how people get into fistfights over parking spots.
posted by The Card Cheat at 2:40 PM on April 3, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by The Card Cheat at 2:40 PM on April 3, 2019 [1 favorite]
Team Black Car all the way. What kind of heathen pulls forward into a parallel parking spot anyway?
Team Black Car. Backing into parallel parking is just and right.
posted by corb at 2:59 PM on April 3, 2019 [6 favorites]
Team Black Car. Backing into parallel parking is just and right.
posted by corb at 2:59 PM on April 3, 2019 [6 favorites]
Everyone saves time if they just keep driving, and I cross behind them after waiting like two seconds (less than I'd be waiting to make sure they'd actually stopped for me even if I were minded to cross in front of them)I lived in Los Angeles for a bit and this behavior drove me up a wall. You step within 2 feet of the curb and people in giant cars slam on the brakes and are then pissed because you "made" them stop. I'm not proud of my typical response. Somehow nearly everyone in every other city gets how jay walking works, but not LA. (To be fair, it is better than Seattle.)
But, in this case, I'm solidly on team no car. Yikes.
posted by eotvos at 3:03 PM on April 3, 2019 [3 favorites]
My friend and I road-tripped in his pickup to San Francisco (from LA) for a long weekend stay at another friend's place sorta out in the western part of town ("The Avenues"?) . We turned off the boulevard and onto Mary Jane's narrow street and were dismayed by the parking situation out front although I noticed a pair of City traffic sawhorses with "Temporary No Parking" emblazoned on them a couple of cars down. They straddled a bit of broken curb and potholed gutter. The pavement seemed in fine repair otherwise and given it was the weekend, it was unlikely that City traffic repair-people would return to the jobsite. An idea formed.
Say, I said to my friend, why don't we just move those sawhorses out of the way and park there?
My friend had another idea. Let's not move them out of the way, he said. Let's hide them in the back of the pickup and when we leave, we'll put them in the street and have a parking space when we get back.
Our plan worked a treat until late Sunday when I hopped out of the cab and grabbed a sawhorse to stow in the bed. I heard a man yell out, Hey. What are you doing? You can't do that!
He was several houses away, hustling up the sidewalk carrying white plastic grocery sacks, two per hand. They swayed and jostled with his hurry. They looked heavy. I spun the second one into the truck's bed.
Those are the City's signs.
My friend and I smirked and turned away to cross the street to Mary Jane's apartment. We were young and carefree and that guy with the groceries hiking all the way from his car parked who knows where -- that's funny!
You can't do that!
We just did! my friend said.
The next morning when we went to the pickup there was a parking ticket slid under the driver's side wiper and our traffic sawhorses were back where we'd found them, straddling the broken bits of curb, one of them leaning gingerly against the passenger side mirror.
I guess we can't do that, my friend said.
Aw dude, I'll split it with you.
He was just pissed he hadn't thought of it first.
Somewhere around that guy was watching and smirking, but all the curtains and blinds were drawn. It was just my friend and I, two jerks standing next to a pickup, wondering how bad the parking was going to be later when we got back from breakfast.
posted by notyou at 3:16 PM on April 3, 2019 [2 favorites]
Say, I said to my friend, why don't we just move those sawhorses out of the way and park there?
My friend had another idea. Let's not move them out of the way, he said. Let's hide them in the back of the pickup and when we leave, we'll put them in the street and have a parking space when we get back.
Our plan worked a treat until late Sunday when I hopped out of the cab and grabbed a sawhorse to stow in the bed. I heard a man yell out, Hey. What are you doing? You can't do that!
He was several houses away, hustling up the sidewalk carrying white plastic grocery sacks, two per hand. They swayed and jostled with his hurry. They looked heavy. I spun the second one into the truck's bed.
Those are the City's signs.
My friend and I smirked and turned away to cross the street to Mary Jane's apartment. We were young and carefree and that guy with the groceries hiking all the way from his car parked who knows where -- that's funny!
You can't do that!
We just did! my friend said.
