Don't You Forget About Christmas...
November 4, 2019 12:55 PM Subscribe
And lo, with Halloween over, Christmas ads arrived. Mariah Carey for Walkers Crisps, Northern Light theft for Asda (in labour dispute), Iceland won't let it go while an online shop of some repute goes Blues Brothers - but Argos go nostalgic Scottish Soft Rock. The John Lewis Christmas Ad - who is the singer - is ... here? Maybe not, but the Very animated one is. Elsewhere, there's a million less lights in Turves, but foods include tempura sprouts and roast dinner Yorkshire pudding. Or buy a hamper of food and booze. However, outrage concerns the number of potatoes per Christmas diner. Maybe just get it all delivered instead. Or enjoy drinking what's behind the windows. Can't wait till the big day for satisfaction? Here's an impressive hot twelve inches to swallow. (previously)
However, outrage concerns the number of potatoes per Christmas diner.
You know yanks don't even roast their potatoes properly. They're so lazy. They don't parboil them, they leave the skins on, they roast them at anemic temperatures. They just have these disgusting lumps of gelatinous starch. Even worse, they have a roast and they have MASHED POTATO. Lord almighty. Thankfully I grew up with a proper, quintessentially British, grandmother so I was taught how to roast a bloody potato properly.
The weird thing is, the yanks can't get enough of them. My mother-in-law always wants my English style roasted potatoes. She keeps calling them my "special recipe" and I'm all "it's how we roast a bloody potato in the Commonwealth". I fully intend to buck tradition this year at Thanksgiving with my American inlaws and serve a giant bowl of roast potatoes as should have been the custom in the first place.
posted by Your Childhood Pet Rock at 1:31 PM on November 4, 2019 [21 favorites]
You know yanks don't even roast their potatoes properly. They're so lazy. They don't parboil them, they leave the skins on, they roast them at anemic temperatures. They just have these disgusting lumps of gelatinous starch. Even worse, they have a roast and they have MASHED POTATO. Lord almighty. Thankfully I grew up with a proper, quintessentially British, grandmother so I was taught how to roast a bloody potato properly.
The weird thing is, the yanks can't get enough of them. My mother-in-law always wants my English style roasted potatoes. She keeps calling them my "special recipe" and I'm all "it's how we roast a bloody potato in the Commonwealth". I fully intend to buck tradition this year at Thanksgiving with my American inlaws and serve a giant bowl of roast potatoes as should have been the custom in the first place.
posted by Your Childhood Pet Rock at 1:31 PM on November 4, 2019 [21 favorites]
......let's call the whole thing off?
posted by lalochezia at 1:42 PM on November 4, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by lalochezia at 1:42 PM on November 4, 2019 [2 favorites]
Your Childhood Pet Rock, recipe or it didn't happen
posted by Melismata at 2:03 PM on November 4, 2019 [9 favorites]
posted by Melismata at 2:03 PM on November 4, 2019 [9 favorites]
Your Childhood Pet Rock, I have gone full international for SQ this year so if I get you I will send you a Yorkshire pud, freshness* guaranteed. Its technically not an Xmas dinner element but it goes with all roast dinners IMO.
*not
posted by biffa at 2:24 PM on November 4, 2019
*not
posted by biffa at 2:24 PM on November 4, 2019
Wordshore: "Mariah Carey for Walkers Crisps"
Is that Calum Worthy as the elf?
posted by chavenet at 2:30 PM on November 4, 2019
Is that Calum Worthy as the elf?
posted by chavenet at 2:30 PM on November 4, 2019
When I am Overlord of the Earth, marketing Christmas before Thanksgiving* will be punishable by being sent to find Santa's Workshop in the North Pole via chihuahua pulled dogsled while The Chipmunks 12 Days of Christmas plays repeatedly in your earbuds, In shorts.
*(or Proclamation of the Republic or Sunday of the Dead or Harvest Festival or National French Toast Day or whatever end of November holiday is appropriate for your culture)
posted by madajb at 2:48 PM on November 4, 2019 [5 favorites]
*(or Proclamation of the Republic or Sunday of the Dead or Harvest Festival or National French Toast Day or whatever end of November holiday is appropriate for your culture)
posted by madajb at 2:48 PM on November 4, 2019 [5 favorites]
Even worse, they have a roast and they have MASHED POTATO.
{horrified} I am sorry for your loss.
posted by Wordshore at 3:44 PM on November 4, 2019 [4 favorites]
{horrified} I am sorry for your loss.
posted by Wordshore at 3:44 PM on November 4, 2019 [4 favorites]
You know yanks don't even roast their potatoes properly...
Ok, my (Canadian) curiosity was piqued by your strange starchy screed and so I looked up "English roasted potatoes." Uh... I think I have to run to the grocery store now. I have never had potatoes like that except maybe at a restaurant. Looks delish, so thank you for the education.
Although I do take exception to the anti-mash position. Mashed potatoes only shine in one situation: as a gravy conveyance. As such, a roast dinner is the perfect place for mashed potatoes. #notsorry
posted by arcticwoman at 3:57 PM on November 4, 2019 [3 favorites]
Ok, my (Canadian) curiosity was piqued by your strange starchy screed and so I looked up "English roasted potatoes." Uh... I think I have to run to the grocery store now. I have never had potatoes like that except maybe at a restaurant. Looks delish, so thank you for the education.
