He wears fur, it gets cold out there
June 27, 2019 8:00 AM   Subscribe

Earlier this month, the FBI Records Vault finally released its records on one of the Pacific Northwest's biggest mystery, and posted a tweet with link and a single word: Bigfoot. 40 years ago, Cue Byrne, who at the time was director of the Bigfoot Information Center and Exhibition in The Dalles, Oregon, asked the FBI to analyze ‘Bigfoot’ hair, and never heard back. Until now. (Washington Post)

Byrne didn't get the results he hoped for, but he's not disappointed. (Wilamette Week)
"It very probably was [deer hair]," he says matter-of-factly. "Nowadays, with DNA testing, you can tell, but not in those days… but the FBI did hush it up, they classified it and put it away and didn't want anything to do with it."
Byrne turns 94 this August, marking over 59 years of hunting the hairy hominid. "I'm still in it," he says, "but in a much milder way, so to speak." He and his colleagues have set up five different motion sensor cameras along the coast, close to where recent sightings have been reported; at one point, he says, Bigfoot hunters would need to camp out overnight, "but the best way to do it seriously now is to use the latest technology."

So far, they've gotten hundreds of photos of deer, elk, mountain lions, and more.

"I would love to see a Bigfoot," Byrne adds, a little quieter. "I've never seen one. I've seen footprints, that's all."

But he's optimistic about the possibilities. Last June, he says, seven veteran loggers reported a credible sighting; only ten days ago, there was another sighting on the Oregon coast.

"I'm still hopeful," he says.
posted by filthy light thief (17 comments total) 12 users marked this as a favorite
And, after all that: “It was concluded as a result of these examinations that the hairs are of deer family origin.” Deer family origin.

posted by pracowity at 8:08 AM on June 27, 2019 [27 favorites]

Unidentified Footed Organism
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:22 AM on June 27, 2019 [13 favorites]

forwarded to my mom, who is way too into bigfoot
posted by supermedusa at 8:32 AM on June 27, 2019 [3 favorites]


Bambi by day, but by the light of the full moon, through elafianthropy, he becomes the deer that walks as a man.
posted by otherchaz at 8:35 AM on June 27, 2019 [9 favorites]

The Six Million Dollar Man conclusively showed that so-called "Bigfoot" is a cyborg built by aliens using advanced bionic technology and used to safeguard their secret base in the Pacific Northwest. This was all settled in the 70s for God's sake! Why are we still talking about this?
posted by Naberius at 8:35 AM on June 27, 2019 [38 favorites]

Look, Bigfoot is hanging out with Elvis and DB Cooper. They are all in witness protection, and that's why the FBI ain't never gonna confirm nothing about this case.

We're through the looking glass, people.
posted by nubs at 8:45 AM on June 27, 2019 [6 favorites]

All you have to do, if you want to see big feet, or any other big thing is google it. I once wanted to know, this was like 1990, if my kids could easily access porn on the internet. I typed in man. Even then it was all kinds of naked men. I thought hum? So I typed in hairy men. There were and are plenty of Yeti's walking around our cities and towns. I think those Himalayan folks who coined the phrase were used to their relatively hairless bodies, and occasionally some other sort of human would bathe in a stream or lake nearby and blow their minds.

As for the porn and the kids, I realized it was absolutely endemic and I never worried about it again.
posted by Oyéah at 9:06 AM on June 27, 2019 [3 favorites]

It's just the obvious result of a deer being bitten by a werewolf.
posted by BeeDo at 9:35 AM on June 27, 2019 [3 favorites]

Time for more 'squatching.
posted by doctornemo at 9:46 AM on June 27, 2019 [1 favorite]

I stole the title from Twitter, where someone suggested that bigfoot was simply wearing a deer-fur coat, because it's cold enough to require something more.

There's also this reply, comparing the movement of 'squatch to a certain U.S. politician.
posted by filthy light thief at 10:50 AM on June 27, 2019 [4 favorites]

If Bigfoot were real, wouldn't there be some trace? Poop, skeletons, fossils, something?

So far, they've gotten hundreds of photos of deer, elk, mountain lions, and more.

But no Bigfeet? Maybe, just maybe, it doesn't exist.
posted by kirkaracha at 10:58 AM on June 27, 2019

Proof that the bigfoot species is capable of hunting large animals and fashioning crude garments from their skins.
posted by justkevin at 11:35 AM on June 27, 2019 [4 favorites]

But you know what they call a -baby- bigfoot/abominable snowman/sasquatch right?

a not yeti
posted by FritoKAL at 12:31 PM on June 27, 2019 [3 favorites]

> wearing a deer-fur coat

I still recall arriving in Oregon for the first time last year. My radio started picking up Portland stations, and some bizarre late-night talk show came on. The host and his guest first chatted about the intergalactic spaceport inside Mount Hood as though it were the local army base. ("They've been very busy lately. Lots of comings and goings." "Mm, yes. I wonder if something's going on?") Then they recounted the time the host went to the guest's meditation retreat and saw Bigfoot.

He told about how it was a young one, probably a teenager, and how it stared at him through the open kitchen door while he meditated and then sprinted away through the orchard.

The guest responded, "Yes, and you know what's really amazing? The trees there are all planted close and entangled and there's no way a seven-foot creature could run through the branches without breaking some of them. So now we know that sasquatch can phase through matter! They must be masters of interdimensional travel."

"Ah," the host said. Then, regaining enthusiasm. "Yes, of course!"
posted by Scattercat at 12:42 PM on June 27, 2019 [9 favorites]

If Bigfoot were real, wouldn't there be some trace? Shit, skeletons, fossils, something?

I mean, yeah. I'm with you on this.

I suppose believers could cite the occasional rare discovery of an unknown large mammal, like the species that they found in Vietnam, as proof that it is possible that Bigfoot exists but there just happens to be no direct physical evidence, but that seems not very persuasive to me.
posted by thelonius at 12:59 PM on June 27, 2019

kirkaracha: If Bigfoot were real, wouldn't there be some trace? Poop, skeletons, fossils, something?

Footprints, and blurry photos, are generally what are considered proof by believers. And some claim to have found bigfoot scat.

Most times, when a living thing dies, it just rots. It leaves no trace that it was ever there. (But when the conditions are just right, a fossil may form.) Otherwise, the world would be full of dead things.

This is also why people don't stumble across other animal bones in the forest very often.

And there are still new animal discoveries being made in the 21st century, including primates.

posted by filthy light thief at 1:51 PM on June 27, 2019

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