ENGLISH PLEASURE
November 6, 2019 2:23 PM   Subscribe

"Very concerned about this horse. He appears to be missing several lumbar vertebrae and an old injury to the gaskin has healed improperly, leaving left rear leg bent at an unnatural angle. Appears comfortable, but likely only pasture-sound." Writer Jelena Woehr rates the horses in various popular emoji systems (TWITTER).
posted by JHarris (23 comments total) 27 users marked this as a favorite
 
The phrase "English pleasure" associated with horses makes me think uncomfortably of this comment from Wordshore.
posted by Greg_Ace at 2:47 PM on November 6 [23 favorites]


Following in the footsteps of the beloved Entomologist Rates Ant Emojis. I love every iteration of this meme.
posted by merriment at 3:04 PM on November 6 [11 favorites]


i LOVE how wiggly some of the legs get (and then the stick legs of the eyeless horse, abomination upon god)
posted by gaybobbie at 3:04 PM on November 6 [2 favorites]


I know just enough about horse conformation that "Most post-legged conformation I have ever seen" had me crying.
posted by Jeanne at 3:06 PM on November 6 [6 favorites]


I am cackling! Thanks, this was much-needed today!
posted by Mouse Army at 3:16 PM on November 6 [4 favorites]


I don't think I've had occasion to use a horse emoji ever. This realization has made me sad.
posted by Fizz at 3:16 PM on November 6 [3 favorites]


“Shows potential for English Pleasure” — story of my life, really.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:20 PM on November 6 [5 favorites]


I have only one thing to say.
posted by indianbadger1 at 3:29 PM on November 6 [2 favorites]


The poop emoji has eyes. Undamaged eyes. Very unrealistic. Anything capable of eating a person's entire head would surely be capable of digesting the eyes.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:55 PM on November 6 [2 favorites]


What about glass eyes (I know, they're usually not globular)? Or probably plastic comedy eyes.
posted by Monday, stony Monday at 4:23 PM on November 6 [2 favorites]


Anatomically Correct Emoji is a world class Oxymoron.
posted by oneswellfoop at 4:36 PM on November 6


Microsoft, Windows 10 May 2019 update

This horse is lacking both mouth and nostrils, which could lead to exercise intolerance. Seems to have edema near the heartgirth, and tucked-up appearance at the barrel indicates dehydration. Colic a definite risk here. Do not purchase. 0/10
Very helpful tweet, 10/10
posted by filthy light thief at 5:36 PM on November 6 [5 favorites]


Anatomically Correct Emoji is a world class Oxymoron.

As am I, my friend. As am I.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:53 PM on November 6


Hilarious. Didn't know "pasture sound" was a thing, but it is!
posted by dmh at 6:42 PM on November 6 [2 favorites]


I like that phrase. I fell it fits some people as well.
posted by Harald74 at 12:21 AM on November 7 [3 favorites]


As a horse girl, I found this equine body horror unexpectedly heartbreaking.
posted by smammy at 5:32 AM on November 7 [5 favorites]


Horses are the artist's bane. They are complicated creatures with very distinctive anatomy that is really unintuitive to someone mostly trained on human anatomy. Unless you specialize in horses you have no idea how many parts of their bodies work, even when using reference.

And, annoyingly enough, there is a subset of humans who are absolutely obsessed with horses, who will pick at every single hole in your lack of horse knowledge on display in your drawings.
posted by egypturnash at 6:22 AM on November 7 [5 favorites]


there is a subset of humans who are absolutely obsessed with horses, who will pick at every single hole in your lack of horse knowledge on display in your drawings

What's funny is it works in reverse of "very distinctive anatomy that is really unintuitive to someone mostly trained on human anatomy" -- when you're a horse girl (or horse guy), you can't see anything but the errors as soon as you look at a poorly drawn horse. It's intuitive to us!

I loved this thread and the jockey one as well. Tag yourself, I'm "What track is allowing an extremely large infant in a onesie to breeze an eyeless horse? Troubling lack of basic safety protocol at this facility."
posted by fiercecupcake at 7:19 AM on November 7 [5 favorites]


The phrase "English pleasure" associated with horses makes me think uncomfortably of this comment from Wordshore.

I want to thank everyone involved in making sure I saw that. I am dying.
posted by Doc Ezra at 8:33 AM on November 7 [2 favorites]


Looks like it's gotten about 40 favorites since I mentioned it...Wordshore probably owes me a beer or something!
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:37 AM on November 7 [1 favorite]


And here's her ratings of jockey emojis!
posted by exceptinsects at 3:47 PM on November 7 [1 favorite]


I really enjoyed these, and needed the laugh, thanks for posting them, JHarris.

As for equine anatomy, yes, I was one of those girls who spent a great deal of time in my younger years teaching myself how to draw horses. I'm not saying I've got a great eye for conformation or anything, but damn some representations just jump out as looking really, really wrong.

There's a statue that I pass by twice a day, five days a week, and it's just so, so terrible. I'd love to submit it to a person like the original tweeter for some public judgement and ridicule. It's so obviously bad that my family members and I refer to it as the sick horse in our conversations. For example, I'll say "I went to a new store," and somebody will ask me, "is that near the sick horse?"

This statue is a decent sized bronze that sits outside of an office tower that is home to branches of two different banks. Somebody must have spent a serious amount of time and money to buy or commission the thing and get it installed and for the life of me I can't imagine why. Why would you want to to be represented by that? Why do you want people assuming that's what you find artistically attractive and significant?

I know nothing about the artist or the intention behind the statue. Maybe it's some grand statement on how the oppression of modern society is causing anxiety and illness in its more traditional members, displacing them and wearing down their bodies and destroying the future of all the youth, but all I see is a downhill, swayed back, skinny necked (I think it's a disproportionate ewe neck, if memory serves), malnourished yearling or young colt. A family member took one look at it and said the animal looks like it came from a concentration camp. It's such a shame because you can tell the artist has some talent--there's a sense of animation and power and propulsion to its pose, and I think it has a good look in its eye--but it's just so hard to get past all of the bad parts.
posted by sardonyx at 6:44 PM on November 7 [3 favorites]


Did someone call?
posted by glasseyes at 11:55 AM on November 8


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