How to rob 30 banks and nearly get away with it
June 28, 2019 4:07 PM Subscribe
Hooked: A raging heroin addiction fueled a former Boeing engineer’s yearlong, 30-bank robbery spree.
Articles like this make it very easy for me to consider robbing a bank
posted by Jon_Evil at 5:20 PM on June 28, 2019 [15 favorites]
posted by Jon_Evil at 5:20 PM on June 28, 2019 [15 favorites]
“Used his sister’s minivan to rob a bank inside the store where she worked” is now item number 584 on my list of reasons I am not actually the stupidest person in the world.
posted by bigbigdog at 5:37 PM on June 28, 2019 [14 favorites]
posted by bigbigdog at 5:37 PM on June 28, 2019 [14 favorites]
Small-haul branch bank robbery is quite common. You don't know it because you'd have to read the sum total of the world's local paper police blotters to know it. I assume the banks like it that way.
(A friend's father was a bank robber by trade and consequently he grew up on the lam. A strange and interesting life, e.g., no formal schooling until college, but he turned out more than alright. The father was also talented at breaking out of jail but this was counteracted by a tendency to say too much when inebriated.)
posted by sjswitzer at 5:46 PM on June 28, 2019 [14 favorites]
(A friend's father was a bank robber by trade and consequently he grew up on the lam. A strange and interesting life, e.g., no formal schooling until college, but he turned out more than alright. The father was also talented at breaking out of jail but this was counteracted by a tendency to say too much when inebriated.)
posted by sjswitzer at 5:46 PM on June 28, 2019 [14 favorites]
The thing about robbing banks is it's pretty easy to rob one bank and get away with it, but robbing one bank isn't a super lucrative endeavour, you're probably just getting a couple thousand dollars from the cashiers and that's it. A couple thousand is nice, but it's not "retire to the Riviera" nice. So you rob more banks but the more banks you rob the exponentially more likely it is you're gonna get caught.
I was a juror in a bank robbery trial. The first robbery was one of those banks inside a supermarket. They had incredibly shitty cameras and there was very little evidence to go on. The second robbery was an actual bank branch that had much better security cameras and a lot more evidence, and we ended up convicting on both robberies based on how similar the two robberies were. Small haul robbery is not a great career path.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 5:49 PM on June 28, 2019 [19 favorites]
I was a juror in a bank robbery trial. The first robbery was one of those banks inside a supermarket. They had incredibly shitty cameras and there was very little evidence to go on. The second robbery was an actual bank branch that had much better security cameras and a lot more evidence, and we ended up convicting on both robberies based on how similar the two robberies were. Small haul robbery is not a great career path.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 5:49 PM on June 28, 2019 [19 favorites]
Mr.Encyclopedia is quite correct. It's a terrible career path, not to mention the reckless endangerment it inevitably entails.
posted by sjswitzer at 6:01 PM on June 28, 2019
posted by sjswitzer at 6:01 PM on June 28, 2019
The hauls were so small. Its tragic we allow addiction to drive people to such futile extremes.
posted by supermedusa at 6:04 PM on June 28, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by supermedusa at 6:04 PM on June 28, 2019 [4 favorites]
Good god it would be so fun to rob a bank. I can taste the adrenaline just thinking about it.
posted by mr_roboto at 6:23 PM on June 28, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by mr_roboto at 6:23 PM on June 28, 2019 [4 favorites]
Think how much more fun it would be to found a bank.
posted by sjswitzer at 6:27 PM on June 28, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by sjswitzer at 6:27 PM on June 28, 2019 [4 favorites]
Eh.
posted by mr_roboto at 6:28 PM on June 28, 2019 [5 favorites]
posted by mr_roboto at 6:28 PM on June 28, 2019 [5 favorites]
If you want to really make money via robbery and banks you can't beat owning a bank.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 6:29 PM on June 28, 2019 [48 favorites]
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 6:29 PM on June 28, 2019 [48 favorites]
I wonder if there's a living to be made as the designer of a getaway car driver Uber app for small haul bank robberies. That must be abstracted far enough from the crime itself that I wouldn't see jail, right?