The next morning when we went to the pickup there was a parking ticket slid under the driver's side wiper and our traffic sawhorses were back where we'd found them, straddling the broken bits of curb, one of them leaning gingerly against the passenger side mirror.
I guess we can't do that, my friend said.
Aw dude, I'll split it with you.
He was just pissed he hadn't thought of it first.
Somewhere around that guy was watching and smirking, but all the curtains and blinds were drawn. It was just my friend and I, two jerks standing next to a pickup, wondering how bad the parking was going to be later when we got back from breakfast.
posted by notyou at 3:16 PM on April 3, 2019 [2 favorites]
Here's a little known but totally not a secret because it is part of the municipal code tip:
Yellow curbs are free game 6pm - 7am Monday through Saturday, all day on Sunday, unless another sign specifically says something else. Same for green curbs except you get an extra hour and get to stay parked until 8am.
White curb restrictions are always in effect. Red and white, no touch.
It's a little surprising you can still find free yellow curbs in K-town in the evening; you'd think enough people who live there would know about it by now.
I don't drive into K-Town unless where I am going has valet or a large parking lot. I used to take the bus in but lately the rideshares have been getting my business. But let's face it, K-town is a big nighttime destination these days, so it doesn't matter how you get there, it will always be a pain in the behind.
posted by linux at 3:17 PM on April 3, 2019 [2 favorites]
Yellow curbs are free game 6pm - 7am Monday through Saturday, all day on Sunday, unless another sign specifically says something else. Same for green curbs except you get an extra hour and get to stay parked until 8am.
White curb restrictions are always in effect. Red and white, no touch.
It's a little surprising you can still find free yellow curbs in K-town in the evening; you'd think enough people who live there would know about it by now.
I don't drive into K-Town unless where I am going has valet or a large parking lot. I used to take the bus in but lately the rideshares have been getting my business. But let's face it, K-town is a big nighttime destination these days, so it doesn't matter how you get there, it will always be a pain in the behind.
posted by linux at 3:17 PM on April 3, 2019 [2 favorites]
Dysk, that story is insane. I recently had a near-miss downtown when I was waiting to cross at a marked crosswalk (no traffic light, just a giant sign saying Yield to Pedestrians). Black SUV slows down and the driver waves me into the road. And just as I start crossing HE SPEEDS UP.
He was not actually going that fast (again, he had slowed to a near stop before he sped up again) so I had time to jump out of the way and then I thumped hard several times on his passenger side window as he cruised past me, because who the hell does that?
Basically, NC drivers are devilspawn.
posted by basalganglia at 3:22 PM on April 3, 2019 [6 favorites]
He was not actually going that fast (again, he had slowed to a near stop before he sped up again) so I had time to jump out of the way and then I thumped hard several times on his passenger side window as he cruised past me, because who the hell does that?
Basically, NC drivers are devilspawn.
posted by basalganglia at 3:22 PM on April 3, 2019 [6 favorites]
I am so glad I don't even have a driving license, because this would be totally me.
posted by ouke
Agreed. I get such weird looks when people find out that I don't have a license. I tell them that it's the best thing for me and everyone else.
posted by Splunge at 3:24 PM on April 3, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by ouke
Agreed. I get such weird looks when people find out that I don't have a license. I tell them that it's the best thing for me and everyone else.
posted by Splunge at 3:24 PM on April 3, 2019 [2 favorites]
The Avenues
Yep. Most of it is Northeast LA.
Getting to that part of town from my part of town (literally the middle of the city) is so insanely inconvenient, I rarely ever end up there, no matter how good the food and music is claimed to be. One could make a case that parking up there is even worse than K-town. Narrow, curvy, hilly streets just add an additional dimension to things.
posted by linux at 3:26 PM on April 3, 2019
Yep. Most of it is Northeast LA.
Getting to that part of town from my part of town (literally the middle of the city) is so insanely inconvenient, I rarely ever end up there, no matter how good the food and music is claimed to be. One could make a case that parking up there is even worse than K-town. Narrow, curvy, hilly streets just add an additional dimension to things.
posted by linux at 3:26 PM on April 3, 2019
I lock eyes with the driver, raise my hands to the sky and start howling an awful, beastly howl as I adopt the body language of one about to charge the car and ram it with costume horns.
