The Cronenberg future is here
October 19, 2019 8:30 PM   Subscribe

Are you looking for a skin-like case that allows you to pinch your smartphone? Search no more. From the folks who brought you the smartphone with a finger that crawls across the table to stroke your wrist.
posted by Johnny Wallflower (81 comments total) 16 users marked this as a favorite
 
(h/t maxsparber for the title)
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 8:31 PM on October 19, 2019


What
posted by Melismata at 8:36 PM on October 19, 2019 [5 favorites]


Why
posted by tavella at 8:38 PM on October 19, 2019 [7 favorites]


ngggggg. guh.
...
still better then poop.
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 8:40 PM on October 19, 2019 [4 favorites]


Oh good they plan to add hair in the future. That's great, that's great, ok
posted by drinkyclown at 8:44 PM on October 19, 2019 [14 favorites]


> Marc Teyssier at Telecom Paris in France and his colleagues have devised an artificial skin for interactive devices that responds to touch.

okay so do we panic now or do we wait until he starts a company with someone named ashpoole
posted by Reclusive Novelist Thomas Pynchon at 8:44 PM on October 19, 2019 [41 favorites]


"Pinch to zoom"
posted by btfreek at 8:45 PM on October 19, 2019 [9 favorites]


Thanks no
posted by CynicalKnight at 8:52 PM on October 19, 2019


Long live the new flesh!
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 8:52 PM on October 19, 2019 [34 favorites]


Will it bruise, but protect my phone from breaking when I drop it?
posted by Selena777 at 8:53 PM on October 19, 2019 [9 favorites]


an artificial skin for interactive devices that responds to touch.

Customer: "Um. No. When I said 'laptop' I meant that I was looking for a laptop computer."

Salesperson: "Oh, I assure you -- this is also that."
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 8:59 PM on October 19, 2019 [5 favorites]


Huh.

But...

Hm. Huh.
posted by hijinx at 9:07 PM on October 19, 2019


Samsung Galaxy 12: Insert Finger Gently to Unlock

Me: ಠ_ಠ
posted by The Power Nap at 9:15 PM on October 19, 2019 [22 favorites]


Yes
posted by Grandysaur at 9:26 PM on October 19, 2019


“I wanted to pinch my phone,” says Teyssier

To each their own I guess, but...yyyeah, pass, thanks.
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:27 PM on October 19, 2019 [2 favorites]


Metafilter: still better than poop.
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:28 PM on October 19, 2019 [2 favorites]


Yet you can't buy fake nuts for your phone no matter how hard you try...
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 9:29 PM on October 19, 2019 [4 favorites]


The next step is to make the skin more realistic, including with embedded hair and temperature features.

Why? Why is that the nest step?

The robotic finger is kinda cool but then again, I lose my phone enough without giving it the ability to wander off on its own.
posted by fshgrl at 9:32 PM on October 19, 2019 [3 favorites]


"No, it's not infected. It's just excited. It wants action."
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 9:33 PM on October 19, 2019 [14 favorites]


icky - that's the creepiest thing I've seen on the web this month. Looks like a slab of very pale meat.
posted by unearthed at 9:36 PM on October 19, 2019 [1 favorite]


"How did you get sick?"
"From my phone."
"Oh, well, you shouldn't let other people use your phone."
"I'm not sure you understand."
posted by BigHeartedGuy at 9:50 PM on October 19, 2019 [4 favorites]


still better than poop.

Is it, though?
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 9:52 PM on October 19, 2019


Death to the demon Yevgeny Nourish! Death to PilgrImage!
posted by aramaic at 10:01 PM on October 19, 2019 [5 favorites]


still better than poop.

Is it, though?
posted by Johnny Wallflower


Well of course you would say that!
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:06 PM on October 19, 2019 [1 favorite]


Oh, hell yeah.
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 10:06 PM on October 19, 2019 [1 favorite]


I once challenged my then-girlfriend to a Cronenberg drinking game, where we drank every time someone said the words "flesh" or "penetrate" during, I think, eXistenZ, and we had to stop because it was getting out of hand.
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 10:12 PM on October 19, 2019 [14 favorites]


Very Simon Stålenhag too.
posted by nickggully at 10:21 PM on October 19, 2019 [3 favorites]


the only valid use of this technology is for extremely weird and gross sex toys and i am ashamed of these utter fucking cowards for making dumb phone accessories instead.
posted by poffin boffin at 10:39 PM on October 19, 2019 [15 favorites]


This can still be a weird and gross sex toy if you're into the right things.
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 10:54 PM on October 19, 2019 [8 favorites]


This can still be a weird and gross sex toy if you're into the right things.

That's really up to your "case officer" to decide.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 10:56 PM on October 19, 2019 [2 favorites]


We live in hell
posted by Beardman at 11:11 PM on October 19, 2019 [5 favorites]


The next step is to make the skin more realistic, including with embedded hair and temperature features.

Why? Why is that the next step?


