And I kept standing 6'1" / instead of 5'2''
May 2, 2019 10:50 AM Subscribe
*pushes up glasses*
The title led be to believe there would be Liz Phair related content. I am here for that content. Please respond.
posted by robotmachine at 11:00 AM on May 2, 2019 [48 favorites]
The title led be to believe there would be Liz Phair related content. I am here for that content. Please respond.
posted by robotmachine at 11:00 AM on May 2, 2019 [48 favorites]
Maybe it’s not surprising that height increase is a frequent topic of conversation among incels, or involuntary celibates, a loosely affiliated community of mostly young men who rage against the women who don’t want them
Definitely not surprising.
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 11:02 AM on May 2, 2019 [3 favorites]
Definitely not surprising.
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 11:02 AM on May 2, 2019 [3 favorites]
In surveys, heterosexual women have shown a preference for taller men.
There is a cap to this though - I am 6'4", and over 6'5" in shoes. I found I got about 30% more interest on dating sites if I listed my height at 6'3".
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 11:03 AM on May 2, 2019 [15 favorites]
There is a cap to this though - I am 6'4", and over 6'5" in shoes. I found I got about 30% more interest on dating sites if I listed my height at 6'3".
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 11:03 AM on May 2, 2019 [15 favorites]
The title led be to believe there would be Liz Phair related content. I am here for that content. Please respond.
I love everything through whitechocolatespaceegg and I've seen her live several times, so I concur. Sorry to disappoint.
posted by Chrysostom at 11:07 AM on May 2, 2019 [7 favorites]
I love everything through whitechocolatespaceegg and I've seen her live several times, so I concur. Sorry to disappoint.
posted by Chrysostom at 11:07 AM on May 2, 2019 [7 favorites]
There is a cap to this though
Yeah, the last guy I dated was actually 6'6" but listed himself at 6'4" for this same reason. I was like babe, no, you're good (I think my exact words were like let me climb you like a tree but I digress.)
posted by Hermione Granger at 11:09 AM on May 2, 2019 [23 favorites]
Yeah, the last guy I dated was actually 6'6" but listed himself at 6'4" for this same reason. I was like babe, no, you're good (I think my exact words were like let me climb you like a tree but I digress.)
posted by Hermione Granger at 11:09 AM on May 2, 2019 [23 favorites]
I woke up this morning with a Liz Phair song already in my head, but it was from post-whitechocolatespaceegg.
posted by Navelgazer at 11:09 AM on May 2, 2019
posted by Navelgazer at 11:09 AM on May 2, 2019
Is this the place to post 5'11" vs. 6'0" memes?
posted by tobascodagama at 11:10 AM on May 2, 2019 [6 favorites]
posted by tobascodagama at 11:10 AM on May 2, 2019 [6 favorites]
I guess it's true what they say, a fool and his money are soon parted. The opportunities are limitless for a creative go-getter with big ideas about how to con idiots. I'm jealous.
posted by bleep at 11:11 AM on May 2, 2019
posted by bleep at 11:11 AM on May 2, 2019
I can imagine a future where these medications actually worked, and we'd be dinosauring our way to extinction, so even if it was theoretically possible, I can see the makers saying 'nope'.
posted by The_Vegetables at 11:11 AM on May 2, 2019
posted by The_Vegetables at 11:11 AM on May 2, 2019
It's sad to think that there's a big enough audience of people who will fool themselves into believing that they've actually grown taller to warrant multiple products. And sadly, that can be said for products that claim to do all sorts of impossible things.
posted by xingcat at 11:13 AM on May 2, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by xingcat at 11:13 AM on May 2, 2019 [4 favorites]
I can imagine a future where these medications actually worked
I could find pants that fit, and actually sit on busses and airplanes ?
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 11:14 AM on May 2, 2019 [4 favorites]
I could find pants that fit, and actually sit on busses and airplanes ?
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 11:14 AM on May 2, 2019 [4 favorites]
"Women prefer taller men"...perhaps. But I've also noticed that short men often prefer women even shorter than themselves, thereby purging all woman who would date short guys but who stand taller than about 5'4" from the dating pool. I bet that none of these "make me taller, ladies are height-bigots" guys would consider dating women taller than they are.
My mother was about 1/2" taller than my father and neither of them stood more than 5'5", so my unconscious belief is that not only do humans date people about their own height but that people taller than 5'5" might as well be giants. I used to work in a job where I was around a lot of people who had been athletes in high school and college, and it was so weird. I'd be in the elevator and they'd all tower over me. It was like working with Ents.
posted by Frowner at 11:15 AM on May 2, 2019 [38 favorites]
My mother was about 1/2" taller than my father and neither of them stood more than 5'5", so my unconscious belief is that not only do humans date people about their own height but that people taller than 5'5" might as well be giants. I used to work in a job where I was around a lot of people who had been athletes in high school and college, and it was so weird. I'd be in the elevator and they'd all tower over me. It was like working with Ents.
posted by Frowner at 11:15 AM on May 2, 2019 [38 favorites]
After a very scary tall man, I prefer men much closer to my height (just barely 5'4").
This article scares me, the extent to which people will go...but is it really much different from Crossfit or keto or whatever? that I do not know.
posted by wellred at 11:18 AM on May 2, 2019 [3 favorites]
This article scares me, the extent to which people will go...but is it really much different from Crossfit or keto or whatever? that I do not know.
posted by wellred at 11:18 AM on May 2, 2019 [3 favorites]
My fantasy was always women over 6' (I'm 5'7") but never met a tall woman interested in dating me. OTOH I'm happily married for 16 years to a 5'5" woman....
posted by billsaysthis at 11:22 AM on May 2, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by billsaysthis at 11:22 AM on May 2, 2019 [1 favorite]
For those who grow bored with this article quickly (presumably everybody here), here is a spoiler: a bottle of 60 Get Taller pills will set you back $169. Well, however many short and gullible men there are around, somebody is making good money.
posted by kozad at 11:25 AM on May 2, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by kozad at 11:25 AM on May 2, 2019 [3 favorites]
I'm 6'2" and it mostly means that I've hit my head many more times than most shorter people including that one time when I slammed into a warehouse shelf support and knocked myself out cold.
posted by octothorpe at 11:26 AM on May 2, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by octothorpe at 11:26 AM on May 2, 2019 [4 favorites]
In surveys, heterosexual women have shown a preference for taller men.
In my years of online dating, this is definitely true, but probably for a certain age bracket (which I have luckily grown out of). I'm 5'9", which is pretty average height around these parts. When it comes to online dating, I'm not short, but more importantly, I am not tall. That's what counted.
And I've always listed my height accurately, which may or may not be the way to go, when it's expected that everyone is lying about their height. If I had any idea how to successfully online date, I wouldn't still be doing it.
posted by Capt. Renault at 11:27 AM on May 2, 2019 [2 favorites]
In my years of online dating, this is definitely true, but probably for a certain age bracket (which I have luckily grown out of). I'm 5'9", which is pretty average height around these parts. When it comes to online dating, I'm not short, but more importantly, I am not tall. That's what counted.
And I've always listed my height accurately, which may or may not be the way to go, when it's expected that everyone is lying about their height. If I had any idea how to successfully online date, I wouldn't still be doing it.
posted by Capt. Renault at 11:27 AM on May 2, 2019 [2 favorites]
I thought this would be about Bigger Luke.
posted by duffell at 11:31 AM on May 2, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by duffell at 11:31 AM on May 2, 2019 [2 favorites]
and actually sit on busses and airplanes ?
They make you grow not shrink down to the size of a platypus.
posted by The_Vegetables at 11:31 AM on May 2, 2019 [6 favorites]
They make you grow not shrink down to the size of a platypus.
posted by The_Vegetables at 11:31 AM on May 2, 2019 [6 favorites]
Interesting how the article says that romance is a reason to want to be taller because women prefer tall men. What about people who aren't men interested in women? That's more than half the population you are excluding without even noticing.
The male-centrism is ubiquitous.
posted by PennD at 11:32 AM on May 2, 2019 [12 favorites]
The male-centrism is ubiquitous.
posted by PennD at 11:32 AM on May 2, 2019 [12 favorites]
For those who grow bored with this article quickly (presumably everybody here), here is a spoiler: a bottle of 60 Get Taller pills will set you back $169.
