What
February 4, 2020 5:37 PM Subscribe
The Joy of Cooking Naked. "Despite the occasional splatter burn, nudists say their relationship to eating, at home or in restaurants, is better and healthier without all the clothing." (SLNYT)
Many people think only about the pitfalls — spattering fat, minor burns — and not the benefits.
Less concern about food stains.
posted by Greg_Ace at 5:54 PM on February 4, 2020 [5 favorites]
Less concern about food stains.
posted by Greg_Ace at 5:54 PM on February 4, 2020 [5 favorites]
Having cooked barefoot, I can affirm that the time it takes for a spatter of bacon grease to travel towards the top of your big toe is not long enough to cool the grease below the instant, painful blister threshold. I shudder to think of, say, the nipple.
Making twice baked potatoes without socks is also risky. As you scoop the piping hot innards out of the potato, some of the potato might choose to leap from the spoon, rather than join their brethren in the bowl. Hot baked potato to the top of the foot is incredibly unpleasant.
posted by Ghidorah at 5:54 PM on February 4, 2020 [3 favorites]
Making twice baked potatoes without socks is also risky. As you scoop the piping hot innards out of the potato, some of the potato might choose to leap from the spoon, rather than join their brethren in the bowl. Hot baked potato to the top of the foot is incredibly unpleasant.
posted by Ghidorah at 5:54 PM on February 4, 2020 [3 favorites]
😱
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 5:58 PM on February 4, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 5:58 PM on February 4, 2020 [1 favorite]
No. Just no.
posted by sallybrown at 5:59 PM on February 4, 2020 [3 favorites]
posted by sallybrown at 5:59 PM on February 4, 2020 [3 favorites]
Pretty pleased to be locked out of an NYT article in this case (although still not sure why a sign-up only website is still game for an FPP), but: "at home or in restaurants" -- what.
posted by invitapriore at 5:59 PM on February 4, 2020 [13 favorites]
posted by invitapriore at 5:59 PM on February 4, 2020 [13 favorites]
ayyyyyy that's a spicy meatball
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 6:08 PM on February 4, 2020 [14 favorites]
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 6:08 PM on February 4, 2020 [14 favorites]
Maybe in certain circumstances it's okay but I'm gonna call bullshit on this one. I'm not even going to read the article.
posted by ashbury at 6:14 PM on February 4, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by ashbury at 6:14 PM on February 4, 2020 [2 favorites]
That said, who doesn't like nice buns and tender breasts?
posted by ashbury at 6:15 PM on February 4, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by ashbury at 6:15 PM on February 4, 2020 [2 favorites]
Naked cooking was a hobby of my hippie friends in college, but they did at least wear aprons.
posted by BungaDunga at 6:16 PM on February 4, 2020
posted by BungaDunga at 6:16 PM on February 4, 2020
I notice that this article is not really about cooking.
posted by Miko at 6:18 PM on February 4, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by Miko at 6:18 PM on February 4, 2020 [1 favorite]
"at home or in restaurants" -- what.
The restaurants being referred to are located within nudist colonies.
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:20 PM on February 4, 2020 [1 favorite]
The restaurants being referred to are located within nudist colonies.
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:20 PM on February 4, 2020 [1 favorite]
nope
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 6:21 PM on February 4, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 6:21 PM on February 4, 2020 [1 favorite]
The article seems to mostly be using cooking and restaurants at nudist resorts as a hook to discuss how friendly and open nudists are. And indeed, it matches my experience: the (two) nudists I know are both quite pleasant people, though that’s too small a sample to mean much. :)
I’m not a nudist in any lifestyle sense, but in the morning I frequently putter out to the kitchen without clothes to make breakfast. That usually isn’t a problem for coffee, toast, or pancakes, but I admit to running back for my big bathrobe when I start thinking of eggs or bacon.
posted by a device for making your enemy change his mind at 6:22 PM on February 4, 2020 [3 favorites]
I’m not a nudist in any lifestyle sense, but in the morning I frequently putter out to the kitchen without clothes to make breakfast. That usually isn’t a problem for coffee, toast, or pancakes, but I admit to running back for my big bathrobe when I start thinking of eggs or bacon.
posted by a device for making your enemy change his mind at 6:22 PM on February 4, 2020 [3 favorites]
Counterpoint: No, this is wrong. It isn't.
posted by UltraMorgnus at 6:25 PM on February 4, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by UltraMorgnus at 6:25 PM on February 4, 2020 [1 favorite]
Nudists say doing stuff while nude is better than doing it while clothed?
posted by Dr. Twist at 6:26 PM on February 4, 2020 [7 favorites]
posted by Dr. Twist at 6:26 PM on February 4, 2020 [7 favorites]
I have frequently cooked breakfast while nude, because my house gets hot and I like it cold, so I sometimes sleep in the nude, and I'm too lazy to put clothes on before preparing a meal.
