Nobody is an instagram influencer.
February 26, 2020 3:38 PM   Subscribe

 
The banana one is not ok and I wish it didn't exist but the carrot one is VERY funny for some reason.
posted by Horkus at 3:43 PM on February 26 [6 favorites]


Pretty sure I gave "Carrots" an extra cheeseburger on the street last week. Or at least someone who made very similar eye movements.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 3:46 PM on February 26


Based on this artwork, god only knows what he did with it.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 3:47 PM on February 26 [2 favorites]




I am influenced.
posted by aubilenon at 4:15 PM on February 26 [8 favorites]


Vibrating 🌿Salad 🌿Man, Is Vibing You

It's all fun and games until the vinaigrette gets in your eyes.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 4:27 PM on February 26 [2 favorites]


I have that exact same Christmas decoration and I can't get the angels to fly that well even when it's on a table. What witchcraft is this?
posted by The corpse in the library at 4:50 PM on February 26 [3 favorites]


Working to put the rot in carrot, the ale in kale, and the rage in orange.
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:55 PM on February 26 [2 favorites]


That’s not kale. I’d bet a donut on it.
posted by SaltySalticid at 4:56 PM on February 26 [3 favorites]


That’s not kale. I’d bet a donut on it.

You have the right to romaine silent.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 5:15 PM on February 26 [8 favorites]


FYI the anagraam of brussles sprouts is only... brussels sprouts.

You are welcome.
posted by Splunge at 5:16 PM on February 26


Oh Em Gee 👍🏼
posted by nikoniko at 5:33 PM on February 26


I agree, aubilenon, this has had an influence on me

I'm not sure what yet, but I'm different now
posted by captain afab at 5:45 PM on February 26 [5 favorites]


You passed up making a Fart Day post for this?
posted by briank at 5:47 PM on February 26 [5 favorites]


The carrot one is a good video fireplace for Xmas time.
posted by Burhanistan at 5:53 PM on February 26 [3 favorites]


Working to put the rot in carrot, the ale in kale, and the rage in orange.

And the "nah" in banana.
posted by Greg_Ace at 5:57 PM on February 26 [4 favorites]




I put the oranges one in the group chat I share with my partner and got to watch them visibly recoil upon opening up the chatroom.

Bliss.
posted by sciatrix at 6:32 PM on February 26 [4 favorites]


SaltySalticid: bet a donut, you say?
posted by Grandysaur at 6:51 PM on February 26 [2 favorites]


You could have a steam train
If you'd just lay down your tracks
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 7:02 PM on February 26 [6 favorites]


Needed a NSFAAATJFCWTFBBQ* warning.

* Not safe for anywhere at any time jesus fucking christ what the fuck barbeque.
posted by jacquilynne at 7:06 PM on February 26 [10 favorites]


Metafilter: It's the packing tape and the rubber bands.
He is the (vegan) walrus.
posted by Oyéah at 7:09 PM on February 26


Objectively speaking, this is the best of the web.
posted by swift at 7:09 PM on February 26 [3 favorites]


oh god I just watched the banana

mistakes were made
posted by sciatrix at 7:22 PM on February 26 [2 favorites]


swift, I was just about to tell my wife that this is what the web is for. I don't really know what that says about me, other than that I belong here.
posted by mollweide at 7:47 PM on February 26 [1 favorite]


And how can this be? For he is the Kwisatz Haderach!
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 7:48 PM on February 26 [3 favorites]


Lookin' sharp there buddy.

*shudders*
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 8:02 PM on February 26




From wine-soaked dreams I woke to great pain in my eye,
And called in fear to my Cyclopes brethren
Who dwell in caves on the windy heights.
“Nobody, my friends, is trying to kill me
By violence or treachery! Nobody is now escaping!
Nobody is an instagram influencer!”
posted by miles per flower at 8:23 PM on February 26 [3 favorites]


Good practicing, everybody. Those were bad ideas. You're still okay.
posted by lauranesson at 9:49 PM on February 26


These items will be pricey.

You don't say!
posted by 1adam12 at 12:21 AM on February 27


Holy shit, I thought these were pretty weird... and then I realized they're videos

::fetal crouch::
posted by kleinsteradikaleminderheit at 4:27 AM on February 27 [2 favorites]


The banana one belongs on r/popping. Links potentially not safe for work or for your stomach.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:07 AM on February 27


The banana and orange posts both seem like riffs on the pimple popping craze.
posted by Burhanistan at 6:15 AM on February 27


Creditable effort, but he's no HowToBasic.
posted by flabdablet at 5:53 AM on February 28 [1 favorite]




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