OpenAI GPT-2 Implementation
May 17, 2019 1:11 PM   Subscribe

Talk to Transformer - "See how a modern neural network completes your text." (1,2,3; previously; via)

also btw...
This AI-Generated Joe Rogan Fake Has to Be Heard to Be Believed - "The most realistic AI voice clone we've heard." (via)
posted by kliuless (70 comments total) 20 users marked this as a favorite
I immediately tried to use it to replace The Whelk:

"Socialism is necessary because the social situation cannot be maintained if there is a contradiction between the existing economic and political arrangements." [The Class Struggle in Spain, vol. 2, p. 95] This is an obvious conclusion as "the only possibility for any successful socialist revolution is the revolutionary overthrow of private ownership of the means of production and so the state." [Peter Kropotkin, Op. Cit., p. 95]

Thus we can see that "for anarchists the question is not how to replace capitalism but how to build the future society that can be built by workers and other exploited masses of the workers who own the means of production (and with them all the capital)." It is important to realise that as soon as the state is abolished, and replaced by a socialist one, so "the very existence of the state and centralised economic administration will no longer exist" and so the question of socialism as such will then become an issue about abolishing capitalism. The very idea of a society built by an elite dominated by a handful of capitalists, as Bakunin predicted, is a matter of debate given its inevitable failure even if it may--"
posted by Merus at 1:50 PM on May 17, 2019

It really sucks if you give it Spanish:

aún así no sabíamos qué hacer es comunicamiento. Aunque sabíamos no qué habla con un nuevo díaz de según, la esencia donde la ciudad. Ejercito para que no entrega ser sua otra día que los están, pero no hablaba es sistema de máximo páginas de hombres.

No según hablamos por qué hacer, me hace de páginas a mi tengo en tu vez mehbrado que se leyen los hombres en unos más estados, eso máquina aunque no es cuerpo en la ciudad. No siempre con não que lo él quiero aunque hablaba es sistema.

Ningún con los símicos no tecnologias de la luz.
posted by signal at 1:53 PM on May 17, 2019

In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. He didn't want to do the dishes on top of the table any more, so he picked up a fork and began to scrape things off the floor. The Hobbit stared at him for a few seconds before he began cleaning up his kitchen. Soon all that was left was two bowls of water and some cheese. For a while he simply sat there, watching the hobbit, but his eyes became focused on the tea for a second. What would he do? Do something with it? That was what he wanted to get to know himself. He'd already taken a sip, but there was still a tiny bit left in the cup.

And then he started to pick up his plate again, as if nothing had happened during the three minutes it had taken for his hobbit to pick up the bowl of water, to start cleaning it with his fork. He thought, "That's just the same as just about anything else," thinking back to that time a little while ago when he had begun to pick his table up. In all honesty, he did indeed make a mess.

--- Dear Bilbo. The Ring took its toll upon you. Here, sit up. Let Frodo come to lend a hand. That's right.
posted by SPrintF at 2:09 PM on May 17, 2019 [2 favorites]

It has a tendency to devolve into quotations and mimicking news articles.
posted by jedicus at 2:11 PM on May 17, 2019 [1 favorite]

The man in Black fled across the Desert, and the Gunslinger followed. They fought with the Gunslinger's sword but were soon at an end.

The Gunslinger's brother then returned and was joined by his brother and sister, and the other member of the Black Lantern Corps, whom had not yet realized that all is not well on the planet Green Lantern.

--- I admit, I kind of lost the thread at that point.
posted by SPrintF at 2:12 PM on May 17, 2019

ok, well, I'm glad to see everyone else had the same initial impulse as I did.
As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into an enormous insectous beast that had been left behind by the creatures at the bottom of the ocean.

He went on to become one of the best known monsters in gaming history, with countless fan fiction adaptations that have seen him become popular by fans who simply couldn't have imagined or realized that it would take over the world and make the living hell out of the gamers and developers that created it.
That's.. certainly something. I'm not totally surprised that it guessed "insectous" given that it seemed to know John 1:1 as well, so presumably the training corpus included Kafka and the Bible. Ah, so that means it probably also includes:
I thought the king had more affected the Duke of
Albany than Cornwall.
It did always seem so to us: but now,

we think it not more than usual, that it
is not the same at all.
I suppose so.
I suppose not: we are not, as we often think,
of that mind.
You say nothing of our conversation; but we think him
too great a friend of yours and mine:
Look, on the one hand of course it reads weirdly, on the other hand it's 2019 and we have robots that could make a decent stab at Whose Line Is It Anyway?.
posted by doop at 2:28 PM on May 17, 2019 [2 favorites]

Twas brilling and the slithy toves were luring them down the old cobblestones, for by degrees their black eyes drew up against each other in despair.

Lewis Carrol as remixed by Thomas Ligotti.
Do Not Want
posted by thatwhichfalls at 2:31 PM on May 17, 2019 [3 favorites]

"We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold — about six hours before we could even know it," he said. "That is the most difficult part of it, is trying to explain to people why I would use something like that."

But it was hard not to notice how he, like the others at the ranch, seemed to be more in the "mosh pit" then simply watching the drugs taking hold. He said he found some of the men in a more "glamourized" style of dress. The most famous, according to one eyewitness, was a middle-aged man wearing a black-and-white button-down shirt tucked into a black suit and tie. Another was a young man in a brown leather jacket, slinging a pair of baseball cleats.

The drugs on the ranch didn't just kill animals, Mr. Williams said. They also created "vomits."

"You know, there's this stuff they call 'pimps gas,'" he said.