*Not a serious question or something I'll actually do but if you are inspired please donate to my patreon, which doesn't exist.
posted by saysthis at 6:30 PM on June 28, 2019 [1 favorite]
*Not a serious question or something I'll actually do but if you are inspired please donate to my patreon, which doesn't exist.
posted by saysthis at 6:30 PM on June 28, 2019 [1 favorite]
How to rob 30 banks and nearly get away with it
For the how-to book title, I am going to suggest changing it to How to Rob 29 Banks and Get Away With It.
posted by snofoam at 6:35 PM on June 28, 2019 [41 favorites]
For the how-to book title, I am going to suggest changing it to How to Rob 29 Banks and Get Away With It.
posted by snofoam at 6:35 PM on June 28, 2019 [41 favorites]
Longform.org recently linked this account of a woman who successfully robbed many banks disguised as a man, until eventually she got sloppy and the FBI got lucky. Most takes were a thousand or two dollars, with the high end being around $10k. I think a lot of what helped her was hitting upon a style that both avoided common traps (e.g., dye packs) and befuddled FBI agents used to the run-of-the-mill robbers.
posted by axiom at 6:37 PM on June 28, 2019 [11 favorites]
posted by axiom at 6:37 PM on June 28, 2019 [11 favorites]
I mean heroin isn't that expensive I think he actually was addicted to a very thrilling form of gambling.
posted by Space Coyote at 6:43 PM on June 28, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by Space Coyote at 6:43 PM on June 28, 2019 [2 favorites]
Articles like this make it very easy for me to consider robbing a bank
posted by Jon_Evil
Oh, oh, I know this one! My moment has come!!!
...
...
....
E-pony-ster-ic-al.
Did I do it right
posted by Ender's Friend at 7:04 PM on June 28, 2019 [16 favorites]
posted by Jon_Evil
Oh, oh, I know this one! My moment has come!!!
...
...
....
E-pony-ster-ic-al.
Did I do it right
posted by Ender's Friend at 7:04 PM on June 28, 2019 [16 favorites]
When I read things like this I wonder about the staff at the banks, and what it must be like for them to go through this. They don't know anything about the bank robber, what they might be capable of, and what will happen. For some, it must be terrifying.
And yes, I feel for Mr Hathaway and his addiction and a society that seems perfectly willing to live with this immense problem and all it entails.
posted by Phlegmco(tm) at 7:07 PM on June 28, 2019 [6 favorites]
And yes, I feel for Mr Hathaway and his addiction and a society that seems perfectly willing to live with this immense problem and all it entails.
posted by Phlegmco(tm) at 7:07 PM on June 28, 2019 [6 favorites]
If you want to really make money via robbery and banks you can't beat owning a bank.
Some'll rob you with a six-gun and some with a fountain pen.
posted by non canadian guy at 7:23 PM on June 28, 2019 [14 favorites]
Some'll rob you with a six-gun and some with a fountain pen.
posted by non canadian guy at 7:23 PM on June 28, 2019 [14 favorites]
Robbing a bank is a bad idea because it automatically involves the FBI. Better to find some out of the way business or institution that has a high cash flow. And instead of going in during the day, consider a night robbery: knock out the power to any security systems, maybe knock out the power to an entire block/area.
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 9:07 PM on June 28, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 9:07 PM on June 28, 2019 [1 favorite]
For a guy who was an engineer I'm unimpressed. He put a lot of work into the mechanics, etc, but you look at his average haul and it's like... really? Come on bro. That's all you got? I don't care how many banks he robbed. He wasn't a good bank robber.
Ima go out on a limb here but I'll guess that he was only getting cash from a single teller each time and he might not have even known that they typically each have TWO cash drawers. Guess which one they'll open first in a robbery. Now guess which one has a lot more money in it.
posted by MjrMjr at 9:35 PM on June 28, 2019
Ima go out on a limb here but I'll guess that he was only getting cash from a single teller each time and he might not have even known that they typically each have TWO cash drawers. Guess which one they'll open first in a robbery. Now guess which one has a lot more money in it.
posted by MjrMjr at 9:35 PM on June 28, 2019
When I read things like this I wonder about the staff at the banks, and what it must be like for them to go through this. They don't know anything about the bank robber, what they might be capable of, and what will happen. For some, it must be terrifying.
My ex-wife worked at a bank and their training was pretty much "Just give them the money, maybe slip a dye pack in if you can, but for god's sakes don't be a hero or anything." It was pretty mellow because most robbers only want the money and to get out as fast as possible. (She never put it into practice so I can't report on that but for such a serious topic, it was bemusingly low-key. Basically "Don't die for the like $500 in your drawer.").
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 10:01 PM on June 28, 2019 [2 favorites]
My ex-wife worked at a bank and their training was pretty much "Just give them the money, maybe slip a dye pack in if you can, but for god's sakes don't be a hero or anything." It was pretty mellow because most robbers only want the money and to get out as fast as possible. (She never put it into practice so I can't report on that but for such a serious topic, it was bemusingly low-key. Basically "Don't die for the like $500 in your drawer.").