I mean, if you buy a case of them and then stand on the case, you will become taller — albeit poorer and much less mobile.
posted by Celsius1414 at 11:33 AM on May 2, 2019 [22 favorites]
I mean, if you buy a case of them and then stand on the case, you will become taller — albeit poorer and much less mobile.
posted by Celsius1414 at 11:33 AM on May 2, 2019 [22 favorites]
The mobility issue would be solved with a second case and some decent rope.
Get Taller and Stay Mobile with Romper StompersTM!
posted by hototogisu at 11:47 AM on May 2, 2019 [27 favorites]
Get Taller and Stay Mobile with Romper StompersTM!
posted by hototogisu at 11:47 AM on May 2, 2019 [27 favorites]
I bet that none of these "make me taller, ladies are height-bigots" guys would consider dating women taller than they are.
I have, since maybe age 7, liked women who were taller than me. Grumpybearbride is taller than me. I didn't even think about my height as an issue until my junior year HS girlfriend (who was a freshman in college) told me that, according to her psychology class, she shouldn't be attracted to me because I was shorter than her.
Starting with college I became pretty sensitive about my height (among other things) and longed for "tall shoes for men." I would have gladly dated a 6'2" woman! I almost got my ass kicked once by a tall butch lesbian while at the 500 Club in SF by asking her to dance. (That was quite the night!) Most of the time, however, aside from my insecurities, it really didn't matter - almost all of my girlfriends were taller than me.
In the metrics-obsessed online dating world, though, where height becomes a filterable criteria, that kind of theoretical insecurity becomes very real. It doesn't help that articles keep coming out talking about taller people being better off, etc. So I can see why short guys who lack self-confidence would gravitate towards kooky "solutions" to the problem, though it appears to have become an unhealthy obsession for some - see "shortcels."
I'm glad that I went through my self-image issues in the privacy of my own mind and not on the internet.
posted by grumpybear69 at 11:48 AM on May 2, 2019 [10 favorites]
I have, since maybe age 7, liked women who were taller than me. Grumpybearbride is taller than me. I didn't even think about my height as an issue until my junior year HS girlfriend (who was a freshman in college) told me that, according to her psychology class, she shouldn't be attracted to me because I was shorter than her.
Starting with college I became pretty sensitive about my height (among other things) and longed for "tall shoes for men." I would have gladly dated a 6'2" woman! I almost got my ass kicked once by a tall butch lesbian while at the 500 Club in SF by asking her to dance. (That was quite the night!) Most of the time, however, aside from my insecurities, it really didn't matter - almost all of my girlfriends were taller than me.
In the metrics-obsessed online dating world, though, where height becomes a filterable criteria, that kind of theoretical insecurity becomes very real. It doesn't help that articles keep coming out talking about taller people being better off, etc. So I can see why short guys who lack self-confidence would gravitate towards kooky "solutions" to the problem, though it appears to have become an unhealthy obsession for some - see "shortcels."
I'm glad that I went through my self-image issues in the privacy of my own mind and not on the internet.
posted by grumpybear69 at 11:48 AM on May 2, 2019 [10 favorites]
For a while I had a friend investigating the men who actually went for bone lengthening surgery, like nearly two years of immobility and bone breaking pain to gain a half an inch, maybe.
The report backs where ...pretty heartbreaking, turns out spending two years in agony in another country and spending thousands upon thousands of dollars to learn that 5.6 isn’t really that different than 5.4 1/2 is a very cold comfort.
Since a lot of this kind of thing comes out of Incel groups (heightcel is a word that exists) I quick refresher from Contrapoints on what their deal is, how they think and understand the world, and their ....death cult nature.
posted by The Whelk at 11:49 AM on May 2, 2019 [13 favorites]
The report backs where ...pretty heartbreaking, turns out spending two years in agony in another country and spending thousands upon thousands of dollars to learn that 5.6 isn’t really that different than 5.4 1/2 is a very cold comfort.
Since a lot of this kind of thing comes out of Incel groups (heightcel is a word that exists) I quick refresher from Contrapoints on what their deal is, how they think and understand the world, and their ....death cult nature.
posted by The Whelk at 11:49 AM on May 2, 2019 [13 favorites]
> I bet that none of these "make me taller, ladies are height-bigots" guys would consider dating women taller than they are.
Certainly they would! They would LOVE to date a woman taller than themselves! As soon as the appropriate 18-26 year old fair-complexioned woman with a slim waist and large breasts shows up, wearing an appropriately sexy-not-slutty outfit and just enough makeup to show off her classically-beautiful features, professing interest (but not expertise) in several of his favorite discussion topics.
posted by desuetude at 11:49 AM on May 2, 2019 [83 favorites]
Certainly they would! They would LOVE to date a woman taller than themselves! As soon as the appropriate 18-26 year old fair-complexioned woman with a slim waist and large breasts shows up, wearing an appropriately sexy-not-slutty outfit and just enough makeup to show off her classically-beautiful features, professing interest (but not expertise) in several of his favorite discussion topics.
posted by desuetude at 11:49 AM on May 2, 2019 [83 favorites]
The title led be to believe there would be Liz Phair related content.
Bought Height Con
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:52 AM on May 2, 2019
Bought Height Con
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:52 AM on May 2, 2019
I've always listed my height accurately
For years I listed mine (accurately) as 5' 11-3/4", though eventually I gave up and started calling it 6' even.
My height got measured recently and I found that as I got older I've lost almost exactly an inch; now I have to make another decision on calling it 5' 10-3/4" or just rounding to 5' 11"....
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:57 AM on May 2, 2019 [3 favorites]
For years I listed mine (accurately) as 5' 11-3/4", though eventually I gave up and started calling it 6' even.
My height got measured recently and I found that as I got older I've lost almost exactly an inch; now I have to make another decision on calling it 5' 10-3/4" or just rounding to 5' 11"....
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:57 AM on May 2, 2019 [3 favorites]
I actually feel a lot of empathy here (unless a dude has decided he's an incel, of course). Plenty of straight women do like the company of equal-height or shorter men. I do, not that anyone cares, and I know of other women who have talked about this.
But saying so is, I know, absolutely no more help to someone who is in emotional pain than telling an overweight woman that there are plenty of men who will find her attractive. When you've internalized the idea that you're undesirable in some way, you have a natural suspicion of anyone that would want you, a sense that they themselves must be discards. This is a fallacy that affects people of all kinds and genders. But incels, short or tall, are holding out for a woman who confers status. What these guys want is the idea that they can somehow earn a partner of their own specifications. Short or tall, nobody likes a bitter sulker with a grudge.
posted by Countess Elena at 11:57 AM on May 2, 2019 [41 favorites]
But saying so is, I know, absolutely no more help to someone who is in emotional pain than telling an overweight woman that there are plenty of men who will find her attractive. When you've internalized the idea that you're undesirable in some way, you have a natural suspicion of anyone that would want you, a sense that they themselves must be discards. This is a fallacy that affects people of all kinds and genders. But incels, short or tall, are holding out for a woman who confers status. What these guys want is the idea that they can somehow earn a partner of their own specifications. Short or tall, nobody likes a bitter sulker with a grudge.
posted by Countess Elena at 11:57 AM on May 2, 2019 [41 favorites]
> What about people who aren't men interested in women? That's more than half the population you are excluding without even noticing. The male-centrism is ubiquitous.
You're not wrong, but at the same time, the target market for these height scammers is the incel community. The group under discussion has already self-selected for sexism and gender rigidity.
posted by at by at 11:59 AM on May 2, 2019 [6 favorites]
You're not wrong, but at the same time, the target market for these height scammers is the incel community. The group under discussion has already self-selected for sexism and gender rigidity.
posted by at by at 11:59 AM on May 2, 2019 [6 favorites]
My girl is slightly taller than me. In heels it's completely obvious. And you know what?
We like each other. We have a dog and force each other to watch TV shows that we're pretty sure they'll like and most of the time we're right. I love her.
