Those pizzles are long gone
October 2, 2019 4:14 PM   Subscribe

Thieves on the lam with bull penis dog treats, says St. John's pet store owner: "He spoke to As It Happens host Carol Off about the brazen theft. Here's part of their conversation."
posted by mandolin conspiracy (30 comments total) 8 users marked this as a favorite


 
I don't know what they taste like but I know they smell pretty bad. My friend's dog loves them. They last a while and they smell like a peperami gone wrong. If a peperami can ever have been said to go right.
posted by biffa at 4:29 PM on October 2 [1 favorite]


I'd gettta dog for security reasons!
posted by clavdivs at 4:54 PM on October 2


Mark Winsor says two people just strolled into his pet store, grabbed handful after handful of the penises, and took off.

To be more specific, they grabbed dehydrated bull penises. The dried and stretched penises are also known as pizzles. They're a popular and tasty chew toy for dogs.


Well this writer knows how to seize an opportunity. Good job.
posted by bleep at 4:57 PM on October 2


Not the only use of dried bull penii.

My stepdad once told me that his grandfather told a story about being whipped with a pizzle stick when he was a child. They were all farmers, so likely harvested their own.
posted by JohnFromGR at 5:02 PM on October 2 [1 favorite]


I'm not entirely comfortable with the idea of a bull penis harvest.
posted by killdevil at 5:12 PM on October 2 [3 favorites]


If you can, it's worth listening to the interview for its tonal nuances (plus there's a bit more of the interview there).

Carol Off, in the interview: "So people like the long ones?"

I died.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 5:14 PM on October 2 [7 favorites]


Do think you you might, in the future, have to get some kind of a case, like lock up your pizzles, so they don't get stolen?

Well, you know, it's funny. Not to sound crude on the phone, but you know, people like to see things and people like to touch.


No cockblocking, got it.
posted by BrotherCaine at 5:45 PM on October 2 [7 favorites]


his grandfather told a story about being whipped with a pizzle stick when he was a child

And here I thought being told to go out and cut yourself a switch off a willow tree was a cruel preamble to a whippin'
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 6:00 PM on October 2 [7 favorites]


One day I was free-associating and came up with the word "pizzle" as a sort of portmanteau. Imagine my surprise to find that it was already taken. Visiting pet stores has never quite been the same.
posted by sjswitzer at 6:09 PM on October 2 [1 favorite]


dried bull dicks are surprisingly expensive
posted by Foci for Analysis at 6:46 PM on October 2 [1 favorite]


dried bull dicks are surprisingly expensive

I can't find any definitive information on it, but the answer may be that there just aren't that many bulls. Unless a male calf is selected for breeding, it will become a steer. Apparently pizzle can be made from bulls or steers, but also apparently there is a... difference.
posted by sjswitzer at 6:53 PM on October 2


Was this story written by Chris Onstad? It has the cadence of Ray or Roast Beef.
posted by migurski at 6:58 PM on October 2 [2 favorites]


Sometimes I feel
Sometimes I feel
Like I've been
Whipped with a pizzle stick
Whipped with a pizzle stick
Whipped with a pizzle stick
Good Lord, I feel like I'm dying
posted by Greg_Ace at 7:09 PM on October 2 [4 favorites]


Listen to the audio if you haven't already, because not only is National Treasure Carol Off having a blast with this story, but the victim being interviewed has an excellent Newfoundland accent.
posted by thecjm at 7:39 PM on October 2 [5 favorites]


They don't taste like much. (You all try your friends' pets' food, right? No? Just me?)

My dog-show family calls them bully sticks. I can see the black market appeal. They're suprisingly expensive. But, surely, waiting in the alley while the delivery person drives a hand truck into the store is the way to go. Or, breaking into the wholesale distributor. Going into the store is thoroughly amateur.
posted by eotvos at 7:41 PM on October 2 [1 favorite]


Ugh. I used to dog-sit for someone whose dogs were raised on these things. They absolutely reek. I can’t imagine stuffing them into my clothes, for love or money.
posted by armeowda at 8:08 PM on October 2 [1 favorite]


I really hope it was for money
posted by emjaybee at 8:58 PM on October 2 [9 favorites]


im kinkshaming
posted by poffin boffin at 9:14 PM on October 2 [1 favorite]


This reminds me of the time my 8 year old son and I read the local Tacoma Washington neighborhood weekly together and there was an article about a local butcher who made “bully sticks” for dog treats. The article went on to explain that bully sticks were made of two bull penises braided together, and how these hard to chew dried bully sticks that dogs could gnaw on for weeks and weeks were actually really tender before they were dried. Then the article went on to describe the pungent smell of these particular handmade bully sticks and that prompted my son to look up at me, cradled in my arms, look at my armpits and say to me “you smell like a bully stick!”

And so we said “you smell like a bully stick!” at each other for years afterward.

Th best part though was we decided it would be better when we were in polite company to instead say “you smell tender!” in this loving and sweet way and everyone would be all gushing over how sweet we were talking to each other when really we were telling each other that we smelled like a pair of dried and braided bull penises.
posted by nikaspark at 9:41 PM on October 2 [20 favorites]


Why does no one talk about the mouthfeel?
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:08 AM on October 3 [7 favorites]


Do think you you might, in the future, have to get some kind of a case, like lock up your pizzles, so they don't get stolen?

This is my rifle, this is my gun.
posted by JohnFromGR at 4:22 AM on October 3


The article went on to explain that bully sticks were made of two bull penises braided together

How is that a braid? Until you have at least three strands, all you can make is a twist.
posted by flabdablet at 4:46 AM on October 3 [1 favorite]


A TWIST!

thank you I was trying to say that lol.
posted by nikaspark at 4:47 AM on October 3 [2 favorites]


In the deserts of Sudan
And the gardens of Japan
From Milan to Yucatan
Every woman, every man

Hit me with your pizzle stick.
Hit me! Hit me!
Je t'adore, ich liebe dich,
Hit me! hit me! hit me!
Hit me with your pizzle stick.
Hit me slowly, hit me quick.
Hit me! Hit me! Hit me!
posted by mikelieman at 4:59 AM on October 3 [4 favorites]


He spoke to As It Happens host Carol Off about the brazen theft

As It Happens is always running these cock-and-bull stories.
posted by flabdablet at 5:29 AM on October 3 [1 favorite]


As a follow up - the thieves were caught.
posted by Ashwagandha at 6:58 AM on October 3 [3 favorites]


dried bull dicks are surprisingly expensive

Seriously. We own a lab mix who is a voracious chewer and a big fan of bully sticks; my thought upon reading the headline was "I could put 'hundreds of dollars of bull penises' under my shirt in one motion and walk out of PetsMart, this isn't an Oceans Eleven scenario."
posted by penduluum at 7:46 AM on October 3


The Royal Newfoundland Constabulary says the man, 26, and woman, 19, were found Tuesday in a stolen vehicle littered with looted credit cards and licence plates.

But no mention of the pizzles?!?
posted by thecjm at 8:14 PM on October 3 [1 favorite]


Why does no one talk about the mouthfeel?

Because some things are best left unsaid.
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:37 PM on October 3 [1 favorite]


CTRL-F Schweddy

Huh
posted by BrotherCaine at 1:04 AM on October 4


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