My relationship to eating isn't any more exciting, but then, I'm not fucking my food.
posted by sugar and confetti at 6:30 PM on February 4, 2020
My relationship to eating isn't any more exciting, but then, I'm not fucking my food.
posted by sugar and confetti at 6:30 PM on February 4, 2020
Do what you gotta do, but if you're doing this particular thing more than once your oil isn't hot enough and your food is soggy and sad.
posted by East14thTaco at 6:36 PM on February 4, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by East14thTaco at 6:36 PM on February 4, 2020 [1 favorite]
Someday I will regale you all with the story about why we have a household rule that I am not allowed to cook hamburgers without a shirt.
It took a loooong time for the burns to heal.
posted by Lord_Pall at 6:39 PM on February 4, 2020 [3 favorites]
It took a loooong time for the burns to heal.
posted by Lord_Pall at 6:39 PM on February 4, 2020 [3 favorites]
How the hell can you cook without pants to wipe your hands on?
posted by SoberHighland at 6:49 PM on February 4, 2020 [14 favorites]
posted by SoberHighland at 6:49 PM on February 4, 2020 [14 favorites]
Didn't Heinlein say you should always cook bacon naked because that way you don't dare burn it?
posted by valkane at 6:51 PM on February 4, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by valkane at 6:51 PM on February 4, 2020 [2 favorites]
Clothing is so many different things. It's shelter, it's protection, it's a tool, it's a mechanism for signaling status and job and gender and a thousand different gradations of personal expression. These folks, it seems to me, have overindexed on clothing as semiotics. It's ok to throw on a robe if it'll keep you from having a toad in the hole or a spotted dick.
posted by jenkinsEar at 6:51 PM on February 4, 2020 [6 favorites]
posted by jenkinsEar at 6:51 PM on February 4, 2020 [6 favorites]
better and healthier without all the clothing
If I was forced to prepare all my food naked, I'd probably eat a lot more raw vegetables. So: not entirely wrong, I guess.
posted by penduluum at 6:53 PM on February 4, 2020 [2 favorites]
If I was forced to prepare all my food naked, I'd probably eat a lot more raw vegetables. So: not entirely wrong, I guess.
posted by penduluum at 6:53 PM on February 4, 2020 [2 favorites]
I cook in my underwear a lot when it's hot. I put on an apron when it's a messy dish that will splatter. I always wear a kitchen towel on my shoulder for wiping my hands on anyway.
What's next from the NYT? A lifestyle article about children asking their parents not to walk around in their underwear?
posted by kandinski at 6:57 PM on February 4, 2020 [1 favorite]
What's next from the NYT? A lifestyle article about children asking their parents not to walk around in their underwear?
posted by kandinski at 6:57 PM on February 4, 2020 [1 favorite]
Nope. Not what The Naked Chef was really about, and fool me twice, shame on me.
posted by armeowda at 6:58 PM on February 4, 2020 [4 favorites]
posted by armeowda at 6:58 PM on February 4, 2020 [4 favorites]
There is no way that anyone is getting me into a bar called The Butt Hutt, with or without clothes.
posted by holborne at 7:14 PM on February 4, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by holborne at 7:14 PM on February 4, 2020 [2 favorites]
I have occasionally been known to cook whilst mostly naked, but that's laziness, not a lifestyle choice or a personal philosophy.
I have also been known to severely regret cooking whilst mostly naked.
posted by jacquilynne at 7:36 PM on February 4, 2020
I have also been known to severely regret cooking whilst mostly naked.
posted by jacquilynne at 7:36 PM on February 4, 2020
Didn't Heinlein say you should always cook bacon naked because that way you don't dare burn it?
Did Heinlein say anything about the clearly superior method of cooking bacon in the oven? No worrying about splatter, and it tastes great too.
posted by Greg_Ace at 7:37 PM on February 4, 2020 [5 favorites]
Did Heinlein say anything about the clearly superior method of cooking bacon in the oven? No worrying about splatter, and it tastes great too.
posted by Greg_Ace at 7:37 PM on February 4, 2020 [5 favorites]
One more here who has had sustained a serious arm burn while recklessly frying things in a tank top.