And you know what nobody has ever said to me? Any emasculating thing about dating a tall girl. This has less to do with my masculinity and more with the quality of people you care to associate with.
posted by East14thTaco at 12:01 PM on May 2, 2019 [8 favorites]
We like each other. We have a dog and force each other to watch TV shows that we're pretty sure they'll like and most of the time we're right. I love her.
And you know what nobody has ever said to me? Any emasculating thing about dating a tall girl. This has less to do with my masculinity and more with the quality of people you care to associate with.
posted by East14thTaco at 12:01 PM on May 2, 2019 [8 favorites]
Interesting how the article says that romance is a reason to want to be taller because women prefer tall men.
That's the insecurity that creates the market for the snake oil these people are selling. And it's a good demographic for snake oil... incels turn off critical thinking when considering their pet peeves, so if you can sell them something that both affirms their world view and offers a solution to the problem they think it poses, you'll encounter open wallets and no skepticism.
posted by lefty lucky cat at 12:02 PM on May 2, 2019 [3 favorites]
That's the insecurity that creates the market for the snake oil these people are selling. And it's a good demographic for snake oil... incels turn off critical thinking when considering their pet peeves, so if you can sell them something that both affirms their world view and offers a solution to the problem they think it poses, you'll encounter open wallets and no skepticism.
posted by lefty lucky cat at 12:02 PM on May 2, 2019 [3 favorites]
I'm a short guy. 5'4". It does prove a problem in dating. Particularly trying to use apps. If I put my height down a lot of women would write me off on that basis or their search parameters don't even go down to my height. If I leave it off I feel like I'm fooling them and have gone on dates where after seeing me in real life they quickly mention they can't stay long blah blah blah and all that. Not long ago I matched with someone where things were going well and we made plans to meet. She then said "by the way I'm 5'10"-hope that's not a problem". I said no, by the way I'm 5'4" and then got ghosted. So it is a thing.
I don't really think about my height much normally and accept that this is how I am. But when it comes to dating I know my options are more limited. It simply makes it harder. Humans make attractive or not judgments very quickly and often dont allow the time to get to know someone and maybe get past physical imperfections. I'm still trying. I still swipe. I try to hold out hope. But I haven't met the right person yet and sometimes wonder if I ever will.
As a kid my mom suggested growth hormones or something when she saw I wasn't getting any taller, but my dad (who's also short for a guy but a few inches taller than me) wouldn't allow it and it didn't happen. If I could go back I probably would have done it. It'd just make everyday life a bit easier. But can't change the past. I am 5'4".
posted by downtohisturtles at 12:03 PM on May 2, 2019 [22 favorites]
I don't really think about my height much normally and accept that this is how I am. But when it comes to dating I know my options are more limited. It simply makes it harder. Humans make attractive or not judgments very quickly and often dont allow the time to get to know someone and maybe get past physical imperfections. I'm still trying. I still swipe. I try to hold out hope. But I haven't met the right person yet and sometimes wonder if I ever will.
As a kid my mom suggested growth hormones or something when she saw I wasn't getting any taller, but my dad (who's also short for a guy but a few inches taller than me) wouldn't allow it and it didn't happen. If I could go back I probably would have done it. It'd just make everyday life a bit easier. But can't change the past. I am 5'4".
posted by downtohisturtles at 12:03 PM on May 2, 2019 [22 favorites]
I used to be 6'2" but I've started wearing minimalist shoes, and at my last physical my new doctor measured me at 6'1". If it is just the shoes, I'll have to get a pair of Yeezys so I'll be almost 6'3" at my next visit. I mean, I'll probably trip on the way out the door, but it'll be worth it.
posted by fedward at 12:05 PM on May 2, 2019
posted by fedward at 12:05 PM on May 2, 2019
Pretty sure there was at least one dating site I was unable to register for because my height was off the bottom range of their drop-down selector. I suspect it wouldn't have been a good match for me anyway.
posted by NMcCoy at 12:16 PM on May 2, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by NMcCoy at 12:16 PM on May 2, 2019 [3 favorites]
a quick refresher from Contrapoints on what their deal is ...
It must needs be remarked!
(BRB, exploring the shorter pills grift.)
posted by octobersurprise at 12:19 PM on May 2, 2019 [1 favorite]
It must needs be remarked!
(BRB, exploring the shorter pills grift.)
posted by octobersurprise at 12:19 PM on May 2, 2019 [1 favorite]
"One pill makes you larger / and one pill makes you smol"
posted by octobersurprise at 12:21 PM on May 2, 2019 [22 favorites]
posted by octobersurprise at 12:21 PM on May 2, 2019 [22 favorites]
I have a friend who met her husband via an app. After the first date she complained loudly to her entire social group about men claiming to be 6 feet tall when they are actually less. He was 5 foot 9.
I've never asked because we are not really that close but I am insanely curious about how they resolved this. He lied, successfully albeit only temporarily, to get her to give him a chance. She judged him by his height but not exclusively. Eventually they married.
It's not unusual for couples to have minor early relationship deceptions but this one is so socially glaring and also so ultimately unimportant that it is just really awkwardly weird.
posted by srboisvert at 12:22 PM on May 2, 2019 [2 favorites]
I've never asked because we are not really that close but I am insanely curious about how they resolved this. He lied, successfully albeit only temporarily, to get her to give him a chance. She judged him by his height but not exclusively. Eventually they married.
It's not unusual for couples to have minor early relationship deceptions but this one is so socially glaring and also so ultimately unimportant that it is just really awkwardly weird.
posted by srboisvert at 12:22 PM on May 2, 2019 [2 favorites]
One word: exoskeleton. Walk around as tall as you like, newly able to flip cars and fight aliens.
Problem: prospective partners who are into cyborgs may feel misled.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 12:27 PM on May 2, 2019 [30 favorites]
Problem: prospective partners who are into cyborgs may feel misled.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 12:27 PM on May 2, 2019 [30 favorites]
This is a funny one for me. I'm 6'2
When i was a "boy", i regularly got remarks that my height was part of what made me attractive, etc. That stuffs all pretty standard, but it didn't come up often unless i was complaining about not fitting in the back seat of someones fiat or something.
What is and was fascinating to me, is that after i finished catching shit for being a really obvious trans woman and started to blend in, i get harassed at bars/clubs/shows CONSTANTLY by short men who want to hassle/joke around at me, and obviously have something to prove. Like they'll wait until i'm walking through the place split off from my partner or friends to start some weird ass conversation or corner me on the patio to try some jokey routine.
I would write it off as standard, tiresome man stuff if it wasn't literally only short guys. Some nights it happens multiple times. It's to the point that sometimes one of them will see me with my partner, hassle them while i'm at the bar/bathroom and she's saving our table, and then immediately pounce on me when i return.
I can really see why there's a large market for these products, but holy shit does this feel like some core constituency of incel/toxic masculinity stuff.
posted by emptythought at 12:33 PM on May 2, 2019 [20 favorites]
When i was a "boy", i regularly got remarks that my height was part of what made me attractive, etc. That stuffs all pretty standard, but it didn't come up often unless i was complaining about not fitting in the back seat of someones fiat or something.
What is and was fascinating to me, is that after i finished catching shit for being a really obvious trans woman and started to blend in, i get harassed at bars/clubs/shows CONSTANTLY by short men who want to hassle/joke around at me, and obviously have something to prove. Like they'll wait until i'm walking through the place split off from my partner or friends to start some weird ass conversation or corner me on the patio to try some jokey routine.
I would write it off as standard, tiresome man stuff if it wasn't literally only short guys. Some nights it happens multiple times. It's to the point that sometimes one of them will see me with my partner, hassle them while i'm at the bar/bathroom and she's saving our table, and then immediately pounce on me when i return.
