⚔️ BATHTUB GERALT IS HERE!!! 🛀🏽

October 31, 2019 12:31 PM

The Witcher [YouTube][Official Trailer] Netflix’s take on The Witcher is officially coming on Dec. 20. The series takes all of its inspiration from Andrzej Sapkowski’s book series instead of the incredibly popular RPG series from CD Projekt Red.

• The Witcher Netflix TV series: cast, release date and everything we know [PC Gamer]

“The Witcher is coming to streaming platform Netflix as an eight-episode TV drama in late 2019, starring Henry Cavill as Geralt. We've got our first big trailer for the series, spotted some funny looking armor on set, and seen the full cast gathered together at San Diego Comic-Con 2019. We even got a look at the most important Witcher character: Geralt's horse Roach. The Netflix series is based on the Polish novels by Andrzej Sapkowski, much like the CD Projekt Red RPG series that we're so keen on here at PC Gamer. It's had a showrunner in place for a while now—Daredevil and The Defenders writer Lauren Schmidt Hissrich—and we've learned loads about the series through Twitter, including character descriptions. We've captured all of that below. If you were curious about the show's credibility, Sapkowski is working on the Netflix series as a creative consultant.”

• Bathtub Geralt Explained [Gamespot]

“The latest trailer for Netflix's The Witcher has arrived, and there is one moment in particular that many people will be talking about: Geralt in a bathtub. But what's the big deal about that? Very early on in 2015's The Witcher 3: The Wild Hunt, there is a cutscene that features Geralt of Rivia, laying in a bathrub, with his legs spread. It had become a meme, a cute toy, and even a statue from Dark Horse, believe it or not. Because this moment was so iconic, it was recreated for December's The Witcher series on Netflix.” [A side-by-side comparison.]

posted by Fizz (32 comments total)

I'm bummed that I couldn't get into Witcher 3 - abandoned it after a few hours - so maybe that's why I'm really looking forward to the TV series?
posted by Foci for Analysis at 12:52 PM on October 31, 2019

Is it only 8 episodes total or will there be more seasons? Its a long meandering story and I dont see how they'll fit it all in.

I really hope this is good! I've nevrr played the games and I'm not a huge fantady reader but I enjoyed the books. I hope they keep the humor and charm of the characters and its not all Grimdark
posted by fshgrl at 12:53 PM on October 31, 2019

Is it only 8 episodes total or will there be more seasons?

I suspect Netflix will judge that based on how well it's received. They've got a pretty good track record of backing successful properties though. The Tale of Unfortunate Events with NPH worked pretty well for them, for example. They're surprisingly good at not wrecking what was great about the source material. A good book or series, has a better than even chance I'd say.
posted by bonehead at 1:04 PM on October 31, 2019

Can there be multiple Witchers, or can there be only one? But seriously, this looks like potentially great fantasy cheese. Not familiar with the books or games, so I only really care if it's entertaining. It's not GOT rapey, is it?
posted by rikschell at 1:21 PM on October 31, 2019

I've not read the books but I think I might try them out. Apparently they are quite different from the video game adaptation. This series doesn't seem to be pulling too much from Witcher III, and I'm not super mad about that. I do need to go back to that game and give it another whirl. I stopped after about 20 hours, but I believe there are easily another 120+ to go. *sighs*, so many games, so little time.
posted by Fizz at 1:29 PM on October 31, 2019

There's lots of sex but I can't recall anything rapey. Witchers are magical mutants and the process makes them sterile, so the combination of being very good looking, sterile, magically immune from disease, and apparently pretty good in the sack means that Geralt is popular with the ladies.

I've only played the games, have not read the books.

The Witchers are an organization which you can join as an apprentice, but if I recall correctly the mutation bit has a high fatality rate. So there aren't many Witchers, and when we meet Geralt the order has been in decline for a while.
posted by BeeDo at 1:34 PM on October 31, 2019

This looks pretty damn cheesy and as long as it's not gross I'll probably check it out. I don't know much about the books but the games are fantastic (side-eye at the second one). The showrunner is a woman, which is promising.
posted by Automocar at 1:49 PM on October 31, 2019

Oh. Okay, apparently I've totally got wood for this. I wasn't expecting to, but the heart is a mysterious creature. Bring this the fuck on.
posted by Sing Or Swim at 1:50 PM on October 31, 2019 [1 favorite]

I dunno. I quit playing the first Witcher game after I got the second trading card for seducing a lady, which I'd done nearly by accident, which is how badly that game wanted you to seduce ladies.

