Nowhere in the Constitution does it say a cat *can't* be President
June 30, 2019 7:32 AM Subscribe
Who do you trust to keep our country safe from bugs?
☐ Some wimpy Democrat who thinks bugs are an essential part of the ecosystem.
☐ Donald Trump, who is a giant swarm of bugs in a people suit.
☐ Monks, who is a mighty hunter and has killed several bugs in his lifetime.
Vote Monks 2020. He's a candidate we canbelieve in pet.
Full disclosure: Monks' campaign manager, Stentor, is an internet friend of mine.
☐ Some wimpy Democrat who thinks bugs are an essential part of the ecosystem.
☐ Donald Trump, who is a giant swarm of bugs in a people suit.
☐ Monks, who is a mighty hunter and has killed several bugs in his lifetime.
Vote Monks 2020. He's a candidate we can
Full disclosure: Monks' campaign manager, Stentor, is an internet friend of mine.
Are cat years calculated the same way as dog years?
posted by thegirlwiththehat at 7:51 AM on June 30, 2019 [6 favorites]
posted by thegirlwiththehat at 7:51 AM on June 30, 2019 [6 favorites]
I would still vote him. Expecialy the pushing off the shelf all the concentration camp provision.
posted by thegirlwiththehat at 7:52 AM on June 30, 2019 [5 favorites]
posted by thegirlwiththehat at 7:52 AM on June 30, 2019 [5 favorites]
gritter: "To clear up any questions about his eligibility for the presidency, Monks would like to point out that he was born in the United States, and he will be 5 -- which is 35 in cat years -- at the time of his inauguration."
posted by jocelmeow at 7:54 AM on June 30, 2019 [16 favorites]
posted by jocelmeow at 7:54 AM on June 30, 2019 [16 favorites]
That's like saying a nine year old can be president because they're thirty five in Mercury years. Call me back when you get a cat as geriatric as our usual politicians.
posted by phooky at 7:59 AM on June 30, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by phooky at 7:59 AM on June 30, 2019 [2 favorites]
The survey was fun.
posted by davebarnes at 8:10 AM on June 30, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by davebarnes at 8:10 AM on June 30, 2019 [2 favorites]
Cats are cool, and even the best of politicians are problematic. So why would you want to turn a perfectly nice cat into a politician?
And seriously, the people who run a goat for mayor, or a reality tv character for president? Fuck those people. This may be all in fun, but it's horrible-adjacent. There are people who want to get elected to actually solve problems, but then there are people who want to convince you that all problems are unsolvable so "let's just have some fun" watching the world burn. I doubt your friend is one of those people, but they are aligning themselves with that argument.
posted by rikschell at 8:10 AM on June 30, 2019 [17 favorites]
And seriously, the people who run a goat for mayor, or a reality tv character for president? Fuck those people. This may be all in fun, but it's horrible-adjacent. There are people who want to get elected to actually solve problems, but then there are people who want to convince you that all problems are unsolvable so "let's just have some fun" watching the world burn. I doubt your friend is one of those people, but they are aligning themselves with that argument.
posted by rikschell at 8:10 AM on June 30, 2019 [17 favorites]
The most important part of a cat as a politician is they have an upper tolerance limit for sucking up. If you pet a cat too much, they'll claw the fuck out of you and maybe bite.
To summarize: I think there should definitely be an element of primal, visceral fear in the act of lobbying.
posted by seanmpuckett at 8:19 AM on June 30, 2019 [24 favorites]
To summarize: I think there should definitely be an element of primal, visceral fear in the act of lobbying.
posted by seanmpuckett at 8:19 AM on June 30, 2019 [24 favorites]
Also, any candidate whose platform is a padded windowsill in the sun, and who promises to sleep at least 21 hours a day is miles ahead of everyone else.
Maybe even Elizabeth Warren? Hmm.
Well, I'll settle for Monks for VP.
posted by seanmpuckett at 8:21 AM on June 30, 2019 [4 favorites]
Maybe even Elizabeth Warren? Hmm.