I can really see why there's a large market for these products, but holy shit does this feel like some core constituency of incel/toxic masculinity stuff.
posted by emptythought at 12:33 PM on May 2, 2019 [20 favorites]
Found it perplexingly disturbing last physical when the nurse announced 5 11 and three quarters, arghhh, I know the pills will never add inches but maybe a 1/4 inch? Mebe?
posted by sammyo at 12:36 PM on May 2, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by sammyo at 12:36 PM on May 2, 2019 [2 favorites]
It was probably just the short haircut that year anyway...
posted by sammyo at 12:37 PM on May 2, 2019
posted by sammyo at 12:37 PM on May 2, 2019
6’4” trans woman here. Nobody is interested. Luckily, my wife still claims to love me.
posted by battleshipkropotkin at 12:57 PM on May 2, 2019 [6 favorites]
posted by battleshipkropotkin at 12:57 PM on May 2, 2019 [6 favorites]
My dad is 5'6". My husband and all the guys in his family are all 5'9" and under. My son is like 10th percentile for height at the age of six and I am preparing him now to be a short adult, because he probably will be. I suggest he try various sports where his size will be an attribute, I tell him very matter of factly that he's probably always going to be smaller than his peers, and that's totally okay, everyone is different. I check in with him periodically to make sure he's not being picked on about it and he's not having any feelings that need to be addressed constructively instead of repressed down into some singularity of bitterness and toxic masculinity.
Because I for extra sure do not want him getting like *waves hands* this about it. Yikes.
(You know what really does suck for a short kid, though, for real real? Amusement parks.)
posted by soren_lorensen at 1:01 PM on May 2, 2019 [12 favorites]
Because I for extra sure do not want him getting like *waves hands* this about it. Yikes.
(You know what really does suck for a short kid, though, for real real? Amusement parks.)
posted by soren_lorensen at 1:01 PM on May 2, 2019 [12 favorites]
As for dating site profiles, I mentally deduct 2 inches from every man's stated height and have yet to be proven wrong. Doesn't everyone do this?
posted by orrnyereg at 1:33 PM on May 2, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by orrnyereg at 1:33 PM on May 2, 2019 [4 favorites]
As for dating site profiles, I mentally deduct 2 inches from every man's stated height and have yet to be proven wrong. Doesn't everyone do this?
I was once encouraged, by a female friend, to add an inch to my listed (actual) height on profiles, on the assumption that all women were mentally making such a deduction and therefore placing me in Danny DeVito territory.
posted by condour75 at 1:39 PM on May 2, 2019 [5 favorites]
I was once encouraged, by a female friend, to add an inch to my listed (actual) height on profiles, on the assumption that all women were mentally making such a deduction and therefore placing me in Danny DeVito territory.
posted by condour75 at 1:39 PM on May 2, 2019 [5 favorites]
I don't, but then, I do expect that everybody will be less attractive than their pictures, not because of natural perfidy but because everybody picks the most flattering pictures they have, often reaching back up to ten years. (Personally, my pictures are all trying to fake that I am wealthy.)
posted by Countess Elena at 1:41 PM on May 2, 2019 [6 favorites]
posted by Countess Elena at 1:41 PM on May 2, 2019 [6 favorites]
About a third of the way down the article is a link to this other article, about the actual procedure you can get to become about 3 inches taller - basically by cutting through the leg bones and slowly stretching them apart. It costs between 15k and 200k, is painful, risks a serious infection, and takes months in a wheelchair to get the final result.
posted by condour75 at 2:04 PM on May 2, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by condour75 at 2:04 PM on May 2, 2019 [2 favorites]
I'm average height now (5'10") and was never short but I remember in Grade 7 writing a story for class where I became super tall and my life was amazing because of it: I became captain of the basketball team (interest in basketball at the time: zero) and eventually a rock star. The idea that it is better to be tall is a strong one.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 2:04 PM on May 2, 2019
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 2:04 PM on May 2, 2019
As someone who spent years wanting to be shorter and finally became (mostly) ok in my own skin this is pretty funny to me.
(You know what really does suck for a short kid, though, for real real? Amusement parks.)
And for tall people! There are several rides at our local park that they won't let me on and a few others I just know better than to try though they're not deemed unsafe.
posted by Clinging to the Wreckage at 2:06 PM on May 2, 2019
(You know what really does suck for a short kid, though, for real real? Amusement parks.)
And for tall people! There are several rides at our local park that they won't let me on and a few others I just know better than to try though they're not deemed unsafe.
posted by Clinging to the Wreckage at 2:06 PM on May 2, 2019
I'm somewhere around 5'6" which is a weird height to be - right between the "average" heights for men and women, so nobody looks at me and thinks, "that's a short person" but I just happen to be the smallest guy in the room pretty often. It's a fact I'm quite aware of, so it took me a while to sort of internalize that I'm more or less the only one who notices and stop caring.
Historically I'm pretty sure it bothered potential partners far, far less than a history poor grooming habits and unfortunate fashion choices from my early 20s through... I mean yesterday, if I'm being honest.
posted by Phobos the Space Potato at 2:09 PM on May 2, 2019 [1 favorite]
Historically I'm pretty sure it bothered potential partners far, far less than a history poor grooming habits and unfortunate fashion choices from my early 20s through... I mean yesterday, if I'm being honest.
posted by Phobos the Space Potato at 2:09 PM on May 2, 2019 [1 favorite]
I recall Peter Dinklage talking about having that leg-stretching surgery; it sounded pretty gruesome, and at the end of it he's 4'5".
posted by Halloween Jack at 2:13 PM on May 2, 2019
posted by Halloween Jack at 2:13 PM on May 2, 2019
People developing insecurities about their height are why I give serious side-eye to media aimed at children that almost invariably portrays female leads as shorter than the male leads, particularly if there's a romantic plot line, particularly in illustrations or animation where the effect is often significantly exaggerated. I'm looking especially hard at you Disney...
posted by Secret Sparrow at 2:15 PM on May 2, 2019 [11 favorites]
posted by Secret Sparrow at 2:15 PM on May 2, 2019 [11 favorites]
This is such a weird way to think about the world to me. I'm pretty close to what's listed as average for men in this article. Perhaps because the world is essentially set up for me, I don't think much about other people's height either in isolation or in comparison to my own. I don't understand why you'd lie about your height. I mean, I do understand it, it's just never occured to me. I'm like 3/4s of an inch to the next inch of height (at least the last time I checked) and I usually round down, figuring that I'm probably shrinking as I get older. I would be hard pressed to tell you which of my friends or relatives are taller or shorter than me. As for dating, if I had to guess, the median height of women I have dated would be shorter than me. Is that because I have an unconscious bias toward shorter women or that women have a bias toward taller men, or some combination of the two?
posted by runcibleshaw at 2:22 PM on May 2, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by runcibleshaw at 2:22 PM on May 2, 2019 [1 favorite]
I don't much notice men's height but am always sharply aware of other women's heights. I deeply resent any woman being taller than me (5'10"). Personal neurosis.
posted by orrnyereg at 2:29 PM on May 2, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by orrnyereg at 2:29 PM on May 2, 2019 [2 favorites]
>My son is like 10th percentile for height at the age of six
If it is any comfort, my son was the same, and now at 16 remains short.
He is an absolute lady killer, though, even compared to his tall friends because he is thoughtful and sensitive and comfortable in his own skin. I like to think I had a bit of a hand in that by also treating his height matter of factly, and encouraging him in aspects where it is advantageous.
posted by bystander at 2:29 PM on May 2, 2019 [5 favorites]
If it is any comfort, my son was the same, and now at 16 remains short.
He is an absolute lady killer, though, even compared to his tall friends because he is thoughtful and sensitive and comfortable in his own skin. I like to think I had a bit of a hand in that by also treating his height matter of factly, and encouraging him in aspects where it is advantageous.
posted by bystander at 2:29 PM on May 2, 2019 [5 favorites]
And for tall people! There are several rides at our local park that they won't let me on and a few others I just know better than to try though they're not deemed unsafe.
I've had to give up riding in any ride that has a bar that comes down over you as I end up with bruised shoulders because they have to jam the bar down so hard to squeeze me in there.
posted by octothorpe at 3:00 PM on May 2, 2019
I've had to give up riding in any ride that has a bar that comes down over you as I end up with bruised shoulders because they have to jam the bar down so hard to squeeze me in there.
posted by octothorpe at 3:00 PM on May 2, 2019
It's because we assume tall guys are also hung. Duh.
posted by fluttering hellfire at 3:17 PM on May 2, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by fluttering hellfire at 3:17 PM on May 2, 2019 [1 favorite]
"There is a cap to this though - I am 6'4", and over 6'5" in shoes. I found I got about 30% more interest on dating sites if I listed my height at 6'3"."