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 10:01 PM on June 28, 2019 [2 favorites]
When I read things like this I wonder about the staff at the banks, and what it must be like for them to go through this
A girl I went to high school with was a teller at a bank that got robbed, and ten years afterwards (when I was regularly running into her at an exercise class) she still couldn’t bring herself to walk into a bank. And this was a robbery with just a note. No guns, and no one was physically hurt.
posted by sideshow at 10:21 PM on June 28, 2019 [12 favorites]
A girl I went to high school with was a teller at a bank that got robbed, and ten years afterwards (when I was regularly running into her at an exercise class) she still couldn’t bring herself to walk into a bank. And this was a robbery with just a note. No guns, and no one was physically hurt.
posted by sideshow at 10:21 PM on June 28, 2019 [12 favorites]
This is so weirdly similar to the story of Drew McFrizz, who was an addict back in the early 90s robbing banks for years across a lot of territory, but some of it was in the Seattle area. He recounted that era of his life in detail with Luke Burbank and Jen Andrews on live radio show (and continuing podcast) TBTL, all five of his appearances can be heard via this page. It's QUITE a listen, and worth the time IMO.
posted by hippybear at 10:51 PM on June 28, 2019 [5 favorites]
posted by hippybear at 10:51 PM on June 28, 2019 [5 favorites]
When I read things like this I wonder about the staff at the banks
Indeed, I find articles like (and including) this one always kind of posit it as a victimless crime. The piece just kind of glides over how he changed methodology to be more aggressive and leaping over counter etc. I wonder how many people got PTSD as a result of this "victimless" crime.
posted by smoke at 12:52 AM on June 29, 2019 [9 favorites]
Indeed, I find articles like (and including) this one always kind of posit it as a victimless crime. The piece just kind of glides over how he changed methodology to be more aggressive and leaping over counter etc. I wonder how many people got PTSD as a result of this "victimless" crime.
posted by smoke at 12:52 AM on June 29, 2019 [9 favorites]
When I read things like this I wonder about the staff at the banks, and what it must be like for them to go through this.
I had a friend who was a bank teller at two different banks. Both of them got robbed. The second time, when the robbers came in, her PTSD kicked in, and she collapsed completely. Since she was on the floor, her window didn’t get hit, and the FBI decided she was a suspect and harassed her brutally until her manager made them stop. She quit working in banks and drank pretty heavily. She was getting her life back together five years later when I moved and we lost track of each other. I hope she’s happy.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:10 AM on June 29, 2019 [11 favorites]
I had a friend who was a bank teller at two different banks. Both of them got robbed. The second time, when the robbers came in, her PTSD kicked in, and she collapsed completely. Since she was on the floor, her window didn’t get hit, and the FBI decided she was a suspect and harassed her brutally until her manager made them stop. She quit working in banks and drank pretty heavily. She was getting her life back together five years later when I moved and we lost track of each other. I hope she’s happy.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:10 AM on June 29, 2019 [11 favorites]
In conclusion, bank robbers aren’t harmless folk heroes. They ruin lives of the tellers, at the very least, even when those tellers have supportive management.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:12 AM on June 29, 2019 [8 favorites]
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:12 AM on June 29, 2019 [8 favorites]
My conclusion is you want heroin you rob heroin dealers then you got money AND heroin and fuck all this bank camera cop kerfluffle.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 4:23 AM on June 29, 2019 [7 favorites]
posted by Mr. Yuck at 4:23 AM on June 29, 2019 [7 favorites]
Banks carry insurance for robberies, and are likely to let you take the money and let the system deal with you later - heroin dealers I suspect not so much.
posted by each day we work at 5:35 AM on June 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by each day we work at 5:35 AM on June 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
So there's another startup opportunity, then: theft insurance for heroin dealers.
posted by Spathe Cadet at 7:06 AM on June 29, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by Spathe Cadet at 7:06 AM on June 29, 2019 [2 favorites]
Yeah, like crime, but organized.
posted by paper chromatographologist at 7:08 AM on June 29, 2019 [14 favorites]
posted by paper chromatographologist at 7:08 AM on June 29, 2019 [14 favorites]
Better to find some out of the way business or institution that has a high cash flow. And instead of going in during the day, consider a night robbery: knock out the power to any security systems, maybe knock out the power to an entire block/area.
hey, stop giving away Parker's ideas.
posted by philip-random at 8:50 AM on June 29, 2019 [2 favorites]
hey, stop giving away Parker's ideas.
posted by philip-random at 8:50 AM on June 29, 2019 [2 favorites]
Waiting until there are no customers around is probably the biggest reason why neither he nor anyone else was physically injured and he rarely found a need to even imply the threat of violence.
Maybe it's different in Seattle, but when I lived in Oklahoma it was fairly common for gun toting idiots to escalate robberies in an attempt to play out their hero fantasy for reals instead of just in their head, sometimes with deadly consequences. Rarely enough, though, that it was pretty clear that most people robbing commercial establishments don't actually have any interest in physically injuring people.