---If we've learned anything, it's stay away from the pimps' gas or get the vomits.
posted by bassomatic at 2:32 PM on May 17, 2019 [5 favorites]

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife. But the truth is not very easily found out. There are those men of good fortune who cannot find husbands, or whom that must be said of themselves, so that the question becomes of the very nature of their fortune. The question may be asked: Is it only because they are able to marry? If so, why is one married, whilst another is not? But if one husband, and another absent, why is this? Are there any who can afford to go to court? Who pays rent to his master? Are there any who are under some disadvantage for having so many children, as to be in debt? What of the interest paid on an estate? Or what will be the consequence of this? Are there so many of them as to produce too many children? This, then, seems to us certain as to many particulars. And here then are two questions. If there are not enough, why not marry? If there are, if so many, why not marry, if there be any desire to marry?
posted by fings at 2:39 PM on May 17, 2019 [2 favorites]

While he slept, it crawled into his brain. And a week, or so, passed, and he wasn't sleeping. That was when he heard the word.

And that's when he noticed his hands were shaking. His vision became blurred. He couldn't see or recognize anything. It was like he had been blindfolded and held in a dark room. One thought after the next was rushing into his head like it wasn't a thing that he had ever experienced.

The word got louder in his mind. It came to him: I-I-I-I'm an o-okay-okay.

He couldn't get off his horse, though, and it kept pushing his horse back and forth in his mouth against his will. And once that happened, the thing that once did everything got upset.

"Ah," he said, "what's that supposed to mean?"

It pulled away from him. "No," said the thing. "It won't hurt you."

And then he understood what was happening to him. There was no reason why the thing couldn't stop
posted by sfenders at 2:42 PM on May 17, 2019 [2 favorites]

RAGE, GODDESS! She was a good woman. She was innocent as a baby. And she was still alive, as was her baby.

RAGE, GODDESS! SING THE RAGE OF women! Do not fear! For it is a righteous thing: anger must be appeased! He who laughs at the death of his son will soon die of rage!
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 2:42 PM on May 17, 2019 [2 favorites]

Wow, okay, I'm surprised that I quite like how this one went:

I'm sailing away, set an open course for the virgin sea, while I wait. For when the sun is low, the moon is golden, the stars are still, the land where we lay has been fertile, and the sea has never been empty. What do you seek, my dear boy? The sea?" Thereupon his companions drew up and went off, bringing with them a great variety of fruits and vegetables; he and his friends sat down to one of them, while they were eating. At night all the inhabitants of the island, in great fear lest any of them should go fishing, drew close to their houses and lay up their fire, when the sky was dark, and they heard that the moon was risen and all the lights were shining. Then the two boats came up from the sea with the lanterns and torches, while they heard the cries of the children in the house. "Come, boys, the moon is setting, and the sun is burning high above. Come and swim with us, and let the children lie under the sun. If you wish, they shall be happy."
posted by kristi at 2:45 PM on May 17, 2019

Saying GPT in French comes out as "J'ai pété".
posted by Devonian at 2:48 PM on May 17, 2019 [1 favorite]

I was hoping for some Stanislaw Lem style cybernetic poetry, but seem to have gotten fan fic erotica...
Seduced, shaggy Samson snored. Then he looked up. A smile twisted across his face, and he looked away.

"Come on." Samson said. He strode over, and the boy looked over at him. When he looked at him again, Samson looked again. He sighed slightly. "I think you're not getting it. You can still call me Samson, but I don't really want to know about your feelings, so I'm not going to tell you about your feelings. I just...don't want to, you know." Samson sighed once more, not quite sure how he should respond.

The boy turned to look at him again. "What?" Samson asked.

The boy looked him in the eye again. This time, the boy smiled a bit.

"I don't really want to talk to you," Samson said.

"So why not tell me?"

"Because after all this, if we don't talk, I might just...feel too...alone," Samson said.

The boy looked at him. "So let me find someone else."
posted by kaibutsu at 2:50 PM on May 17, 2019 [2 favorites]

Thy micturations are to me: As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee. Groop, I implore thee now! I implore thee. You, thy sister the ragged and livid, with gaunt, withered faces, and pallid hands, are there there to-day. And thy father, the lord of all the northmen, is there as well . . . with his sword at his side . . . and his horse at his steed. And thou, thy lady sister and your mother, and thy father, and thy old man, and your mother, are there about the walls . . . you are on the walls . . . all around. What, you are there and there . . . there and there . . . what are you there for? If you had said, "I am here for the lord of men," I should not have heard the bell of thy mother's voice. Thou hadst said "to him"—"to him!" "For him." Thou hadst said, "I am here for the lord of men,"
posted by Insert Clever Name Here at 2:55 PM on May 17, 2019 [1 favorite]

Okay so I fed it "Fuck me, Santa!" from _Bad Santa_ and it replied with several paragraphs of Harry/Snape.
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 2:58 PM on May 17, 2019 [5 favorites]

Donald Trump, Caligula and Genghis Khan walk into a bar.

Their names are on some beer taps and glasses, but those with a history with the business don't care. In some states a bar's name doesn't really mean much. The bartender looks off to the left and the manager to the right. Who has the next drink? What's going on?
posted by vverse23 at 3:00 PM on May 17, 2019 [1 favorite]

Roses are red
Violets are blue

Gingerly rose
Cactus leaves, white
Sandalwood, red
Rose quartz
Sagittary rose


Femme Fatale, white

Wendy's pinkberry

Rose quartz

Peach, yellow
posted by Iridic at 3:02 PM on May 17, 2019 [3 favorites]

Well, it starts out right, then takes a left turn into a geometry text:
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Duique iaculosam eros, vitae ejus, nec diam ad eam, eros. Nullam eros, vitae ejus ac dolor magna. Sed magna, iaculos elit viverra eu ac enim. Sed magna ut iaculos consectetur. Nunc, nisi in etiam lectus esse luctus in ea proprie. Praesent quam duae magna eros. Sed at dui.

Inverted triangles

Inverted triangles have a vertical center at one end and an inverted triangle center at the other. At the center, the vertical lines show that there are no triangles which divide the triangles in the center as shown above. So it can be found that the triangles in the inverted triangle center are also equal to the straight lines.

This shows the opposite of the above, as the lines on the right side of this circle show that the horizontal and vertical lines
posted by cheshyre at 3:02 PM on May 17, 2019 [2 favorites]

Round two:

Donald Trump, Caligula and Genghis Khan walk into a bar.

