shitgibbon

April 1, 2020 5:34 PM

Building the Perfect Profanity (Discover): Researchers asked what makes certain words rude, and what happens when you compound profanity with normal words. [The authors] took 487 common, innocuous English words and asked participants to consider how well they would lend themselves to being combined with a profanity (they give the example "assdoor"). "We examined a potential source of emergent tabooness when combining extant taboo words (e.g., shit) with common nouns (e.g., gibbon) to form novel compounds (e.g., shitgibbon). [...]The five strongest candidates for taboo compounding included sack, trash, pig, rod, and mouth ... the five least acceptable candidates were fireplace, restaurant, tennis, newspaper, and physician." (Psychonomic Bulletin & Review study abstract)
posted by not_the_water (76 comments total)

Idk, tennis-fucker has a nice ring to it
posted by not_the_water at 5:35 PM on April 1, 2020 [7 favorites]

This result very sadly missed last month's Annals of Improbable Research special on psychology.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 5:42 PM on April 1, 2020 [2 favorites]

I mean the first time I heard my very much not a swearer Mother call our current president a "fuck-face" I rode that high for a couple of days at least.
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 5:43 PM on April 1, 2020 [24 favorites]

Feel that? The way the shit clings to the air, Randy? It's already started, my dear good friend. The shitblizzard.
posted by scose at 5:44 PM on April 1, 2020 [23 favorites]

phonology mattered in this case: shorter words with more stop consonants were seen as better taboo compound candidates

This is why removing a syllable from the least acceptable candidates can make them work quite well. E.g. shitstaurant.

On the other hand, tennass seems forced, even if referring to John McEnroe.

This is the most I've ever sworn on metafilter. In my defense I'm having a bastardfireplace day.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 5:46 PM on April 1, 2020 [17 favorites]

Reilly et al. took 487 common, innocuous English words and asked participants to consider how well they would lend themselves to being combined with a profanity (they give the example "assdoor").

I LOL'd.

Also, I came here to leave this here, so I'll just leave it here, but scose beat me to the punch.

This is why removing a syllable from the least acceptable candidates can make them work quite well. E.g. shitstaurant.

a.k.a. The Lahey Method (see above).
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 5:48 PM on April 1, 2020 [2 favorites]

OK, but say it with me: "Shitphysician". I mean, at least it's got assonance.
posted by Pallas Athena at 5:52 PM on April 1, 2020 [7 favorites]

fireplace, restaurant, tennis, newspaper, and physician Lacking the letter "K".
posted by Iris Gambol at 5:54 PM on April 1, 2020 [2 favorites]

Idk, tennis-fucker has a nice ring to it

It sounds like something Malcolm would say to Ollie--you really would have to be Peter Capaldi to make it work.
posted by betweenthebars at 5:57 PM on April 1, 2020 [2 favorites]

Shitsycian, surely
posted by emjaybee at 5:57 PM on April 1, 2020 [2 favorites]

The five strongest candidates for taboo compounding included sack, trash, pig, rod, and mouth

Even a trashpig mouthrod can see that these combine fine with eachother even when you leave the profanity out. Rodsack.
posted by paper chromatographologist at 5:58 PM on April 1, 2020 [41 favorites]

Related: Turns out you can make nearly any object into an insult if you put “you absolute” in front of it
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 6:00 PM on April 1, 2020 [17 favorites]

It's a real shame more examples aren't given. I'd love to access this paper.
posted by shenkerism at 6:01 PM on April 1, 2020

I think we can all agree that when you play ass-tennis, you risk winding up with a turd-fireplace. And nobody wants that.
posted by adamrice at 6:07 PM on April 1, 2020 [5 favorites]

David Simon is an exquisite practitioner of this art, calling out absolute fuckmooks with style and inventiveness, and is, indeed, a Baroque fountain of shitgibbon compounds.

"Here is an incomplete list of Simon’s arsenal of swears from 2018 (shitgibbon-style and otherwise).

"fuckstumble
fuckmuzzle
fuckslug
fucknut
go fuck a tree mulcher
you open fuck-lesion
fuckwheeze
fuckspittle
scrotelick
fartstorm
shitcrisp
shitsquib"
posted by MonkeyToes at 6:10 PM on April 1, 2020 [6 favorites]

fireplace is just another name for ashhole
posted by pyramid termite at 6:25 PM on April 1, 2020 [30 favorites]

"Nugget" is an often underappreciated compounding word for profanity.

