Bird Watching Goes Both Ways
August 21, 2019 7:46 PM   Subscribe

The Shitpost Sampler (patterns on gumroad) takes the finest affirmational neo-dadaist shitpost stylings and creates patterns so people can immortalize them through cross stitch. For example: When I want an opinion I'll read it in your entrails. Tradition is just peer pressure from dead people. I refuse to die until things get better and that is a threat.
posted by dinty_moore (36 comments total) 77 users marked this as a favorite
 


I was just loving that one, too. Are these new shitposts or have millenials taken the mantle?
posted by rhizome at 8:21 PM on August 21


It looks like a lot of them are user submissions (see examples here). There are no requirements for freshness or medium of the shitpost - the latest batch included a quote from Charles Darwin and a handmade sign.
posted by dinty_moore at 8:27 PM on August 21 [1 favorite]




These are great and remind me of rude embroidery and now I want a mashup of cross-stitch designs for some of the latter's gems.
posted by karayel at 8:54 PM on August 21 [8 favorites]


Someone should do some old mefi jokes up like this.
posted by vrakatar at 9:03 PM on August 21 [1 favorite]


I saw "Thanks! I hate it." on the Rude Embroidery site.
posted by rhizome at 9:07 PM on August 21 [1 favorite]


Ooooh, I love these! I'm usually not much into cross-stitch, but I gasped out loud at the 'Do Good Recklessly' one and anyway, good to know what my next needlework project will be.
posted by kalimac at 9:10 PM on August 21 [1 favorite]


Ha! These are great. Makes me want to gin up a new cross-stitch project. (Of which, don't miss the MetaTalk about Steotchalong 2019 if you're into that sort of thing.)
posted by cortex at 9:38 PM on August 21 [2 favorites]


I suddenly want: YOU SEEN MY FUCKEN CONES
posted by drowsy at 10:04 PM on August 21 [14 favorites]


DOWN
IS WHERE THE ENEMY'S GATE IS

posted by mbrubeck at 10:06 PM on August 21 [2 favorites]


My favorite is
mushroom: can you feel your heart burning? can you feel the struggle within? the fear within me is beyond anything your soul can make. you cannot kill me in a way that matters
posted by Mizu at 10:28 PM on August 21 [3 favorites]


These are delightful and I just bought three patterns. Everybody's getting cross stitch for the holidays, including me.
posted by books for weapons at 10:39 PM on August 21 [1 favorite]


I personally love SLOW DOWN YOU SONS A BITCHES
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:03 PM on August 21 [1 favorite]


I have a very large tattoo of a crow on my back and now I am seriously considering adding the text: When I Want Your Opinion I’ll Read It in Your Entrails.
posted by mr_roboto at 11:34 PM on August 21 [17 favorites]


I have no tattoos but am now seriously considering getting a big ass crow on my back with the text: When I Want Your Opinion I’ll Read It in Your Entrails.
posted by Kosmob0t at 1:19 AM on August 22 [16 favorites]


Leave them at the bottom of the grave they dug for you

I wear this shirt to work often.
posted by slimepuppy at 1:23 AM on August 22 [4 favorites]


♥ ♥ ♥ Mountain Goats embroidery ♥♥♥
posted by away for regrooving at 1:53 AM on August 22 [1 favorite]


I found their site a week ago, giggled madly for half an hour, and grabbed a handful of patterns so I can make Christmas presents.

For 2020. Not this year. I'm not that ambitious, or fast.
posted by cmyk at 3:17 AM on August 22


These are great. I embroider, but find cross-stitch a little too fussy so I shall have to admire other people's.
posted by bile and syntax at 6:01 AM on August 22




I embroider, but find cross-stitch a little too fussy so I shall have to admire other people's.

I've spent some time in sarcastic crafting communities on Facebook, and doing stuff like this in non-cross-stitch embroidery is very much a thing too. The lettering is done in with a straight stitch or backstitch, and you can embroider on decorative elements like flowers or whatnot.

If designing the decorative elements intimidates you, I've also seen a lot of pieces where the quote or saying is embroidered onto print fabric. Some examples here, you'll need to scroll past a few fancy ones to see what I'm talking about.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 6:25 AM on August 22 [2 favorites]


Thank you, OP! I really needed to read these today, included ones posted by others. There is a simple embroidered Nope in the link posted by Serene Empress Dork that is a thing of beauty.
posted by Bella Donna at 8:22 AM on August 22 [1 favorite]


Entrails are for reading the future or the will of the gods, not opinions of the entrailee. Geez, shitposters!!! Technical accuracy is everything!!!
posted by praemunire at 8:23 AM on August 22 [1 favorite]


Where do people's opinions come from if not the will of the gods? Neurochemistry?
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 8:50 AM on August 22 [3 favorites]


OMG I laughed and laughed. Thanks for this post.
posted by spitbull at 9:08 AM on August 22


Where do people's opinions come from if not the will of the gods? Neurochemistry?

Well I once saw an episode of Transformers where the robot told a temporary ally that if he wanted to know what was on his mind he'd splatter it on the wall and find out.
posted by praemunire at 9:39 AM on August 22 [2 favorites]


Leave them at the bottom of the grave they dug for you

Thanks, I had to buy a shirt from them. It was difficult limiting myself to just one.
posted by Foosnark at 11:27 AM on August 22 [1 favorite]


I have been charting one lately with lots of fancy blackwork but it says 'so then I pulled out a bigger knife and said BITCH'. I also intend to do a matching 'YEET' and 'YOINK' set. For the funsies.
posted by HypotheticalWoman at 11:31 AM on August 22 [4 favorites]


Ages ago I bought a Janlynn kit in vintage postcard style that says in the middle: 'Life is the journey, not the destination'. I meant to substitute it with something less insipid, but never got anywhere. This post is very inspiring!
posted by em at 2:29 PM on August 22 [2 favorites]


My housemate is currently working on one for us to put up in the bathroom that says, "Please don't do heroin in the bathroom."
posted by joannemerriam at 1:23 PM on August 23 [3 favorites]


Thank you for this! I've seen them occasionally on tumblr but didn't realize they had a gumroad. I went to the craft store yesterday and picked up supplies so I could start on the Angels, Goats, and God pattern. (Am I procrastinating on Christmas scarves? Maybe)
posted by lesser weasel at 4:40 PM on August 23 [2 favorites]


One of my proudest moments on tumblr was having someone recommend a piece of one of my posts for the shitpost sampler. (It was an exceedingly irritated response to some mra fuckboy making bad claims about mammoths. It went a little viral. Sometimes when I'm not feeling good about my writing I go and read the comments people leave in the tags.)

I haven't really gone in depth to look at the site since, but mmmmmmm some of these make me wonder if cross-stitch might hit a better happy medium for me between "stultifyingly boring, ugh, hate it" and "too much indecision; don't know what I want to do, can't make it look good, oh noooo" than embroidery did. Hrm.
posted by sciatrix at 10:02 AM on August 26


Yesssssss
I have purchased the Ghostbusters and Eat The Rich patterns, and supplies for both.
Once I have the hang of cross stitch, I think I'll make a design for "Dead men don't catcall."
Very excited.
posted by Adridne at 2:00 PM on August 26 [6 favorites]


I beg you, share that pattern once you make it.
posted by cmyk at 4:38 PM on August 26


Noted.
posted by Adridne at 6:40 PM on August 26


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