Coming home from a Hallowe'en party once some thirty years ago I popped into a panzerotto place for a, well, panzerotto (some may call them calzones). I took it to go, got a quarter-block away and realized I had been given the wrong order (full o' pepperoni, and I had been a vegetarian gym bunny for years by then, and pretty careful about what I ate). I returned, slightly drunk and in moderately high dudgeon to upbraid the poor panzerottist.
Problem: I had not given much thought to the fact that I was in full Star Trek TNG regalia as an Andorian. Without the antennae I was about 6'3". With them: more in the range of 6'9". If he thought it was funny, at least he dd not dare laugh at a giant musclebound blue man candidly assessing his workmanship.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 3:29 PM on April 3, 2019 [4 favorites]
Coming home from a Hallowe'en party once some thirty years ago I popped into a panzerotto place for a, well, panzerotto (some may call them calzones). I took it to go, got a quarter-block away and realized I had been given the wrong order (full o' pepperoni, and I had been a vegetarian gym bunny for years by then, and pretty careful about what I ate). I returned, slightly drunk and in moderately high dudgeon to upbraid the poor panzerottist.
Problem: I had not given much thought to the fact that I was in full Star Trek TNG regalia as an Andorian. Without the antennae I was about 6'3". With them: more in the range of 6'9". If he thought it was funny, at least he dd not dare laugh at a giant musclebound blue man candidly assessing his workmanship.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 3:29 PM on April 3, 2019 [4 favorites]
I grew up in a dense part of Chicago (where it's normal to circle the neighborhood for 30 minutes looking for a place to park), and in my teens, was out with a friend who had driven in from the suburbs (where all parking is commodious and angled).
She was trying to parallel-park near my place, and as she's backing in to the spot, she asks "how do I know when to stop?"
"When you hit the other car," I reply.
posted by adamrice at 3:30 PM on April 3, 2019 [11 favorites]
She was trying to parallel-park near my place, and as she's backing in to the spot, she asks "how do I know when to stop?"
"When you hit the other car," I reply.
posted by adamrice at 3:30 PM on April 3, 2019 [11 favorites]
Who pulls forward into a parallel parking spot? Me. Who pulls up to the mirror of the car in front? Also me. Who will fight til their last breath for a spot? Me again! I have been team black car, team silver car, and team fuck you to all cars! This was very entertaining, however, I'm really trying hard not to be these people anymore. Currently, I'm team no car, I've got a scooter and I'll park where I want. Arguably, this is even worse. Hopefully I'll get better.
posted by evilDoug at 3:32 PM on April 3, 2019 [5 favorites]
posted by evilDoug at 3:32 PM on April 3, 2019 [5 favorites]
You're grossly underestimating the size of our egos.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:47 PM on April 3, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:47 PM on April 3, 2019 [3 favorites]
^^^*speaking purely for myself, at least*
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:48 PM on April 3, 2019
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:48 PM on April 3, 2019
I am a driver. I am a pedestrian. I am a rules-follower, especially when it comes to heavy machinery and safety.
If you, a driver, are in a stand-off with a pedestrian over who is letting who go first... (Not breaking the law. Just situations where there’s no clear rule. Parking lots, unlighted crosswalks, etc. ) The pedestrian chooses. Every damn time. Because you can see the pedestrian waving you on. The pedestrian has a good chance of not being able to see you, due to tinted windows. I can’t tell if you’re looking at your phone or waving me on. And I’m not risking it. They wave you on once? Go.
posted by greermahoney at 3:48 PM on April 3, 2019 [21 favorites]
If you, a driver, are in a stand-off with a pedestrian over who is letting who go first... (Not breaking the law. Just situations where there’s no clear rule. Parking lots, unlighted crosswalks, etc. ) The pedestrian chooses. Every damn time. Because you can see the pedestrian waving you on. The pedestrian has a good chance of not being able to see you, due to tinted windows. I can’t tell if you’re looking at your phone or waving me on. And I’m not risking it. They wave you on once? Go.
posted by greermahoney at 3:48 PM on April 3, 2019 [21 favorites]
Car culture is deeply toxic, exhibit no. 19,263,853,721,341.