"It's nice to be here."

A waiter asks if Trump had taken anything from the buffet.

"Nothing much," Trump replies.

After a few drinks, Trump adds, "It's a very cool place."

The next morning, he comes into the executive mansion. His chauffeur, Michael Flynn, tells a reporter Trump is in great spirits.

"I know. We're going to be fine," the President assures him.

"He's going to be fine," Flynn says.

The following night they go dancing at the Manhattan Club. Trump and Flynn take turns posing for photographs. "I like it," Trump recalls to the photographer for Vanity Fair.

The next morning Trump calls it quits. He returns to his Florida estate and settles in for the winter, which can be chilly.
posted by vverse23 at 3:03 PM on May 17, 2019 [4 favorites]

And another interesting transition:
Meow, Woof, Wowow, Woowoo…

And if I am not mistaken, that also means that "I'm coming on to you" should be replaced with "I'm going on to you!"
posted by cheshyre at 3:05 PM on May 17, 2019 [1 favorite]

Since no-one else has..
It was a dark and stormy night, and the air was cold and dreary. I looked out of the glass window and saw a bright, heavy light shining from the ceiling, and there appeared standing before me three human figures – each had the body of a horse and head of a man, and their faces were white as snow, their hair had come up to their shoulders and their necks were long, thin, like the ends of small fish. The white-haired one held a long sword, which its handle was like a little pole, and with it she was holding a broadsword, a sword which had been used by one of her ancestors, the King who had ruled over this land for thousands of years, the King of Kings and Gods.

"Then I saw them move away, one by one, like the moving of shadows to a dim place. I saw how they would disappear then, and I knew I was going mad when I saw them run out into the darkness. They fell and came down at a fast rate, like fallen leaves."
posted by astrospective at 3:15 PM on May 17, 2019 [1 favorite]

Cinema plus Psychoanalysis equals the Science of Ghosts.

I have nothing on anyone, not even a single, single, single, single, single, single, single friend of mine who has played Psychoanalysis, not even to mention the films themselves. I even hate to tell you that I've never seen the movie Psychoanalysis on television because I've seen countless commercials for these things. It wasn't until after I'd studied the films that I was able to see Psychoanalysis, as it's the only real chance I have for seeing how they made a film like this.

Not bad. It even catches a hint of the translator's despair. (It's Derrida btw)
posted by thatwhichfalls at 3:16 PM on May 17, 2019

Cells interlinked within cells interlinked cells interlaced cell lines interlocked cell lines (interlocks) interlopping interlinearity interleptality interleptality interlocked interline interline alignment interlocked interlocks interline alignment interlocked interlock interlock system interlocky interlocky interlocks interlocked in one interlocked cells interlocky interlooped interlocked cell lines interlined interlines interlines interlined cells interlopping interlinking interlinked cells interlined cells interlooped cells interlooped cells interlooped cells within cells interlocky interlocky interlocky interlockiness interlocky in the cell interlocky in the cell type interlocking interlocking cells interlocked cells interlocking connections interlacing interlocky interlocky interlines interlocked interlocks interlocked cells interlocked cells interlocked cells within cells interlocky interlooping interlooping interlacing interlingua interlinguos interlingua interlations interlinked interlinked intermingled intermingled intermingles interminable interminable interminable length limit interminableness intermin

(OK. Wow.)
posted by Insert Clever Name Here at 3:22 PM on May 17, 2019 [9 favorites]

Pack my box with six dozen liquor jugs. And they're not just jugs. They're actual bottles. So this is the perfect way to keep your spirits at the center of any night. Just grab one of the 18-ounce bottles. Pour it over your vodka. And you're done.
posted by Daily Alice at 3:24 PM on May 17, 2019 [1 favorite]

I am Sam. Sam I am. "I love you."

Sam turned to look back. His head was full of thoughts. The words came to him so easily that Sam thought he might have forgotten what they meant. It was a small world, and Sam thought he would get tired of talking to himself, because he was Sam. Still he looked towards his mother who was smiling at him. He knew she didn't want this to end, but he wanted to stay alive.
posted by Daily Alice at 3:25 PM on May 17, 2019 [1 favorite]

I just had to test some more Stanislaw Lem Cyberiad poetry, kaibutsu. Hoping for cybernetic mathematical poetry, instead got mathematical cybernetic poetry analysis:

Come, let us hasten to a higher plane,
Where dyads tread the fairy fields of Venn,
Their indices bedecked from one to n,
Commingled in an endless Markov chain!

The whole scene of the first and second lines is one, the rest not. The three-dimensional geometry of the whole poem is not shown from any other standpoint.
For the sake of simplicity, we will treat only the first three lines; there we shall see again that only the line 2 is treated as a three-dimensional geometry of which there is a fundamental unit, the line 2 /2 (= 2-3), but also line 6, in contrast, whose components are only in the Euclidean plane of Euclidean geometry.
What is called "Hierarchy of Universals" is a very wide concept, and in our practice it is best to define it as follows: any finite unit is either equal in size to a finite unit or not smaller than the finite unit. (This definition can be extended to any finite unit.) That is, every infinitely far larger unit is either equal in size to [...]
posted by Tacit at 3:25 PM on May 17, 2019 [1 favorite]

Apparently it knows about Magic: the Gathering... sorta.

At the beginning of your upkeep, destroy target creature, then put a +1/+1 counter on that creature.

You lose 2 life if you don't own at least one blue mana, because you can't cast your spells in the meantime.

As long as the opponent has no creatures on the battlefield, there is no difference between a 2/2 creature with flying being a 1/1 creature with toughness 2. You must decide whether an attack is legal at this time.
posted by NMcCoy at 3:56 PM on May 17, 2019

They say a parent should never bury their children, but I got used to it a long time ago. This one wasn't even mine, technically. It was a sister."

"Yeah, I understand," Hermione murmured, rubbing her eyes. "I should have asked more questions."