Although I do take exception to the anti-mash position. Mashed potatoes only shine in one situation: as a gravy conveyance. As such, a roast dinner is the perfect place for mashed potatoes. #notsorry
posted by arcticwoman at 3:57 PM on November 4, 2019 [3 favorites]
When I am Overlord of the Earth, marketing Christmas before Thanksgiving*
Obviously you mean the only true and right Thanksgiving rather than that other holiday with the same name South of the Border. In my Dominion over the Earth, no Christmas anything until after November 11th (because come on...), no Christmas trees until December 6th and all Christmas ceases January 6th.
posted by Ashwagandha at 3:59 PM on November 4, 2019 [2 favorites]
Obviously you mean the only true and right Thanksgiving rather than that other holiday with the same name South of the Border. In my Dominion over the Earth, no Christmas anything until after November 11th (because come on...), no Christmas trees until December 6th and all Christmas ceases January 6th.
posted by Ashwagandha at 3:59 PM on November 4, 2019 [2 favorites]
Mashed potatoes only shine in one situation: as a gravy conveyance.
Look up Yorkshire Puddings and never look back.
posted by Ashwagandha at 4:01 PM on November 4, 2019 [6 favorites]
Look up Yorkshire Puddings and never look back.
posted by Ashwagandha at 4:01 PM on November 4, 2019 [6 favorites]
Look up Yorkshire Puddings and never look back.
I've had (and loved) them, but making them stresses me out. Mashed potatoes, on the other hand, I can make with my eyes closed. Maybe I just need more practice.
posted by arcticwoman at 4:07 PM on November 4, 2019
I've had (and loved) them, but making them stresses me out. Mashed potatoes, on the other hand, I can make with my eyes closed. Maybe I just need more practice.
posted by arcticwoman at 4:07 PM on November 4, 2019
You know yanks don't even roast their potatoes properly.
I beg your pardon, I am a yank who knows how to properly roast potatoes and do so frequently, with great joy. I have converted others to the beauty that is a bowl of properly roasted potatoes.
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 4:12 PM on November 4, 2019 [1 favorite]
I beg your pardon, I am a yank who knows how to properly roast potatoes and do so frequently, with great joy. I have converted others to the beauty that is a bowl of properly roasted potatoes.
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 4:12 PM on November 4, 2019 [1 favorite]
On an actual note related to the posting, spouse and I wandered through a Costco in Virginia recently and found wine advent calendar. Right next to a beer advent calendar.
Sadly, I could not convince spouse that a wine-themed advent calendar was a proper and necessary part of of the ramp up to Christmas, even when I threw in the offer to purchase the beer one as well.
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 4:17 PM on November 4, 2019 [3 favorites]
Sadly, I could not convince spouse that a wine-themed advent calendar was a proper and necessary part of of the ramp up to Christmas, even when I threw in the offer to purchase the beer one as well.
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 4:17 PM on November 4, 2019 [3 favorites]
You know yanks don't even roast their potatoes properly.
Unless you have baking soda in the parboiling water you're not making the best possible potatoes either.
posted by srboisvert at 4:19 PM on November 4, 2019 [6 favorites]
Unless you have baking soda in the parboiling water you're not making the best possible potatoes either.
posted by srboisvert at 4:19 PM on November 4, 2019 [6 favorites]
Mashed potatoes only shine in one situation: as a gravy conveyance.
Also a cheese conveyance: pommes aligot.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 4:23 PM on November 4, 2019 [4 favorites]
Also a cheese conveyance: pommes aligot.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 4:23 PM on November 4, 2019 [4 favorites]
Your Childhood Pet Rock, recipe or it didn't happen
There's no real recipe, you make them how you want. It's all about cooking style.
* Hot oven (450F)
* Peel and parboil the potatoes
* Rough them up in the colander after draining
* Coat in seasoning (S&P + whatever) and some form of oil, lard, or fat that can withstand 450F.
* Roast until chippy and delicious.
If you don't skin them it won't do shit when you parboil them. If you don't parboil them the potatoes will stay starchy and won't get all fluffy on the inside when you cook them. If you don't cook them hot enough with some form of fat you won't get that crispy chippy crust.
Unless you have baking soda in the parboiling water you're not making the best possible potatoes either.
That's why you rough them up in the colander before roasting. You don't need to do anything funny with the water.
posted by Your Childhood Pet Rock at 4:23 PM on November 4, 2019 [10 favorites]
There's no real recipe, you make them how you want. It's all about cooking style.
* Hot oven (450F)
* Peel and parboil the potatoes
* Rough them up in the colander after draining
* Coat in seasoning (S&P + whatever) and some form of oil, lard, or fat that can withstand 450F.
* Roast until chippy and delicious.
If you don't skin them it won't do shit when you parboil them. If you don't parboil them the potatoes will stay starchy and won't get all fluffy on the inside when you cook them. If you don't cook them hot enough with some form of fat you won't get that crispy chippy crust.
Unless you have baking soda in the parboiling water you're not making the best possible potatoes either.