Nope. Big nope. It was horrible; never again.
posted by snuffleupagus at 8:22 PM on February 4, 2020
Nope. Big nope. It was horrible; never again.
posted by snuffleupagus at 8:22 PM on February 4, 2020
Metafilter: then again, I'm not fucking my food
posted by The Toad at 8:25 PM on February 4, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by The Toad at 8:25 PM on February 4, 2020 [2 favorites]
Time and weight loss have kind of done a number on my breasts and I have terrible posture. To the point where sitting without a bra at my desk on my laptop have resulted in several near misses whereupon my nipple has crept between my body and the edge of my desk resulting in an unhappy pinch. The thought of standing at a cutting board with a knife makes my uncordinated self have a thorough dose of the wibblywobblies. And not in a good way.
posted by ninazer0 at 8:33 PM on February 4, 2020 [5 favorites]
posted by ninazer0 at 8:33 PM on February 4, 2020 [5 favorites]
Ving Rhames would like to cook you some breakfast.
posted by AlonzoMosleyFBI at 8:35 PM on February 4, 2020
posted by AlonzoMosleyFBI at 8:35 PM on February 4, 2020
I experienced a small burn from molten sugar once.
In conclusion: Nope!
posted by Hairy Lobster at 8:48 PM on February 4, 2020 [1 favorite]
In conclusion: Nope!
posted by Hairy Lobster at 8:48 PM on February 4, 2020 [1 favorite]
Metafilter: An unhappy pinch
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:55 PM on February 4, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:55 PM on February 4, 2020 [2 favorites]
The overlap between people whom others would like to see naked, on the one hand, and public exhibitionists, on the other, approaches non-existence
posted by knoyers at 9:44 PM on February 4, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by knoyers at 9:44 PM on February 4, 2020 [2 favorites]
Like Ghidorah above, I have had a hot drop of grease land on my bare foot. The spot had the crown outline of a miniature version of the iconic Milk Drop photo. It turned red before I could wipe it off, and even though I got my foot into the sink and ran cold water over it, it blistered, and I had a red cartoon SPLAT! on my foot for most of a year before it really faded.
So, like most of you, I’m staunchly in the “at least basketball shorts and a t-shirt in the kitchen” camp if I’m cooking and not just, y’know, microwaving.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 9:44 PM on February 4, 2020 [2 favorites]
So, like most of you, I’m staunchly in the “at least basketball shorts and a t-shirt in the kitchen” camp if I’m cooking and not just, y’know, microwaving.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 9:44 PM on February 4, 2020 [2 favorites]
I experienced a small burn from molten sugar once.
same, it's right by my eye, with a corresponding scar on the hand that i immediately smashed into my face while trying not to look like i was inconveniently losing a vital organ in the middle of a dinner rush, although the creme brulee i hurled 15 feet across the kitchen to smash dramatically against the door of the walk-in gave me away
honestly who hands ME a blowtorch
posted by poffin boffin at 10:02 PM on February 4, 2020 [11 favorites]
same, it's right by my eye, with a corresponding scar on the hand that i immediately smashed into my face while trying not to look like i was inconveniently losing a vital organ in the middle of a dinner rush, although the creme brulee i hurled 15 feet across the kitchen to smash dramatically against the door of the walk-in gave me away
honestly who hands ME a blowtorch
posted by poffin boffin at 10:02 PM on February 4, 2020 [11 favorites]
fools, that's who
posted by poffin boffin at 10:02 PM on February 4, 2020 [3 favorites]
posted by poffin boffin at 10:02 PM on February 4, 2020 [3 favorites]
no one was naked at the time though
posted by poffin boffin at 10:02 PM on February 4, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by poffin boffin at 10:02 PM on February 4, 2020 [2 favorites]
Incidentally, "Naked Brûlée" is the title of my latest screenplay.
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:13 PM on February 4, 2020
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:13 PM on February 4, 2020
The overlap between people whom others would like to see naked, on the one hand, and public exhibitionists, on the other, approaches non-existence
Let's not take this opportunity to just randomly body shame people, shall we?
posted by jacquilynne at 12:28 AM on February 5, 2020 [18 favorites]
Let's not take this opportunity to just randomly body shame people, shall we?
posted by jacquilynne at 12:28 AM on February 5, 2020 [18 favorites]
Incidentally, "Naked Brûlée" is the title of my latest screenplay.
