"i broke an ankle just looking at it"
August 13, 2019 2:30 PM   Subscribe

 
The world isn't ready for me to be shitting without frosted glass, that's for sure.

Why would you put that bath like that then not have a easy to reach place to hang the towel?
posted by biffa at 2:34 PM on August 13 [5 favorites]


At first I was like "eh it's not THAT weird" but then I noticed the location of the closets. How would you even- I mean what was the- I mean how
posted by showbiz_liz at 2:41 PM on August 13 [28 favorites]


the tub alone is very distressing. I am a clumsy person at the best of times... *shudder*
posted by supermedusa at 2:42 PM on August 13 [3 favorites]


There's just so much wrong with it!

The bathtub in the floor.

The window.

The closets.

The sink! My god, the sink.
posted by turtlebackriding at 2:43 PM on August 13 [1 favorite]


The sign also blocks the closet doors.
posted by soelo at 2:44 PM on August 13 [2 favorites]


I would absolutely step back from the sink and die.
posted by Wilbefort at 2:46 PM on August 13 [21 favorites]


guys I showed my fiancé this and he said, "I love it. Future house goals." Do I call off the wedding now or wait until half his assets are mine
posted by none of these will bring disaster at 2:47 PM on August 13 [114 favorites]


BathroomGAN?
posted by gwint at 2:49 PM on August 13 [2 favorites]


Where's the toilet paper??
posted by Floydd at 2:49 PM on August 13 [4 favorites]


Imagining walking from the tub all the way over to the shower to rinse off. You'd have to put down a rug. In front of the toilet. It would get so gross.
posted by witchen at 2:51 PM on August 13 [1 favorite]


I hope the TP is hanging on the wall to the right of the shower, but that is still too far away from the toilet.
posted by soelo at 2:52 PM on August 13 [2 favorites]


This is fine. All you need to do is apply a little DIY and build a flat-topped wooden tub-plug...that doubles as a towel table!
posted by The Tensor at 2:54 PM on August 13


Seems like an awfully large urinal.
posted by Ahmad Khani at 2:54 PM on August 13 [39 favorites]


Do I call off the wedding now or wait until half his assets are mine

As bathroom designs go, it looks like a death trap. You might well walk away with everything. /just_sayin
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 2:54 PM on August 13 [42 favorites]




My diagnosis is that it was originally a laundry room, and they stuck the sink and the toilet where there were already existing hookups for laundry-room stuff. That also explains the closets at the back of the room. I can't figure out any explanation for the in-ground tub, though. That's just gross and dangerous and inexplicable.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 2:58 PM on August 13 [7 favorites]


danger but make it fashion
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:00 PM on August 13 [15 favorites]


Can someone explain what's so wrong with it?

Most commenters seem to say the issue is that there are no towels handy near the tub, and that the closets can't open because of the tub. I guess those are both reasonable criticisms, but I'd imagine that the towels are IN the closet? And that the closet almost certainly DOES open despite the tub? (This looks like a recently remodeled bathroom, and no one would remodel a bathroom and leave closets that can't open.)

I guess some people here don't like the tub built into the floor. Maybe? I think the thing most people aren't talking about is that you would actually use the *shower* 98% of the time. The tub would only be used every so often more as a jacuzzi. I guess it's a bit strange that it's in the floor, but it doesn't seem like a big deal to me. Maybe it'd be even better because it would feel almost womb-ish for your jacuzzi relaxing?

Another person here criticizes the sink. But the sink seems fine?

Instead, compare with some TRULY bad bathrooms. Like for example, this.
posted by lewedswiver at 3:02 PM on August 13 [8 favorites]


A rail around the tub would help a little. Though it would emphasize how little room there was to use the sink. And you use the sink 25 times for every time you use the tub.
posted by Bee'sWing at 3:02 PM on August 13 [6 favorites]


I'm trying to understand in what household it's necessary to have a sign saying "please only flush toilet paper". I mean, I just tend to assume that my family and visitors already know not to flush litter down the loo, but maybe I'm just foolishly trusting and I'm going to find my toilet blocked with sundry detritus.

Of course what it really suggests is that this is a holiday rentalobvious murder trap.
posted by howfar at 3:05 PM on August 13 [1 favorite]


‪I forced a bot to shit in over 1,000 bathrooms and here’s what it came up with‬
posted by adrianhon at 3:07 PM on August 13 [41 favorites]


I'm trying to understand in what household it's necessary to have a sign saying "please only flush toilet paper".

Some people don't know that it's bad to flush baby wipes and facial tissues.
posted by Lexica at 3:08 PM on August 13 [9 favorites]


lewedswiver, there are only a few inches from the sink to the giant death pit on the floor. If you decided to step back half a step to look in the mirror, you would break your neck.
posted by MythMaker at 3:08 PM on August 13 [15 favorites]


Our apartment's a bit like this. The landlord remodeled himself, and he clearly got a deal on a bunch of fancy-but-mismatched fittings, and then crammed them in wherever they fit without much regard for logic.

The high point is the towel warmer. I was low-key excited to be moving into a place where the bathroom had a towel warmer. It's not something I'd ever have paid to have put in myself, but if this guy went to the work of installing it, I was pretty stoked about using it. Until I took a shower for the first time and realized he'd put it behind the shower door, which opens outward, meaning it was in the one spot in the room you absolutely can't reach from the shower.