That's why you rough them up in the colander before roasting. You don't need to do anything funny with the water.
posted by Your Childhood Pet Rock at 4:23 PM on November 4, 2019 [10 favorites]
And always, always, always, people. Potatoes go in cold water and the whole thing boils on the stove.
posted by Your Childhood Pet Rock at 4:32 PM on November 4, 2019
posted by Your Childhood Pet Rock at 4:32 PM on November 4, 2019
tried the sprouts crisps when I was in the uk last winter. not bad
posted by brujita at 4:43 PM on November 4, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by brujita at 4:43 PM on November 4, 2019 [1 favorite]
When you say "rough them up in the colander," is that more you called me a funny name roughing up or stop teasing my little sister roughing up?
I'm starting to enjoy these extended cooking analogies!
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 4:48 PM on November 4, 2019 [4 favorites]
I'm starting to enjoy these extended cooking analogies!
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 4:48 PM on November 4, 2019 [4 favorites]
When you say "rough them up in the colander," is that more you called me a funny name roughing up or stop teasing my little sister roughing up?
Toss them maybe twice or thrice. They're parboiled so they will fall apart if you manhandle them too much.
posted by Your Childhood Pet Rock at 4:50 PM on November 4, 2019
Toss them maybe twice or thrice. They're parboiled so they will fall apart if you manhandle them too much.
posted by Your Childhood Pet Rock at 4:50 PM on November 4, 2019
Mashed potatoes only shine in one situation: as a gravy conveyance.
Throw some cold mashed potatoes in a murderously hot frying pan. You get a thin brown crust of goodness to infuse your reinvigorated fluffy mashed potates.
Breakfast food of the gods.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 4:50 PM on November 4, 2019 [6 favorites]
Throw some cold mashed potatoes in a murderously hot frying pan. You get a thin brown crust of goodness to infuse your reinvigorated fluffy mashed potates.
Breakfast food of the gods.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 4:50 PM on November 4, 2019 [6 favorites]
I would call those "mash browns"?
posted by LionIndex at 4:51 PM on November 4, 2019 [14 favorites]
posted by LionIndex at 4:51 PM on November 4, 2019 [14 favorites]
marketing Christmas before Thanksgiving
No penny for this Guy :'(
posted by Freelance Demiurge at 4:52 PM on November 4, 2019
No penny for this Guy :'(
posted by Freelance Demiurge at 4:52 PM on November 4, 2019
One of the things I like about Wordshore's Christmas posts, aside from continually doing the Lord's work in educating people on the correct way to cook potatoes, is that it reminds me that I need to order the Doctor Who Annual for this year for my "son" so it gets here in the wilderness of Canada before the Feast of Stephen. For that I thank you!
posted by Ashwagandha at 4:53 PM on November 4, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by Ashwagandha at 4:53 PM on November 4, 2019 [3 favorites]
Apparently that article also recommends 4-6 sprouts per person. I made a big pan of roasted sprouts yesterday evening and finished them off at breakfast. 1 carrot, 1 parsnip. Sheesh, it sounds pretty meager. This is probably a person who thinks a bottle of wine serves 4 people. C'mon, it's a holiday meal.
I had a bite of some very delicious potato cakes at an Irish pub recently; they'd been breaded before frying in addition to having all sorts of addins. They totally justify mashed potatoes.
posted by theora55 at 5:08 PM on November 4, 2019 [3 favorites]
I had a bite of some very delicious potato cakes at an Irish pub recently; they'd been breaded before frying in addition to having all sorts of addins. They totally justify mashed potatoes.
posted by theora55 at 5:08 PM on November 4, 2019 [3 favorites]
Mashed potatoes only shine in one situation: as a gravy conveyance.
....Well...yeah.
Potatoes are a blank canvas. It is what you add to the potato that makes it what it is. Vanishingly few potato recipes involve just cooking the potatoes and then adding nothing but a bit of salt - most recipes usually involve slathering them in butter, roasting them in some or another kind of tasty, tasty fat, mashing them and drowning them in some kind of savory drippy gravy or oozy melty cheese, slicing them and baking them with unctuous cream and cheese, slicing and frying them in some other kind of fat...I occasionally go the colcannon route, which throws in kale and bacon and butter and cheese on top.
Mashed potatoes are an excuse to eat gravy, just like roast potatoes are an excuse to ingest chicken fat (or duck fat or goose fat or whatever you're using to roast your potatoes). That is the whole point OF the potato.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:09 PM on November 4, 2019 [3 favorites]
....Well...yeah.
Potatoes are a blank canvas. It is what you add to the potato that makes it what it is. Vanishingly few potato recipes involve just cooking the potatoes and then adding nothing but a bit of salt - most recipes usually involve slathering them in butter, roasting them in some or another kind of tasty, tasty fat, mashing them and drowning them in some kind of savory drippy gravy or oozy melty cheese, slicing them and baking them with unctuous cream and cheese, slicing and frying them in some other kind of fat...I occasionally go the colcannon route, which throws in kale and bacon and butter and cheese on top.
Mashed potatoes are an excuse to eat gravy, just like roast potatoes are an excuse to ingest chicken fat (or duck fat or goose fat or whatever you're using to roast your potatoes). That is the whole point OF the potato.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:09 PM on November 4, 2019 [3 favorites]
I don't get that John Lewis ad. Did one of the parents die? Did both of them? Are the kids ghosts?
How is this supposed to shamelessly trigger some sort of sentimental response connected to Christmas and the feeling of emptiness that we can never quite identify but which stalks us throughout the holidays?
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 5:10 PM on November 4, 2019 [2 favorites]
How is this supposed to shamelessly trigger some sort of sentimental response connected to Christmas and the feeling of emptiness that we can never quite identify but which stalks us throughout the holidays?
