Love App-Tually
February 14, 2020 10:35 AM   Subscribe

Mashable's series on digital dating. Jims looking for Pams, post-breakup pet custody and the glory days of Missed Connections. Here are the worst online dating behaviors and the "superfluous words we invented along the way to cope with the indignity of it all."
posted by storytam (12 comments total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
yeah im pretty much over it, so i'm just leaning into my eccentricities: crazy cat guy and crazy cycling guy

ive even been thinking about buying a fisherman's cap so i can be the crazy leftist guy too
posted by entropicamericana at 10:53 AM on February 14 [1 favorite]

Tired. So. Very. Tired.
posted by lextex at 12:32 PM on February 14 [1 favorite]

Tired: Just a Jim looking for his Pam
Wired: Just a Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration looking for his Phyllis
posted by mhum at 12:50 PM on February 14 [4 favorites]

Most of "worst online dating behaviors" seem as old as time. Presenting an unrealistically positive version of yourself to potential mates? Stop responding to someone you already committed to meet? Only half committing to someone in case something better comes along? When in human history have those not been a thing?

But, if I had to add something from my own personal experience about online dating, it would be "extremely strong opinions about the Oxford comma" on dating profiles.Back in my single days (in ye olden times of 2014), it seemed that every woman in Los Angeles between the ages of 32-37 had an opinion about the Oxford comma on their OKCupid profile. And half the time, it was literally the phrase "I have strong opinions about the Oxford comma!!". I guess it was the "sapiosexual" of its day.

FWIW, my now wife says that during the same time every dude in LA had rock climbing pictures on their profile, and my lack of them was one reason she responded to my message.
posted by sideshow at 1:33 PM on February 14 [7 favorites]

Conversations about the Oxford Comma did indeed get me laid a lot in my heady online dating days.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 1:54 PM on February 14 [2 favorites]

Are you sure it wasn't something like "I'm known for hating rock climbing and extremely strong opinions about the Oxford comma?"
posted by Riki tiki at 1:59 PM on February 14 [1 favorite]

What I really dislike about online dating is the systemic effect it has on the way we perceive ourselves and others through an intensely market-like conception that extends far beyond whatever commonalities the dating world had with a market model previously; it commodifies us. That shit makes me sick.

It's hard to communicate this idea to older generations, because to them, this stuff is novel. Even though I'm getting older, as a dead-center millennial, the kind of high-turnover platforms like Tinder have been around for about as long as I've been an adult. Lots of people my age, and especially those younger, know nothing else.

I'm also saying this as someone who just got spit out of a relationship with a girl 4 years younger than myself, who treated me like an accessory to her other consumer purchases. The isolating, borderline-solipsist sociopathy that these platforms encourage has made any kind of sincere companionship unattainable. The younger people are, the more likely they are to have internalized the "people-as-products" motto; the self-serving ethos of the fungibility and disposability of others. I put up with a year of emotional abuse, because nearly all other options would have led down the same path.
posted by constantinescharity at 2:12 PM on February 14 [12 favorites]

Man, screw online dating so hard. I'm trying to date, since I'm extremely tired of being single and so far I've got one confirmed catfisher, one potential catfisher, and a few text chats, and some uncounted number of attempts at initial contacts that go nowhere. I agree with constantinescharity above; it's a terrible system but I don't see a good way to meet people my age otherwise.

At least I get some small entertainment from sleuthing out who they stole pics from, where the pics were actually taken, and exactly how improbable their story was. Best so far was claiming to fly to Dubai from Cali, then saying "I'm here!" with a daylight skyline when their flight landed an hour later and at about midnight.

People suck. Happy Valentine's Day!
posted by caphector at 4:35 PM on February 14 [6 favorites]

Disrupting being a human!
posted by GenjiandProust at 6:02 PM on February 14 [2 favorites]

I feel like lesser known dating apps are better dating apps, but then the only people I dated irl from the internet were people I met from tumblr, so it's possible I'm an edge case.
posted by gryftir at 6:05 PM on February 14

I’m looking for a Utena to my Anthy.
posted by egypturnash at 7:34 PM on February 14 [2 favorites]

And yes that does require you to have the ability to turn into a car.
posted by egypturnash at 7:35 PM on February 14 [3 favorites]

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