As in Naked Lunch, cut-up technique is key.
posted by atoxyl at 12:59 AM on February 5, 2020
As in Naked Lunch, cut-up technique is key.
posted by atoxyl at 12:59 AM on February 5, 2020
There is no way that anyone is getting me into a bar called The Butt Hutt, with or without clothes.
I, OTOH, would go to a bar called The Butt Hutt without knowing anything else about it.
posted by entropone at 4:52 AM on February 5, 2020 [7 favorites]
I, OTOH, would go to a bar called The Butt Hutt without knowing anything else about it.
posted by entropone at 4:52 AM on February 5, 2020 [7 favorites]
Two useful things I learned from going to college :-
1. Never share a kitchen with someone unless you know them intimately.
2. Be grateful you have that choice.
posted by Cardinal Fang at 5:08 AM on February 5, 2020 [1 favorite]
1. Never share a kitchen with someone unless you know them intimately.
2. Be grateful you have that choice.
posted by Cardinal Fang at 5:08 AM on February 5, 2020 [1 favorite]
I once admitted at a dinner party that I'd stained so many clothes trying to cook beets that "I just take off my clothes to do anything with beets now" and the amused shock on the part of my hosts surprised me
posted by potrzebie at 5:35 AM on February 5, 2020 [5 favorites]
posted by potrzebie at 5:35 AM on February 5, 2020 [5 favorites]
Jeepers, people, it's called a spatter screen. I got one when I developed a new bacon routine: 1) buy the big pack of bacon ends and pieces; 2) fry it all up at once; 3) nibble on bacon bits and pieces for about a week; 4) save the bacon grease for frying anything else, because keto loves me and wants me to be happy.
And no, that still doesn't mean that I fry bacon in the nude, necessarily.
Necessarily.
posted by Halloween Jack at 6:55 AM on February 5, 2020
And no, that still doesn't mean that I fry bacon in the nude, necessarily.
Necessarily.
posted by Halloween Jack at 6:55 AM on February 5, 2020
Ah a NYTimes trend piece.
The surest evidence that people don't do a thing.
posted by srboisvert at 7:26 AM on February 5, 2020 [1 favorite]
The surest evidence that people don't do a thing.
posted by srboisvert at 7:26 AM on February 5, 2020 [1 favorite]
Scrapple is friendlier to nudity, with the exception that it doesn't spatter in a continual mist of fat, but rather waits until you're in a bit of a mood to explosively shoot you in the nipple with a little fatball.
My gentleman caller and I are embroiled in an ongoing tense discussion about the spatter screen, which I use exclusively for frying up my killer tod mun khao pode and never for bacon, because I have a vent fan and a clean-up rag and the kitchen I've been cooking in for the past thirty-two years has yet to disappear under a layer of grease. The cleaning advantage the screen offers is minimal compared to its interference with the process of using a fork to actively keep the bacon moving while pan frying.
posted by sonascope at 8:16 AM on February 5, 2020 [2 favorites]
My gentleman caller and I are embroiled in an ongoing tense discussion about the spatter screen, which I use exclusively for frying up my killer tod mun khao pode and never for bacon, because I have a vent fan and a clean-up rag and the kitchen I've been cooking in for the past thirty-two years has yet to disappear under a layer of grease. The cleaning advantage the screen offers is minimal compared to its interference with the process of using a fork to actively keep the bacon moving while pan frying.
posted by sonascope at 8:16 AM on February 5, 2020 [2 favorites]
Spatter screens just break up big drops into a spray of small ones. They still go everywhere though perhaps not quite as far. In exchange for this minimal gain you have to handle one more hot and messy thing while interacting with the food you're cooking.
They do make for a nice even oil slick on your stove though.
posted by Hairy Lobster at 8:26 AM on February 5, 2020
They do make for a nice even oil slick on your stove though.
posted by Hairy Lobster at 8:26 AM on February 5, 2020
I live in a townhouse that's built right up to the sidewalk with eight ground floor windows two of which face the street and four of which face the house next door. The neighbors really don't want me walking around naked.
posted by octothorpe at 10:10 AM on February 5, 2020
posted by octothorpe at 10:10 AM on February 5, 2020
Scrapple is friendlier to nudity
Scrabble, too.
posted by atoxyl at 11:24 AM on February 5, 2020 [1 favorite]
Scrabble, too.
posted by atoxyl at 11:24 AM on February 5, 2020 [1 favorite]
But the tiles are really chewy and bland.