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 5:10 PM on November 4, 2019 [2 favorites]
Also, my mother will be very upset if we don't have both mashed potatoes and mashed turnip with the turkey at Christmas.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 5:12 PM on November 4, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 5:12 PM on November 4, 2019 [2 favorites]
You know yanks don't even roast their potatoes properly. They're so lazy. They don't parboil them, they leave the skins on, they roast them at anemic temperatures.
This is not a roasted potato. It is a baked potato. They're done with their skins on, I like to rub the skin with butter wrap the whole thing in foil so its own moisture steams the inside into a fluffy delight, and bake at like 325 or something for 45-60 minutes or something. You know they're done when you squeeze them and they are just the right amount of squishy.
A roasted potato is not a baked potato, and they should not be confused one for another.
Of course, the best oven-prepared potatoes are done in duck fat.
posted by hippybear at 5:40 PM on November 4, 2019 [5 favorites]
This is not a roasted potato. It is a baked potato. They're done with their skins on, I like to rub the skin with butter wrap the whole thing in foil so its own moisture steams the inside into a fluffy delight, and bake at like 325 or something for 45-60 minutes or something. You know they're done when you squeeze them and they are just the right amount of squishy.
A roasted potato is not a baked potato, and they should not be confused one for another.
Of course, the best oven-prepared potatoes are done in duck fat.
posted by hippybear at 5:40 PM on November 4, 2019 [5 favorites]
Mashed potato is an excuse to eat *cream*. Get the potato / butter / cream ratio right, and any gravy involved is just gravy. Gravy is all very well - knowing this place it's likely extremely good gravy - but I put it to you that gravy is not cream.
If you want to sit there and eat gravy you can just put it in a bowl, serve with a thick slice of buttered bread and call it soup. No-one will say a word. By contrast, if you sit there and eat spoonfuls of cream you get told off. Even in adulthood. Hence the potato and butter beard. (See also "jam" scones...)
posted by motty at 6:29 PM on November 4, 2019 [3 favorites]
If you want to sit there and eat gravy you can just put it in a bowl, serve with a thick slice of buttered bread and call it soup. No-one will say a word. By contrast, if you sit there and eat spoonfuls of cream you get told off. Even in adulthood. Hence the potato and butter beard. (See also "jam" scones...)
posted by motty at 6:29 PM on November 4, 2019 [3 favorites]
One baked potato coming up....
Wash the potato. Keep the skin on ( O..O ) Poke some holes in the potato. Zap the potato at high in the microwave for 4 to 6 minutes.
Have the oven preheated at 400 F. Add olive oil to a folded paper towel and quickly rub the potato (it's hot!) and sprinkle with salt. Bake on a foil covered pan (not wrapped in foil) at 400 F. for 30 minutes.
Bring out, slather with butter, or cheese sauce and bacon, or brown gravy. Or just eat with a sprinkle of butter, skin and all, as Nature intended.
And no one mentioned potato salad, which is quintessential summer comfort food. Maybe the Australians will chime in on Christmas in board shorts.
Meanwhile, have a little White Wine in the Sun.
posted by TrishaU at 7:20 PM on November 4, 2019 [2 favorites]
Wash the potato. Keep the skin on ( O..O ) Poke some holes in the potato. Zap the potato at high in the microwave for 4 to 6 minutes.
Have the oven preheated at 400 F. Add olive oil to a folded paper towel and quickly rub the potato (it's hot!) and sprinkle with salt. Bake on a foil covered pan (not wrapped in foil) at 400 F. for 30 minutes.
Bring out, slather with butter, or cheese sauce and bacon, or brown gravy. Or just eat with a sprinkle of butter, skin and all, as Nature intended.
And no one mentioned potato salad, which is quintessential summer comfort food. Maybe the Australians will chime in on Christmas in board shorts.
Meanwhile, have a little White Wine in the Sun.
posted by TrishaU at 7:20 PM on November 4, 2019 [2 favorites]
Metafilter: They will fall apart if you manhandle them too much.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 7:20 PM on November 4, 2019 [5 favorites]
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 7:20 PM on November 4, 2019 [5 favorites]
This is not a roasted potato. It is a baked potato. They're done with their skins on, I like to rub the skin with butter wrap the whole thing in foil so its own moisture steams the inside into a fluffy delight, and bake at like 325 or something for 45-60 minutes or something. You know they're done when you squeeze them and they are just the right amount of squishy.
posted by Your Childhood Pet Rock at 8:10 PM on November 4, 2019 [4 favorites]
They don't parboil them, they leave the skins on, they roast them at anemic temperatures.You all thought I was overreacting! SEE! THEY'RE ACTUALLY PROUD OF DOING THIS!
posted by Your Childhood Pet Rock at 8:10 PM on November 4, 2019 [4 favorites]
Baked is not roasted. Simple as that.
posted by hippybear at 8:14 PM on November 4, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by hippybear at 8:14 PM on November 4, 2019 [2 favorites]
I"m more concerned about the boiled cuts of beef, really.
posted by hippybear at 8:33 PM on November 4, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by hippybear at 8:33 PM on November 4, 2019 [3 favorites]
As much as I dislike the marketing, I think this increases post-Halloween discounts. I was able to buy a huge light-up spider skeleton baghoulie from the pharmacy for $20, marked down from $60. I don't really celebrate Halloween, but I do celebrate scaring the shit out of my drunk roommate at 3AM.