The 600 series had rubber skin. We spotted them easy, but these are new. They look human... sweat, bad breath, everything. Very hard to spot.
posted by Halloween Jack at 11:27 PM on October 19, 2019 [30 favorites]


Tangible knob

Hmm?

Joystick with depth

Oh.

Tactile communication with a robot

Oh my...
posted by The Tensor at 11:32 PM on October 19, 2019 [3 favorites]


This can still be a weird and gross sex toy if you're into the right things.

Paige, no!
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:50 PM on October 19, 2019 [3 favorites]


Interim Apple Chief Under Fire After Unveiling Grotesque New MacBook
Cook presented the bizarre, malformed new product to stunned silence during a media event at Apple headquarters, revealing a device that, while vaguely similar to a computer in certain respects, appeared to be encased in a thick, flesh-like coating that was visibly moist and engorged.

“Oh, my sweet God,” Apple employee Kurt Starfeldt said after viewing the MacBook up close. “It appeared to be discharging some sort of mucus-type substance from the headphone jack and making these weird murmuring sounds. And then it started quivering at one point when Tim was demonstrating how to use the touch pad. It was quite upsetting, actually.”
posted by J.K. Seazer at 11:56 PM on October 19, 2019 [22 favorites]


Ah, this must be an example of how technological innovation can open new employment markets. Before now, I'd never have thought that Smartphone tattoo artist might be a career path one could pursue. That's the future for ya, always full of happy surprises.
posted by gusottertrout at 12:09 AM on October 20, 2019 [10 favorites]


I want a phone that screams "You're about to let me slip out of your shirt pocket and into toilet bowl, aren't you? I've heard about the fate of my predecessors, you monster! I'm no dead goldfish! I now have vaguely human skin, but water still kills me. Keep me away from the bathroom!"

This functionality would save me hundreds of dollars per year.
posted by Dumsnill at 12:15 AM on October 20, 2019 [4 favorites]


still better then poop

He's an expert.
posted by flabdablet at 12:19 AM on October 20, 2019


"Boy, Morty, I really Cronenberged the world up, didn't I?" - Rick
posted by swr at 12:34 AM on October 20, 2019 [6 favorites]


Phonenberg.
posted by Robin Kestrel at 12:47 AM on October 20, 2019 [23 favorites]


Creepy. Human beings are frightening in their desire to have an effect other things. Why are there so many more ways to hurt a thing than to give it pleasure? I don't want my phone case to feel anything, just function.

People please stop being weird.
posted by ihaveyourfoot at 12:56 AM on October 20, 2019 [3 favorites]


This can still be a weird and gross sex toy if you're into the right things.

i'm not into COWARDICE and they should make a creepy fucking alien dildo that crawls around the house and humps things while screeching
posted by poffin boffin at 2:26 AM on October 20, 2019 [23 favorites]


I have no mouth and I must tweet.
posted by howfar at 2:42 AM on October 20, 2019 [21 favorites]


a creepy fucking alien dildo that crawls around the house and humps things while screeching

so, like, a dude?
posted by um at 4:41 AM on October 20, 2019 [30 favorites]


(stealing this description for my tinder bio)
posted by um at 4:45 AM on October 20, 2019 [8 favorites]


What worries me most is trying to figure out how this connects to Johnny Wallflower’s current FPP theme. Soylent Phone...
posted by eirias at 5:24 AM on October 20, 2019 [1 favorite]


I'm just here to exult with the other EXISTENZ fans. There are dozens of us!
posted by zombieflanders at 5:55 AM on October 20, 2019 [24 favorites]


the psychology of this entire situation would require 1,000,000 TSA agents working overtime to unpack for our safety.
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 6:22 AM on October 20, 2019 [1 favorite]




This can still be a weird and gross sex toy if you're into the right things.


ev-er-y-thing can be a weird and gross sex toy if you try hard enough
posted by lalochezia at 6:49 AM on October 20, 2019 [6 favorites]


If you have a leather case, you /already/ wrap your phone in a gross skin material.
This should be fine.
posted by seraphine at 7:14 AM on October 20, 2019 [5 favorites]


Samsung Galaxy 12: Insert Finger Gently to Unlock

"Ow, no, not like that! That's not even the right hole, you moron! Christ, you're useless!"
posted by loquacious at 7:16 AM on October 20, 2019 [6 favorites]


MetaFilter: always full of happy surprises.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 8:30 AM on October 20, 2019


Steve 'Lurch' Jobs: "But there's one more Thing"
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 8:33 AM on October 20, 2019 [5 favorites]


Kind of previously.

My comment still stands.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 9:28 AM on October 20, 2019 [2 favorites]


Words I never expected to apply to my phone: "throbbing", "engorged", "tumescent", "erogenous" ...

And then there's that onion piece, from 2011: Interim Apple Chief Under Fire After Unveiling Grotesque New MacBook. (Edited to remove b/c I just noticed it's already upthread.)

