I'm using tilt controls!
August 8, 2019 7:58 PM   Subscribe

Welcome...to theclub.zone, a lofi MMO where you can listen to music, be a ghost, chat with canned phrases, dance to music, be a stickman, and be at the club.
posted by cortex (20 comments total) 19 users marked this as a favorite
Oh no... You seem to be on a mobile device. Please don't be on a mobile device and come back to enter

Another club I'm not cool enough to get into
posted by jazon at 8:09 PM on August 8, 2019 [12 favorites]

Ah, boo. Though in it's defense, it is in aesthetic terms from a period in tech history when "mobile device" would have meant a suitcase laptop.
posted by cortex at 8:11 PM on August 8, 2019 [3 favorites]

The Osborne.
posted by hippybear at 8:21 PM on August 8, 2019

Vague memories of the Palace creeping into my consciousness as I find myself in the restroom.
posted by carsonb at 8:49 PM on August 8, 2019 [3 favorites]

how do i achieve
posted by rhizome at 9:12 PM on August 8, 2019 [1 favorite]

amazing, it's exactly as enjoyable as a real club!
posted by Reyturner at 10:26 PM on August 8, 2019 [1 favorite]

I fell through a grating in the ceiling and turned into a crow and then into a man with a pineapple for a head. I love it!
posted by wilberforce at 10:54 PM on August 8, 2019

Someone please tell me the whole point of the 18+ area is just to die immediately and start over cuz I can't get anything else to happen...
posted by carsonb at 11:14 PM on August 8, 2019

I never actually got in to the 18+ and I realize now that I probably just needed to wait until I was level 18+ for it to work. Explored too early and decided it was just a goofy decal!

I left the game on in a tab overnight to see how high of a level I could get (it's 1 per song, or ~1 per minute) but woke up with a frozen game at level 545 with an out of memory error, whoops!
posted by cortex at 7:01 AM on August 9, 2019 [1 favorite]

How do you fly on the dance floor, I feel like such a fool here on the ground.
posted by GoblinHoney at 8:26 AM on August 9, 2019 [2 favorites]

I, too, want to know how to fly on the dance floor!
posted by Reverend John at 8:29 AM on August 9, 2019

Well, phooey, so I got over 18, and went through the door. There's a character with the text box that says something like "Some say if you die your club level resets".

So I went through a couple of rooms and came out on an open space with what appeared to be platforms to jump on. I tried to jump across to the first one but missed and fell to my death back to level 1.

posted by Reverend John at 9:23 AM on August 9, 2019

I, too, want to know how to fly on the dance floor!

Maybe you're seeing people jump off speakers? You can hop onto them from the catwalk. Practice hopping, it comes in handy through that door. I really, really wish you spawned with more points after dying. The game makes you wait a quarter hour each time you fail hopping in the 18+ room.

Some of the posters are worth reading.

The noise it makes when you or anyone near you takes a drink is gross.

If you don't like the look or name of your character, go find yourself in the restroom. Repeat as necessary. More restrooms need that function.

I'm concerned the big red button is data tracking me.

Dance a while, it's fun. Talking is less fun.
posted by carsonb at 9:30 AM on August 9, 2019

I swear to god if the 18+ room turns out to be another Steamshovel Harry I'm going to put a curse on someone.
posted by Reverend John at 10:00 AM on August 9, 2019

OK, where are the restrooms? I can't find them.
posted by newpotato at 5:48 PM on August 9, 2019

Down the stairs and to the right.
posted by Reverend John at 8:16 PM on August 9, 2019

Aren't they always?
posted by hippybear at 8:35 PM on August 9, 2019 [1 favorite]

Found them!
Another question...how are people floating above the ground? Both over the dancefloor and out the back of the over 18 room...they don't need to jump from pod to pod they just soar out to that island off in the distance.
(This is my first mmo experience, I love it and now I really want a virtual reality warehouse party mmo)
posted by newpotato at 3:36 AM on August 10, 2019 [1 favorite]

Also, what are the indicators and icons in the upper right corner? they dont seem to change and I can't seem to do anything with them.
I'm spending entirely too much time in da club.
posted by newpotato at 3:46 AM on August 10, 2019 [1 favorite]

The club itself is a fun idea, but the secret "game" is some straight-up bullshit. A long, difficult platformer with no checkpoints, frictionless platforms, and an 18 minute respawn time? I ragequit when I got to the section -- quite deep into it -- where you can't progress without "sacrificing" a partner who isn't there. Because I've got time to cajole somebody into waiting 18 minutes, follow me into the course, survive the difficult pitfalls, and then off themselves for my benefit with only 45 preset phrases. And I'm certain the little bridge my death extended will be gone if I ever went back, given how poorly designed the rest of it is.

Most retro thing about this is the frustrating feeling of being unable to finish a game and having no Let's Plays or walkthroughs to at least show what the ending is.
posted by Rhaomi at 10:38 PM on September 1, 2019 [2 favorites]

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