posted by Brocktoon at 10:57 PM on November 4, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by Brocktoon at 10:57 PM on November 4, 2019 [4 favorites]
Mod note: A couple deleted; I understand it's a joke, but as with so many other hyperbolic comparisons of mundane or slightly distressing things to horrific violence, let's skip calling a cooking technique a "war crime" or similar. Thanks.
posted by taz (staff) at 1:45 AM on November 5, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by taz (staff) at 1:45 AM on November 5, 2019 [4 favorites]
I really don't like British style roast potatoes. I've never had any that aren't soggy, to me, even when everyone else around me has been raving about them. To me, proper roast potatoes is done with smaller, firmer potatoes (the ones sold as salad potatoes are great for this) cut into smallish pieces (just too big to be bite size is ideal) and coated in oil before being put in a hot oven. How hot? All the hot. Turn it literally as high as it will go. An autoclave is preferable to a trad oven here (not really, but gas mark 9/240C is good, hotter is better). Get those things going for a half hour, forty five minutes, maybe an hour if your oven can't match the surface of the sun, until they're a lovely tan or brown all over, with a bit of crispyness and crunch. The inside will still be like a potato, and not like a slurry as they are with British style roasties (or "fluffy" as everyone else seems to want to call it). As a bonus, it's easier and quicker than the British style roasties too - no peeling, no parboiling, just a quick couple of cuts in each potato, and a quick stir with some oil. Any spices that can stand the heat can go on with the oil (black pepper and rosemary is my favourite) and salt goes on after they're out the oven, before serving.
posted by Dysk at 1:50 AM on November 5, 2019 [5 favorites]
posted by Dysk at 1:50 AM on November 5, 2019 [5 favorites]
Also, while it is absolutely true that the number of potatoes the BBC suggest per person is criminally wrong, I feel like the fact that their recommended gravy dose is about five or six times smaller than the justifiable minimum is being sorely overlooked here.
posted by Dysk at 2:38 AM on November 5, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by Dysk at 2:38 AM on November 5, 2019 [3 favorites]
In fact, that set of BBC suggestions seems to anticipate that none of your diners are going to be awful hungry for anything. It's a token amount of vegetables.
posted by Dysk at 2:40 AM on November 5, 2019
posted by Dysk at 2:40 AM on November 5, 2019
Dysk - it's OK, I don't really like gravy so you can have my share. Also, I think you have accidentally invented Parmentier potatoes above.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 2:55 AM on November 5, 2019
posted by EndsOfInvention at 2:55 AM on November 5, 2019
I don't claim to have invented anything! That's just what roast potatoes have always been in my not-native-English-speaking family, and given that they literally are just potatoes that have been oven roasted, I don't see the need for a fancy rather than descriptive name even now that I know!
posted by Dysk at 3:03 AM on November 5, 2019
posted by Dysk at 3:03 AM on November 5, 2019
Sorry, it wasn't a poke at you, I just meant that I'd heard of the same (very tasty!) method previously under that name. I make them a lot for the same reasons you do.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 3:20 AM on November 5, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by EndsOfInvention at 3:20 AM on November 5, 2019 [2 favorites]
Sorry, kinda having a bad day, entirely my bad!
posted by Dysk at 3:30 AM on November 5, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by Dysk at 3:30 AM on November 5, 2019 [1 favorite]
No worries, hope it improves!
posted by EndsOfInvention at 3:32 AM on November 5, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by EndsOfInvention at 3:32 AM on November 5, 2019 [1 favorite]
I suggest improving it with roast potatoes, according to your favourite recipe
posted by ambrosen at 3:35 AM on November 5, 2019 [7 favorites]
posted by ambrosen at 3:35 AM on November 5, 2019 [7 favorites]
IT'S BEGINNING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE FUCK THIS, EVERYWHEEEERE I GOOOO.
posted by loquacious at 4:50 AM on November 5, 2019 [5 favorites]
posted by loquacious at 4:50 AM on November 5, 2019 [5 favorites]
Wait, hold up, and just what in the hell is going on in this thread? Since when has the UK been allowed out of it's Skinner box to offer culinary advice that didn't involve taking their cheese and doing whatever we want with it - like melting it over elbow macaroni and putting it on cheeseburgers?
Since when does the US take the advice of anyone in the preparation techniques of a potato of all the things? Did I wake up in bizarro land? Wordshore, my good fellow, I swear this will end with pistols at dawn if you keep on like this.
Yes, sometimes we mash our potatoes. On purpose. Because we like it like that. There's also like 3 pounds of butter and a quart of cream in there and it's made with red and purple heirloom tomatoes, not the starchy white things that require being roasted to have any texture at all. Sometimes - gasp - we even leave the skins on when we mash them, especially the red and purple ones! Sometimes we even bake them again after mashing them!
Our potatoes have a flavor that goes beyond wallpaper paste and don't require being drowned in duck fat to taste good.
I don't know what kind of potatoes you scurvy lot get over there, but some varieties of our potatoes taste so good that I will sometimes eat cold leftover baked potatoes out of hand with a pinch of salt as a snack like a savory apple, ideally lightly baked so they're still a bit toothy and al dente and not overbaked until they're dry, flakey and mealy.