Anyway, what you actually do here instead of using the towel warmer is, you shut the lid on the toilet and leave your clean towel awkwardly wadded up on top of it, just like you've done in every other apartment I've ever lived in. But here you do it with a fancy useless towel warmer taunting you from behind the shower door.
posted by nebulawindphone at 3:09 PM on August 13 [34 favorites]


Can someone explain what's so wrong with it?

Ginormous window so the whole world watches you shit. Doesn't matter if noneighbors; deer are still watchingyou shit because they're gross pervs.

Whar toilet paper? Whar?

Stuff that should be over sink is over crapper for better absorption of aerosolized human feces

Tub is deathtrap but atleast neigborswill seeyou fall and hopefully call 911

Dem closets

Lighting is weird and pissd off

Please only flush toilet paper. So I'm supposed tofishmy turds outof the bowl? Then what, Einstein?

new keyoard gets here tursda yay
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 3:10 PM on August 13 [59 favorites]


Can someone explain what's so wrong with it?
Ok, so look at where the tub is in relation to the sink. You're standing at the sink, brushing your teeth. If you take a step backwards, you're in the tub. If you're lucky, you twist your ankle. If you're unlucky, you hit your head. At least all the blood goes down the drain, I guess.

I also wouldn't want a built-in tub in case my toilet overflowed.

I'm sure the closet behind the tub does open, but you'd have to stand in the tub to get anything out of it. That seems awkward at best.
I'm trying to understand in what household it's necessary to have a sign saying "please only flush toilet paper".
My hunch is that it's referring to feminine hygiene supplies. Older toilets can usually handle tampons, but newer toilets use less water, and they don't necessarily flush with enough force to get a tampon down the drain. I know someone who is a landlord, and he says that the number one plumbing problem is getting tampons stuck in the pipes leading out of toilets. And some people are squeamish about talking about tampons, because women are gross and all that.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 3:10 PM on August 13 [13 favorites]


This reminds me of when I was house hunting and I ended up in this house where the entire second floor was the master bedroom, which included, just past the landing at the top of the stairs and wide open to anyone coming up those steps, a jacuzzi tub with a motorized cover.

It was this house.
posted by linux at 3:11 PM on August 13 [2 favorites]


Please only flush toilet paper. So I'm supposed tofishmy turds outof the bowl? Then what, Einstein?

It's a standard euphemism for "don't flush tampons."
posted by nebulawindphone at 3:12 PM on August 13 [11 favorites]


This makes me a lot happier with the design decisions I made for my bathrooms.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 3:12 PM on August 13 [3 favorites]


Yah but its a dumb euphemism becase you probaly want themflushing urine and feces toois all
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 3:14 PM on August 13 [1 favorite]


Also, getting out of that tub is going to be kind of weird and possibly a little treacherous.
posted by Bovine Love at 3:14 PM on August 13 [9 favorites]


So, how many times does a guy finish peeing, step back and fall into the tub?

Once.

posted by Greg_Ace at 3:15 PM on August 13 [46 favorites]


OK, the safety issue with the sink near the tub does seem genuinely threatening. Even a few drops of water near the sink could make a truly scary slip. I was focusing on the aesthetics and not really thinking of the practicality.

But aesthetically (and having just spent a few months seeing a lot of open houses in a very expensive real estate area) it's rather fine. It's spacious when many bathrooms are tiny. The bright open light is a plus, as long as outside the house is as rural as it looks. The wood ceiling has a nice rustic look to it. The signage is clearly just real estate agent staging. I'm not sure where the toilet paper is but either it's on the far side of the toilet (not visible from this view), or it'll take a handyman ten minutes to install it. I have seen way, way, way, way, worse.
posted by lewedswiver at 3:18 PM on August 13 [2 favorites]


...I mean, this is a weird thing to be quibbling about, but I feel like if "only flush toilet paper" signs led to confused people fishing their turds and somehow chemically extracting their urine out of the toilet and depositing that stuff elsewhere in the bathroom, people would stop putting them up in a real big hurry.
posted by nebulawindphone at 3:19 PM on August 13 [5 favorites]


If you have tree root infiltration into your pipes flushing tampons massively accelerate clogs that necessitate auguring
posted by Ferreous at 3:20 PM on August 13 [1 favorite]


That sign is common in any house with a septic system. I think the fact you can flush poop and urine is taken as a given.
posted by muddgirl at 3:21 PM on August 13 [3 favorites]


I think it's fine? It would be nice to have a large tub to splash around in, so I'm going to go ahead and quote Olivia Colman from the avocado bath sketch, "I like it!"
posted by betweenthebars at 3:22 PM on August 13 [2 favorites]


I think the issue with the "please only flush toilet paper" sign is that this is a bathroom in a private residence in which 99.9% of the toilet flushes would be done by the the homeowner(s) who, presumably, would know not to flush non-tp items down their own toilet.
posted by plastic_animals at 3:25 PM on August 13 [6 favorites]


I stayed in a house once whose master bathroom had his and hers toilets out in the open, so you could sit there and talk to each other while pooping I guess. That was worse.
posted by freecellwizard at 3:29 PM on August 13 [12 favorites]


Reminds me of the doom bathroom, though I'd hope this was properly permitted!
posted by Carillon at 3:30 PM on August 13 [9 favorites]


OK, I'll bite.