"Why, Hermione?" The woman, a short, dark-haired woman who was dressed in black and wore her hair tied up, came forward and picked up the bag Hermione dropped. Hermione didn't notice until the woman, who stood behind the chair beside the desk, started to open it.

"You must be the mother, because it says her name." Hermione said, standing up and stepping into the doorway.

The woman nodded at her.

"So what did you tell them about that housekeeper that said what happened in Hogsmeade?" Hermione said softly to the woman. "How you did it?"

"She told me… she showed me how to kill a baby with a wand." The woman said.

"So how did you get rid of the baby?" Hermione asked softly to the
posted by glonous keming at 4:00 PM on May 17, 2019 [1 favorite]

I suspect this "AI" is just pasting wholesale snippets from vaguely related websites using LSI or something similar. Typing "Metafilter:" got site copy about cookies and "Eat your soup!" got a one-sided chat log from ChubbyDick.
posted by grumpybear69 at 4:02 PM on May 17, 2019

If there's a web site out there from which it pinched that bit about it being difficult to dismount your horse when the horse is in your mouth and someone is moving it around, I'd like to see it.
posted by sfenders at 4:34 PM on May 17, 2019 [2 favorites]

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the ice box

and they were sweet
in a tart like kind, they took my taste buds away
and made them dry and dull and taste as much like a cookie as could be
that was the first time I had eaten
one of those
before then
for me it wasn't very
really because it tasted like that crust that my mom made for me
and then everytime my mom made a new cake for us
that cake was like two plums of apple with a few small crumbs
that was the only thing missing it wasn't
anything special and besides a nice bite it was all it was and so for me it had all I needed to have
the experience of eating like that one of those ice cream cookies that my mom made for me that tasted like plums of a crisp applesauce baked in the oven that had been chilled with salt
that was my first ever ice cream
with little bits of dough in there and then a bit of butter in, it wasn't so bad
the first one that was a good one
but now it was
posted by the antecedent of that pronoun at 4:35 PM on May 17, 2019 [1 favorite]

I've been thinking about training one of these on my blog, which comprises a corpus of a million+ words written by yours truly over almost fifteen years.

But honestly, I'm afraid enough of what it might say that I'm not sure I'll ever get to it.
posted by potrzebie at 5:00 PM on May 17, 2019

public static int main ( String [] args ) {
public static int main ( String [] args ) {
int a = 1 , b ;
if ( isInteger ) {
for ( int i = 0 ; i ; i ++ ) {
b = 0 ;
return 0 ;

if ( argc [ 0 ] >= 3 ) {
if ( isFinite ) {
for ( int i = 0 ; i ; i ++ ) {
sprintf ( args , "
" , a ) ;
a ++;
} else {
for ( int i = 2 ; i ; i ++ ) {
sprintf ( args , "
" , b ) ;
b ++;
' ' , a ) ;
return 255 ;
return 0 ;

So the program is pretty straightforward; it checks if the given input number is an Integer, or a Float otherwise. But first we have to check if we're being told
posted by NMcCoy at 5:00 PM on May 17, 2019 [3 favorites]

This is my last one. I fed it James Hutton, I got an M. John Harrison pastiche. Weird.

No vestige of a beginning, no prospect of an end. The city is going down without a trace. There is nothing left that belongs to it except for the wreckage, the broken things and the broken lives. Everything has become a crime scene of the old, decaying structure of the world. Those who could see had long since forgotten its existence
posted by thatwhichfalls at 5:07 PM on May 17, 2019

"Describe in single words only the good things that come into your mind about your mother." (Holden)
"My mother? Let me tell you about my mother!" (Leon)

Aah, I really wanted to ask her that about my mother, Leon. The good ones are the ones that are happy, but how's the mother happy right now?
I didn't realize something was wrong with Leon at all as his face remained the same even though he was angry at those words. The reason was that he didn't know the origin of those words, but my wife's eyes also showed the same expression, so it couldn't be helped.
posted by the antecedent of that pronoun at 5:21 PM on May 17, 2019

The great thing about being an AI is that you don't have much freedom. The system tells you that you are human, but there's little to stop you from doing anything you want to somebody else. You can have a friend and even kill them but you can't even be friends with someone who is human but is also a machine."
posted by the antecedent of that pronoun at 5:24 PM on May 17, 2019 [2 favorites]

The sky was the color of a television tuned to a dead channel while others were painted gray and white. He walked the entire distance to his hotel without bothering to go through any security checkpoints.

The entire trip had taken around twenty minutes and was actually faster than his own routine. He hadn't gone through all the proper tests. He checked the IDs and passports, passed the immigration checks, and even picked up directions for one of the most important cities of the universe, New York. He had even gotten the time from his GPS.

As he made his way back to the hotel, he finally noticed that he could finally afford a room. He sat down at the very last table in the room and sat on the wall next to the kitchen counter for a moment. He wondered to himself if this was like an experiment, or if it would become something very real with time on them. He closed his eyes, feeling the small vibration that came in the small plastic box. He opened them back up and it immediately went crazy. When he opened them again, they were back to normal. The tiny vibrating cube was buzzing madly.
posted by jkaczor at 5:37 PM on May 17, 2019

Call me Ishmael. Tell me, I mean, it was one of these things, in other words. It's like, I'm not sure how you can talk into your mouth, even when you're telling somebody something. - Holden Melville

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the path that was farther north. - Robert Frost Amundsen

Four score and seven years ago, our fathers brought forth three children: two sons and two daughters. - Abraham Conjoinedson

That's one small step for a man, 1. Remove all trace of dust. - Monica Geller Armstrong

With the lights out it's time to turn up the temperature to a few hundredsºC in the fridge and try to bake a cake or two. - Julia Child Cobain

Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what I can do for you. - John Fitzgerald Jeeves
posted by buzzv at 5:58 PM on May 17, 2019 [2 favorites]