Look, you could roast my shoes - my grotty old hiking boots in particular - in duck fat and they would taste good. That's what duck fat does.
But more importantly, what the hell did you do with the rest of the duck, you maniacs? Drown it in aspic? Did you pudding the duck? Did you jelly it with some eels? Blast your duckfat! Where is the rest of the duck?
You want roasted, chippy potatoes? That's fine. I don't care if you want actual fries/chips with your roast and mushy peas or whatever, but don't come at us like we don't know how to roast a potato just because sometimes we like ours mashed.
For Axomamma's sake this is the Americas, birthplace of the potato. Yes, we have a goddess of potatoes, don't you!?
You're talking about the country that has an entire state roughly the size of the whole UK that is almost entirely dedicated to growing potatoes.
Anyway, we Yanks have a tried and true way to solve this and it's simple and easy: ADD MORE POTATOES.
Mashed, scalloped, roasted, fried, just put them all on the table. What do you mean your ovens aren't big enough for all of that? You know how to build a fire outside and cook on it, don't you? What do you mean you can't just light a fire outside? What the heck do you mean "What's a BBQ?" Oh you poor, helpless things.
I should warn you - and I really shouldn't even have to warn you about this - if you start messing with the comfort food pabulum of a proper Yankee Thanksgiving you'll start yet another war and this time we'll finish it and give all the islands of Great Britain back to France and permanently solve your silly food problems and your Brexit issues at the same time.
Except for Isle of Man, which we'll seed with Starbuck's coffee franchises and give to the Germans so they can test BMW motorcycles on it at a very leisurely, casual pace. Oh ho, you don't like that at all, do you? Wait till we demote Guy Ritchie to four wheels in an overloaded Prius!
You limeys don't seem to understand we've been fighting this cultural war about what a proper Thanksgiving dinner even is every year since the first one. This is part of the tradition of Thanksgiving dinner and one of the main ingredients. That main ingredient is conflict.
You are happily, blithely wading into a cultural nuclear minefield and pretending there's actually rules or established traditions where there are none at all.
No, it's just relentless, unbridled food anarchy and chaos over here. A melting pot. We're Americans and if you hold still long enough we'll eat you, too.
Yes, I know you're talking about your Christmas dinner but you're messing with our Thanksgiving potatoes!
For some people Thanksgiving dinner means tamale pie or actual tamales. For others it means going to an all you can eat American-Chinese buffet so they don't have to do the dishes. For some families they've never roasted a turkey in their life and they only have ham roasts for dinner. For others it means no meat at all. For others it means getting blind stinking drunk and arguing politics with shitty Uncle Joe and his Infowars-addled brain over a good old game of American Football.
But for many it means a giant vat-sized pot of mashed potatoes drowned in butter, salt and gravy.
And maybe also drowning in stuffing, slabs of turkey and cranberry sauce. Oh yeah, get all that weird, mushy and mostly grey food all mixed up on a plate. Yep, there's green beans and some casserole in there somewhere. Yep, that's a pile of random pickles and olives in there, too. Look, I have no shame, I just didn't want to stop eating pickles. Oh no, my dinner roll got splashed with gravy and mashed potatoes whatever shall I do?
I'm going to throw another roll in there after it for moral support and use my fork like a shovel and mop it all up with some mashed potatoes like a god damn American is what I'm going to do.
The nerve of you Brits thinking you can tell us how to roast a potato of all the damn things.
/cheeseburger
posted by loquacious at 6:04 AM on November 5, 2019 [19 favorites]
Since when does the US take the advice of anyone in the preparation techniques of a potato of all the things? Did I wake up in bizarro land? Wordshore, my good fellow, I swear this will end with pistols at dawn if you keep on like this.
Yes, sometimes we mash our potatoes. On purpose. Because we like it like that. There's also like 3 pounds of butter and a quart of cream in there and it's made with red and purple heirloom tomatoes, not the starchy white things that require being roasted to have any texture at all. Sometimes - gasp - we even leave the skins on when we mash them, especially the red and purple ones! Sometimes we even bake them again after mashing them!
Our potatoes have a flavor that goes beyond wallpaper paste and don't require being drowned in duck fat to taste good.
I don't know what kind of potatoes you scurvy lot get over there, but some varieties of our potatoes taste so good that I will sometimes eat cold leftover baked potatoes out of hand with a pinch of salt as a snack like a savory apple, ideally lightly baked so they're still a bit toothy and al dente and not overbaked until they're dry, flakey and mealy.
Look, you could roast my shoes - my grotty old hiking boots in particular - in duck fat and they would taste good. That's what duck fat does.
But more importantly, what the hell did you do with the rest of the duck, you maniacs? Drown it in aspic? Did you pudding the duck? Did you jelly it with some eels? Blast your duckfat! Where is the rest of the duck?
You want roasted, chippy potatoes? That's fine. I don't care if you want actual fries/chips with your roast and mushy peas or whatever, but don't come at us like we don't know how to roast a potato just because sometimes we like ours mashed.
For Axomamma's sake this is the Americas, birthplace of the potato. Yes, we have a goddess of potatoes, don't you!?
You're talking about the country that has an entire state roughly the size of the whole UK that is almost entirely dedicated to growing potatoes.
Anyway, we Yanks have a tried and true way to solve this and it's simple and easy: ADD MORE POTATOES.