I'm a small guy, reasonably agile, can see well in the dark and enjoy baths. I'd spring for it.

Would have to buy extra life insurance on my husband though
posted by tivalasvegas at 3:30 PM on August 13 [5 favorites]


It's a standard euphemism for "don't flush tampons."

Or condoms! So many people flush condoms. Don't do that.

Ok, so look at where the tub is in relation to the sink.

Yeah I'm agog that someone can look at that design and not realize what a deathtrap it is. There's maybe 6-8 inches of clearance from where you're standing while looking in the mirror to falling to your death! You have to somehow crawl over the tub to get to the closets!

By comparison I don't get what's wrong with having a window. It has shades. You can close the shades.
posted by Justinian at 3:32 PM on August 13 [7 favorites]


Really, it's great. Just needs a toaster in a non-GFCed outlet to be absolutely sure they're dead, because otherwise you're stuck with medical bills, visiting your partner who's in a coma at the nursing home when you want to stay home and netflix.

My bathroom door is in full view of the back door and the woods behind me and it's nice to have a view.
posted by theora55 at 3:34 PM on August 13 [9 favorites]


I mean, this is a weird thing to be quibbling about

was just being silly
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 3:35 PM on August 13 [2 favorites]


On reflection 6-8 inches is too generous. If you're standing at the sink the back of your heels are going to be basically touching the tub! It's insane.
posted by Justinian at 3:35 PM on August 13 [2 favorites]


On reflection, this does add a bit of frisson to the occasional defecation scenario.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 3:36 PM on August 13 [3 favorites]


The layout is weird but I'm surprised at the reactions to the window. I mean don't most bathrooms have windows?
posted by octothorpe at 3:36 PM on August 13 [2 favorites]


Not of that size, eye level or lack of frosting.
posted by Ferreous at 3:40 PM on August 13 [1 favorite]


I think some of this weirdness is due to the typical realtor staging and the fish eye lens, no? If those are 8 or 10 inch tiles (there are less than 3 tiles for the length of the toilet) then there is 16-20 inches between the tub and sink. I think the bathroom is likely both wider and shallower than it appears.
posted by muddgirl at 3:41 PM on August 13 [5 favorites]


Can someone explain what's so wrong with it?

It’s from the Good Place
posted by schadenfrau at 3:42 PM on August 13 [22 favorites]


You say 16-20 inches like you think that's a bunch, where I hear 16-20 inches and think its insane?
posted by Justinian at 3:42 PM on August 13 [5 favorites]


How come no one mentioned trying to do your business in there in the middle of the night? Walking in to take a leak in the dark?
posted by njohnson23 at 3:44 PM on August 13 [3 favorites]


May I present:

This door.


And this tub.
posted by T.D. Strange at 3:44 PM on August 13 [21 favorites]


How come no one mentioned trying to do your business in there in the middle of the night? Walking in to take a leak in the dark?

That's what the SUV-sized window is there for.
posted by tivalasvegas at 3:47 PM on August 13 [2 favorites]


Ferreous: "Not of that size, eye level or lack of frosting."

I guess that you guys don't live in old houses? Most of the houses that I've ever lived in have had at least one big double-hung window in it. If it's facing somewhere that people can see, you just put up a shade.
posted by octothorpe at 3:47 PM on August 13 [5 favorites]


You say 16-20 inches like you think that's a bunch, where I hear 16-20 inches and think its insane?

No, I say it like it's more than "a few inches" or "6-8 inches" as other people estimated. Maybe they did tile the whole floor in 3-4" square tile and the toilet is only a foot long, that would be the real insanity.
posted by muddgirl at 3:47 PM on August 13


That was me I think. It's not 6-8" from the sink to the tub, it would be 6-8 inches (OR LESS) from your heels to the tub when you're standing at the sink! Unless you're pressing your belly into the sink I guess.

You don't stand underneath the lip of the sink, you stand back from it a little?
posted by Justinian at 3:49 PM on August 13 [2 favorites]


But the 16-20 inches would be from the tub to the foot of the pedestal. The sink extends beyond that cutting into the space. Sure the front of your feet will extend into it but the back of your feet will be really close to that tub.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 3:50 PM on August 13 [2 favorites]


I suppose in this house you do stand under the lip of the sink (it's a weird looking sink, too, it looks like the pedestal comes out on the bottom almost as far as the basin. That's why I think there's camera perspective shenanigans.)
posted by muddgirl at 3:51 PM on August 13


What the weird comics background bathroom hell

This is a setting for a true crime episode about life insurance policy murders.
posted by Freeze Peach at 3:52 PM on August 13 [3 favorites]


i think the weird/gross thing for me is that to get out of the tub there's no hand holds anywhere, so if your balance is anything but 100% sober and perfect you now have to put maybe one hand down onto the floor which is within pee spray distance from the toilet? or you're pulling yourself up from that puny flimsy little knob on the closet door? and also there's no bathmat so you break your neck and die and the last thing you see as your life ebbs away is the piss stains surrounding the foot of the toilet if you live with a person who pees standing up.
posted by poffin boffin at 4:00 PM on August 13 [31 favorites]