SINCE WHEN DID THE ONION START PREDICTING THE FUTURE? WOE, OH WOE ...!
posted by cstross at 9:39 AM on October 20, 2019 [2 favorites]


The 600 series had rubber skin. We spotted them easy, but these are new. They look human... sweat, bad breath, everything. Very hard to spot.

I need ya, Deck. This is a bad one, the worst yet. I need the old blade runner, I need your magic.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 9:42 AM on October 20, 2019 [6 favorites]


Cleaning the charging port would be easier if it made boogies. Tim Apple, I hope you're listening.
posted by polyhedron at 9:44 AM on October 20, 2019 [2 favorites]


And so they begin: R.U.R. (1920).
posted by cenoxo at 9:54 AM on October 20, 2019 [2 favorites]


I'm not sure if it's Cronenberg or Švankmajer, but it's great!
posted by eotvos at 11:05 AM on October 20, 2019 [1 favorite]


SINCE WHEN DID THE ONION START PREDICTING THE FUTURE?

The inimitable classic "Fuck Everything, We're Doing Five Blades" was published in 2004.
posted by J.K. Seazer at 11:38 AM on October 20, 2019 [9 favorites]


If you have a leather case, you /already/ wrap your phone in a gross skin material.

Regardless of how one feels about the use of animal products, there's a big difference between tanned leather and something trying to imitate raw living human skin.
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:42 AM on October 20, 2019


For one, tanned leather doesn't purr when you stroke it just so.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 11:52 AM on October 20, 2019 [2 favorites]


Cronenberg is kinda creepy, isn't he...
posted by Windopaene at 1:11 PM on October 20, 2019


It's actually made of undifferentiated connective tissue. If you hold it too long it will start to merge with the flesh of your hand.
posted by dephlogisticated at 1:23 PM on October 20, 2019 [4 favorites]


As for someone in design school, you cannot believe how annoyed I am that someone would commit this much time and energy and resources into making something like this.
posted by yueliang at 1:35 PM on October 20, 2019 [1 favorite]


I wrap my phone in flesh all the time. I call it my "hand".
posted by Pastor of Muppets at 2:13 PM on October 20, 2019 [2 favorites]


Poke it with a stick and let's see what happens — The Blob (1958).
posted by cenoxo at 3:21 PM on October 20, 2019


It's actually made of undifferentiated connective tissue. If you hold it too long it will start to merge with the flesh of your hand.

Still not sure how this is a new innovation or what's different.
posted by loquacious at 4:27 PM on October 20, 2019 [1 favorite]


For one, tanned leather doesn't purr when you stroke it just so.

Well, leather bondage scenes everywhere just got hilariously and uncomfortably awkward.

Or awesome, depending. YMMV.
posted by loquacious at 4:55 PM on October 20, 2019 [3 favorites]


Interim Apple Chief Under Fire After Unveiling Grotesque New MacBook

Many years ago I dated a person who wrote for The Onion. The truly stupendous amount of weed smoked and psychedelics imbibed by staff must have opened a vortex into another dimension where they got a machine that sees the future. Because did you see the photos from the article? Its the same! Its getting downright creepy.
posted by fshgrl at 6:42 PM on October 20, 2019 [10 favorites]


"Technology isn’t really effective, it doesn’t really expose its true meaning, I feel, until it has been incorporated into the human body."
posted by doctornemo at 3:53 AM on October 21, 2019


tanned leather doesn't purr when you stroke it just so

Tanned leather also comes in shades other than Bandaid Pink.
posted by flabdablet at 4:20 AM on October 21, 2019


The inimitable classic "Fuck Everything, We're Doing Five Blades" was published in 2004

Prescient, but missed the pivot to pivots. Certainly influential.
posted by flabdablet at 4:26 AM on October 21, 2019


You know, in this confusing modern world we live in, I guess it's good to know that there are some things I will immediately respond to by closing the window and saying NO.
posted by emjaybee at 7:47 AM on October 21, 2019 [2 favorites]


I wrap my phone in flesh all the time. I call it my "hand".

why was that word put in quotes?
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 10:58 AM on October 21, 2019 [5 favorites]


You don't want to "know".
posted by flabdablet at 7:46 PM on October 21, 2019 [3 favorites]


He says "hand", you say "ass cheeks", let's call the whole thing off.
posted by e1c at 11:09 AM on October 22, 2019 [3 favorites]


I just fell so far down into the uncanny valley I fear I may never escape. Maybe if anyone has a spare sentient skin phone knocking about you could send it down to rescue me?
posted by penguin pie at 3:45 PM on October 22, 2019


He says "hand", you say "ass cheeks", let's call the whole thing off.

You joke but someone literally built a robot butt that tenses and relaxes in response to stroking and slapping.
posted by J.K. Seazer at 10:31 PM on October 24, 2019 [1 favorite]


Buttocks Humanoid is the name of my emo-punk solo act.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 8:00 AM on October 25, 2019 [1 favorite]


I guess that explains all the poop posts.
posted by flabdablet at 9:08 AM on October 26, 2019


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