"Shitnugget", "fucknugget", "assnugget", and so on.
posted by Your Childhood Pet Rock at 6:27 PM on April 1, 2020 [4 favorites]

OK so. This post pleases me. Slightly off topic but I think on point: the best profanity I have ever heard is not in English (this from a person who Fed-borrowed an obscene amount of money to get an undergraduate degree in a language I already spoke fluently. IOW I have credentials yo.), I present you with: Cara Culo. There’s the musical quality I like best. I’m told that the greatest profanities are in French though.
posted by pipoquinha at 6:28 PM on April 1, 2020 [1 favorite]

I’m told that the greatest profanities are in French though.

My brother went to France on an exchange in high school and came back with some eye-watering longform French profanity. They were full sentences, IIRC. I’ll have to inquire to see if he remembers any.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 6:34 PM on April 1, 2020 [1 favorite]

fireplace is just another name for ashhole

That's terrible, pyramid termite. I love it. Thanks for the laugh!
posted by MonkeyToes at 6:35 PM on April 1, 2020 [2 favorites]

via The Economist and a Dutch-heritage neighbor: Dutch swear words are more often disease-based. (just imagine what they will do with COVID-19)
posted by oneswellfoop at 6:35 PM on April 1, 2020 [1 favorite]

I don't mean to jizz in anyone's fireplace, but these shitgibbon compounds are... quite dated. People don't use the madlibs-style swearing any more. It would have been cute to write an academic paper on this topic like, a long time ago.
posted by Sterros at 6:38 PM on April 1, 2020 [3 favorites]

THIS IS FUCKIN RELEVANT TO MY JIZZIN INTERESTS

also any mention of swear vocab without the urtext Rogers Profanisaurus IS FELCHIN' WRONG
posted by lalochezia at 6:39 PM on April 1, 2020 [3 favorites]

(just imagine what they will do with COVID-19)

"This lock might as well be an ACE2 receptor."
posted by Your Childhood Pet Rock at 6:40 PM on April 1, 2020 [3 favorites]

Bukkake Drone.
posted by clavdivs at 6:42 PM on April 1, 2020 [5 favorites]

Back in ancient times a coworker referred to someone as a “mattress stain.” This bit of humor led me to write a simple program that put two potentially rude terms together into a compound term. This has now evolved over the years into a massive compound sentence insult generator based on generative grammars.

By the way “shitgibbon” is a term I have heard over the years. I don’t find the results of their study to be all that surprising or interesting. People have been doing this forever. You don’t have to be a fuckpig to know that a shitphysician ain’t on par with an assdoctor.
posted by njohnson23 at 7:22 PM on April 1, 2020 [1 favorite]

God help me, but all I can think of right now is the episode of Supernatural where the angel Castiel, still new to human euphemisms and such, decides that a good way to insult Lucifer is by calling him "assbutt."
posted by martin q blank at 7:25 PM on April 1, 2020 [6 favorites]

Yeah, the trend of compound swears has truly been burned out already by overuse, just like RANDOMLY inserting ALLCAPS in your SCREEDS. Your Chuck Wendigs etc who still make it a big part of their personal brand - brrr, the fremdschämen.
posted by nicolas léonard sadi carnot at 7:36 PM on April 1, 2020 [2 favorites]

Armando Ianucci calling Trump a dickport has been a highlight for me
posted by poo rusher at 7:39 PM on April 1, 2020 [1 favorite]

Frack
posted by latkes at 7:59 PM on April 1, 2020 [4 favorites]

Can’t find it now, but I seem to recall that an online comic (maybe Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal) once observed that putting “ass” in front of anything rendered it an insult (assclown, asshat, asspocket) while adding “ass” to the end of anything intensified it (big-ass, dumb-ass, broke-ass), so really, the strongest profanity should be to label someone an ass-ass.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 8:00 PM on April 1, 2020 [7 favorites]

I have actually heard ass-ass used in the wild, and it was regarded as pretty serious in its usage.
posted by hippybear at 8:07 PM on April 1, 2020 [1 favorite]

Even a trashpig mouthrod can see that these combine fine with eachother even when you leave the profanity out. Rodsack.

Mouthrod is such a dirty word! paper chromatographologist - you should be ashamed!
posted by vorpal bunny at 8:13 PM on April 1, 2020 [1 favorite]

I have actually heard ass-ass used in the wild, and it was regarded as pretty serious in its usage.