I'm an old and I don't think anyone's mentioned the major thing that is glaring to me. How the fuck do you get out of that tub? I'd be pulling the drapes off the wall.
posted by Mei's lost sandal at 4:00 PM on August 13 [19 favorites]


The big window doesn't bother me. It looks like the bathroom is on the second floor and there are curtains so the chances of someone outside getting a good look at the toilet are pretty low.
posted by plastic_animals at 4:01 PM on August 13 [1 favorite]


Well, there's a little stool there next to the shower that I assume is for standing on in the tub while you use the sink, so it's fine.
posted by The World Famous at 4:01 PM on August 13 [20 favorites]


May I present:
This door.
And this tub.


*shudder* No, you most certainly may not! Those are gonna haunt my dreams tonight.
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:02 PM on August 13 [2 favorites]


And when you're done taking a bath, you dry yourself off using the curtains. Towels are for losers.
posted by The World Famous at 4:03 PM on August 13 [5 favorites]


there's a little stool there next to the shower

no i bet that's the poop leg holder thing. the thing. for pooping. what's it called.
posted by poffin boffin at 4:03 PM on August 13 [4 favorites]


SQUATTY POTTY
posted by poffin boffin at 4:04 PM on August 13 [22 favorites]


no i bet that's the poop leg holder thing. the thing. for pooping. what's it called.

Sorry, I have no idea since I don't have a poop leg.
posted by The Tensor at 4:06 PM on August 13 [12 favorites]


Squatty Potty also makes a premium model that can be used both for poop leg and tub sink.
posted by The World Famous at 4:10 PM on August 13 [9 favorites]


I don't have a poop leg.

Me either, I use a poop knife.
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:10 PM on August 13 [6 favorites]


Previously, on Squatty Pottys™.
posted by Bee'sWing at 4:11 PM on August 13 [2 favorites]


I feel dumb for this given the glaring problems but I also feel like the room could use some sort of baseboard because the edging between the tile and the walls under the window is subpar.
posted by Justinian at 4:11 PM on August 13 [10 favorites]


You know how in The Fifth Element Korbin has that apartment that reconfigures? I think this is his bathroom, but it got stuck halfway.
posted by BeeDo at 4:12 PM on August 13 [12 favorites]


anyway why didn't they put the tub in the closet
posted by poffin boffin at 4:16 PM on August 13 [8 favorites]


All this and nobody has mentioned the mismatching crown moulding?
Some other trivial observations:
- Those curtains are covering some horrible things that have been done to the corners
- Any water spilled from pretty much anywhere is going straight into the HVAC system or seeping into the walls due to lack of trim or sealing
- You know there's no way that light switch is actually placed where it makes sense, it's probably the sole switch for all the lighting in the room
- The medicine cabinet requires you to either have long arms or use improbable angles (i've had that exact sink, this isn't just the wide angle pulling tricks)
posted by MysticMCJ at 4:17 PM on August 13 [4 favorites]


Hey guys what can I flush down the commode
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 4:17 PM on August 13 [1 favorite]


your hopes and dreams
posted by poffin boffin at 4:19 PM on August 13 [21 favorites]


I like the twitter commenter who claims that the tub is a Lazarus Pit. Given the position of the sink, it'd better be.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 4:19 PM on August 13 [9 favorites]


Are they septic safe
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 4:20 PM on August 13 [3 favorites]


anyway why didn't they put the tub in the closet

duh, there's no room in the closet for the tub, the closet is already filled with the minibar and the flatscreen TV
posted by 23skidoo at 4:20 PM on August 13 [5 favorites]


Years ago, when I was looking for an apartment in Paris, I visited one in a Haussmanian building ((late 19th-early 20th century). It was quite nice and large, but like many apartments of that period, even in bourgeois ones like this one, it had a small, very small bathroom. So small that the showerhead was installed right above the toilet seat. I didn't take a picture but it basically looked like this bathroom in a Chinese hotel. Looking it up on the internet, it seems that this is sometimes the case in old buildings in Denmark (shower rooms used to be collective and when people started wanting private showers they converted the only room with the proper plumbing, ie the toilets).
posted by elgilito at 4:21 PM on August 13 [1 favorite]


- Any water spilled from pretty much anywhere is going straight into the HVAC system

Is the vent looking thing on the floor between the sink and the toilet the HVAC outflow?
posted by Justinian at 4:21 PM on August 13 [1 favorite]


So small that the showerhead was installed right above the toilet seat.

That's how we do it on boats, it's called a wet head. Not my favorite part of the liveaboard experience.
posted by BeeDo at 4:23 PM on August 13 [4 favorites]


Is the vent looking thing on the floor between the sink and the toilet the HVAC outflow?

Almost certainly.
posted by LionIndex at 4:24 PM on August 13 [1 favorite]


OMG I didn't even notice the missing baseboard. What if that's not even a tub, what if it's just a vinyl decal of a tub?
posted by muddgirl at 4:25 PM on August 13 [14 favorites]


Hi class!