Not that I disagree, but that same stubborn egotism constantly occurs in plenty of other non-car-related contexts too, and has been since long before automobiles were a gleam in humanity's eye. It's human nature, not the cars, that cause that kind of behavior.
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:49 PM on April 3, 2019 [6 favorites]
Not that I disagree, but that same stubborn egotism constantly occurs in plenty of other non-car-related contexts too, and has been since long before automobiles were a gleam in humanity's eye. It's human nature, not the cars, that cause that kind of behavior.
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:49 PM on April 3, 2019 [6 favorites]
In LA the tradition is to come back in the middle of the night and key the offending car. If silver car makes it unscathed till morning I'll be shocked.
Here in Boston, keying cars is more of a thing that happens in suburbs, I think. Because, if you drive in Boston proper, and leave your car parked on the street regularly, how would you be able to KNOW if someone keyed your car? It would just blend in.
posted by Xiphias Gladius at 3:59 PM on April 3, 2019 [5 favorites]
Here in Boston, keying cars is more of a thing that happens in suburbs, I think. Because, if you drive in Boston proper, and leave your car parked on the street regularly, how would you be able to KNOW if someone keyed your car? It would just blend in.
posted by Xiphias Gladius at 3:59 PM on April 3, 2019 [5 favorites]
Where i’m at people are parking on the tree belt and also using small front yards as parking. It is HIDEOUS. Over the last three years or so every property with more than one apartment has cars sitting on mud or dust at angles, often blocking the path to the door. Sometimes the motorist has to drive on the sidewalk a bit to get to a curb cut. The sidewalk itself is encroached upon. Often free curbside parking is around the corner.
I am struck with a get-off-my-lawn attitude that is more odd for being a get-off-your-lawn feel. It is a bitterness that is renewed daily. Thank you MF for letting me vent.
posted by drowsy at 4:37 PM on April 3, 2019 [4 favorites]
I am struck with a get-off-my-lawn attitude that is more odd for being a get-off-your-lawn feel. It is a bitterness that is renewed daily. Thank you MF for letting me vent.
posted by drowsy at 4:37 PM on April 3, 2019 [4 favorites]
In Philly, double-parking, sidewalk parking, corner parking, and fire hydrant parking are all fine until they're not, whereupon everyone gets furious. I have a parking permit for a tiny side street near me, and a spot, and therefore my car never moves. I would rather walk several miles than move it. I did that today, as a matter of fact.
posted by Peach at 4:53 PM on April 3, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by Peach at 4:53 PM on April 3, 2019 [2 favorites]
I was going to say that Loc's story might be a simple case of a French tourist. My Google search for an example was drawing a blank, so thanks, nicolin, for telling us the correct term. When I first encountered it, in Lyon, a little bemused by my friend's driving, I asked the name of the manoeuvre. I was told; "faire un creneau". It was only when I searched just now that I realised that's just French for parallel parking.
It did turn up this wonderful example, with (suitably bemused) American observers.
posted by GeckoDundee at 5:08 PM on April 3, 2019 [5 favorites]
It did turn up this wonderful example, with (suitably bemused) American observers.
posted by GeckoDundee at 5:08 PM on April 3, 2019 [5 favorites]
Oh man, Philly. I’ve only visited once but was amazed that on street after street, the entire chicken lane was used for parking. I asked my Philly friend about it, and she explained that everyone who does that is banking on parking enforcement thinking that maybe they’re wiseguys who can get away with it anyhow.
posted by adamrice at 5:18 PM on April 3, 2019
posted by adamrice at 5:18 PM on April 3, 2019
I witnessed an identical situation in my downtown Santa Monica neighborhood, except the two guys got out of their car. It went on for six or seven minutes, until a guy rode up on his beach cruiser. It was my late friend Craig, who I suspect was actually a Jedi. About a minute later they were all laughing, the two guys shook hands, and one car drive off. I told that story at his memorial service. I've never seen anything like it.