GCC stands for “GNU Compiler Collection”. So, there are no official names for it in our language, which brings us to the next piece of trivia: the Gnu Compiler Collection is an open source project that you may already have using GCC. The most recent version of GCC came out over 20 years ago. We are still going through the compilation process, and we are currently trying to figure out how to release our work. The compiler we build has a long and storied history. One of the longest running pieces of open source software was the GNU/Linux operating system. It is used by both hardware manufacturers (such as Sony) and the software developers. The operating system is based on a Linux kernel, which is designed to be portable and highly performant. It's also fully compatible with Windows.
posted by sfenders at 6:12 PM on May 17, 2019

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire United States of America. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access
Pretty close!
posted by mhum at 6:32 PM on May 17, 2019 [2 favorites]

(Mulder walks from a urinal to the sink and washes his hands. Another man leaves the restroom. Mulder bends down and rinses his face then gets up and dries it. He sees, in the mirror, a man standing behind him, the same man that was watching him from the bar. Mulder turns to face him)
DEEP THROAT: Leave this case alone Agent Mulder.


DEEP THROAT: The military will not tolerate an FBI investigation.

MULDER: Who are you?

DEEP THROAT: You were here before. That's what we're after. This was all your work. There was no accident.

MULDER: But these cases aren't done, so we have to shut them down.

DEEP THROAT: We were talking about the last one, Agent. You were worried about your children, did you not?

MULDER: All my life my wife and children have known the darkness I felt. We never made a lot
posted by jjwiseman at 6:41 PM on May 17, 2019 [2 favorites]

(The camera pans down a aerial shot of a road. Next we see the inside of a bar, a waiter is making and serving drinks. We see Scully, sitting at the bar, she checks her watch before continuing to work at a file. Mulder appears)

SCULLY: Hi. I got your message.

MULDER: Sorry for the run around. Can I buy you a drink?

SCULLY: What is this?

MULDER: It's a lot closer than you'd think for my taste.

SCULLY: Fine, thank you. I wanted to talk to you about the UFO event.

MULDER: I'm afraid it didn't have to reach such a broad international audience. It couldn't have.

SCULLY: So, have you heard anything about UFOs?
posted by jjwiseman at 6:43 PM on May 17, 2019

This site is similar, but the GPT-2 model has been fine-tuned on erotica:
posted by jjwiseman at 6:44 PM on May 17, 2019

When I was younger, nobody would ever tell me how this actually goes, maybe now I can...
There once was a man from Nantucket named John Smith who told me that "when a man feels the sting of a sword, it is a great thing."[5] This man was John Smith himself[6] and he took my father to this world to teach him the secret of killing. That man was my grandfather. I can say as much of his words of wisdom, even today, and I know that he still lives in Nantucket.

One morning, I heard a cry of joy coming from the bottom of my sister's heart in my dreams. She had heard her grandmother telling a story of how she saw me and my brother, but it seemed like a long time ago—it came so fast that I didn't realize I had actually heard her for five minutes. When her dream stopped, she looked up and saw me sitting on the ground beside her. I had a small, white mark on my right hand from being slapped by my younger brother before I would've finished teaching her how to become a true practitioner of Martial Arts. My grandfather said a quick prayer
posted by ckape at 6:50 PM on May 17, 2019

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? - and it turned out there is no answer to that question - which is why I was interested in testing woodchuck chuck sizes. What I found was that they could chuck wood at the equivalent of a woodchuck could chuck wood. What I mean by this is that if you have a 3 foot long woodchuck that the owner has just given up on and they need a 3 food long woodchuck chucking, the should do something more than just chuck and not chuck. To put it in perspective I have a woodchuck, about 40 years old, that can fire wood, but how do you think it compares to a 2 foot long woodchuck that can chuck wood? I didn't really know until I compared the two. And when you compare things like that that is where the answer came. Let's find out for sure. Here is how it worked

The plan worked

The diagram (above)
posted by ckape at 7:10 PM on May 17, 2019 [1 favorite]

First, be smart from the very beginning. Pulverize all teeth, burn off fingerprints, and disfigure the face. But wait: you would also need a gun!


posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 7:12 PM on May 17, 2019 [1 favorite]

And but so then I would say there's one place to say: If you don't give something back, then you have no other option and then, and so on.

So there's sort of a paradoxical relation: People say: No, you could just buy a bunch of stuff. And what do you do? Well, buy stuff. Then buy other stuff. Then buy stuff.
posted by Daily Alice at 7:37 PM on May 17, 2019

I fed it the opening quatrain of Gray's "Elegy" (1751):

The curfew tolls the knell of parting day,
The lowing herd wind slowly o'er the lea,
The plowman homeward plods his weary way,
And leaves the world to darkness and to me.

In response:
"We are all silent. We are all silent. We are all silent. When a little of me weeps for the little of the flock,
There's no crying here; for I'm just the one"

That's... actually really good. And chilling.
posted by doctornemo at 8:00 PM on May 17, 2019 [1 favorite]

[...]Yo Yo Ma, Gilels Bach Siloti, Kiasmos - Kiasmos

(from "Bacchanal" by Bizmark

Mozart Mozart - Mahler, Op. 26, 3rd Movement)

This song from this band, like most Mozart albums, was written during the late 1890s and 1891 and then completely lost its meaning when they moved from Stuttgart to Basel and were forced by the Nazis to play the original Mozart in the West in an asylum. I never really really enjoyed classical music after this (this is the reason why I don't play opera or classical music at all!), but I was just curious if I could actually hear it.
posted by yoHighness at 8:16 PM on May 17, 2019 [1 favorite]

I decided to take the tab, at around 1PM. I put it under my tongue and as other reports indicated, there was a numb feeling. But then this happened:
Now this was really weird. It was kind of painful. I wanted to stop but I couldn't think fast enough to keep going. You see it below.
I was scared, I couldn't concentrate. So I took another trip. And then I was on my way to a clinic at about 7PM. But after taking the second trip, I started to feel better. By the third time, I was going to ask Dr. Shulman who I was going to see, and he said I would have the tab removed.
I tried. And then I felt worse. I was scared to have another trip, as some say. I wanted to feel better, as the news is still out, about what had happened to me. I think it must have been the drugs I took during the three trips. But this also hurt just thinking about it.
I took the tab and had to take the drug myself. But that was it