For today's writing prompt please write 800 words describing a scenario that involves using this feature on the bathtub.
posted by jeremias at 4:27 PM on August 13 [15 favorites]


that's where you sit down to shave the legy
posted by poffin boffin at 4:29 PM on August 13 [17 favorites]


That's obviously where you store the toaster between uses.
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:32 PM on August 13 [24 favorites]


If you are familiar with Los Angeles-area radio in the 90s (an area of expertise that I had imagined would apply to a very narrow range of MetaFilter users but I have in the past discovered that this assumption is incorrect) you will probably be able to guess which KROQ DJ hired my high school best friend’s father to knock out the wall between said DJ’s bathroom and outdoor hot tub and install a giant window so that one could enjoy the hot tub while watching whoever was in the bathroom take a dump (and, I suppose, vice versa).

I guess what I’m saying is that the FPP is not the worst bathroom I have ever seen.
posted by Parasite Unseen at 4:32 PM on August 13 [4 favorites]


What if that's not even a tub, what if it's just a vinyl decal of a tub?

That actually makes a hell of a lot more sense. Is this from a real estate listing?
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 4:33 PM on August 13


This looks like a "ground floor" bathroom, but with the snow outside and the HVAC register in the floor, I'd be pretty willing to bet this place has a basement or at least a crawlspace, so locating the fixtures (and the duct) anywhere they wanted would be pretty trivial compared to a house built with a slab on grade. Which makes the crime of this bathroom a bit worse. To fix it, it seems like all you really have to do is sacrifice the closet behind the tub and either put the tub on a pedestal so its bottom is at floor level and then you can actually see out the window while you're in the tub (which is kind of a thing and probably the main reason it's located where it is in the first place), or you swap the tub and shower locations and nobody dies. Given the competence level displayed in the bathroom already, I'm actually a bit suspicious that the tub has the additional structural support required for when it's full of water, and I wonder what happens with the headroom below if there's an actual basement.
posted by LionIndex at 4:37 PM on August 13 [5 favorites]


love to have an oubliette full of bath water in my crawlspace
posted by poffin boffin at 4:40 PM on August 13 [20 favorites]


I’ve been looking for a bathroom with its own koi pond.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 4:43 PM on August 13 [15 favorites]


If you are familiar with Los Angeles-area radio in the 90s (an area of expertise that I had imagined would apply to a very narrow range of MetaFilter users but I have in the past discovered that this assumption is incorrect) you will probably be able to guess which KROQ DJ hired my high school best friend’s father to knock out the wall between said DJ’s bathroom and outdoor hot tub and install a giant window so that one could enjoy the hot tub while watching whoever was in the bathroom take a dump (and, I suppose, vice versa).

I don't even have to be with 3000 miles of Los Angeles to guess Rodney Bingenheimer.
posted by delfin at 5:01 PM on August 13 [6 favorites]


Just realized that's not just a window, but a bay window ... in the bathroom.

:o ... why?

Pretty sure I've opened and closed and re-opened this image at least 2 gajillion times today.
posted by hydra77 at 5:06 PM on August 13 [13 favorites]


For today's writing prompt please write 800 words describing a scenario that involves using this feature on the bathtub.

It's where you place the entrails while you're waiting for the haruspex to swing by.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 5:13 PM on August 13 [15 favorites]


I remember being in third grade, and making Basic D&D dungeons on graph paper.

They had more thought put into their design -- and better layouts -- than this bathroom.

Probably lower fatality rates, too.
posted by sourcequench at 5:34 PM on August 13 [9 favorites]


I don't know. That tub could probably hide a gelatinous cube pretty well.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 5:56 PM on August 13 [6 favorites]


As someone who is old, short, fat and not especially mobile, i had an instant vision of myself trying to get out of that tub, eventually crawling onto the floor in front of the toilet, thrashing about like a beached salmon for a while (contracting who knows what horrible germs) and then sliding back under the water to either drown or concuss myself and then drown.

In conclusion, no.
posted by Fuchsoid at 6:15 PM on August 13 [19 favorites]


I mean, ok, big window, close the drapes . . . If only one side of the drapes weren't halfway across the death pit sunken tub. . .
posted by soundguy99 at 6:15 PM on August 13 [5 favorites]


I'm trying to understand in what household it's necessary to have a sign saying "please only flush toilet paper".

I can't answer that any better than the rest but I will say that I once saw this sign in a bathroom at a cafe somewhere on the other side of the world that was followed up by the words "WE WILL CHECK".

I asked my friend to use the washroom then leave and wait for me down the street so I could watch and see if they really DO check but she said I was weird, so that didn't end up happening.
posted by some loser at 6:17 PM on August 13 [7 favorites]


For today's writing prompt please write 800 words describing a scenario that involves using this feature on the bathtub.

That is where you put the taco bar! With room for all the fixins.

What, your tub doesn't have a taco bar ledge? Call me when you want to live.
posted by slagheap at 6:21 PM on August 13 [13 favorites]


To be fair(ish) a lot of bathrooms in older houses were put into rooms not originally designed for them. My own bathroom has a large window over the bath/shower. It is frosted, but with the light on at night people across a lot of north London can see me shower. Or at least could until I put up curtains made of a second shower curtain - now I get curtain sticking to me from all sides instead.

