wanderin beneath the clear blue sky
June 11, 2019 5:03 PM   Subscribe

 
Yes, Yes, Astronaut, 25%, Yes, Not at all, If it's got a comfy setup: none, Probably not, Yes, No, No, No, No, Yes, Totally, I haven't noticed, Yes, Not really, Several, Yes, Yes, No, and Yes.
posted by tclark at 5:24 PM on June 11 [5 favorites]




I was totally gonna post this, but I got distracted after I retweeted it from wherever I saw it, and it turns out on review that "wherever I saw it" was literally just griphus retweeting it in the first place, so this all checks out.

I loved the "tells you you're wrong" video chrominance mentioned but this one has a kind of extra special magic to it, something shifting and strange in the deluge of Frakesian inquiries. It feels like I'm taking a Voight-Kampff test and it doesn't feel like I'm passing.
posted by cortex at 5:40 PM on June 11 [27 favorites]


No idea who this guy is but his show looks dreadful. Set like you're watching Hilarious House of Frankenstein.
posted by dobbs at 5:48 PM on June 11


Have you ever been in a Turkish Prison? You ever seen a grown man naked? Do you like movies about gladiators?
posted by WCityMike at 5:49 PM on June 11 [23 favorites]


(Possible answers: no; no; happy; from 20% for average ho-hum service, add more if for “camping” at the table up to 25% for A+ service, add more if for “camping” at the table; yes; somewhat; double what I paid the plumber to come out recently; no; I have multiple pets; not especially; kind of; no; no; no; nope; if you meant “Have you noticed what big stars real estate agents have become?”- kind of, but if you meant “Have you noticed what Big Star’s real estate agents have become?” then no; probably not; yes; yes; yes; I can’t recall; no; not especially)
posted by 23skidoo at 5:53 PM on June 11 [3 favorites]


Wait, who is the tallest person I've ever seen? This is going to haunt me. I once walked by two-time ACC Defensive Player of the Year John Henson, who was quite tall but didn't really seem that tall in person. I guess I went to a preseason NBA game once, there were definitely some tall people there but my seats were bad and I was pretty far away from the action. The person whose height I've been most surprised by is Rick Santorum, but I really, really don't want that to be my answer. I, uh, once stood next to a wax statue of Robert Wadlow in a Ripley's Believe It or Not! museum. Does that count?

It's official, I have been haunted by the dumbest question in any of the throwaway intros to Beyond Belief: Fact or Fiction?.
posted by Copronymus at 6:02 PM on June 11 [3 favorites]




Who wants a phaser rifle?
posted by clavdivs at 6:11 PM on June 11 [1 favorite]


There's also the @RikerGoogling twitter account, which is different in substance but similar in spirit. Maybe.
posted by hippybear at 6:18 PM on June 11 [6 favorites]


Needs more sitting down.
posted by oneswellfoop at 6:25 PM on June 11 [6 favorites]


dobbs: Jonathan Frakes may be better known as Cmdr. Riker from Star Trek: The Next Generation, though nowadays he's more of a director of TV shows and the occasional movie.

This show was Beyond Belief: Fact or Fiction, where it'd be an hour (I think? maybe a half) of a handful of urban-legend-sounding stories, and you were left to guess which ones were real and which were fake. At the end of the ep, he'd reveal the answers (the source of the "Tells You You're Wrong" clip).

It was a cheap, trashy show but kinda fun, too. It was never must-see television, but great for when there was nothing else on.
posted by Rev. Syung Myung Me at 6:33 PM on June 11 [4 favorites]


No idea who this guy is but his show looks dreadful. Set like you're watching Hilarious House of Frankenstein

You say that like it's a bad thing?
Frightenstein.
posted by rodlymight at 6:43 PM on June 11 [5 favorites]


No idea who this guy is but his show looks dreadful.

Jonathan "Jonjon" Frakes hosted the TNT Question Hour from 1992-1995; the montage is from a few different episodes, but this was pretty much the whole show. He would spend an hour (minus commercial breaks) asking questions of the viewer in increasingly urgent ways. By the end of the show he would frequently be sweating and breathing hard, like he was on a treadmill. The last five minutes of each show would have a call-in recording from a fan, answering one of the questions from the previous week, after which Jonjon would shout "Now THAT's what I was... QUESTIONING about!!!!" and as the end credit music started up, the stagehands would all come into frame, grinning broadly and waving, while Jonjon would sit down in his Question Chair, exhausted.
posted by Greg Nog at 6:45 PM on June 11 [34 favorites]




Oh hell, somehow I missed that WCityMike beat me to it by a country mile. Phooey.
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:49 PM on June 11 [1 favorite]


Tremendous.

I think I’m detecting a mild Troy McClure vibe off of these back-to-back-to-back. “Called a plumber lately? Hi, I’m Jonathan Frakes! You may remember me from such films as Star Trek: Nemesis and Star Trek: Insurrection.”
posted by hijinx at 6:55 PM on June 11 [14 favorites]


Greg Nog, you're thinking of TLC's "Let's Get Interrogative"; that was Johnny Fracas. Question Hour was piloted successfully but canceled midseason after Jonjon wrecked his ankle filming one of the Kickflip Quick Quip skateboard segments.
posted by cortex at 6:59 PM on June 11 [4 favorites]


I think I’m detecting a mild Troy McClure vibe off of these back-to-back-to-back. “Called a plumber lately? Hi, I’m Jonathan Frakes! You may remember me from such films as Star Trek: Nemesis and Star Trek: Insurrection.”