Also, is there any doubt that this is a two men, one parking space kind of thing? I can't imagine two women doing this for more than a few minutes.
posted by Room 641-A at 5:18 PM on April 3, 2019 [5 favorites]
Also, is there any doubt that this is a two men, one parking space kind of thing? I can't imagine two women doing this for more than a few minutes.
posted by Room 641-A at 5:18 PM on April 3, 2019 [5 favorites]
Also, is there any doubt that this is a two men, one parking space kind of thing? I can't imagine two women doing this for more than a few minutes.
Not exactly the same, but the pedestrian crossing standoff I described above involved me, a woman. I've known at least a couple of other women who've told stories of getting out a book or doing their makeup in the car when meeting other cars on single-track roads where the other driver really didn't want to reverse a few meters to a passing place, but instead seemed to think my friends should reverse dozens or hundreds of meters for their benefit instead.
So maybe not over parking, but that particular strain of demonstrative stubbornness can be found in people of all genders.
posted by Dysk at 5:26 PM on April 3, 2019 [3 favorites]
Not exactly the same, but the pedestrian crossing standoff I described above involved me, a woman. I've known at least a couple of other women who've told stories of getting out a book or doing their makeup in the car when meeting other cars on single-track roads where the other driver really didn't want to reverse a few meters to a passing place, but instead seemed to think my friends should reverse dozens or hundreds of meters for their benefit instead.
So maybe not over parking, but that particular strain of demonstrative stubbornness can be found in people of all genders.
posted by Dysk at 5:26 PM on April 3, 2019 [3 favorites]
Oh man, Philly. I’ve only visited once but was amazed that on street after street, the entire chicken lane was used for parking. I asked my Philly friend about it, and she explained that everyone who does that is banking on parking enforcement thinking that maybe they’re wiseguys who can get away with it anyhow.
I mean, that's a good story, and maybe in was true in like 1955, but nowadays people park there because people park there and the city is too scared to upset the homeowners to do anything about it. It drives me up a wall. I thought New York was bad until I moved to Philly. Philly makes New York look like freaking Amsterdam.
I just looked out my window and counted: one double parked car (no blinkers, just... parked), one car parked half in a crosswalk, one car not parked in a crosswalk but blocking a curb cut. And that's just one block.
There's a guy who regularly just... parks his car on the sidewalk, like he has a reserved spot from the PPA. I hate all of it.
posted by Automocar at 5:47 PM on April 3, 2019 [8 favorites]
I mean, that's a good story, and maybe in was true in like 1955, but nowadays people park there because people park there and the city is too scared to upset the homeowners to do anything about it. It drives me up a wall. I thought New York was bad until I moved to Philly. Philly makes New York look like freaking Amsterdam.
I just looked out my window and counted: one double parked car (no blinkers, just... parked), one car parked half in a crosswalk, one car not parked in a crosswalk but blocking a curb cut. And that's just one block.
There's a guy who regularly just... parks his car on the sidewalk, like he has a reserved spot from the PPA. I hate all of it.
posted by Automocar at 5:47 PM on April 3, 2019 [8 favorites]
I was expecting a THIRD car to swoop in while the Silver car was backing into the space.
At any rate, that move proves that the Black car had the right of way to back into that space.
#TeamBlackCar
posted by calgirl at 6:22 PM on April 3, 2019 [1 favorite]
At any rate, that move proves that the Black car had the right of way to back into that space.
#TeamBlackCar
posted by calgirl at 6:22 PM on April 3, 2019 [1 favorite]
> I can't imagine two women doing this for more than a few minutes.