Seconding elgilito, I've stayed in a couple of holiday lets in France where the shower was fitted over one of those old-fashioned squat toilets, with some sort of frame that could be lowered over it to stand on. In one place, it was a painted pallet and the toilet was in the corner of a dirt-floored garage accessed from the kitchen by walking over a strip of lino. On our third day there the lino shifted a bit and we found a dead scorpion under it...
posted by Fuchsoid at 6:24 PM on August 13 [4 favorites]


So.. I've mentioned before that I live in a kind of unusual place -- island town, well off the beaten path, within-living-memory frontier boomtown mentality, etc.. Oh, and (moreso in the decades before I arrived) apparently a history of pretty notable drinking which I am not saying was responsible for some of the more egregious home renovation decisions I've seen around here but I am also not saying it was not.

Anyway, while I recognize the questionable design choices in the FPP's link, I can't say that that bathroom would raise many eyebrows around here -- our local housing stock is pretty funky and a lot of it was built by people who were not just unfamiliar with the details of modern building codes but in many cases probably also ideologically opposed to their very existence.

However, even in a community with its rather freewheeling approach to home construction there are decisions which go a step too far. A great example is the very first house I viewed when I was ready at last to purchase a home here. The principle attraction of this property, admittedly, was the parcel of land it was on (beachfront, with some protection and a killer view) but as the property was priced near the top of my budget I was going to have to live with the structure that was there for at least a good long while. Which is why it was a bit concerning to me to find that -- for reasons I cannot hope to guess -- the electrical panel for the whole house was inexplicably located in the wall of the first floor bathroom's shower. I passed on that house when I received the estimate that it would require at least $10,000 worth of re-wiring before any bank would even write a mortgage for the property, and eventually I think it was sold to someone from out of the area who simply wanted the land and didn't care about the existing house. But anyway, you'll find a lot of the sort of oddity from the FPP around here (though only rarely as extremely WTF as having the electrical panel in the shower..)
posted by Nerd of the North at 6:37 PM on August 13 [12 favorites]


Honestly, this bathroom could've been cute as hell with a proper claw foot tub, but noo, they had to go for the spa jets.
posted by lesser weasel at 6:39 PM on August 13 [6 favorites]


Doesn't hold a candle to most of the things on Please Hate These Things.
posted by dobbs at 6:40 PM on August 13 [10 favorites]


I really love how this one weird trick bathroom has made Metafilter come together in agreement.

HOWEVER, I am interested to know why people are so against bathroom windows. The #1 problem in today's bathroom is a lack of windows and natural light and ventilation. Privacy is easy to maneuver. The benefits of a bathroom window (even a bay window!) far outweigh the risks.
posted by witchen at 6:48 PM on August 13 [6 favorites]


In the grand scheme of this bathroom it is almost nothing, but based on fundamental principles the sink and toilet really should be reversed.

Sink, most common and least intimate need, closest to door. Toilet next, bath / shower furthest / most remote and inaccessible.
posted by Meatbomb at 6:48 PM on August 13 [1 favorite]


I'm also on team big window in a large bathroom like that. It doesn't look like they have neighbours within viewing distance and they have drapes. Besides with electric opaquing technology even if your bathroom window looks out on the main drag you can have privacy at the flip of a switch.

Regarding toilet paper: there is probably a stand style TP holder to the left of the toilet.

I don't know why they just didn't turn the sink 90 degrees. With chrome drain fittings you could still direct the drain line into the right wall, the water lines are no problem, and you wouldn't have the "sure to kill someone" tight spacing between the tub and sink. Plus you could look out the window while washing your hands.

I think the issue with the "please only flush toilet paper" sign is that this is a bathroom in a private residence in which 99.9% of the toilet flushes would be done by the the homeowner(s) who, presumably, would know not to flush non-tp items down their own toilet.

Looks like an AirB&B to me.

Also: Don't flush tampons, condoms, wet wipes or anything else besides #1s and #2s. You are just asking for trouble regardless of the past history of your plumbing. Besides it converts cheap to deal with solid waste to very expensive to deal with sewage sludge.
posted by Mitheral at 8:06 PM on August 13 [3 favorites]


Guys guys guys. The tub hardware is chrome / silver. The jacuzzi jet hardware is gold. I'm starting to think there was a real lack of thought going into this.
posted by Mchelly at 8:12 PM on August 13 [21 favorites]


The upstairs bathroom in our house, outside the master bedroom, was an afterthought. It was built into a gable, and the window is two inches away and just barely above ass level when you're sitting on the toilet. It wasn't frosted, but we stuck a textured decal on it to try to fix it.

The ceiling in that bathroom is about 5'8", but there's a normal height interior door; when you open it you get a nice view of wall. I have never hit my head on it, but I have bashed myself silly standing up from the toilet.
posted by Foosnark at 9:02 PM on August 13


for reasons I cannot hope to guess -- the electrical panel for the whole house was inexplicably located in the wall of the first floor bathroom's shower

Murder. It was for reasons of murder.
posted by schadenfrau at 9:10 PM on August 13 [9 favorites]


But like...passive aggressive spite murder. Which is the best kind of murder.

Seriously that sounds like a spite remodel. Somebody got into an argument about where they could or could not put the new bathroom and then decided to prove a point unto death, and somebody else let them, because spite murder.