I wonder if they think you're lying excessively if you put 6'4".
Online dating is terrible. If you're meeting people in real life, since you already SEE them, you know what they're like and you rapidly forget if they're short or tall and they're just THEIR HEIGHT and while I know some people care a lot, I think most people don't really register it once they know someone a bit. I dated guys who were not very tall and the only time I really even noticed their height was when they lied like a rug about it which I found amusing. ("Dude you are 5'7" at most, 5'10" is totally out of the ballpark" quoth my brain with amusement, quietly and never out loud.) But online you have to pick a bunch of parameters and, well, why not that parameter, and you have to sort through SO MANY options instead of getting to know people in more natural and casual ways, so you have to limit and discard. Ugh.
"I don't much notice men's height but am always sharply aware of other women's heights. I deeply resent any woman being taller than me (5'10"). Personal neurosis."
I am 5'2" and so used to being the shortest adult in most rooms that on the rare occasions I meet someone shorter than me it freaks me the fuck out, I feel elephantine and very uncomfortable, like I suddenly don't know what to do with my arms, which are suddenly gigantic and uncontrolled and flopping around in space.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 3:30 PM on May 2, 2019 [19 favorites]
I wonder if they think you're lying excessively if you put 6'4".
Online dating is terrible. If you're meeting people in real life, since you already SEE them, you know what they're like and you rapidly forget if they're short or tall and they're just THEIR HEIGHT and while I know some people care a lot, I think most people don't really register it once they know someone a bit. I dated guys who were not very tall and the only time I really even noticed their height was when they lied like a rug about it which I found amusing. ("Dude you are 5'7" at most, 5'10" is totally out of the ballpark" quoth my brain with amusement, quietly and never out loud.) But online you have to pick a bunch of parameters and, well, why not that parameter, and you have to sort through SO MANY options instead of getting to know people in more natural and casual ways, so you have to limit and discard. Ugh.
"I don't much notice men's height but am always sharply aware of other women's heights. I deeply resent any woman being taller than me (5'10"). Personal neurosis."
I am 5'2" and so used to being the shortest adult in most rooms that on the rare occasions I meet someone shorter than me it freaks me the fuck out, I feel elephantine and very uncomfortable, like I suddenly don't know what to do with my arms, which are suddenly gigantic and uncontrolled and flopping around in space.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 3:30 PM on May 2, 2019 [19 favorites]
As a 6'6 Jack Skellington man body, it really disturbs me to read the mutilation and desperation that people put themselves through over their height. I really, really wish that men didn't try to solve their insecurities with that mutilation. From my own experience, my height really confers no advantage other than "I can place things on high shelves" and "I can be in the back of a concert and see everything just fine". Statistically, I know there are general trends in acquisition and status in relation to height, but height isn't a panacea for insecurity. Trust me.
posted by Philipschall at 3:33 PM on May 2, 2019 [6 favorites]
posted by Philipschall at 3:33 PM on May 2, 2019 [6 favorites]
> And you know what nobody has ever said to me? Any emasculating thing about dating a tall girl
I had crappy stuff said to me by both men and women when I was a woman in my twenties and had boyfriends who were shorter than I was.
> I deeply resent any woman being taller than me (5'10")
*looks orrnyereg straight in the eye*
Indeed.
posted by The corpse in the library at 3:38 PM on May 2, 2019 [10 favorites]
I had crappy stuff said to me by both men and women when I was a woman in my twenties and had boyfriends who were shorter than I was.
> I deeply resent any woman being taller than me (5'10")
*looks orrnyereg straight in the eye*
Indeed.
posted by The corpse in the library at 3:38 PM on May 2, 2019 [10 favorites]
emptythought, I have experienced that too. What is it with short guys picking on tall women? I am a tall woman and the weird attacks from short guys made me cautious of them when I was in my early 20s. But by the time I was 30, men stopped doing that to me. I suppose the kind of guys who do it, aren't interested in anyone too old to serve as a trophy.
I'm a couple inches taller than Mr Elizilla. I don't care and neither does he.
Like Miles Vorkosigan says, when you lie down it doesn't matter.
posted by elizilla at 3:40 PM on May 2, 2019
I'm a couple inches taller than Mr Elizilla. I don't care and neither does he.
Like Miles Vorkosigan says, when you lie down it doesn't matter.
posted by elizilla at 3:40 PM on May 2, 2019
I will offer this: cute trumps everything for nearly everyone. I have a friend who is short (5'6) but cute and he gets dates with women who very specifically in their profiles say they will never date anyone like him. And yet.
I am not cute but a bit over six feet, and generally there is little to no interest, so height definitely doesn't confer any advantage. So I'd recommend investing in cute, though if I knew how to do that (and had any money) I would already be on it.
posted by maxwelton at 4:09 PM on May 2, 2019 [3 favorites]
I am not cute but a bit over six feet, and generally there is little to no interest, so height definitely doesn't confer any advantage. So I'd recommend investing in cute, though if I knew how to do that (and had any money) I would already be on it.
posted by maxwelton at 4:09 PM on May 2, 2019 [3 favorites]
I remember reading a quote from Peter Crouch, who is a bit over 2 metres tall, where he was asked what he would be if he wasn't a soccer player and his very brief answer was "a virgin".
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 4:40 PM on May 2, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 4:40 PM on May 2, 2019 [4 favorites]
I'm 6'4" and have had women approach me in the grocery store because of my height. Of course I get the item for them from the top shelf.
posted by asusu at 4:54 PM on May 2, 2019 [18 favorites]
posted by asusu at 4:54 PM on May 2, 2019 [18 favorites]
I am a 5’ 10” woman that loves short men but unfortunately I’m a lesbian. But I definitely go, “Ooh, that’s so much closer to being someone that I want! Cute!”
And before you say, “that’s because what you want is a woman,” I am also very much a fan of tall women. Maybe I just find tall men... generic? I don’t know. There’s nothing special about tall men unless they possess a few other specific traits that allow them to fall into ideal lesbian territory. Otherwise, meh. Short guys all the way.
I realize this helps no one. But, you know, data point.
posted by brook horse at 5:08 PM on May 2, 2019 [5 favorites]
And before you say, “that’s because what you want is a woman,” I am also very much a fan of tall women. Maybe I just find tall men... generic? I don’t know. There’s nothing special about tall men unless they possess a few other specific traits that allow them to fall into ideal lesbian territory. Otherwise, meh. Short guys all the way.
I realize this helps no one. But, you know, data point.
posted by brook horse at 5:08 PM on May 2, 2019 [5 favorites]
As for dating site profiles, I mentally deduct 2 inches from every man's stated height and have yet to be proven wrong. Doesn't everyone do this?
A few years ago an acquaintance showed me his dating profile for some reason, and it was so hard not to laugh because he was exaggerating everything from height to profession to location. I wanted to ask what happens when they meet him and learn that everything is fraudulent? There must be some awkward moments.
I'm tall enough that I undoubtedly benefit from whatever the advantages are, but day to day there are mostly petty irritations from living in a world designed for people closer to the center of height distribution.
posted by Dip Flash at 5:28 PM on May 2, 2019 [1 favorite]
A few years ago an acquaintance showed me his dating profile for some reason, and it was so hard not to laugh because he was exaggerating everything from height to profession to location. I wanted to ask what happens when they meet him and learn that everything is fraudulent? There must be some awkward moments.
I'm tall enough that I undoubtedly benefit from whatever the advantages are, but day to day there are mostly petty irritations from living in a world designed for people closer to the center of height distribution.
posted by Dip Flash at 5:28 PM on May 2, 2019 [1 favorite]
fluttering hellfire: "It's because we assume tall guys are also hung. Duh."