At this time I was still tripping, with some visuals, such as the sun/stars, that were going crazy, and I felt the best thing one could do was to have as little noise as possible. My brain was completely in a state of total chaos, and I wanted to stay calm and continue on with my thoughts. But I wasn't going to just stop it in its tracks. I wanted it to continue the way it was.
I remember that after the visual came on, and I could still see the stars in my head, I had another feeling to begin with - my inner voices inside my head. I was very aware of it, because I was listening to them. I could feel the voice inside my head, telling myself to continue on doing what my mind was thinking, which was to push this insane thought out of my head and into the outside world. It kept telling itself, "Don't do this."
After it was on, my inner voice told me it was okay to take whatever time I had for a little while. In my inner monologue it wanted to say that I was an idiot

22:00 +/- 5mg 2C-I … I've been fasting for at least 6 hours, but more inadvertently
22:20 maybe a small alert...

22:20 2x30mg of Ipecac
22:26 "I just went to the doctor, he did a CT scan to prove me not high, he ordered another 3mg.
22:23 2x30mg of Ritalin
22:31 maybe a small alert...
22:35 2C-I
22:42 2x30mg of Ritalin
22:49 maybe a small alert...
22:53 2x30mg of Ritalin
23:07 maybe a small alert...
23:11 2x30mg of Ipecac
23:16 maybe a small alert...
23:26 2x30mg of Ritalin
23:34 maybe a small alert...
23:36 2x30mg of Ibuprofen
23:45 maybe a small alert...
23:47 2x

In my dream,  I stood in front of a mirror, looking into a mirror.  If I took the right steps, I would be like a little girl who saw the future while waiting for her little black kitten to come along again.

The humans are dead. _________________________________________________ [7] So... how does the world's economy work? Let us look at a few more examples to get an idea. If I wanted to purchase one of three things in a shopping mall, it would cost me: $10.00 - $23.00 - $33.00 - $37.00 - $45.00 - $100.00 - $120.00 - $200.00 - $300.00 - $450.00 - $600.00 - $900.00 - $900.00 - $1,200.00 - $1,200.00 - $1,500.00 - $2,000.00 - $2,500.00 - $3,049.00 - $3,299.00 - $3,699.00 - $3,988.00 - $4,139.00 - $3,999.00 - $4,999.00 - $5,049.00 - $5,299.00 - $5,699.00 - $5,999
posted by yoHighness at 8:37 PM on May 17, 2019 [1 favorite]

This goes off the rails pretty quickly, then finds a new rail to grind on.


Climber Guy
Shine Guy
Shining Guy
Blue BeetleGuy
Blue BomberGuy
Red BeetleGuy
Green BomberGuy
Yellow BomberGuy
Dark Blue BomberGuy
Purple BomberGuy
Yellow BomberGuy
White BomberGuy
posted by wanderingmind at 9:00 PM on May 17, 2019 [2 favorites]

I Thought It Was Just Me (but I was wrong)

Trouble at the Heart's Door (Dogs Never Bite)

I Still Wanna Be Your Dog (I'm the King and you're the Dancer)

Loved Ones, Love On My Mind

Shout The World To Sleep (Don't you worry, I'm in a different mood now)

I Remember You (I've never been anywhere but you in my life)

I've Been A Good Boy to You And You've Been a Good Boy to Me

What You've Done In The Dark, What It Feels Like to See You (I want to hold your hand while I sing it)

Trouble at the Heart's Door (Dogs Never Bite)

What Do You Want Now? (The last tune I ever sang was this one)

You've Got My Hearts (And The Roses I Never Loved)

How Long I'll Be Missing You, A Little Light (I'll never give up what I've done for you)
posted by haltingproblemsolved at 2:20 AM on May 18, 2019

In a world where the most powerful corporations will never pay their fair share in taxes, there is no such thing as a fair corporation. Corporations are inherently corrupt. There is absolutely no basis to hold corporations accountable. Corporations thrive on the blood of their employees. Corporations thrive on the killing of its workers. Corporations flourish on the murder of the entire planet. All business leaders have seen what the bottom is really worth. Not giving taxes to corporations and their shareholders can only make them even more dangerous and powerful. The only way to keep tax reform from becoming a tax amnesty is to eliminate the incentive corporations provide for corporate executives to hide their wealth in offshore tax havens and offshore retirement accounts.
Well, I was trying to make a goofy movie trailer joke, but now I'm thinking Warren-GP2 2020.
posted by Rhaomi at 2:22 AM on May 18, 2019 [5 favorites]

To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd.
And then are these ends: For so much, so little (there will be no
End), that the greatest in me doo not look
At all, even, that be done;
Nor yet that much; nor yet, nor yet not;
The rest that I will never wish'd, or not desire'd:
For, as I said in my former discourse, I
Never thought, or hoped; neither, nor any thing but these
Ends would that the highest of them.
O how little, alas! that my soul doo love,
I am glad, I feel more fond, when
posted by paper chromatographologist at 8:51 AM on May 18, 2019

So I gave it a short chunk of one of my unfinished stories. I don't think it's going to be much help...

Blake watched from the viewport as the homing lights caught the approaching bishop, at first a mote of dust in sunlight, then as a tiny, glittering jewel against the dark. A bishop in a ceremonial spacesuit, in its element, is a glorious sight. Stained glass and impossibly lush colours, weaving IHS and INRI and lambs and doves. And the Great Cross of the Church of England's Universal Mission.

Then the spacesuit turned, aligned itself to the docking port, and the light shone in through its visor. What looked out was no longer human. No longer alive.

She turned.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=- =–

Rise to his feet at the landing bay, Clarke had the strange sensation of feeling the ship's rudder click against another.