For which they were completely justified.
posted by schadenfrau at 9:16 PM on August 13 [4 favorites]


point of order gridfire murder is best murder

so I hear
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 9:27 PM on August 13 [1 favorite]


i think the weird/gross thing for me is that to get out of the tub there's no hand holds anywhere

Well, there's a shelf-ledge-thing at the back, where you can presumably step in and step back out.

And then walk across one of the 5" corridors in either direction from that back corner.
posted by ErisLordFreedom at 12:13 AM on August 14 [2 favorites]


and here I thought it was a bidet. A big, big bidet.
posted by From Bklyn at 12:22 AM on August 14 [2 favorites]


every bathtub is technically a big bidet
posted by poffin boffin at 1:01 AM on August 14 [12 favorites]


Guys, guys, guys, we found the break room from this Ask.
posted by starfishprime at 1:26 AM on August 14 [5 favorites]


It's clearly a house that has been fixed up fast and loose, either for airbnb or for sale (to someone who wants to rent it out). They must have taken some part out of a living room to provide and extra bathroom (hence the asymmetrically placed bay window). I wonder how the rest of that room looks now, maybe it has become a really stupid-looking L-shaped bedroom, where this is the ensuite bathroom. It's design by search terms.
posted by mumimor at 1:53 AM on August 14 [2 favorites]


every bathtub is technically a big bidet

posted by poffin boffin Almost 2 hours ago [+] [!]


...but is every bidet a tiny bathtub? *passes to the left*
posted by From Bklyn at 3:10 AM on August 14 [6 favorites]


> May I present:
This door.
And this tub.


Also featured in this thread with other such worst design/architecture pictures
posted by bitteschoen at 3:22 AM on August 14 [1 favorite]


clogs that necessitate auguring

I know what you mean, but it sounds like "We cast the runes, and Hrothgar saw a white goose, so that means we need three men pure of heart and true and a horse born during a full moon to clear out this fatberg."
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 4:34 AM on August 14 [20 favorites]


Once when we were kids, we visited a very "cool" and "progressive" family that had no doors in the house. There were two bathrooms. One behind a curtain in the mudroom next to the kitchen, and one in the upstairs master bedroom, no curtains or anything. The worst thing was that the adults got drunk, so we had to sleep over. My brother and I spent a lot of time strategizing about where and when to use those bathrooms. The kids in the family were obviously used to it, but also sympathetic. I bet they rarely had friends over.
posted by mumimor at 5:20 AM on August 14 [5 favorites]


i like it
posted by emirenic at 6:39 AM on August 14 [2 favorites]


Both the clear-glass bathroom window and the sign about not flushing anything but toilet paper (human waste is assumed) are hallmarks of country bathrooms, the latter because of septic tanks and the former because your neighbors are not likely to happen to be strolling by your window while you're doing your business. (Although I could tell you a story about someone's cousins catching a certain teenager visiting his grandpa's farm while he was in the bathroom, doing something that you'd expect a teenager who thought that he'd finally gotten a little bit of privacy to be doing, but never mind.) As for the tub, well, I'm going to assume that the person who put it in had zero thought for any of the very valid objections raised in this thread, thought about trying to get back the clawfoot tub that it had replaced, then shrugged and thought, well, it's in now.
posted by Halloween Jack at 6:57 AM on August 14 [1 favorite]


the electrical panel for the whole house was inexplicably located in the wall of the first floor bathroom's shower.
My sister-in-law's totally code compliant house has the electrical panel on the outside wall a step away from their pool. Even though the valley in California on the north side of LA is pretty dry it does rain occasionally and I guess too bad if your circuit goes out in the rain. So you get electrocuted and then you drown.

It'd be better if it was in the shower. At least there you can turn off the water before opening it up. You can't really turn off rain.
posted by The_Vegetables at 7:36 AM on August 14 [1 favorite]


When I was a kid my mom and I were bored so we were touring a mobile home lot. There was a double wide with a half-sunken jacuzzi tub literally in the middle of the master bedroom. As a kid, I thought that was awesome!! The entire room of course, even the step to the Jacuzzi edge, was carpeted.
posted by The_Vegetables at 7:44 AM on August 14 [6 favorites]


This is fine. All you need to do is apply a little

therapeutic, aesthetically as well as ergonomically inspired sledgehammering. And then some more. Maybe some more still, for good measure. Until you feel you've done enough of that and want to deploy a jackhammer? Go right ahead. Then one of those cute mini-excavators narrow enough to fit through a doorway, or maybe not but that won't matter. And you simply learn to operate them as you go.

Or explosives.
posted by Stoneshop at 8:12 AM on August 14


This bathroom was designed by someone on a pogo stick with a kazoo in their mouth. Took me a while to figure that out.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 9:33 AM on August 14 [3 favorites]


All the odd/dangerous/inconvenient design decisions, yes, but the worst: it's too damn spacious. I like a snug potty, anything too open feels like doing business in the Astrodome.
posted by Caxton1476 at 9:39 AM on August 14


How the fuck do you get out of that tub?

