Obviously, you're not a golfer
October 31, 2019 2:29 AM   Subscribe

Did you know that (allegedly) golf courses change the location of the little holes daily? Here's how.
Extra bonus: A fantastic list of other Specialized Tools.
(Obligatory)
posted by growabrain (21 comments total) 12 users marked this as a favorite
 
This whole video (the moving golf holes one) feels like a joke like IDK the spaghetti tree or something. It seems to be real though?
posted by aubilenon at 3:23 AM on October 31 [2 favorites]


Carl. Damn your eyes. I told you, today is the day we change the holes. Now, do it, and no more slacking off.
posted by Molesome at 3:45 AM on October 31 [2 favorites]


On the course I live beside, it's a daily occurance to see a dawn patrol of groundskeepers moving holes, trimming grass and raking bunkers (sand traps) in order to prepare the course for the day's play. Not long after that, comes a procession of the Dew Sweepers -- a group of older men and women who play the course every day (weather permitting) in order to get some exercise and get out of their house for a while.

Golf courses regularly move the location of the holes on the green for a couple of reasons: first and foremost, it relocates the foot traffic to the new location and allows the grass in the area around the previous locations to recover and stay healthy. Like paths in the forest, too much traffic in one concentrated spot would eventually kill off the grass beneath it, and moving the hole is a far cheaper way to keep the green in good condition than it would be to re-seed it and/or dump chemicals on it. Secondly, changing the hole locations changes the challenge, especially for regular players of the the course.

The nice thing about living near this course is the natural phenomena: wildlife is abundant on the property, and everything from herds of deer to several dozen raptors take advantage of it. Each pond and stream are rich with aquatic life, and some residents of the wetlands are quite interesting: there's a huge snapping turtle over a foot across that nests beneath a bridge near me, and while we are quite wary of each other, we both seem to share a mutual fascination and respect. Each 50' x 50' plot of turf produces enough oxygen to meet the daily needs of a family of four. Best of all, so long as the golf course exists, it won't be developed and the wildlife there are safe from being crowded out.
posted by wolpfack at 5:02 AM on October 31 [13 favorites]


Molesome: "Carl. Damn your eyes. I told you, today is the day we change the holes. Now, do it, and no more slacking off."

Eponysterical!
posted by chavenet at 5:27 AM on October 31 [2 favorites]


If they move the hole, don't they have to move the windmill in front of it, too?
posted by ckape at 5:46 AM on October 31 [23 favorites]


ckape, if this was reddit, I would buy you a platinum award!
posted by KleenexMakesaVeryGoodHat at 5:59 AM on October 31 [1 favorite]


The South African pancake machine is quite the thing.
posted by zamboni at 6:14 AM on October 31 [1 favorite]


@KleenexMakesaVeryGoodHat - this is a good idea!
I'm sure that MetaFGold could bring in quite a bit of change every day
posted by growabrain at 7:04 AM on October 31 [1 favorite]


*cashes out of favorites market before the devaluation kicks in*
posted by zamboni at 7:10 AM on October 31 [1 favorite]


The South African pancake machine is quite the thing.

Oh
My
God

For several years I spent some amount of idle brainpower on thinking of how to engineer an infinite cake machine. I didn’t really think I’d have the manufacturing abilities to actually make it anyway, but I can’t even tell you how thrilled I am that this exists (even if it’s just pan cakes). Wait! yes I can! I’m very thrilled!
posted by aubilenon at 8:19 AM on October 31 [1 favorite]


Square pancakes? What's next, round pizza boxes?
posted by kozad at 8:31 AM on October 31 [1 favorite]


For several years I spent some amount of idle brainpower on thinking of how to engineer an infinite cake machine. I didn’t really think I’d have the manufacturing abilities to actually make it anyway, but I can’t even tell you how thrilled I am that this exists (even if it’s just pan cakes). Wait! yes I can! I’m very thrilled!

I wonder if you could make a few modifications to make, if not necessarily CAKES, at least brownies? Like a second sheath over top of the first drum that would hold a thicker layer of batter in place on the drum long enough for the first stage of baking (and maybe heat that sheath as well so the cake is baking on both sides evenly)? And then cut the brownies early on the second drum or something?

Now I want to see your infinite cake machine dream come true.
posted by chrominance at 8:41 AM on October 31 [2 favorites]


it won't be developed and the wildlife there are safe from being crowded out.

Is that why the video, and golf courses, have fake bird calls?

I lot of what makes an ecosystem is the soil, saying that a golf course prevents development is a fascinating take. Are golf courses cultivating soil for carbon sequestration metrics?
posted by eustatic at 8:47 AM on October 31 [1 favorite]


I think for an infinite cake machine you could make some kind of baum kuchen that rotates on a screw. Once the cake is cooked with the requisite amount of layers there would be a cutter at the end. In practice the cake would look like a stepped cone with the small end being at the "start" of the machine and the large end where the cutter is.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 10:40 AM on October 31 [1 favorite]


I would think any kind of infinite cake would probably be made on a spit like a German Baumkuche.
posted by Wild_Eep at 11:34 AM on October 31 [1 favorite]


Or, you know, what any portmanteau said.
posted by Wild_Eep at 11:35 AM on October 31


Each 50' x 50' plot of turf produces enough oxygen to meet the daily needs of a family of four.

Sorry for the derail, but this is propaganda put out by the turf industry.

Every molecule of oxygen that grass produces as it grows is returned to the atmosphere as carbon dioxide as the cut grass decomposes. Unless you bail up your grass cuttings and store them in a vault for, say, 100 years, grass does not produce any net oxygen at all. This is ninth grade biology carbon-cycle stuff.
posted by JackFlash at 2:39 PM on October 31


an infinite cake machine

Use something similar to microwave cake batter, continuously extrude it (like pink goo, but not meat) onto a conveyor belt with a central groove that runs through a microwave source.

Infinite stream of contiguous cake.
posted by porpoise at 3:21 PM on October 31 [2 favorites]


Infinite baum kuchen would be infinitely better than infinite microwave cake.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 6:37 AM on November 1


If we ignore expense and practicality, you could do a linear schichttorte with a conveyor belt that alternates twenty long grills with cake batter dispensers.
posted by zamboni at 6:48 AM on November 1


Lots of processed food is cooked like that porpoise. Usually with conventional ovens rather than microwaves and the batter is pre portioned but no real reason they couldn't skip the portioning step besides the logistical problem of selling a 100' sheet cake.
posted by Mitheral at 7:27 PM on November 1 [1 favorite]


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