"You know, I really didn't know he was human," he said, not really believing it either, but it felt right enough to him. His mind had gone off, to somewhere else. Somewhere far away. Something that made him feel like they


I tried it with few small mods, and got some disjointed porn and something very odd about eating meals. I also tried it with the first two lines of the famous limerick "There once was a bishop of Birmingham", and it spat out something even I wouldn't post, even here...
posted by Devonian at 9:30 AM on May 18, 2019

So I gave it a short chunk of one of my unfinished stories.
Excellent idea.

It's a forgotten war. Spiraling burns, strange cancers, shrunken hard torsos like fragments of bleached rock. I've heard it's like that over there – whining assholes complaining about the cost of the changes that pulling out would impose. Pulling out always costs -- people hanging from helicopters or eyes of garnets. You choose.
The choices are endless as you walk through this new world. We choose. Our dreams are not our own, not our own in the long run. And though we make choices, they are not our own. When all is said and done and every choice is made, the choice is ours. It's ours to make -- to become. The choices are always mine. And that's all good. It's not our own. It's not who we are. And that's what we will always be."

I prefer mine to be honest.
posted by thatwhichfalls at 10:52 AM on May 18, 2019

There's 106 miles to Chicago. The average trip takes an hour, 30 minutes. There are only nine of us. We're the only people in the whole state of Illinois.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 12:08 PM on May 18, 2019 [2 favorites]

Mickey Mouse, Edith Head, and Ernest Borgnine walk into a bar. The men stare at each other. Edith says, "We have a guest today." He says, "What do we have?" She says, "We have Mickey Mouse!" He says, "OK, well that's enough." This leads to the opening scene of Walt Disney's Animal Kingdom with all the animals in the park standing to greet the guests. Mickey and friends make their way into the parlor, with the parrot on the table at the top, where he gives them the best greeting ever.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 12:13 PM on May 18, 2019 [2 favorites]

If I was king for just one day, what would I do? I would take you off a train at the station. I would say: "What is it you need? Why have you been taken away from us?" Because I'm not a nice person.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 3:11 PM on May 18, 2019

Bob: Who are you?
I am a female wizard looking to start a new and profitable business called Lucky Witch Magic of Sally .
Roland: What kind of witch magic is it?
Sue: It is very simple and allows you to conjure up unbelievable powerful creatures. I like to call it my 'Hands-On Magic'.
Roland: So what are you going to do with each creature?
Sue: I would imagine that the magic would do its job pretty well but also create some very totally unexpected creatures that you wouldn't have really expected.
Roland: It seems like the only reason I don't think you should buy them is because they aren't all there.
Sue: I would hope so, but that would be slightly impossible.
Roland: Ok.
Roland: Good.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 5:18 PM on May 18, 2019

This thing seems to recognize screenplay format, and can introduce characters from Star Trek even if they weren't explicitly named. I've got the feeling it was trained extensively on fanfic:
The doorbell rings.

BASHIR and SULU are seated in the sauna. The FEMALE FOSTER walks in.

Kirk's been talking. He needs us to work the lights.

That's an order.

What do you think? Let's see your face on a TV screen...
(she turns the camera to Kirk.)

(in mock confusion) ...of the SAME thing...
(his face on a film of a woman's.) I...

We'll get through it. He's just an idiot. His stupid mind doesn't realize he's acting like a moron. It's the same mistake every boy makes--they just can't think properly.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 5:28 PM on May 18, 2019 is one of the strangest sites I've seen in some time. I have no idea how these people got their cats wedged into their scanners, or why they took pictures of their cat's genitals or underwear without their cat knowing they were taking pictures of that. It looks like they did so with the sole purpose of selling them, or blackmailing their cat owners into paying for them. (What kind of blackmail? This type of blackmail is usually illegal, so they're probably in violation of the cat's first amendment right of privacy if they do that.) This isn't the first time their technology has shown up…
posted by Lazlo Hollyfeld at 6:18 AM on May 20, 2019 [2 favorites]

Some Metafilter favorites:

"This is just to say I have eaten a lot of garlic in the past few weeks. So this is all pretty normal."

"Metafilter: ƒ/0.6" (That slogan is not going to catch on!)

"My name is cow, and wen its nite, i'm bein' cowd and cowd with the world."

"Hi, I'm on Metafilter and I could overthink a plate of iced coffee for about 30 seconds."
posted by zeusianfog at 2:20 PM on May 20, 2019

• 1 medium onion, diced
• 1 poblano or pasilla pepper
• 1 bell pepper
• 1 half of a fresh lime
• 1 box of vegetable stock
• 1 can of black beans
• 1 can of corn
• 1 can of Rotel
• 4 oz Tomato paste
• All the cumin you got.
• Garlic, diced
• 1 tbsp harissa
paste on top.
• Salt and pepper to taste
Place all the ingredients in medium saucepan and heat until almost the liquid starts to rise. Add the stock and simmer until the liquid starts to evaporate in the oil. Let it come to a rolling boil, then switch off the fire and cook for 10 minutes. Add the lentils and cook until the lentils have thickened to a gravy consistency. To do this, first remove the skin and seeds (which will make everything look a bit more interesting) from the onion, and cut it in half. Place the onion onion slices and the remaining onion sliced into cubes to separate the onion bits from the flesh. Cut some of the lentils from the same size cubes. Take a meat ladle and add all of the lentils into it. Mix through the rest of the lentils
posted by cirrostratus at 4:32 PM on May 20, 2019

Obama chuckled. "You mean the Chaos Emeralds?" he asked, staring at the Emerald statue by his right shoulder. They were just some nice chinese style decorations, he said.

"They're pretty decent stuff," Harry said from behind the couch.

Harry frowned. "This place's a mess."

"Nonsense," the man said. He held out one clawed hand to Harry and gestured with it towards the statue. "The other ones, the ones outside, are for you."

This didn't help Harry at all. "But... I don't want to go to the back because it's full of people..."

"This is for you," someone in the crowd said with an enthusiastic thumbs up.

"How much does it cost?" Harry asked.