I wonder if there is any correlation, though?
posted by Chrysostom at 6:32 PM on May 2, 2019
I wonder if there is any correlation, though?
posted by Chrysostom at 6:32 PM on May 2, 2019
I measured 187.5 cm for my military service records, I'm pretty sure I'm 1m85com or less now. So I guess 6 foot plus minus half an inch. What amuses me is the number of people (always men) who say "You can't possibly be 185, because I'm 1.85 myself and you're way taller than I am! You must be 1.90 or more!". Nope, you're just deluding yourself.
posted by kandinski at 7:23 PM on May 2, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by kandinski at 7:23 PM on May 2, 2019 [2 favorites]
Checking in to say that I would happily trade off a couple of inches of my long-limbed 6'4" frame if I could. Being tall comes with a bunch of cultural privilege, sure, but also its own baggage (simply being tall at a bar is a red rag to a special kind of drunk asshole). Being even 6'2" would ameliorate a litany of daily struggles in my life, including, but not limited to:
- a discomfort in cinemas, theatres, planes, and buses that varies from inconvenience to agony without relief due to knee problems that are directly related to the growth spurt that got me to 6'4" in the first place
- a general difficulty in finding pants with more than a 34" inseam, or shirts with adequately long sleeves
- hitting my head on things
- bumping my children's heads on things when given them piggybacks
- dealing with the assumption that I must have a keen interest in basketball
- the tragic inability to find a sustainably safe driving position in small fun cars like Miatas, MR2s, or the Toybaru #thestruggleisreal
posted by MarchHare at 7:29 PM on May 2, 2019 [4 favorites]
- a discomfort in cinemas, theatres, planes, and buses that varies from inconvenience to agony without relief due to knee problems that are directly related to the growth spurt that got me to 6'4" in the first place
- a general difficulty in finding pants with more than a 34" inseam, or shirts with adequately long sleeves
- hitting my head on things
- bumping my children's heads on things when given them piggybacks
- dealing with the assumption that I must have a keen interest in basketball
- the tragic inability to find a sustainably safe driving position in small fun cars like Miatas, MR2s, or the Toybaru #thestruggleisreal
posted by MarchHare at 7:29 PM on May 2, 2019 [4 favorites]
Went from being among the shortest in the class all through elementary, junior high (when doctor trips would include discussions about steroids and shots to increase childhood growth - undoubtedly some pretty crude tech in the 70's); and simply in the smaller stature crowd in high school; and then Boom; from 5'4 or so at 21/22 or so to 5'11 when I was 25.
I'm old enough now (or crushed down by mucho impact activity) that my body has begun the ~shrinkage via time thing. I'm 5'10.
I honestly miss being just a little bit under the radar like I used to be when I was smaller. Really. Under the radar of most peoples awareness, so easy to just get around, get by, and take care of stuff.
Back to hometown occurs about once a year; and every few years I'll meet a childhood hero - the guys that got the early growth, the guys that were strong enough to play sports, idk, childhood heroes. Weird as F* to be looking at the top of some dudes head; and remembering seeing nothing but their shoulders, necks, or chests; and having to look up to talk to them when we were all still kids in school.
Life the adventure. I'm still ?small? on the inside; and I am regularly grateful that I did not grow up to be a big guy mean guy push shove a-hole guy. Best big guys I remember back when I was really small and um, weak; they weren't pushy with the smaller people either. Good times.
posted by Afghan Stan at 9:39 PM on May 2, 2019 [3 favorites]
I'm old enough now (or crushed down by mucho impact activity) that my body has begun the ~shrinkage via time thing. I'm 5'10.
I honestly miss being just a little bit under the radar like I used to be when I was smaller. Really. Under the radar of most peoples awareness, so easy to just get around, get by, and take care of stuff.
Back to hometown occurs about once a year; and every few years I'll meet a childhood hero - the guys that got the early growth, the guys that were strong enough to play sports, idk, childhood heroes. Weird as F* to be looking at the top of some dudes head; and remembering seeing nothing but their shoulders, necks, or chests; and having to look up to talk to them when we were all still kids in school.
Life the adventure. I'm still ?small? on the inside; and I am regularly grateful that I did not grow up to be a big guy mean guy push shove a-hole guy. Best big guys I remember back when I was really small and um, weak; they weren't pushy with the smaller people either. Good times.
posted by Afghan Stan at 9:39 PM on May 2, 2019 [3 favorites]
I'm I think 176cm, although it's been a couple of years since I checked. It seems to be a perfectly adequate height.
I was very much a late grower though, my younger sister was often taller than me and I was the shortest in the class a lot of the time, and I somehow internalised that I'm not a big person, which just isn't really true anymore, and I have to remind myself that I have almost a foot and twice the weight on a couple of my friends.
I don't get why men lie about their height on dating apps, I guess I trust that it happens but I've never noticed myself. I don't list my own height. I do however automatically negatively swipe anyone who mentions my height in their profile, "tall guys only" "6" + or don't bother" is incredibly common, more than a little fucked, and a good way to cull like 10-15% of the possibilities online.
I have sympathy if it's "I'm a tall woman so don't be one of those shits who doesn't want me to wear heels" but just as often it's "you better be tall enough for me to wear heels and still be shorter than you".
posted by AnhydrousLove at 11:51 PM on May 2, 2019 [1 favorite]
I was very much a late grower though, my younger sister was often taller than me and I was the shortest in the class a lot of the time, and I somehow internalised that I'm not a big person, which just isn't really true anymore, and I have to remind myself that I have almost a foot and twice the weight on a couple of my friends.
I don't get why men lie about their height on dating apps, I guess I trust that it happens but I've never noticed myself. I don't list my own height. I do however automatically negatively swipe anyone who mentions my height in their profile, "tall guys only" "6" + or don't bother" is incredibly common, more than a little fucked, and a good way to cull like 10-15% of the possibilities online.
I have sympathy if it's "I'm a tall woman so don't be one of those shits who doesn't want me to wear heels" but just as often it's "you better be tall enough for me to wear heels and still be shorter than you".
posted by AnhydrousLove at 11:51 PM on May 2, 2019 [1 favorite]
Sometimes I wear stilts for work, and that puts me just over nine feet tall. In a crowd it's an interesting feeling. But I am 6'2" in bare feet, so I am used to having a bit of a view. My partner is 5'3" and doing a stilts gig for the first time was a much bigger deal: "I could see over everyone!" A long time ago I went on a date with a woman who was a little taller than me. We turned out to not have very similar interests, but it was fun to see how people reacted to us walking together.
posted by Nothing at 5:04 AM on May 3, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by Nothing at 5:04 AM on May 3, 2019 [2 favorites]
I don't get why men lie about their height on dating apps,
That's a rather ironic thing to lie about.
posted by groda at 5:06 AM on May 3, 2019 [2 favorites]
That's a rather ironic thing to lie about.
posted by groda at 5:06 AM on May 3, 2019 [2 favorites]
I feel like this article really buried the lede, which is that active moderation was able to completely change a toxic subreddit's culture to be more positive and friendly to women. (I am just going by the description from the article, haven't visited the subreddit myself.)
posted by (Over) Thinking at 5:08 AM on May 3, 2019 [10 favorites]
posted by (Over) Thinking at 5:08 AM on May 3, 2019 [10 favorites]
I always found men and women more attractive if they leaned into their culturally negative physical attributes, like shorter people wearing low shoes/flats and taller people wearing high shoes/heels. I've always taken it as a sign the person is comfortable with who they are rather than hiding from it.
As for shorter men harassing taller women, I imagine it's nothing more complicated than attacking the thing that makes them feel weak so that they feel strong. Bullies have ever been thus, and my kids' middle school has certain very short kids who harass and pester the taller kids on the regular.
posted by davejay at 7:55 AM on May 3, 2019 [1 favorite]
As for shorter men harassing taller women, I imagine it's nothing more complicated than attacking the thing that makes them feel weak so that they feel strong. Bullies have ever been thus, and my kids' middle school has certain very short kids who harass and pester the taller kids on the regular.
posted by davejay at 7:55 AM on May 3, 2019 [1 favorite]
I am 5 feet tall or 152 centimeters. I am a woman and I hate being short. If those pills worked, I'd be on them.
posted by domo at 8:21 AM on May 3, 2019
posted by domo at 8:21 AM on May 3, 2019
"I am 5'2" and so used to being the shortest adult in most rooms that on the rare occasions I meet someone shorter than me it freaks me the fuck out, I feel elephantine and very uncomfortable, like I suddenly don't know what to do with my arms, which are suddenly gigantic and uncontrolled and flopping around in space."