Mashed, scalloped, roasted, fried, just put them all on the table. What do you mean your ovens aren't big enough for all of that? You know how to build a fire outside and cook on it, don't you? What do you mean you can't just light a fire outside? What the heck do you mean "What's a BBQ?" Oh you poor, helpless things.
I should warn you - and I really shouldn't even have to warn you about this - if you start messing with the comfort food pabulum of a proper Yankee Thanksgiving you'll start yet another war and this time we'll finish it and give all the islands of Great Britain back to France and permanently solve your silly food problems and your Brexit issues at the same time.
Except for Isle of Man, which we'll seed with Starbuck's coffee franchises and give to the Germans so they can test BMW motorcycles on it at a very leisurely, casual pace. Oh ho, you don't like that at all, do you? Wait till we demote Guy Ritchie to four wheels in an overloaded Prius!
You limeys don't seem to understand we've been fighting this cultural war about what a proper Thanksgiving dinner even is every year since the first one. This is part of the tradition of Thanksgiving dinner and one of the main ingredients. That main ingredient is conflict.
You are happily, blithely wading into a cultural nuclear minefield and pretending there's actually rules or established traditions where there are none at all.
No, it's just relentless, unbridled food anarchy and chaos over here. A melting pot. We're Americans and if you hold still long enough we'll eat you, too.
Yes, I know you're talking about your Christmas dinner but you're messing with our Thanksgiving potatoes!
For some people Thanksgiving dinner means tamale pie or actual tamales. For others it means going to an all you can eat American-Chinese buffet so they don't have to do the dishes. For some families they've never roasted a turkey in their life and they only have ham roasts for dinner. For others it means no meat at all. For others it means getting blind stinking drunk and arguing politics with shitty Uncle Joe and his Infowars-addled brain over a good old game of American Football.
But for many it means a giant vat-sized pot of mashed potatoes drowned in butter, salt and gravy.
And maybe also drowning in stuffing, slabs of turkey and cranberry sauce. Oh yeah, get all that weird, mushy and mostly grey food all mixed up on a plate. Yep, there's green beans and some casserole in there somewhere. Yep, that's a pile of random pickles and olives in there, too. Look, I have no shame, I just didn't want to stop eating pickles. Oh no, my dinner roll got splashed with gravy and mashed potatoes whatever shall I do?
I'm going to throw another roll in there after it for moral support and use my fork like a shovel and mop it all up with some mashed potatoes like a god damn American is what I'm going to do.
The nerve of you Brits thinking you can tell us how to roast a potato of all the damn things.
/cheeseburger
posted by loquacious at 6:04 AM on November 5, 2019 [19 favorites]
Nobody is questioning America's place in spud quality or innovation. Mashed potato in itself is not a sin. There are times and places where mashed potatoes should be considered mandatory but we are people, not animals. Having mashed potato with any roast meat is the abomination. So roast the damn potatoes properly when you roast your meat.
posted by Your Childhood Pet Rock at 6:16 AM on November 5, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by Your Childhood Pet Rock at 6:16 AM on November 5, 2019 [2 favorites]
Were you snorting potatoes before/during writing that comment, Loquacious?
posted by Wordshore at 6:17 AM on November 5, 2019 [9 favorites]
posted by Wordshore at 6:17 AM on November 5, 2019 [9 favorites]
Also, America's complete aversion to lamb is a crime. Lamb is a meat that one gives up dinner with Tom Cruise for and you yanks just ignore it.
posted by Your Childhood Pet Rock at 6:22 AM on November 5, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by Your Childhood Pet Rock at 6:22 AM on November 5, 2019 [1 favorite]
What's taters thread, precious?
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 6:31 AM on November 5, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 6:31 AM on November 5, 2019 [4 favorites]
Oh do you know what else yanks do, Wordshore? When you buy a pork loin roast here there’s no skin. They take the bloody skin off it before they sell it! I have to special order the loin roast otherwise the butcher will hand me a sad, skinless lump of meat when I ask for a pork loin.
posted by Your Childhood Pet Rock at 6:34 AM on November 5, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by Your Childhood Pet Rock at 6:34 AM on November 5, 2019 [1 favorite]
Just make latkes and be done with it.
posted by ChuraChura at 6:49 AM on November 5, 2019 [8 favorites]
posted by ChuraChura at 6:49 AM on November 5, 2019 [8 favorites]
Come home, Your Childhood Pet Rock; the land of properly-made roasts misses you.
posted by Wordshore at 6:53 AM on November 5, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by Wordshore at 6:53 AM on November 5, 2019 [2 favorites]
Your Childhood Pet Rock, the American aversion to lamb means that it's hard to find, and when it is occasionally available, it's very expensive, though on rare occasions I find it on sale because it isn't popular. Roast lamb is really good, and lamb gravy is exceptionally tasty on any variety of potatoes or rice.
Gravy must be homemade, though.
posted by theora55 at 6:54 AM on November 5, 2019 [1 favorite]
Gravy must be homemade, though.
posted by theora55 at 6:54 AM on November 5, 2019 [1 favorite]
Costco sells reasonably priced legs of lamb and those are everywhere. They're usually around $5-6/lb.
posted by Your Childhood Pet Rock at 6:59 AM on November 5, 2019
posted by Your Childhood Pet Rock at 6:59 AM on November 5, 2019
This Irish-American who went through a snooty Hiberniophile phase shuns corned beef and cabbage in lieu of a proper Irish stew, so that's lamb at least once a year here. But yeah, still kinda spendy.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:01 AM on November 5, 2019
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:01 AM on November 5, 2019
Unless you have baking soda in the parboiling water you're not making the best possible potatoes either.