I tried Witcher 3 despite my misgivings after everyone and their mom said it was incredible and my dad of all people enjoyed Witcher 2 quite a bit, but I found the Witcher 3 play control frustrating, environments muddy and hard to navigate, the inventory system tedious, I had to play a tutorial and then after that I got to play a tutorial for a card game that people who I guess don't like card games liked because I didn't think it was a very good card game for an hour, and then after I spent another hour trying to complete a fetch side quest because of the aforementioned play control and environmental issues, I called it quits. I don't think I understand what other people like in video games, because it frequently seems to be things that aren't fun to me.

At any rate, I think the author hates the video games because of some of the changes they made, and the books have nearly no US audience, so if this is based only on the books the whole thing will probably go over like a lead balloon, unless the post-GoT general TV audience is just so hungry for swords, chain-mail, and grimy people fucking that the fact that this won't will probably make the in-built game audience angry doens't matter.
posted by Caduceus at 1:55 PM on October 31, 2019 [1 favorite]

I've been a fan of the books for going on three decades and ugh, no. Not my Geralt. (I keep meaning to check out the English translations and see just how much of the cultural injokes they miss. Sapkowski is Pratchett-level referential except he doesn't do footnotes.)
posted by I claim sanctuary at 2:02 PM on October 31, 2019

The books and stories are... uneven. I loved them when they were first published (1986-1999), although the closer I were to the finale, the more conflicted I felt. The author had plenty of fresh (at the time) ideas and delighted in turning the cliches upside down which wasn't yet passe at the time. But many things including his rather traditional take on sex didn't age very well. To make matters worse, I hear that the English translation was botched, which is a shame since one of the things I liked about Sapkowski prose was his irreverent language sparkling with sarcastic humor.
posted by hat_eater at 2:10 PM on October 31, 2019

I've only played Witcher 3, and enjoyed it enough that I just replayed the main questline. Both times, I basically ignored the gwent stuff. The dress for the primary female characters is very male-gazey -- lots of cleavage and physics-defying ridiculous necklines -- and the sex scenes are about as cringey as you might expect. But these attributes aren't reflected in the writing or voice acting, which I think are pretty good. And there's nothing like the "conquest" cards of the earlier game(s?) which I'd probably "nope out" on.

I've read most of the books in English translation. Many of them were only translated in the last few years -- perhaps in part because of the popularity of the games. Most people seem to think that Sapkowski hates the video games because the studio got the rights pretty cheaply and proceeded to make a lot of money from the games. There are definitely major differences between them, but I think the creators of the game clearly understand the world of the books and have affection for it as they seem to have captured the overall tone pretty well. (Of course, it's possible the translations themselves have been affected by the games -- an interesting thought.)

I'm still skeptical about Cavill.
posted by Slothrup at 2:16 PM on October 31, 2019 [2 favorites]

I've felt for a while that Geralt could only be played by a younger M. John Harrison.
posted by thatwhichfalls at 2:16 PM on October 31, 2019 [1 favorite]

I played Witcher 3 and generally enjoyed my time doing so but also spent every day wishing the internet was a different place so I could just have a blog analyzing the game's takes on gender (the whole thing about Geralt in a bathtub is that he doesn't want to take a bath! He is grumpy about hygiene and looking nice because he's a manly man who man man mans). The fact that there was a while where we were supposed to ignore how the game treats women in service of praising Witcher 3 as the best game ever made me not want to revisit it.

Really, the saving grace of the game was gwent (which I did enjoy), and imagining the in-game characterization of Geralt just being so interested in gwent that he will ignore everything else to challenge randos to a game.

So I'm not necessarily looking forward to the series, but I'm sort of looking forward to all of the analysis of the series, maybe some good fanfic that pokes at the hypermasculine portrayal a bit. Also, in my heart of hearts, I want a sorceress that decides that instead of looking eternally young and hot or whatever, she want to look like anything else. Possibly a literal bear.
posted by dinty_moore at 2:22 PM on October 31, 2019 [1 favorite]

I'm hoping it surprises me in the way that Netflix's Castlevania did. I was not expecting that to be good at all.
posted by Fizz at 2:44 PM on October 31, 2019 [1 favorite]

I haven't played the game or read the books, and fantasy is not normally my genre, but I do love anything witch-themed, so I think I'll give this a try.
posted by orange swan at 2:48 PM on October 31, 2019

AT LAST
posted by poffin boffin at 2:59 PM on October 31, 2019

next i demand to see gwent played
posted by poffin boffin at 3:01 PM on October 31, 2019

I started the first book, but the bombast of names--places, people, rivers, forests, cities, etc.--made me dizzy and I gave up on it pretty quickly. I had to feverishly refer to the map every few sentences. I know that's pretty standard for fantasy but for The Witcher it seemed to be dialed up to 11.
posted by zardoz at 3:19 PM on October 31, 2019

the whole thing about Geralt in a bathtub is that he doesn't want to take a bath! He is grumpy about hygiene and looking nice because he's a manly man who man man mans

Yeah, the books arent like that at all. Geralt is widely liked because he's likeable. And clean. He seems to largely prefer the company of women, beside his couple male friends, and the sarcastic banter between him and them is a key element of what makes the books readable. Even in the English translation, which is pretty pedestrian.