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:48 AM on February 5, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:48 AM on February 5, 2020 [1 favorite]
All I see are grape tomatoes and greenleaf lettuce. What kind of cooking are they really doing?
posted by Morpeth at 1:43 PM on February 5, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by Morpeth at 1:43 PM on February 5, 2020 [1 favorite]
Remove a cast iron skillet from the oven with your bare hands for true liberation!
posted by turbid dahlia at 2:10 PM on February 5, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by turbid dahlia at 2:10 PM on February 5, 2020 [1 favorite]
I just read today that getting older is like frying bacon naked.. you know its going to hurt you're just not sure where.
posted by tresbizzare at 5:19 PM on February 5, 2020 [5 favorites]
posted by tresbizzare at 5:19 PM on February 5, 2020 [5 favorites]
That's true, but at least at the end of frying bacon...you have bacon to look forward to.
posted by Greg_Ace at 5:22 PM on February 5, 2020 [3 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 5:22 PM on February 5, 2020 [3 favorites]
Hell no. Cleaning naked is okay though
posted by BrotherCaine at 6:54 PM on February 5, 2020
posted by BrotherCaine at 6:54 PM on February 5, 2020
Never share a kitchen with someone unless you know them intimately.
(terrible derail but...)
I get that this is meant in a residential sense, but honestly, the people that I clicked with in professional kitchens, it was such a relief to work with people who understood flow, who zigged when I zagged, who worked, as a team, with the goal of getting everything done, cleaned, and put away so we could get the hell out at the end of our shift. I honestly have a hard time explaining, or even thinking of something as blissfully intensely stressful as a wall of tickets in a kitchen where you know that everyone is completely synced up.
On the other hand, every once in a while, you have to deal with the new guy, in a kitchen shaped like a U, where the fry station (where he works) is at the right top tip of the U, and the pizza oven and pizza counter is in the bottom right part, with a sink that you turn and drop hot pans (like, hey, my finger actually sizzled when I touched that hot), counting on the fry guy to not be in the way. When I turned around with a hot pan, and saw that he was not only walking directly towards me (unannounced, of course), he was holding a knife, point out, right about gut level.
We had a very, very serious discussion of how to fucking work in a kitchen after that. To my delight, he later became someone that was wonderful to work with.
posted by Ghidorah at 7:10 PM on February 5, 2020 [3 favorites]
(terrible derail but...)
I get that this is meant in a residential sense, but honestly, the people that I clicked with in professional kitchens, it was such a relief to work with people who understood flow, who zigged when I zagged, who worked, as a team, with the goal of getting everything done, cleaned, and put away so we could get the hell out at the end of our shift. I honestly have a hard time explaining, or even thinking of something as blissfully intensely stressful as a wall of tickets in a kitchen where you know that everyone is completely synced up.
On the other hand, every once in a while, you have to deal with the new guy, in a kitchen shaped like a U, where the fry station (where he works) is at the right top tip of the U, and the pizza oven and pizza counter is in the bottom right part, with a sink that you turn and drop hot pans (like, hey, my finger actually sizzled when I touched that hot), counting on the fry guy to not be in the way. When I turned around with a hot pan, and saw that he was not only walking directly towards me (unannounced, of course), he was holding a knife, point out, right about gut level.
We had a very, very serious discussion of how to fucking work in a kitchen after that. To my delight, he later became someone that was wonderful to work with.
posted by Ghidorah at 7:10 PM on February 5, 2020 [3 favorites]
Hell no. Cleaning naked is okay though
Maybe not with the vacuum hose tho
posted by kirkaracha at 4:10 PM on February 6, 2020 [2 favorites]
Maybe not with the vacuum hose tho
posted by kirkaracha at 4:10 PM on February 6, 2020 [2 favorites]
Look, just because I have more than one vacuum...
posted by snuffleupagus at 9:16 AM on February 7, 2020
posted by snuffleupagus at 9:16 AM on February 7, 2020
« Older Your Boots can injure or kill you. | The Edison of the Slot Machines Newer »
This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
posted by poe at 5:50 PM on February 4, 2020 [8 favorites]