I'm a short woman - same height - who spent her adolescence desperately wanting to be taller but was actually able to understand that the lengthening surgery was the most effective means and not at all worth it. I'm surprised and delighted when I see a woman shorter than I am.
posted by Selena777 at 9:01 AM on May 3, 2019
I'm a short woman - same height - who spent her adolescence desperately wanting to be taller but was actually able to understand that the lengthening surgery was the most effective means and not at all worth it. I'm surprised and delighted when I see a woman shorter than I am.
posted by Selena777 at 9:01 AM on May 3, 2019
I always found men and women more attractive if they leaned into their culturally negative physical attributes, like shorter people wearing low shoes/flats and taller people wearing high shoes/heels. I've always taken it as a sign the person is comfortable with who they are rather than hiding from it.
To elaborate on my post above, some of the most direct negative treatment i've ever received has been when i was wearing 5in~ heel boots while out playing shows or going to parties. Now i'm in the right range for way way more men to see me as a target.
I briefly entertained it as a regular thing, and it quickly became a "special occasions only, when i know what the peanut gallery will be like only" thing because i get harassed and treated like a drag queen. And i mean, the latter isn't a bad thing, but i'm just not.
There are definitely fascinating social components to this though, outside of the previously mentioned "any woman taller than me as a man is a threat to my masculinity" stuff. I have friends who are short women(like, 4'10-5ft), who literally wear heels at home. I knew them for actual years before i saw them not in heels. They'll put them on if a pizza delivery shows up.
The inverse there, is the ones i've seen just own being real small get or give it a shot sometimes face almost the same level of harassment from men who make gross sexual comments at them, infantilize them, and often assume they're teenagers when they're generally around 30.
Of course, the common element here is straight men. Everything else is a rounding error.
posted by emptythought at 9:34 AM on May 3, 2019 [1 favorite]
To elaborate on my post above, some of the most direct negative treatment i've ever received has been when i was wearing 5in~ heel boots while out playing shows or going to parties. Now i'm in the right range for way way more men to see me as a target.
I briefly entertained it as a regular thing, and it quickly became a "special occasions only, when i know what the peanut gallery will be like only" thing because i get harassed and treated like a drag queen. And i mean, the latter isn't a bad thing, but i'm just not.
There are definitely fascinating social components to this though, outside of the previously mentioned "any woman taller than me as a man is a threat to my masculinity" stuff. I have friends who are short women(like, 4'10-5ft), who literally wear heels at home. I knew them for actual years before i saw them not in heels. They'll put them on if a pizza delivery shows up.
The inverse there, is the ones i've seen just own being real small get or give it a shot sometimes face almost the same level of harassment from men who make gross sexual comments at them, infantilize them, and often assume they're teenagers when they're generally around 30.
Of course, the common element here is straight men. Everything else is a rounding error.
posted by emptythought at 9:34 AM on May 3, 2019 [1 favorite]
This article could have been written as a satire about weight loss.
Natural size/height based mostly on genetics? Check.
If you fall into the lucky group, you have better chances at careers/promotions/etc? Check.
Internalized through basically all media representation? Check.
Dating sites - "Only tall guys!" and "No fatties" etc? Check.
Small changes can be made through surgery, but it is expensive/painful/leaves you with a body that no longer works the way it used to? Check.
Pills or meds advertise as being able to make actual changes but turns out they are all bogus? Check.
posted by twilightlost at 9:46 AM on May 3, 2019 [4 favorites]
Natural size/height based mostly on genetics? Check.
If you fall into the lucky group, you have better chances at careers/promotions/etc? Check.
Internalized through basically all media representation? Check.
Dating sites - "Only tall guys!" and "No fatties" etc? Check.
Small changes can be made through surgery, but it is expensive/painful/leaves you with a body that no longer works the way it used to? Check.
Pills or meds advertise as being able to make actual changes but turns out they are all bogus? Check.
posted by twilightlost at 9:46 AM on May 3, 2019 [4 favorites]
As for dating site profiles, I mentally deduct 2 inches from every man's stated height and have yet to be proven wrong. Doesn't everyone do this?
I didn't lie about my height on the dating site where I met my wife, but I'm in that comfortable "tall" range of being safely over 6' but not so tall as to create an awkward height difference in a relationship (which is, what, 6'4"?). I wonder if there's a range where the number is more likely to be exaggerated. Like, do all the 5'10" guys claim to be 6 feet tall, while all the 6'2" guys just claim their actual height, because at that point why lie?
But anyway I just measured myself in bare feet (using the beam in the basement that is exactly my height) and I am, in fact, 6'1" now at age 48. I think in high school I was just over 6'1½" in bare feet and shoes always ensured that people rounded up that last half inch. So I've lost both a bit of real height and a bit of shoe stack height since then.
posted by fedward at 10:02 AM on May 3, 2019 [1 favorite]
I didn't lie about my height on the dating site where I met my wife, but I'm in that comfortable "tall" range of being safely over 6' but not so tall as to create an awkward height difference in a relationship (which is, what, 6'4"?). I wonder if there's a range where the number is more likely to be exaggerated. Like, do all the 5'10" guys claim to be 6 feet tall, while all the 6'2" guys just claim their actual height, because at that point why lie?
But anyway I just measured myself in bare feet (using the beam in the basement that is exactly my height) and I am, in fact, 6'1" now at age 48. I think in high school I was just over 6'1½" in bare feet and shoes always ensured that people rounded up that last half inch. So I've lost both a bit of real height and a bit of shoe stack height since then.
posted by fedward at 10:02 AM on May 3, 2019 [1 favorite]
I am 5'8"(AND TWO THIRDS) and found that I received WAY more feedback on OKcupid after changing my listed height to 5'9". I think it could be interesting (but potentially super-creepy and prone to abuse) if dating sites allowed 'premium' or some other subset of users to view user profiles with change tracking.
In any case, I never set height bounds when I was active on dating sites. I've had partners from 5'1" to 6'1" and I gotta say: being the little spoon is FANTASTIC.
I met my perfectly-average height wife via OKcupid, and she didn't break out the measuring tape at our first meeting. I'm sure I came clean about my real self within months -as if she cared at all.
posted by onehalfjunco at 10:25 AM on May 3, 2019
In any case, I never set height bounds when I was active on dating sites. I've had partners from 5'1" to 6'1" and I gotta say: being the little spoon is FANTASTIC.
I met my perfectly-average height wife via OKcupid, and she didn't break out the measuring tape at our first meeting. I'm sure I came clean about my real self within months -as if she cared at all.
posted by onehalfjunco at 10:25 AM on May 3, 2019
I always wonder why shorter A-lister men like Tom Cruise and RDJ bother with lifts and standing on boxes. Well...I know why, but it's a shame they or their directors won't let them just be their actual size. If Ethan Hunt and Tony Stark can't be "short", well damn.
I'm 5'8", which I am told is tall for a woman of my ethnicity so I was always very honest about my height. I met one guy whose profile said he was 5' 9". When I walked up to meet him at our first and only date, I could see the fire die in his eyes as I got closer (and bigger) with every step. I was maybe an inch taller than him, which didn't bother me but he looked aghast as I approached. A dolly zoom of disappointment.
posted by notethisbean at 11:41 AM on May 3, 2019 [6 favorites]
I'm 5'8", which I am told is tall for a woman of my ethnicity so I was always very honest about my height. I met one guy whose profile said he was 5' 9". When I walked up to meet him at our first and only date, I could see the fire die in his eyes as I got closer (and bigger) with every step. I was maybe an inch taller than him, which didn't bother me but he looked aghast as I approached. A dolly zoom of disappointment.
posted by notethisbean at 11:41 AM on May 3, 2019 [6 favorites]
Being even 6'2" would ameliorate a litany of daily struggles in my life, including, but not limited to:
Sorry to burst your bubble but my husband is 6'2" and regularly deals with those daily struggles you think would be gone at that height. Like, every single one of them.* We only go to the symphony in our city maybe once a year now because his knees bash up against the seat in front him no matter how he sits. Flying is excruciating for him. We've discovered the joys of men's tall sizing in a lot of stores now (thanks, Banana Republic!).