There are very traditionally feminine and masculine characters but plenty of others too. The discussion of what women give up for power is honest and meaningful. The power couples all have realistic problems related to being power couples. There are a lot of pre teens and teenagers in the book and I thought the author did a great job with them in particular. Unlike george rr martin for example.

I literally can't stand the way Terry Pratchett wrote women, especially teenage women, to the point I barely made it through one or two of his books- for reference.
posted by fshgrl at 3:30 PM on October 31, 2019 [3 favorites]

I really loved the Witcher 3, but I couldn't get into the books. I think that's mostly because I played the games first, if it had been the other way around it would probably be different, the differences in characterization kept jarring me.

In other Witcher related news, the Gwent card game was released on iOS this week :) Not sure if it's on other platforms, but I enjoyed the tutorial.
posted by Hazelsmrf at 4:22 PM on October 31, 2019

the sex scenes are about as cringey as you might expect.

Thankfully, the scenes were worse than cringey, -- you can have sex on a stuffed unicorn! A literal stuffed unicorn! And then later you/she make jokes about it!
posted by aramaic at 4:33 PM on October 31, 2019

maybe some good fanfic that pokes at the hypermasculine portrayal a bit

Pretty sure there's already some Very Gay Fanfic of the games.
posted by praemunire at 4:40 PM on October 31, 2019 [3 favorites]

From what I've read of the books and from what I've played of the games, my favorite things in The Witcher are the short stories/ quests when Geralt's martial prowess and monster knowhow are sidelined by more low stakes, human struggles. The bittersweet pathos and dry humor written into Geralt does a lot to elevate the Witcher beyond just being tacky picaroon wish fulfillment (tho not all the way beyond it).

If they can capture that, I'll enjoy this adaptation.
posted by Reyturner at 4:54 PM on October 31, 2019 [6 favorites]

I loved the sidequests but it really ruined the pacing for me. My ward is in mortal danger, I must save her! Oh but first let me help this lady find her cat.
posted by Hazelsmrf at 6:55 PM on October 31, 2019

I'm bummed that I couldn't get into Witcher 3 - abandoned it after a few hours - so maybe that's why I'm really looking forward to the TV series?

I had this experience with the game too, was never able to get what others found so enthralling about it.

Re trailer, I feel bad saying this because I know this is based on the books, but I can't not see this as an extra long cutscene from a game which had lots of them.
posted by belgium69 at 12:04 AM on November 1, 2019

Can there be multiple Witchers, or can there be only one?

Geralt claims he's not a Witchalok, but that's just what a Witchalok would say.
posted by straight at 12:09 AM on November 1, 2019

I'm bummed that I couldn't get into Witcher 3 - abandoned it after a few hours - so maybe that's why I'm really looking forward to the TV series?

For the same reason, let's have a series of Cuphead animated shorts.
posted by acb at 2:19 AM on November 1, 2019

Pretty sure there's already some Very Gay Fanfic of the games.

oh the gayest
posted by poffin boffin at 3:32 AM on November 1, 2019 [4 favorites]

Witcher 3 is permeated, rather surprisingly, by a subtle environmentalist message: the monsters Geralt hunts are the result of men's careless lust for wealth and power. Most are just animals defending their habitat from encroaching settlements. Others are spirits which have been poisoned by the psychic residue of evil deeds. Not sure if the same message is found in the books, or will be present in the TV series.
posted by um at 7:32 AM on November 1, 2019 [3 favorites]

The ecological message is not subtle in the books, its right up front
posted by fshgrl at 12:51 PM on November 1, 2019 [2 favorites]

Most people seem to think that Sapkowski hates the video games because the studio got the rights pretty cheaply and proceeded to make a lot of money from the games.

Well, that was his own fault.

By his own admission he took a lump sum deal instead of a profit sharing deal because he didn't grok video games. Apparently CDPR cut him a check earlier this year, probably for much less than he would have got originally.
posted by quantumetric at 2:33 PM on November 4, 2019 [2 favorites]