Well, I'll settle for Monks for VP.
posted by seanmpuckett at 8:21 AM on June 30, 2019 [4 favorites]
The age thing is an issue, but we could have a parrot. Or a turtle. Or a tree-- almost King Log.
posted by Nancy Lebovitz at 8:49 AM on June 30, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by Nancy Lebovitz at 8:49 AM on June 30, 2019 [2 favorites]
Oh, yeah. Give a feline full control over who lives and who dies.
posted by delfin at 8:51 AM on June 30, 2019 [6 favorites]
posted by delfin at 8:51 AM on June 30, 2019 [6 favorites]
Why can’t Monks run as a Democrat?!
posted by KathrynT at 8:52 AM on June 30, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by KathrynT at 8:52 AM on June 30, 2019 [2 favorites]
Because he’s a Democat, obviously.
posted by minervous at 10:40 AM on June 30, 2019 [12 favorites]
posted by minervous at 10:40 AM on June 30, 2019 [12 favorites]
I’m not putting a pussy anywhere near Trump.
posted by Segundus at 11:34 AM on June 30, 2019 [9 favorites]
posted by Segundus at 11:34 AM on June 30, 2019 [9 favorites]
MOAR PICTURES
posted by tickingclock at 12:20 PM on June 30, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by tickingclock at 12:20 PM on June 30, 2019 [1 favorite]
That's like saying a nine year old can be president because they're thirty five in Mercury years.
I'm told that raising a three year old human takes about 35 years off your lifespan.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 1:09 PM on June 30, 2019 [1 favorite]
I'm told that raising a three year old human takes about 35 years off your lifespan.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 1:09 PM on June 30, 2019 [1 favorite]
The age thing is an issue, but we could have a parrot. Or a turtle. Or a tree-- almost King Log.
posted by Nancy Lebovitz at 10:49 AM on June 30
I am Groot.
posted by Reverend John at 1:15 PM on June 30, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by Nancy Lebovitz at 10:49 AM on June 30
I am Groot.
posted by Reverend John at 1:15 PM on June 30, 2019 [1 favorite]
I would be in favor of a bug-eating event at one of the general election debates. If it’s good enough for Survivor, it’s good enough for America.
posted by Huffy Puffy at 1:48 PM on June 30, 2019 [8 favorites]
posted by Huffy Puffy at 1:48 PM on June 30, 2019 [8 favorites]
Also Jeff Probst eliminating people after every primary debate.
“America has spoken. It’s time for you to go.”
posted by Huffy Puffy at 1:49 PM on June 30, 2019 [4 favorites]
“America has spoken. It’s time for you to go.”
posted by Huffy Puffy at 1:49 PM on June 30, 2019 [4 favorites]
I'm not putting a pussy anywhere near Trump.
Not even one that bites and scratches ? Admittedly, he deserves worse but sheesh... it"s a start.
posted by y2karl at 2:03 PM on June 30, 2019 [1 favorite]
Not even one that bites and scratches ? Admittedly, he deserves worse but sheesh... it"s a start.
posted by y2karl at 2:03 PM on June 30, 2019 [1 favorite]
One of my favorite characteristics of candidate Monks, something about which he and the incumbent are diametrically and innately opposed, is that he is not orange.
posted by Revvy at 4:35 PM on June 30, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by Revvy at 4:35 PM on June 30, 2019 [4 favorites]
Maybe even Elizabeth Warren? Hmm.
On that note, did we know that Warren's dog is on Twitter?
posted by slater at 4:46 PM on June 30, 2019 [3 favorites]
On that note, did we know that Warren's dog is on Twitter?
posted by slater at 4:46 PM on June 30, 2019 [3 favorites]
Monks, you've got my vote! Also relevant is the 2016 game Cat President, full of charming cats, creepy cats, and surprisingly clever writing. Disclosure: one of the developers is a friend of mine, and that's my cat on the cover. But neither my cat nor I gets any money from it!
posted by phetre at 8:27 PM on June 30, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by phetre at 8:27 PM on June 30, 2019 [2 favorites]
I'm voting either Cthulhu or Giant Meteor.
I'm just kidding. I'm Australian, so I'm already too depressed to care after the last election.
posted by krisjohn at 9:25 PM on June 30, 2019 [1 favorite]
I'm just kidding. I'm Australian, so I'm already too depressed to care after the last election.
posted by krisjohn at 9:25 PM on June 30, 2019 [1 favorite]
Year Zero: all humans without toxoplasmosis will be given toxoplasmosis. All humans with toxoplasmosis will be given more toxoplasmosis. Repeat every year.
posted by um at 10:12 PM on June 30, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by um at 10:12 PM on June 30, 2019 [2 favorites]
I like the bug-eating idea but PETA would probably object.
posted by Pastor of Muppets at 8:49 AM on July 1, 2019
posted by Pastor of Muppets at 8:49 AM on July 1, 2019
I am in favor of this because then CNN would feel obligated to become the Cat News Network and just show cats all the time.
Fox News would probably become a channel devoted to actual foxes. I could get behind that too.
posted by madcaptenor at 9:56 AM on July 1, 2019 [4 favorites]
Fox News would probably become a channel devoted to actual foxes. I could get behind that too.
posted by madcaptenor at 9:56 AM on July 1, 2019 [4 favorites]
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posted by gritter at 7:48 AM on June 30, 2019 [20 favorites]