*Well, not the piggy-back one so much anymore because our children are adults now and it's no one's fault but their own if their heads get bumped during a piggy-back ride at this point.
posted by cooker girl at 12:24 PM on May 3, 2019 [1 favorite]
Sorry to burst your bubble but my husband is 6'2" and regularly deals with those daily struggles you think would be gone at that height. Like, every single one of them.* We only go to the symphony in our city maybe once a year now because his knees bash up against the seat in front him no matter how he sits. Flying is excruciating for him. We've discovered the joys of men's tall sizing in a lot of stores now (thanks, Banana Republic!).
*Well, not the piggy-back one so much anymore because our children are adults now and it's no one's fault but their own if their heads get bumped during a piggy-back ride at this point.
posted by cooker girl at 12:24 PM on May 3, 2019 [1 favorite]
Sorry to burst your bubble but my husband is 6'2" and regularly deals with those daily struggles you think would be gone at that height.
Even at a hair under 5'11", I still have a lot of Tall Person Problems. Especially airplanes, where even the "extra legroom" seats are kind of a tight fit. But even on normal seats and stuff the back supports end too soon and my thighs are always at some slightly uncomfortable angle that shifts my hips out of alignment and fucks my lower back. I usually don't have to worry too much about bonking my head on things, except for a couple of particularly tight stairwells in Japan.
America was built for 5'9" men, frankly, and anybody taller or shorter than that is just expected to suffer and be miserable unless they can afford custom stuff.
posted by tobascodagama at 1:38 PM on May 3, 2019 [2 favorites]
Even at a hair under 5'11", I still have a lot of Tall Person Problems. Especially airplanes, where even the "extra legroom" seats are kind of a tight fit. But even on normal seats and stuff the back supports end too soon and my thighs are always at some slightly uncomfortable angle that shifts my hips out of alignment and fucks my lower back. I usually don't have to worry too much about bonking my head on things, except for a couple of particularly tight stairwells in Japan.
America was built for 5'9" men, frankly, and anybody taller or shorter than that is just expected to suffer and be miserable unless they can afford custom stuff.
posted by tobascodagama at 1:38 PM on May 3, 2019 [2 favorites]
My main tall person problem only affects the people sitting behind me. Because I'm so long-waisted and have such a huge head, unless we're in stadium style seating no one behind me can see anything but the scar on the back of my head.
posted by octothorpe at 6:33 PM on May 3, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by octothorpe at 6:33 PM on May 3, 2019 [2 favorites]
"I don't get why men lie about their height on dating apps,'
That's a rather ironic thing to lie about.
Yeah that was unclear of me. I understand on one hand, of course, but it's also not a lie that's sustainable if you actually meet the person ever?
posted by AnhydrousLove at 9:11 PM on May 3, 2019
That's a rather ironic thing to lie about.
Yeah that was unclear of me. I understand on one hand, of course, but it's also not a lie that's sustainable if you actually meet the person ever?
posted by AnhydrousLove at 9:11 PM on May 3, 2019
I live with my daughter and her friend, who are both tall young women. The young men they bring home are of all shapes and sizes from very small to very tall, but invariably cute. Yes, the girls are very sex positive. They (the men) are polite, look you in the eye, and have a sense of humor that isn't racist, sexist or mean, but evokes lots of laughter. It seems to me that they have developed that sense of humor by being alert (not perpetually stoned), and interested in other people and the world. I can't judge my girls objectively, but I think it's about the same, and btw, one loves fancy clothes and make-up, the other doesn't. No difference in results. So that's the trick, as seen from my perch: be a decent person, and be genuinely interested in other people. Given to all young mefites of any persuasion.
posted by mumimor at 5:37 AM on May 4, 2019
posted by mumimor at 5:37 AM on May 4, 2019
> I'm sure I came clean about my real self within months -as if she cared at all.
Mr Corpse didn't admit that he was actually 5' 11" and not 6' as I had been lead to believe until after we had been married for almost twenty years, and it only came out because we were in the doctor's office together -- yes, we'd achieved that level of intimacy and yet he was still living a lie. A LIE.
posted by The corpse in the library at 4:14 PM on May 4, 2019 [4 favorites]
Mr Corpse didn't admit that he was actually 5' 11" and not 6' as I had been lead to believe until after we had been married for almost twenty years, and it only came out because we were in the doctor's office together -- yes, we'd achieved that level of intimacy and yet he was still living a lie. A LIE.
posted by The corpse in the library at 4:14 PM on May 4, 2019 [4 favorites]
(I just told him that I'd informed the entire Internet that he'd lied about his height and he denies it and says it's just that he shrunk. Who are you going to believe? Your trusted Mefite, or some guy on the sofa over there?)
posted by The corpse in the library at 4:17 PM on May 4, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by The corpse in the library at 4:17 PM on May 4, 2019 [2 favorites]
TBH, it's possible he used to be much closer to 6' than he is now. I used to be a little over 5'11", now I'm a bit under it. And I'm only mid-30s.
posted by tobascodagama at 5:13 PM on May 4, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by tobascodagama at 5:13 PM on May 4, 2019 [1 favorite]
Taller men make (even) more money, get more promotions/ jobs, are more likely to be elected. it's all about the hierarchy, and men want to be the top ape in the troop. Causes an imperial shit-ton of problems.
posted by theora55 at 7:28 AM on May 6, 2019
posted by theora55 at 7:28 AM on May 6, 2019
Yeah that was unclear of me. I understand on one hand, of course, but it's also not a lie that's sustainable if you actually meet the person ever?
It's one of those thrilling little domains where our concept of humans as essentially rational actors crashes head on into how humans really behave. Things to take with a grain of salt when looking at online dating profiles: men and height, women and weight, and everyone about how much they like camping. Dating profiles make manifest the fact that people share with the world an image of who they want to be, not who they are. And that is not a calculated dating strategy, either. It might be that the ongoing expression of that desire IS who you are, bodies lagging behind selves. When you write it into a profile it becomes a lie, but "lie" doesn't really cover it (or explain why a guy who's 5'7" will say he's 5'11" in his profile and just kinda brazen it out when meeting dates - and sometimes it will work).
posted by lefty lucky cat at 8:50 AM on May 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
It's one of those thrilling little domains where our concept of humans as essentially rational actors crashes head on into how humans really behave. Things to take with a grain of salt when looking at online dating profiles: men and height, women and weight, and everyone about how much they like camping. Dating profiles make manifest the fact that people share with the world an image of who they want to be, not who they are. And that is not a calculated dating strategy, either. It might be that the ongoing expression of that desire IS who you are, bodies lagging behind selves. When you write it into a profile it becomes a lie, but "lie" doesn't really cover it (or explain why a guy who's 5'7" will say he's 5'11" in his profile and just kinda brazen it out when meeting dates - and sometimes it will work).
posted by lefty lucky cat at 8:50 AM on May 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
This piece is so good. Thanks, OP! I especially enjoyed this passage:
The “about” page on Heightmaximizer.com features the story of a young man named Alan Care, described as the site’s founder. In a letter to the site’s readers, Care writes, “If you’re struggling to grow taller, I’ve been in the exact same shoes as you are in.” According to the site, Care had short parents and was shorter than all his friends, but “became way taller than I ever thought was possible,” through persistence and “reading 100s of different blogs and articles about how to increase your height.” Though he doesn’t write about it on the site, Care also has another problem: He is not a real person.
posted by Bella Donna at 11:13 AM on May 7, 2019 [2 favorites]
The “about” page on Heightmaximizer.com features the story of a young man named Alan Care, described as the site’s founder. In a letter to the site’s readers, Care writes, “If you’re struggling to grow taller, I’ve been in the exact same shoes as you are in.” According to the site, Care had short parents and was shorter than all his friends, but “became way taller than I ever thought was possible,” through persistence and “reading 100s of different blogs and articles about how to increase your height.” Though he doesn’t write about it on the site, Care also has another problem: He is not a real person.
posted by Bella Donna at 11:13 AM on May 7, 2019 [2 favorites]
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I wish I was a baller
I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 10:56 AM on May 2, 2019 [27 favorites]