That's why you rough them up in the colander before roasting. You don't need to do anything funny with the water.
If you try I think you will find that doing both, like Kenji suggests, makes a superior roast potato.
posted by srboisvert at 7:51 AM on November 5, 2019 [2 favorites]
That's why you rough them up in the colander before roasting. You don't need to do anything funny with the water.
If you try I think you will find that doing both, like Kenji suggests, makes a superior roast potato.
posted by srboisvert at 7:51 AM on November 5, 2019 [2 favorites]
Does the Washington Post read Metafilter??
posted by Melismata at 8:02 AM on November 5, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by Melismata at 8:02 AM on November 5, 2019 [2 favorites]
Were you snorting potatoes before/during writing that comment, Loquacious?
Wait, you can do that? I usually just drink them.
posted by loquacious at 11:18 AM on November 5, 2019 [1 favorite]
Wait, you can do that? I usually just drink them.
posted by loquacious at 11:18 AM on November 5, 2019 [1 favorite]
I'm Irish, but I have no opinion on potatoes, roast of otherwise. Except duck fat, obviously, and my usual Christmas dinner is roast duck, which has been roasted with the potatoes, stuffed with apple and prunes, and served with red cabbage.
As for that gin advent calendar, well pffft (dismissive noise), I have just bought my brother a pork scratchings advent calendar, with four allegedly delicious flavours.
posted by Fuchsoid at 3:16 PM on November 5, 2019 [2 favorites]
As for that gin advent calendar, well pffft (dismissive noise), I have just bought my brother a pork scratchings advent calendar, with four allegedly delicious flavours.
posted by Fuchsoid at 3:16 PM on November 5, 2019 [2 favorites]
For your specific potato needs, there is now a stand-alone Front Page Potato Post (FPPP).
posted by Wordshore at 4:41 AM on November 6, 2019 [5 favorites]
posted by Wordshore at 4:41 AM on November 6, 2019 [5 favorites]
> When you buy a pork loin roast here there’s no skin.
Oh no. Where does it go? Tell me it goes to a special place where they make it into crackling and it gets enjoyed by everyone. Tell me it goes to someone like this.
posted by lucidium at 6:37 AM on November 6, 2019
Oh no. Where does it go? Tell me it goes to a special place where they make it into crackling and it gets enjoyed by everyone. Tell me it goes to someone like this.
posted by lucidium at 6:37 AM on November 6, 2019
And now that the potato talk has been offloaded...(smile)
We in the states have Thanksgiving as the buffer zone, but I'm already looking ahead to my own local Christmas shindigs; in my case I tend to go low-key and early with December-holiday-entertaining, doing a weekend open-house casual tree-trimming in the early afternoon followed by a group pilgrimage to go see the completely insane light displays in the Dyker Heights neighborhood in Brooklyn. My friends are usually happy with whatever amount and type of food I put out (in my case usually it's a flood of cookies), and there's always someone who hasn't ever seen the lights before so it's always fun watching their heads explode.
But this means I'm already looking ahead to baking....
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:39 AM on November 6, 2019 [2 favorites]
We in the states have Thanksgiving as the buffer zone, but I'm already looking ahead to my own local Christmas shindigs; in my case I tend to go low-key and early with December-holiday-entertaining, doing a weekend open-house casual tree-trimming in the early afternoon followed by a group pilgrimage to go see the completely insane light displays in the Dyker Heights neighborhood in Brooklyn. My friends are usually happy with whatever amount and type of food I put out (in my case usually it's a flood of cookies), and there's always someone who hasn't ever seen the lights before so it's always fun watching their heads explode.
But this means I'm already looking ahead to baking....
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:39 AM on November 6, 2019 [2 favorites]
The pork skin is sold separately, deep-fried and packaged as "pork rinds" or "chicharrones" depending on your subculture.
posted by Daily Alice at 6:58 AM on November 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by Daily Alice at 6:58 AM on November 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
The Sainsbury's Christmas ad is out. It's not grabbing me.
However, it looks like the John Lewis ad will be out on Thursday. Except excited (excitable?) analysis across all media, despite whatever else is happening in the world. Teaser.
posted by Wordshore at 8:16 AM on November 12, 2019
However, it looks like the John Lewis ad will be out on Thursday. Except excited (excitable?) analysis across all media, despite whatever else is happening in the world. Teaser.
posted by Wordshore at 8:16 AM on November 12, 2019
Although I do take exception to the anti-mash position. Mashed potatoes only shine in one situation: as a gravy conveyance.
Since you seem like a newcomer to properly roasted potatoes, you should know that the proper way to eat them is to serve on plate with roast dinner, slice down centre of spud (or even slice an X in the top) then pour the gravy over.
posted by biffa at 9:14 AM on November 28, 2019
Since you seem like a newcomer to properly roasted potatoes, you should know that the proper way to eat them is to serve on plate with roast dinner, slice down centre of spud (or even slice an X in the top) then pour the gravy over.
posted by biffa at 9:14 AM on November 28, 2019
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posted by Wordshore at 1:02 PM on November 4, 2019