The lusty month of Meltdown May
May 6, 2019 10:22 PM   Subscribe

"Meltdown May has arrived. A whole month at the height of spring when you’re guaranteed to see people lose their shit online." I did not know that this was a Thing or a Holiday now, but I guess in our world this has now become a legit thing, y'all.

"“Oh, great,” you’re saying. “Another weird internet culture thing that like a dozen alcoholic dirtbags with bad posture and drinking problems would ever care about.” Wrong! Meltdown May is to be enjoyed by everybody — well, except for the people melting down — and I’m going to explain it as simply as possible for the uninitiated."

As temperatures rise, so does our inclination toward heated and ultimately ridiculous rhetoric. With weeks to go before summer vacations or even Memorial Day barbecues, we are antsy for release. Those who can’t stand the tension unburden themselves by flipping the fuck out, while the rest of us maintain by laughing at them. That laughter keeps the meltdowns going.

From what I can tell, 2018 marks the fourth official Meltdown May, which solidified as an accepted phenomenon in May of 2015. Few references predate this heady period, during which it seems a since-vanished Meltdown May account showcased screenshots of various public meltdowns, delighting its audience and further enraging its targets."

Folks, I'm starting this thread just to see if this whole theory is right. What say you? What evidence shall you submit this month of meltdowns?
posted by jenfullmoon (33 comments total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
It's better than the Endless September...
posted by hippybear at 10:24 PM on May 6 [5 favorites]

This is pretty easy to check for on Twitter. You could go all Deep Learning on it, but honestly I think you would get just as good results by counting word frequencies.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 10:42 PM on May 6 [1 favorite]

surprised ctrl-f loomer gets no hits
posted by fleacircus at 10:43 PM on May 6 [2 favorites]

Nothing extraordinarily melty about May. Full moons are a thing, though.

Oh, after I wrote that, I just now noticed your mefinym.
posted by otherchaz at 10:52 PM on May 6 [5 favorites]

Is Mercury in retrograde rn too tho
posted by Hermione Granger at 10:53 PM on May 6 [7 favorites]

*swigs drink*
You want to see a meltdown? If I lose one more cauliflower to those fucking fly maggots I will throw a tantrum you can see from SPACE.
*kicks chair*
(did I do it right?)
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 11:01 PM on May 6 [20 favorites]

Well it’s almost been a full year since the last Beer and Pie I guess May is a cruel cruel month(?)
posted by inflatablekiwi at 11:03 PM on May 6

I feel personally attacked.
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 12:14 AM on May 7 [3 favorites]

As temperatures rise? It's 7 degrees Celsius here.
posted by kyrademon at 1:59 AM on May 7 [2 favorites]

As temperatures rise? It's 7 degrees Celsius here.
I think this is one of those American things. Us Brits can stay cool as a cucumber. [check this. Ed]
posted by winterhill at 2:10 AM on May 7 [3 favorites]

[No longer valid. Ref Brexit. Ed.]
posted by Absolutely No You-Know-What at 2:58 AM on May 7 [7 favorites]

To be fair, a lot of people feel like having meltdowns when they think of Theresa May, especially this May. They might prefer to watch her literally melt, though.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:34 AM on May 7 [2 favorites]

I feel personally attacked.

But not all your life?
posted by Kirth Gerson at 3:39 AM on May 7

@dril posts aren't good evidence that May is when most meltdowns happen.
posted by ardgedee at 3:46 AM on May 7

OK, I understand the importance of social media to marginalized communities, but one of those communities is everyone’s angry uncles drunkenly screaming off their porches for a minimum of 16 hours a day. Couldn’t we go back to zine culture?

Also: This Twitter page is my personal space, and if I want to BOOM the hell out of it, that's my prerogative.

That is part of the problem; it is a personal space, after a fashion, but it’s a personal space that can be thrown at other people in a near endless wave. Maybe every tweet should require you to hiss “YES. YEEEESS.” at it for 15 minutes before it will send.
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:03 AM on May 7 [4 favorites]

What say you?

I say me that it's wishful thinking that it's contained mostly within one month, especially the one in which you have the option of going outside in reasonably nice weather when it gets to be a bit much.
posted by Halloween Jack at 4:37 AM on May 7 [1 favorite]

@dril posts aren't good evidence that May is when most meltdowns happen.