As in many areas, the way we as a society choose to deal with things often serves only to increase the amount of trauma in the world.
posted by wierdo at 9:43 AM on June 29, 2019
Maybe it's different in Seattle, but when I lived in Oklahoma it was fairly common for gun toting idiots to escalate robberies in an attempt to play out their hero fantasy for reals instead of just in their head, sometimes with deadly consequences. Rarely enough, though, that it was pretty clear that most people robbing commercial establishments don't actually have any interest in physically injuring people.
As in many areas, the way we as a society choose to deal with things often serves only to increase the amount of trauma in the world.
posted by wierdo at 9:43 AM on June 29, 2019
I almost missed this painful detail at the end:
When he transferred to Monroe from King County, the draft of his autobiography and all of his personal drawings and papers were lost.
posted by doctornemo at 11:38 AM on June 29, 2019 [2 favorites]
When he transferred to Monroe from King County, the draft of his autobiography and all of his personal drawings and papers were lost.
posted by doctornemo at 11:38 AM on June 29, 2019 [2 favorites]
Odd coincidence: a bunch of the banks this guy robbed were Whidbey Island Banks.
Same Whidbey Island where The Order's founder was killed. That group did a bunch of bank robberies as well.
posted by doctornemo at 11:45 AM on June 29, 2019
Same Whidbey Island where The Order's founder was killed. That group did a bunch of bank robberies as well.
posted by doctornemo at 11:45 AM on June 29, 2019
Anyone else find it odd that the interest on his repayments is forgiven? Why can’t that happen for student loans? Also, I guess this goes without saying, but in sure the sentence would have been much word if he weren’t white (which I’m assuming he is, based on leniency!)
posted by stillmoving at 2:44 PM on June 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by stillmoving at 2:44 PM on June 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
"My conclusion is you want heroin you rob heroin dealers then you got money AND heroin and fuck all this bank camera cop kerfluffle."
This is why heroin (and other drug) dealers carry guns. Robbing drug dealers unarmed is a 100% guarantee that you'll get shot eventually. Robbing drug dealers armed is a 100% guarantee you will get into a gunfight. So I wouldn't really recommend that either. The hourly rate is likely to be better I guess, as long as you can find the guy in the crew that has the cash.
Good article, but as others have remarked it elides the effects on the victims working the counter. Having talked with those folks many times over my career, it's not a fun thrill for them like it was for Hathaway. And yes, the victim whose vehicle he stole probably was extremely worried about being targeted at home. Most are.
posted by firebrick at 2:49 PM on June 29, 2019 [2 favorites]
This is why heroin (and other drug) dealers carry guns. Robbing drug dealers unarmed is a 100% guarantee that you'll get shot eventually. Robbing drug dealers armed is a 100% guarantee you will get into a gunfight. So I wouldn't really recommend that either. The hourly rate is likely to be better I guess, as long as you can find the guy in the crew that has the cash.
Good article, but as others have remarked it elides the effects on the victims working the counter. Having talked with those folks many times over my career, it's not a fun thrill for them like it was for Hathaway. And yes, the victim whose vehicle he stole probably was extremely worried about being targeted at home. Most are.
posted by firebrick at 2:49 PM on June 29, 2019 [2 favorites]
This is exactly why robbing ATMs with acetylene and oxygen is the better way to go. Less risk of traumatising anyone, and the haul can go up to six digits. On the downside, it's expensive to get started, doing it alone is logistically close to impossible, and it's really freakin dangerous.
Just learn how to short-sell online, I guess is what I'm saying.
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 6:56 AM on June 30, 2019 [3 favorites]
Just learn how to short-sell online, I guess is what I'm saying.
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 6:56 AM on June 30, 2019 [3 favorites]
I've been listening to the interviews with Drew McFizz as recommended by hippybear and they really are fantastic.
posted by moonmilk at 2:28 PM on June 30, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by moonmilk at 2:28 PM on June 30, 2019 [1 favorite]
> My conclusion is you want heroin you rob heroin dealers then you got money AND heroin and fuck all this bank camera cop kerfluffle.
If I was inexplicably forced to choose between crossing The Mob and crossing the government, I’d choose the latter. More likely to still be alive and healthy five years later.
posted by ardgedee at 8:43 AM on July 6, 2019
If I was inexplicably forced to choose between crossing The Mob and crossing the government, I’d choose the latter. More likely to still be alive and healthy five years later.
posted by ardgedee at 8:43 AM on July 6, 2019
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Only by pretending that criminals must be horrible people who aren't at all like the rest of us can the fear be quieted.
posted by wierdo at 4:31 PM on June 28, 2019 [10 favorites]