I will never be able to un-see this now.
posted by mordax at 7:09 PM on June 11 [2 favorites]


My favorite part of the Riker-sitting-down video is when he actually dismounts to get up from the seat.
posted by Flight Hardware, do not touch at 7:49 PM on June 11 [5 favorites]


You ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?
posted by knuckle tattoos at 8:09 PM on June 11 [2 favorites]


I'm fairly sure this has reprogrammed me, The Parallax View style.
posted by whir at 8:49 PM on June 11 [2 favorites]


You know, it could be all a pose, but I always get the feeling Jonathan Frakes is enjoying the hell out of whatever he's doing at the moment.

(Loved Riker Googling, lost it at "low back chairs.")
posted by The Underpants Monster at 9:01 PM on June 11 [4 favorites]


And since we're doing the obligatories: RIKER LEAN
posted by The Underpants Monster at 9:17 PM on June 11 [2 favorites]


All of these questions come from the research of author Robert Tralins.
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 9:21 PM on June 11


Metafilter: great for when there was nothing else on.
posted by amtho at 10:47 PM on June 11 [2 favorites]


I met the world's tallest woman when I was a kid.
posted by Chrysostom at 11:26 PM on June 11


I'll just pick the one I have a unique & notable answer for. I went to high school with a kid nicknamed Stretch because of his height. He was a pretty good basketball player & after college he went on to play in the NBA for the 76ers for at least one season. Partly because he was good at the game but I'm pretty sure the fact that another of our classmates' father owned the team at the time had something to do with it too.
posted by scalefree at 12:57 AM on June 12


If a bucket of paint falls on a man's head - that's funny.
If the bucket fractures his skull at the same time and kills him, that's not funny - it's tragic.
And yet, if a man falls into a sausage machine and is sold in the shops for so much a pound - that's funny; it is also tragic.
So why is it funny?

Roald Dahl did it better.
posted by rongorongo at 2:34 AM on June 12


My favorite part of the Riker-sitting-down video is when he actually dismounts to get up from the seat.

Jonathan Frakes has a back injury, and Riker's ridiculous way of sitting down is apparently more comfortable than doing it the normal way. He'll also often lean on tables and furniture instead of sitting down.

An excellent illustration of how disability can actually make you cooler
posted by Merus at 4:08 AM on June 12 [10 favorites]


I cannot remember exactly but it was some guy in the Netherlands.

The part I do remember, maybe 10 years ago they still had little "rookzone" smoking area phonebooth type things in Schipol. So I just go toff my flight and ducked into one, soon to be joined by 4 security staff, all women, and all towering over my 6'1" height.

It was strange and wonderful, and they smoked and ignored me and made lots of "ch" sounds and then they were gone. I was in naive awe at the stature of these people, obviously better than me in every way.
posted by Meatbomb at 4:17 AM on June 12


Now I need the edit where Frakes asks a question, receives an answer, then declares the answer wrong.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 5:01 AM on June 12 [5 favorites]


Just to mention since nobody has yet: That German show that they just added to Netflix, "How to Sell Drugs Online Fast," has a brief, bizarre interlude in one of the early episodes that sees present-day Jonathan Frakes amongst a stripped-down Beyond Belief-esque set doing his bit, including the "Is it (X)? Or are we just (pun)?".
posted by Krazor at 5:02 AM on June 12 [2 favorites]


For some reason I read the title of the post as "Jonathan Franzen Asks You Things," and boy was this a better experience than what I had braced myself for.
posted by Mayor West at 5:21 AM on June 12 [7 favorites]


That one where he's suddenly clean-shaven is VERY jarring.
posted by The Man from Lardfork at 6:18 AM on June 12 [1 favorite]


This was so much fun. Thank you.
posted by brainwane at 7:00 AM on June 12


I can thank MeFi for the official descriptor for my new favorite interrogation style: the Frakesian Inquiry

As in, "OK class, the Socratic Method is so 2000-and-late; this year we'll close each period with a 5-minute Frakesian Inquiry speed round... GO!"
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 9:04 AM on June 12


The Man from Lardfork: "That one where he's suddenly clean-shaven is VERY jarring."

"You're so stolid! You weren't like that before the beard."
posted by Chrysostom at 9:43 AM on June 12 [5 favorites]


"You're so stolid! You weren't like that before the beard."

I like to think that Q is speaking here not from his personal experience of interacting with Riker, but rather his experiences as an audience member. If anyone can perceive the narrative forces underlying the exploits of the Enterprise and its crew, Q can. Why simply observe when you can spectate?
posted by lumensimus at 9:55 AM on June 12


I went to high school with a boy who was 6'7" or 8". Since I was the tallest girl in drama club, we got cast as Oberon and Titania in A Midsummer Night's Dream - I guess we would have looked silly playing opposite anyone else.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 10:41 AM on June 12


Howzabout a ten-hour loop* of Frakes saying "Time travel with a shovel can be very exciting"?

Anybody?

Going once, going twice...

* not a 10 hour loop, just an example of what could be.

So these recent Jonathan Frakes edits were tickling something in my hindbrain because they looked so eerily familiar, and this "Asks You Things" one finally flipped the switch - I was enrolled in a Lutheran confirmation class when I was a kid, and we watched a Biblical history video starring Frakes. IMDB says it was Time Travel Through the Bible (1995). The thing is, I would have seen it in 1988 or 1989, and most definitely not 1995.

Here, he introduces us to the shofar and the Battle of Jericho.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 1:14 PM on June 12


So hoping for a trombone reenactment of the Battle of Jericho
posted by The Underpants Monster at 1:44 PM on June 12 [3 favorites]


Came to see if, after about the tenth question, Frakes was going to ask if we liked gladiator movies, or if we'd ever been in a Turkish prison; was disappointed
posted by MarchHare at 3:16 PM on June 12


If you're keeping count at home, that's the third comment that referenced that scene in Airplane!
posted by Chrysostom at 5:29 PM on June 12


That's too many, altogether!
posted by Greg_Ace at 5:33 PM on June 12


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