A therapist that looks like me
December 18, 2019 9:10 PM   Subscribe

People of color write about the importance of finding therapists that look like them. Stephen W. Thrasher: Why I see a black gay therapist. Jacy Topps: Choosing my therapist by race. Gloria Olapido: Why I need a woman of color therapist. Resources are emerging: This app matches marginalized communities to therapists who share their background.
posted by Conspire (9 comments total) 26 users marked this as a favorite
 
If I had ever had to explain to my therapist why I feel threatened due to being a gay man in the US, I would probably never have gone back - fortunately I've had a good run with queer counselors. It was a major issue in an outpatient psych program at one of the richer hospitals in the city that many of the staff had literally no idea what to say about things that would still be a problem even if I stopped being upset about them, like not being able to pay rent.

Trust in the therapist, AFAIK, remains the best predictor of clinical outcomes. It's hard to trust if you have to explain what color the sky is where you live over and over.
posted by PMdixon at 4:35 AM on December 19, 2019 [14 favorites]


God, yes. I was in and out of therapy for years but I never felt like I was really being helped until I started seeing another gay man as a therapist. Intuitive knowledge is powerful stuff.
posted by Automocar at 6:42 AM on December 19, 2019


Makes a lot of sense. I prefer a youngish, female, LGBT therapist for similar reasons. It's a drag to have to over-explain experiences to people who don't "get it".

I guess there's a built-in catch in the counselling/therapy world where if you're working class (especially in addition to other factors), there will almost always be a gap there.
posted by gohabsgo at 6:44 AM on December 19, 2019 [1 favorite]


They should add age. When I was suffering from extreme insomnia as a side effect of menopause I was assigned to a therapist in her mid-twenties who had no idea that some of my problems were related to hormones; she was kind and I was seeing her for free in a neighborhood mental health clinic, but she was useless in my case. She decided I must have bipolar disorder and put me on lithium, which was horrible.
posted by mareli at 10:54 AM on December 19, 2019


Oh yes. I am seeing a Korean-American therapist and it is changing my life. Finally I do not have to explain things or compensate for the therapist's latent whiteness or orientalism by trying to "defend" Korea or asianness.

I have had a few other therapists over the course of the past ten years. The last straw was when one previous one said something like "oh yes, Asian families are known to be less progressive and a few years behind". That made me check out immediately and I never went back. Ugh.

Lazuli's comment in this other thread about whiteness and therapy rings so true:

We (the mental-health industry, and society at large) pathologize normal non-white interactions all the time. Latinx and Asian/Asian-American families get labeled "enmeshed." Black and Native self-respect gets labeled "rage." Et cetera. White WASPy culture gets seen as "normal" and "healthy," even though many times it creates enormous problems in relationships; prioritizing autonomy and self-reliance over community and interconnectedness can lead to isolation, depression, anxiety, and broken relationships.

And especially for those who are asian american (because that's my experience, and because asian americans do not often seek therapy): please, see a Asian therapist! It's great. You deserve it. I know it's expensive but it has been life-changing to me.

I have so much to say about the intersection of mental health and family trauma and race, and how for so many of the asian americans I know, their personal dynamics are shaped by familial dynamics are also shaped by racial/historical/cultural trauma, and how a deep personal and emotional familiarity with race is absolutely crucial to these aspects. No amount of bookish reading or white-person "oh I lived in X country for 10 years & speak the language" actually gets at the deep truth of these aspects, which have a great deal to do with intergenerational family history.
posted by suedehead at 5:58 PM on December 19, 2019 [6 favorites]


I'm sorry, what does it mean to describe families as being "enmeshed?"
posted by Sterros at 8:13 PM on December 19, 2019




I've spent the last year realizing that I think my life would be markedly improved if I got therapy... but the nearest non-religious therapist who looks like me is 50 miles away, and I know that I would never keep up with any appointments. So I dither and feel myself getting worse.
posted by TwoStride at 11:29 AM on December 21, 2019


I'm a mixed-race woman of color and I've given up on therapy because I'm fed up with the white system of therapists and counsellors who never have to educate themselves about race.

It's like being a woman, who tries to talk out her sexual abuse history with a man counsellor, who has never had to educate himself about violence towards women. In fact, he's not even sure it really exists, because he's never seen it. And he's the doctor, don't you know? (he's got the paper right there on the wall) So if it were to exist, surely he of *all* people would be the expert with whom to consult with on this, right?

Many aspiring middle-class white women who consider themselves educated can't admit this to themselves yet, but when it comes to racism, emulating the white man (i.e. relying on the virtue of ignorance) is pretty much what *most* of them still do... Unless you don't let them know it's really racism you're asking for help with. Then maybe you can access some creative thinking strategies that might indirectly help with some problems. You won't escape racism, but you might extent your ability to navigate it, as long as you're not too honest with the woman therapist sitting across from you, unable to keep her skirt from rolling up her legs because it's too short, and she's a "powerful" woman who should be allowed to wear these short-as-F**K skirts in a work setting, even though she knows she's working with victims of sexual assault, still she's a white woman and her rights will be known and felt in this office room, and racism is soooooooo trivial to the matter of what a celebration it is for *all* woman that she gets to sit here, perma-cross-legged, unable to focus much on what I'm saying because really, she shouldn't have worn such a short skirt today... but then how else will she role model "empowerment" to a helpless woman of color like me... Maybe I'll talk about problems more relevant to *her* experience, so that she can feel successful, and this experience can just END.

Btw why the attention to the short skirt? It's because I am a woman of color who has been sexually harrassed/assaulted/traumatized??[can't even put it into words] by white women, and NO I don't want to see your nether regions during a "professional" therapy session, anymore than I would want to see a man's. Oh but you're a white woman therefore you have the right to use your sexuality in ways that makes others uncomfortable no matter what. Yes, I remember my place in the North American racial hierarchy of human rights now. I will stop expecting meaningful help now.

You know what worked better for me than therapy? Quietly and patiently waiting to connect with other people of color who can affirm some of my experiences via their lived experiences (done secrectly in the absence of white people).
posted by human ecologist at 8:39 PM on December 22, 2019 [3 favorites]


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