After a snowstorm and a few days before Christmas, I had to go to the shopping mall for some reason that I can't recall any more. Lot parking is always bad once there's enough snow fallen because the lines are covered by packed-down snow. I saw a space maybe fifteen car widths away from the nearest entrance, and two cars stopped in front of it, blinkers flashing, and two women standing in front of them arguing about something. I drove past them about a dozen more cars' worth, got out, walked past them as their argument escalated to screaming obscenities at each other over which one better deserved that one convenient space, and got my errand done before either of them.
posted by ardgedee at 6:44 PM on April 3, 2019 [7 favorites]
After a snowstorm and a few days before Christmas, I had to go to the shopping mall for some reason that I can't recall any more. Lot parking is always bad once there's enough snow fallen because the lines are covered by packed-down snow. I saw a space maybe fifteen car widths away from the nearest entrance, and two cars stopped in front of it, blinkers flashing, and two women standing in front of them arguing about something. I drove past them about a dozen more cars' worth, got out, walked past them as their argument escalated to screaming obscenities at each other over which one better deserved that one convenient space, and got my errand done before either of them.
posted by ardgedee at 6:44 PM on April 3, 2019 [7 favorites]
MetaFilter: You're grossly underestimating the size of our egos.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:00 PM on April 3, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:00 PM on April 3, 2019 [3 favorites]
I lived in Los Angeles for a bit and this behavior drove me up a wall. You step within 2 feet of the curb and people in giant cars slam on the brakes and are then pissed because you "made" them stop.
I haven't been to Halifax since the late 90s, but my experience there was: if you so much as got near the curb, people would good-naturedly stop their cars and wave you across, anywhere, anytime. Mid-block? No problem. Just step out onto the road - or perch on the edge of the curb - and you'd get the stop-and-wave from drivers. Even if you weren't even thinking about crossing, and just hanging out.
But watching the black/silver car standoff took me back to learning how to parallel park in a 1986 Pontiac Parisienne. Your angle of attack had to be bang-on perfect because your only option was swinging that substantial front end into the spot in one motion of the wheel while in reverse. Watching people shit the bed while parallel parking mid-sized or compact cars is baffling to me.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 7:21 PM on April 3, 2019 [1 favorite]
I haven't been to Halifax since the late 90s, but my experience there was: if you so much as got near the curb, people would good-naturedly stop their cars and wave you across, anywhere, anytime. Mid-block? No problem. Just step out onto the road - or perch on the edge of the curb - and you'd get the stop-and-wave from drivers. Even if you weren't even thinking about crossing, and just hanging out.
But watching the black/silver car standoff took me back to learning how to parallel park in a 1986 Pontiac Parisienne. Your angle of attack had to be bang-on perfect because your only option was swinging that substantial front end into the spot in one motion of the wheel while in reverse. Watching people shit the bed while parallel parking mid-sized or compact cars is baffling to me.
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posted by mandolin conspiracy at 7:21 PM on April 3, 2019 [1 favorite]
Here in Boston, keying cars is more of a thing that happens in suburbs, I think.
Also, in the Boston area, not only is sidewalk parking a thing, but when the road is blocked, we just drive on the sidewalk - a practice that was even recently used as part of a successful appeal of an OUI conviction, because, as the Massachusetts Appeals Court held, a cop shouldn't have pulled a driver over just because he got out of a traffic jam by driving 200 feet down a sidewalk.
posted by adamg at 7:30 PM on April 3, 2019 [10 favorites]
Also, in the Boston area, not only is sidewalk parking a thing, but when the road is blocked, we just drive on the sidewalk - a practice that was even recently used as part of a successful appeal of an OUI conviction, because, as the Massachusetts Appeals Court held, a cop shouldn't have pulled a driver over just because he got out of a traffic jam by driving 200 feet down a sidewalk.
posted by adamg at 7:30 PM on April 3, 2019 [10 favorites]
Whenever I start to question my choice to live in a quiet boring suburb full of soulless chain stores, I shall think of this thread and smile at the plentiful and convenient parking all around me.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 7:37 PM on April 3, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 7:37 PM on April 3, 2019 [4 favorites]
I was expecting the black car to pull in, back up to the middle, thereby making one space out of two, get out of the car and leave, so I was pleasantly surprised that they allowed the silver car to get a space as well.