No but they do represent the platonic, if fictional, form that all such meltdowns aspire to and can perhaps be defined against. Also somehow I'd forgotten what a joke Kurt Eichenwald is. This

Sigh. Ok, I'm a dumbass. Believe it or not, my kids & I were trying to convince my wife that "tentacle porn" existed. I tried to find…(1)
— Kurt Eichenwald (@kurteichenwald) June 8, 2017

is a few misplaced commas away from being a dril post.
posted by ocular shenanigans at 5:43 AM on May 7

I think we might have got started too hot with the lady who was really mad that AOC has a normal-looking boyfriend, it's going to be hard to top that. But I'm sure we will.
posted by Space Coyote at 6:02 AM on May 7 [4 favorites]

I looked at this article and it all seems absolutely indistinguishable from all the other crap that gets people angry on Twitter. It’s all the kind of shit I used to see by means of someone retweeting a “hilarious” quote-tweet of one of the offending tweets.

I ran a script a while back to turn off retweets for everyone I follow and now I only ever see this kind of VIRAL CONTENT!!! if it gets to the point where someone embeds a bunch of the offending tweets into an article with a clickbait title and a breathless narration of all the details of this HOT! INTERNET! DRAMA! and I just sigh when I end up reading one of those. It’s the same bullshit urge to find someone having an argument and point, laugh, and poke them to see if they’ll get angry some more that brought us crap like Encycloedia Dramatica or Kiwifarms. Fuck all of this shit, it just makes me feel so tired.
posted by egypturnash at 6:41 AM on May 7

It’s autumn across the other half of the earth. 🙄
posted by web-goddess at 7:02 AM on May 7

My allergies are making me cranky and bitchy but that's very localized, I think.
posted by davros42 at 7:15 AM on May 7

I'd rather celebrate #mermay instead.
posted by GenderNullPointerException at 7:31 AM on May 7

show yourself, coward. I will never melt down.
posted by rum-soaked space hobo at 8:01 AM on May 7 [1 favorite]

It’s autumn across the other half of the earth. 🙄

The hot takes just flow in the opposite direction there. It’s science!
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:11 AM on May 7 [4 favorites]

I really hope no other steps of trolling get their own months.
posted by GoblinHoney at 9:46 AM on May 7

Who can take a vacation?
posted by turkeybrain at 9:48 AM on May 7

MAYDAY!!! has long been a distress signal. And that was before it got political. The first week of May includes the Jedi Religious Holiday, Kent State Remembrance Day, Free Comic Book Day and Mexican Not-Independence Day. Yesterday was International No Diet Day, but if you're upset you missed that, another organization declared the 11th Eat What You Want Day. And there are specific days in May dedicated to Hoagies, Hummus, Hamburgers, Oysters, Macaroons, Chocolate Chips and Devil's Food Cake. If you don't like Star Wars, later in the month are both Douglas Adams Towel Day and Sally Ride Day. Also a Twilight Zone Day, although calendar makers note neither the show's debut nor Rod Serling's birthday were in May. Two days before Mother's Day is Daycare Provider Day (dedicated to making working mothers feel guilty). Armed Forces Day is a week before Memorial Day, as is Victoria Day, in countries that still care about queens.
posted by oneswellfoop at 10:21 AM on May 7

Also worth noting is that Confederate Memorial Day has been declared two weks before American Memorial Day (and a few days before Mother's Day, those Confederate Motherf@$&ers). And speaking of f@$&ing, the beloved Jonathan Coulton has recognized the First of May for doing it outdoors, although other sources put the proper date as the 8th, which they call the "69th of March" because it would be. With so much going on, between the formal holidays, counter-holidays, food celebrations (did I mention Pizza Party Day?), it wouldn't be surprising to Meltdown in May. Although, yes, we'd like to see Theresa May meltdown first.
posted by oneswellfoop at 10:34 AM on May 7

My meltdown yesterday was due to me planning a session to work on learning Android: Netrunner, which I received from my niece, WITH that niece about a year later. Let's say my purpose was thwarted by an attention needing person with tv on so focus could not be had, the last straw was the niece, as we were setting up, just turning around and watching TV.

So I flipped and left.

I even "THREW IT ON THE GROUND" (an energy drink I had in my hand as I exited angrily).

My roomie urges me to go back to counseling. She's right. I need help.
Not just in May.
posted by symbioid at 10:46 AM on May 7

I think I personally could avoid this syndrome by continuing to stay away from Twitter.
posted by Lynsey at 12:42 PM on May 7

Not in Canada; everyone is too ecstatic from seeing tiny leaves bursting out on all the trees! And the first dandelion blooms! And tulips! And the swallows are back! Eeee!!
posted by heatherlogan at 4:41 PM on May 7

alcoholic dirtbags with bad posture

Hey! I resemble that remark!
posted by gloriouslyincandescent at 8:13 PM on May 8

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