Several options present:
1) The jacuzzi jets have a 'nuclear turbo boost' mode. Water that is ejected out of the tub in addition to you drains into the HVAC system, where it helps to improve the humidity level in the rest of the house .
2) That square thing that looks like the tub faucet can also raise hydraulically, with rungs extending sideways from a central column. Just pull on the hot tap while turning the cold tap a quarter turn past 'closed'.
3) A hidden hatch opens in the ceiling, and a pair of gymnastic rings, a swing or something similar lowers. Once the machinery senses you having grabbed it/sitting on it/etc., you get lifted out and moved sideways a bit.
posted by Stoneshop at 9:49 AM on August 14 [6 favorites]


I like a snug potty, anything too open feels like doing business in the Astrodome.

Easy fix: buy a bucket and put it over your head when you poop.
posted by The Tensor at 9:54 AM on August 14 [12 favorites]


If I survived getting into that tub I'd have to slither out like the girl from the TV set in Ringu.
posted by Gin and Broadband at 10:32 AM on August 14 [6 favorites]


I'm an old and I don't think anyone's mentioned the major thing that is glaring to me. How the fuck do you get out of that tub?

I'm also an old and there's no way my knees would let me get in to the tub. Other than the designed falling method.
posted by kirkaracha at 11:48 AM on August 14 [1 favorite]


My sister-in-law's totally code compliant house has the electrical panel on the outside wall a step away from their pool. Even though the valley in California on the north side of LA is pretty dry it does rain occasionally and I guess too bad if your circuit goes out in the rain.

Outside panels are fine and common in warmer areas but having it that close to a pool hasn't been legal in the US since 1962 (maybe a year or two later to allow for adoption). Older stuff in residential electrical is grandfathered in but there aren't too many panels that haven't been touched since the 60s out there.
posted by Mitheral at 2:20 PM on August 14 [2 favorites]


I'm going by eye here and assuming a bit of a fisheye, but could this perhaps be a manufactured home? That'd explain the window (formerly a bedroom next to a shower stall and small toilet WC), the position of the closets, and the fact that it's a sunken tub in the woods on a likely septic system.
posted by tilde at 6:37 PM on August 14 [2 favorites]


That stupid bath spigot has been custom-built and precisely positioned for the most efficient removal of small toes.
posted by turbid dahlia at 8:00 PM on August 14 [2 favorites]


HOWEVER, I am interested to know why people are so against bathroom windows.

Why not just openly shit in the street?
posted by turbid dahlia at 8:09 PM on August 14 [1 favorite]


There's no TP handy.
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:59 PM on August 14 [3 favorites]


It looks like it was designed by someone heard "sunken bathtubs are cool", but never bothered to look for examples.
posted by she's not there at 10:33 PM on August 14 [1 favorite]


Older stuff in residential electrical is grandfathered in but there aren't too many panels that haven't been touched since the 60s out there.

They have a newish 200amp panel so I'm sure it's been touched since the 1960s, even though that is probably when their home was built. I'm just bringing it up because people talk about having a house 'up to code' like it implies safety or that codes are truly meaningful, but often what is to code and what isn't is fairly arbitrary.
posted by The_Vegetables at 11:26 AM on August 15


I'm going by eye here and assuming a bit of a fisheye, but could this perhaps be a manufactured home?

I agree, and was going to suggest the same thing, though it doesn't help solve the mystery.

To me, the walls look like a manufactured home. They're not quite drywall, and manufactured homes seem to have those horizontal seams halfway down the wall.
posted by hydra77 at 2:26 PM on August 15


she's not there, the examples that come up for me in that image search aren't much better. A few of them have steps or a rail, but most are just plunked in the middle of the floor, apparently assuming you can take an 18 inch deep hop into them from a wet floor without killing yourself.
posted by tavella at 7:48 PM on August 15


I'm just bringing it up because people talk about having a house 'up to code' like it implies safety or that codes are truly meaningful, but often what is to code and what isn't is fairly arbitrary.

Which I laugh at because saying you've built a house to code is the same as saying you've built the worst house the law will allow. But you are right. People say that because they think it denotes quality/safety. With new housing it seems to always be the pitch of the worst of spec housing. It's like they are saying "Our houses have absolutely no unusual selling features that would separate them from the baseline but hey we obeyed the law during construction!".

Besides that lots of places have poor inspection regimes; if they even bother to inspect (some places in the US there are effectively no inspections and anyone who can hang a shingle can call themselves an electrician regardless of qualifications). So ya, there is a lot of work out there that is "to code" that isn't in any meaningful way.

Even places with relatively strong inspection requirements guys flying under the radar can do a surprising amount of substandard or downright dangerous installs while they are operating. Home owners are famous for having a problem; hitting the local home improvement Borg, and then installing whatever an untrained associate or fellow home owner who happens to be in the same isle has convinced them to buy. Here in BC they end up getting court orders prohibiting people from doing regulated electrical work a couple times a year and that step only happens after they've already been fined or censured for doing shoddy/illegal/regualted work. Electricians mostly shudder at the thought of most work done by "handymen" and do-everything building maintenance personnel.
posted by Mitheral at 9:53 PM on August 15 [1 favorite]


I would be remiss if I didn’t leave this here: Terrible Real Estate Agent Photos
posted by ReginaHart at 4:53 PM on August 17


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