And apropos of thivaia's comment about the Trader Joe's parking lot, I present: It's getting Real in the Whole Foods parking lot.
posted by mogget at 8:24 PM on April 3, 2019
And apropos of thivaia's comment about the Trader Joe's parking lot, I present: It's getting Real in the Whole Foods parking lot.
posted by mogget at 8:24 PM on April 3, 2019
so, like, I quit twitter a few years ago and am very glad. In an effort to emulate the odious walled-garden thing, Twitter on the web while not logged in is ass. Please include a storify link in the future, thanks.
posted by mwhybark at 8:51 PM on April 3, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by mwhybark at 8:51 PM on April 3, 2019 [4 favorites]
Threadreader unroll (I think Storify is dead)
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 9:14 PM on April 3, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 9:14 PM on April 3, 2019 [4 favorites]
Twitter is timing out so I can’t go back to check, but: was Black Car using their turn signal to indicate that they were parking? This is critical to my decision of which team to join.
posted by third word on a random page at 2:24 AM on April 4, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by third word on a random page at 2:24 AM on April 4, 2019 [1 favorite]
Can't really tell, since we can only see one side of the car, the one away from the curb. Does look a little like the hazards might be on in the initial still picture though?
posted by Dysk at 2:38 AM on April 4, 2019
posted by Dysk at 2:38 AM on April 4, 2019
I was born and raised in L.A. - I work on the Westside near the 405. I can promise you that #teamBlackCar is in the right. I can also promise you that there is no fucking way I would do this. I would give up and drive around for 2 hours until I found another parking space. I will walk a mile from another neighborhood (very not L.A.). I would get a hotel in the Valley before I would pull this bullshit.
Also, this is why I live in Burbank, in a residential neighborhood WITH A GARAGE.
posted by Sophie1 at 6:39 AM on April 4, 2019 [2 favorites]
Also, this is why I live in Burbank, in a residential neighborhood WITH A GARAGE.
posted by Sophie1 at 6:39 AM on April 4, 2019 [2 favorites]
Reading this thread makes it clear how much better things would be in the USA along so many angles if gas were taxed at five bucks a gallon, even if government just lit that revenue on fire.
posted by Kwine at 6:54 AM on April 4, 2019 [6 favorites]
posted by Kwine at 6:54 AM on April 4, 2019 [6 favorites]
"Reading this thread makes it clear how much better things would be in the USA along so many angles if gas were taxed at five bucks a gallon, even if government just lit that revenue on fire."
I have to think both of these people were the sort with more money than they know what to do with, even aftering splashing a ton of it around just to be able to live in LA. Higher gas prices would just make them feel like they were buying an exclusive and quality product. I'm surprised gas companies haven't yet figured a way to make the equivalent of expensive bottled water for their gas yet anyway. Identical product in packaging that makes it seem special and sold for much more.
posted by GoblinHoney at 7:58 AM on April 4, 2019 [4 favorites]
I have to think both of these people were the sort with more money than they know what to do with, even aftering splashing a ton of it around just to be able to live in LA. Higher gas prices would just make them feel like they were buying an exclusive and quality product. I'm surprised gas companies haven't yet figured a way to make the equivalent of expensive bottled water for their gas yet anyway. Identical product in packaging that makes it seem special and sold for much more.
posted by GoblinHoney at 7:58 AM on April 4, 2019 [4 favorites]
GoblinHoney, I thought that is what Premium is.
(Yes I know some cars need extra octane but I guarantee you that a lot of people buy it even when they don't need it.)
posted by elizilla at 9:05 AM on April 4, 2019 [4 favorites]
(Yes I know some cars need extra octane but I guarantee you that a lot of people buy it even when they don't need it.)
posted by elizilla at 9:05 AM on April 4, 2019 [4 favorites]
here's the posters' (Mariah Flores) instagram story highlight which has a couple more bits, including one where she made the good point that for safety purposes Black Car should've been the one to give up.
posted by numaner at 9:07 AM on April 4, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by numaner at 9:07 AM on April 4, 2019 [1 favorite]
Car culture is deeply toxic, exhibit no. 19,263,853,721,341.