Are you sure they weren’t just cut off halfway through saying “assassin?”

As in, “Look out! There is an assass—“ *dies*
posted by ricochet biscuit at 8:14 PM on April 1, 2020 [7 favorites]

No, there was a build-up to it. This is utterly not it, but something like "you aren't a dumb-ass, you aren't even a stupid-ass... you're as ass-ass."
posted by hippybear at 8:17 PM on April 1, 2020 [1 favorite]

So sort of an escalating triple insult with a strong landing. You don't see those in the Olympics often.
posted by hippybear at 8:17 PM on April 1, 2020 [7 favorites]

previously oh god how was this ten years ago
posted by nebulawindphone at 8:21 PM on April 1, 2020 [1 favorite]

You don’t have to be a fuckpig to know that a shitphysician ain’t on par with an assdoctor.

One of these is someone you never want to see. The other is unimaginably useful in the rare event you need one.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 8:23 PM on April 1, 2020 [5 favorites]

From "Better Off Ted", a convenient formula.

"I've devised a formula, it's really quite simple:
You take a person's most marked physical feature, compare it to
genitalia male/female or animal, and end with the suffix tard, gobbler,
or fucker but not to mention sucker, diddler, slurper, gurgler, queefer,
puffer, knuckle, or nosler, jacker, groper, tip, twister and felcher"

Rest of uncensored outtakes.
posted by alikins at 8:25 PM on April 1, 2020 [1 favorite]

They should have acknowledged the work by Better Off Ted.
Ha, thank you alikins!
posted by Monochrome at 8:27 PM on April 1, 2020

This is going to be posted in the next newsletter I send to the undergrads for whom I am a fartcoordinator.
posted by not_on_display at 8:34 PM on April 1, 2020

e.g., shitgibbon

It's always about the President, innit?
posted by Splunge at 9:09 PM on April 1, 2020

I like saying "jackhole" because it sounds very much like a swear word, and yet technically is not!
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:16 PM on April 1, 2020 [1 favorite]

Jonathon Barry Hole insists he not be called "Jack" by his friends.
posted by hippybear at 9:18 PM on April 1, 2020 [1 favorite]

Males me think of the boy in (I think) Little Men who coined his own swear word: "Thunder-turtles!"
posted by The Underpants Monster at 9:21 PM on April 1, 2020 [1 favorite]

I have a vivid image of what Thunder-turtles are, and I have a song about it.

"To dream the impossible dream....
To fart the untrustable fart...."
posted by hippybear at 9:23 PM on April 1, 2020

Also, "untrustable fart" is a pretty great insult.
posted by hippybear at 9:23 PM on April 1, 2020 [3 favorites]

You don’t have to be a fuckpig to know that a shitphysician ain’t on par with an assdoctor.

I went to the fucksurgeon and they took out my fucks and now I have no fucks left to give.
posted by atoxyl at 9:25 PM on April 1, 2020 [6 favorites]

You're a fuck donor. That's a noble thing!
posted by hippybear at 9:28 PM on April 1, 2020 [5 favorites]

"Untrustable fart" is also a sock puppet account waiting to happen.
posted by bryon at 9:31 PM on April 1, 2020 [2 favorites]

It's a real shame more examples aren't given. I'd love to access this paper.

I assume it's this researchgate link.
posted by xigxag at 9:42 PM on April 1, 2020 [1 favorite]

Twee compound swears like "shitgibbon" became a crutch of tiresome, mediocre swearers convinced of their own genius from the instant The Thick of It created them. This is absolutely a hill I am willing to die on.
posted by ominous_paws at 10:13 PM on April 1, 2020 [4 favorites]

sack, trash, pig, rod, and mouth

I’m reasonably sure that I’ve either combined all of these with “fuck,” or that I will have done so within the next few minutes. I mean, fucksack just sounds like something that belongs in a movie like Way of the Gun or assorted late 90s post Tarantino violence cinema.

I look forward to being out from under all this isolation so I can call my friends Shit Mouths, Fuck Trash, and Ass Rods.

And please, it’s Dr. Fuck Surgeon.
posted by Ghidorah at 10:28 PM on April 1, 2020 [2 favorites]

"You don’t have to be a fuckpig to know that a shitphysician ain’t on par with an assdoctor.

One of these is someone you never want to see. The other is unimaginably useful in the rare event you need one."