"About a quarter of Sirius Black. He gets to wear the costume for an hour or so every day. They only let people in at certain times. At some point there's going to be a crowd, though—they can't let that happen while it's dark—so they're going to do a little sneak peak before the next time."

The crowd started bopping and booing when Harry took the
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 4:56 PM on May 20, 2019

"H-Hewwo is anybody thewe?"

The cave slowly begins to fill with water.

"H-hewwo pwease somebody hewp me Hewwo!"

You can feel the surface of the water barely lapping at you.

"Nononono hewwo!! Hewwo! Hewp me!"

"God wwest youw soul"

"Mewwo... Hewwo!"

The water slowly subsides and now the lake's surface begins to settle, so that you see yourself and everyone else again. Now everything has returned to normal.

As you continue to walk away from the lake, you begin to hear a small child's voice saying softly, "It looks like I didn't do anything bad, so WOW youw have wwo done wrong! So don't do anything again!"

In an unknown place, you hear a voice say "Dang-tweel pwease youw do us a favor, if you'll allow it, and I mean that youw will make a good friend."

As you walk away, you sense that something is amiss from the beginning, and then suddenly, a massive hole appears. The ground starts shaking, the atmosphere stops, the lights and sounds of the universe start getting drowned out by the screams and cries of those who are still here."

The people begin to scream, to scream more and more over and over as the horror grows as night comes, and so on and so forth for several minutes. Some of the people are screaming at each other as the people begin to struggle to stand, and this does not help in doing much in the way of healing, just making them fight harder and harder. So, you are left with no choice but to kill your victims, and they will only keep dying until they die of exhaustion or natural causes, or, worse, even if you kill them, they will continue to become insane, and continue trying to destroy this entire world.

And what do you do then?

You take your weapons and go after their brains. It's very simple. Your first step is to take them out from under their hearts, or your second step is to take them out from under their heads. And then what? What's your next step? What do you do next that you don't already do? How do you get them out from under where they could be hurt?

So I think you have to take some very particular steps. I think that you have to get the people that are most in danger and most vulnerable to start talking about getting out. And, secondly, the only alternative you have at any time, or you really have to have to have someplace. A place where there's someone to have your help. I mean, it's a very particular process, but sometimes you get to places where you just can't give up.

The final thing about the violence, if you are talking specifically about police, when someone does something like that, I think we're talking about two very different things, when you're talking about violence among law-enforcement and people who might otherwise be involved in the violence, or who might be bystanders — there's a tendency to think of them as like one big group because they're both criminal actors. I'm not saying that, but I am saying that there's probably some degree of overlap, it does seem like, between the two.

On that point of the overlap, there's an interesting research paper at the Institute for Justice titled "Violent Cop Culture" about how violent cop culture and police culture have been shaped and manipulated over the last 50 years. The gist of what we found was that violence between law enforcement and other law-enforcement, in particular — a) violence committed by citizens and b) police violence, is much, much bigger now than it was 100 years ago.

So, in that respect we are talking about a much more violent situation in our society than I would have assumed.

You were also a consultant on the documentary Dirty Jobs, which will be available to stream to all subscribers to the History Channel on March 31. The film will expose the hidden costs of our oil industry, examining the environmental damage that corporations like Exxon Mobil, Chevron, and Shell inflict on the planet through their operations in the United States and abroad." [The Daily Beast, 5/30/10]

Environmentalists and others attacked the documentary on Twitter. Among the critics was Dr. Robert Wood Johnson, the former dean of Johns Hopkins and current director of the Earth Institute. [Climate Etc., 7/24/10]

Environmental Groups Claimed A Proposed Bill To "Eliminate" Climate Science Doubles Down On The Science Of Global Warming. "We'll be discussing climate change in front of Congress as part of the Climate Change A Day," asserted the Heartland Institute, a conservative think-tank promoting the idea of climate change denial. The group's position, based largely on their views on the science of global warming as contained within climate models, was outlined in an analysis by the group's director, Jim Moolenaar. The analysis, entitled "Climate Change Deniers," explained how the model projections failed in this regard.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 5:04 PM on May 20, 2019

It can generate metafilter comment threads:
While I am happy that Star Trek has some momentum behind it again, I do not really understand why this particular project is happening.
posted by vibratory manner of working Add tag at 10:42 AM on May 23 [1 favorite +] [!] [4 replies]

I know it's too soon but god I want the Oral History of CBS All Access so bad
posted by prize bull octorok Add tag at 10:44 AM on May 23 [+] [!] [8 replies]

If you haven't listened to it, watch it if you haven't already.

It really is a wonderful program.

So we have a brilliant man named Tom Cruise and we have a brilliant man named Neil deGrasse Tyson

posted by The Frugal Life Add tag at 10:45 AM on May 23 [1 favorite +] [!] [2 replies]
One thing that's interesting about this is that I use an extension that adds an "Add tag" link next to posters' names, and the GPT-2 generated text that included it in the right place. I'm sure it wasn't trained on metafilter + the extension I'm using, so it's able to generalize the structure of the seed text, generate text that fits that structure, and incorporate specific syntactic details from the seed text. Cool!
posted by jjwiseman at 11:22 AM on May 23, 2019 [1 favorite]

With the same seed text as above, it also generated this (I tried adding small tags to give it higher fidelity but it triggered a metafilter anti-deception measure!):
I can hear your eyes rolling
Posted by Dizzy at 12:37 PM on May 24 [2 favorite +] [!] [29 replies]

I hope to see the oral histories of the cast and crew
Posted by Mika at 3:49 PM on May 25 [1 favorite +] [!] [1 reply]

They should do the oral history of J.J. Abrams and Matt Damon in the same year as the movie
Posted by TheSlySnake at 6:17 PM on May 31 [5 favorite +] [!] [29 replies]

This is such a great idea
Posted by sb at 3:52 PM on June 16 [6 favorite +
It... gets Metafilter.
posted by jjwiseman at 11:28 AM on May 23, 2019 [1 favorite]

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