Not that I disagree, but that same stubborn egotism constantly occurs in plenty of other non-car-related contexts too, and has been since long before automobiles were a gleam in humanity's eye. It's human nature, not the cars, that cause that kind of behavior.
posted by Greg_Ace
Agreed. Bicycles, motor cycles, scooters, skateboards... Hmm... I'm detecting a common note here.
We must make the wheel illegal!
posted by Splunge at 4:31 PM on April 4, 2019 [2 favorites]
Not that I disagree, but that same stubborn egotism constantly occurs in plenty of other non-car-related contexts too, and has been since long before automobiles were a gleam in humanity's eye. It's human nature, not the cars, that cause that kind of behavior.
posted by Greg_Ace
Agreed. Bicycles, motor cycles, scooters, skateboards... Hmm... I'm detecting a common note here.
We must make the wheel illegal!
posted by Splunge at 4:31 PM on April 4, 2019 [2 favorites]
I think you missed a step in my logic. Since the true root cause is Homo sapiens, that's what we need to make illegal.
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:47 PM on April 4, 2019
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:47 PM on April 4, 2019
In Utah they’d have both leaned on their horns and eventually pulled guns on each other. And anywhere other than Salt Lake, there’d have been free parking half a block away.
Maybe I’m just too much of a pushover for fear of Jello Belt vigilantism, but I’m kind of Team Neither. If I try to parallel park and someone crowds me out of it from behind, I throw up my hands and drive on. Because around here, they probably have an NRA sticker next to their stick figure family decals.
posted by armeowda at 4:53 PM on April 4, 2019 [3 favorites]
Maybe I’m just too much of a pushover for fear of Jello Belt vigilantism, but I’m kind of Team Neither. If I try to parallel park and someone crowds me out of it from behind, I throw up my hands and drive on. Because around here, they probably have an NRA sticker next to their stick figure family decals.
posted by armeowda at 4:53 PM on April 4, 2019 [3 favorites]
nicolin, I didn't know it had a name! I was told by friends in Toulouse that nobody puts their parking brakes on (which is ok because the streets are flat). That way when you make contact with the other parked cars they'll be able to roll a bit to accommodate you.
posted by deadbilly at 11:05 PM on April 5, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by deadbilly at 11:05 PM on April 5, 2019 [1 favorite]
> predictable rule-abiding traffic is safe traffic
That's a hell of a story, and if only we could get everyone to understand this. People sometimes stop when turning off the main road here when I'm waiting (well away) to cross a side road, and I wish I had some way to convey briefly how deeply I don't want to walk in front of a vehicle that is aimed towards me while its rear end is unexpectedly stopped in fast moving traffic, however thoughtful the gesture is. I worked up some large format highway code signs in a pique the other day, but I don't think I've fully reached the point of zip tying laminated cards to street furniture.
posted by lucidium at 4:52 PM on April 6, 2019 [5 favorites]
That's a hell of a story, and if only we could get everyone to understand this. People sometimes stop when turning off the main road here when I'm waiting (well away) to cross a side road, and I wish I had some way to convey briefly how deeply I don't want to walk in front of a vehicle that is aimed towards me while its rear end is unexpectedly stopped in fast moving traffic, however thoughtful the gesture is. I worked up some large format highway code signs in a pique the other day, but I don't think I've fully reached the point of zip tying laminated cards to street furniture.
posted by lucidium at 4:52 PM on April 6, 2019 [5 favorites]
"GoblinHoney, I thought that is what Premium is."
Hahaha you know I have been ignoring that button for so long I forgot it was even a thing. Kind of deflates my joke while simultaneously proving it.
posted by GoblinHoney at 11:56 AM on April 8, 2019
Hahaha you know I have been ignoring that button for so long I forgot it was even a thing. Kind of deflates my joke while simultaneously proving it.
posted by GoblinHoney at 11:56 AM on April 8, 2019
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posted by Johnny Wallflower at 1:30 PM on April 3, 2019 [2 favorites]