To arms! To Arms! The Jesuits are coming!
July 23, 2002 8:24 AM   Subscribe

To arms! To Arms! The Jesuits are coming! And here we thought Al Qaeda was the main threat.
posted by mrmanley (17 comments total)
It's that evil Black Pope, I tells ya!
posted by brownpau at 8:34 AM on July 23, 2002

Love the scare italics: "College Professor Woodrow Wilson." Oooh, gotta watch out for them college professors, with their learnin' and books and who knows what-all.
posted by MrMoonPie at 8:43 AM on July 23, 2002

I thought it was a joke, but is the site legitimate?
posted by cx at 8:44 AM on July 23, 2002

It has a certain "legitimate" stink to it.

Here, let's all get a big chuckle out of this too.

{It's the Protocols of the Elders of Zion. Don't bother.}
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 8:48 AM on July 23, 2002


I think the guy (or gal) who wrote it is a) a hilarious conspiracy-theory parodist, or b) a serious conspiracy-theory believer. Either way, it's pretty hilarious.

Besides, you gotta watch out for those damn Jesuits. After all, no one expects the Spanish Inquisition!
posted by mrmanley at 8:49 AM on July 23, 2002

I love the subtle message in the founder of the jesuits' name, LIEola.

Classic, I'm gonna change my directory at work to cLIEnts.
posted by Mick at 8:52 AM on July 23, 2002

If by "legitimate" you mean that these wackos actually believe this stuff, then yes. Check out the rest of the site. You'll hear some lovely MIDI hymns and learn more about the people who are out to get us: Jews, Catholics, college professors, big business, Wall St., beer barons, liquor kings ....
posted by lackutrol at 8:54 AM on July 23, 2002


I cannot for the life of me think of something appropriate to appraise this site I can't work out whether the authors' are genuinely insane or whether it some intricate parody. Alternatively I think you may surmise this as utter tosh. Imagine illiterate means you can neither read or right and I thought my mom meant she didn't know who my pop was.
posted by johnnyboy at 9:00 AM on July 23, 2002

They were so wicked and corrupt that even the devil himself became ashamed of them and they were finally banned from every Catholic country in Europe including Japan and China.

Japan: one of the foremost Catholic countries in all of Europe!
posted by straight at 9:00 AM on July 23, 2002

I prefer to get the truth from comic booksÃ?
posted by interrobang at 9:01 AM on July 23, 2002

Roosevelt, through his Jesuit advisers and the Federal Reserve Bank, engineered the Great Depression and the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor. This led to the U.S. entry into World War II, the Cold War, the Korean War, the Vietnam War, etc., etc...

All the wars of this century have been started to militarize the U.S. and get us involved in foreign conflicts. President Lincoln's words have indeed come to pass:

So they decided to throw a war in Euope just to see if America would come? God, wouldn't the Jesuits have felt silly if it turned out the US was busy then. Geh!

One thing's for sure, if this guy turned out to be right I'd be first in line to join the stupid Jesuits. You could really feel you were accomplishing something you know - having an effect on the world; and apparently they're the only ones having any fun.
posted by fluffy1984 at 9:03 AM on July 23, 2002

I would like to personally vouch for the authenticity of it's 'seriousness'. As ridiculous as it may seem, it is in fact real. After spending 2 years in a Baptist/Fundamentalist high school (which I escaped, after lots of discipline problems, thank God), I can tell you that some Christians view the Catholic Church as an evil cult. The Jesuits are like their Green Berets, so they are especially loathed.

I actually heard a guy on this Cincinnati radio show hosted by Bill Cunningham who had written a book and hosted a different website relating to this garbage. His entire case was based on linking unrelated historical events into a vast conspiracy manipulated by the Jesuits. He also based it on some really blatant physiognomy, constantly talking about how "evil" Kolvenbach looks (to which the idiotic host immediately agreed). The call-ins were equally great and/or scary, like the man who kept talking about the 'whore of Babylon' and how we all need to be prepared to fight the 'whore' (aka the Catholic Church). To top it all off, the author who was on the show claims that Peter-Hans Kolvenbach was behind the WTC attack. That takes a special kind of crazy.

Interestingly, on the front page of ("The Information Superhighway to Heaven!!"), it says:
The 4 Pillars of the Reformation:

Christ Alone!
The Bible Alone!
Faith Alone!
Grace Alone!

But if they are all alone, how can they be listed together? And what about the trinity, that's not on the list. Just being pedantic. If this is the final fruit of the Protestant Reformation, I want nothing to do with it.
posted by insomnyuk at 10:00 AM on July 23, 2002

I love this: "Julius Caesar was the founder of the fourth beast: Imperial Rome....Shakespeare wrote a famous play about his life". Really? Where can I get a copy? "The Victorian era (1837-1901) was the greatest era of exploration and discovery in history. The greatest advances in human knowledge took place during this brief span of 130 years". Okay, so 1901-1837=130? Yes, I seem to remember when they were shot to the moon from a giant cannon that they harvested quite a lot of green cheese. These folk are insane, masquerading as Christian nutjobs.
posted by Mack Twain at 11:00 AM on July 23, 2002

He also based it on some really blatant physiognomy

"Lombroso is an ass."
posted by rocketman at 12:04 PM on July 23, 2002

one of the big targets of the KKK has always been the catholic church as well. Funny that THIS site links the evil super-bad catholics to the confederacy.

brains the size of tic-tacs......
posted by th3ph17 at 5:57 PM on July 23, 2002

Ignatius of Loyola's feast day is my birthday, which makes him my patron saint. I get a kick out of having a patron saint who's controversial pretty much everywhere -- including within the church. Until very recently, Jesuits had to get written permission to enter Rome because the Vatican was afraid they might take over. All this from a drunken carouser who got Jesus when his leg was crushed by a cannonball. BTW, Mr.Manley, that made me laugh, but I gotta pick nits, I just gotta: the Inquisition was prosecuted by the Dominicans.
posted by lisatmh at 8:14 PM on July 23, 2002

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