Yeah, but good luck finding a fuckpig on short notice.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 10:29 PM on April 1, 2020 [4 favorites]

MetaFilter: sack, trash, pig, rod, and mouth I’m reasonably sure that I’ve either combined all of these with “fuck,” or that I will have done so within the next few minutes.
posted by hippybear at 10:32 PM on April 1, 2020 [2 favorites]

I've been praised for making my "fuck"s and "fucking"s more effective and assertive because I keep the hard "g".
posted by bendy at 11:00 PM on April 1, 2020 [1 favorite]

fireplace is just another name for ashhole

My daddy shovels asses on a pirate shit.
posted by bendy at 11:02 PM on April 1, 2020 [3 favorites]

Any time I have been watching the news lately with the Cheetolini making a daily statement, I have kind of amazed my husband (also my partner in quarantine) with the level of vitriolic language that I have launched at the TV.

It's bad enough that the two of us supposed adults already have the sense of humor of a 14-year-old boy and will likely not be ok to be in public once this is done without some serious retraining. However, I am often proud of my multi syllabic horrible language hurled into the void. It is a fine catharsis with no other witness but my spouse. And then I get either a hug or a fist bump.

I'm gonna add shitgibbon to the repertoire. It will more than likely have the word "orange" in front of it.

Use your words, y'all. :-)
posted by lilywing13 at 12:09 AM on April 2, 2020 [2 favorites]

the instant The Thick of It created them

I think On The Hour/Day Today/BrassEye and The Armando Iannucci shows did some mining of this particular vein too, but The Thick Of it really turned it into an industrial technique. I feel like we're at the tar sands/fracking point with it now, sadly.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 12:12 AM on April 2, 2020 [2 favorites]

In German you can prefix Scheiss to almost any noun for immediate derogatory effect. Yiddish is pretty great. But I'm told by a Serbian colleague that the absolute best language for swearing is Serbian.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 1:27 AM on April 2, 2020

I've been explaining to my German colleagues that swearing in English is like constructing new German words: put a whole bunch together and it becomes a new word!
posted by LizBoBiz at 1:41 AM on April 2, 2020 [2 favorites]

"You, you, absolute... physician!"
posted by straight at 2:28 AM on April 2, 2020 [1 favorite]

"cockwomble" is a British one that works nicely, although perhaps you need to be au fait with childrens' television from the 70s to really appreciate it.

Thinking about it, you could probably construct a whole sub-genre of profanity of this basis: "shipmuppet", "assclanger", "fimblefucker", "cockhobbit" and so on.
posted by pipeski at 2:48 AM on April 2, 2020 [3 favorites]

The 20-somethings in the transmission shop down the street regularly pull Jackass-style pranks on each other, resulting in some pretty ebullient profanity reactions. I'm old, and I was in the pre-correctness military, so I've heard most of it before.

However, when they popped one of the cane-country guys with a pretty good ground wire zap, he yelled, "Goatfucker!" and I laughed until I cried. Perfect fricatives, really graphic mental image, and absolutely unforced. A work of profanity art.
posted by halfbuckaroo at 2:57 AM on April 2, 2020 [2 favorites]

Douglas Adams once said he knew he'd got the right name for Slarty Bardfast when a child reacted to it by telling him he mustn't swear.
posted by Paul Slade at 3:40 AM on April 2, 2020 [2 favorites]

Ladies and gentlemen, sentient beings of Metafilter...... Belgium.
posted by Jacen at 3:59 AM on April 2, 2020 [4 favorites]

Thinking about it, you could probably construct a whole sub-genre of profanity of this basis: "shipmuppet", "assclanger", "fimblefucker", "cockhobbit" and so on.

What a bunch of smurfwanking moominshit.
posted by Foosnark at 4:55 AM on April 2, 2020 [2 favorites]

→ And please, it’s Dr. Fuck Surgeon.

Mr. Fuck Surgeon, if you please. A Harley St Fuck Surgeon is no common Fuck General Practitioner.
posted by scruss at 5:05 AM on April 2, 2020 [4 favorites]

What a bunch of smurfwanking moominshit.

Oh, please! That’s a total load of snorkass!
posted by Ghidorah at 5:20 AM on April 2, 2020 [1 favorite]

Fraggleshit?
posted by some loser at 5:43 AM on April 2, 2020

During an altercation in the street I heard one of the parties use an expression that poorly translates as "sagjacket", to which the other party was left without riposte, as indeed they did wear a poorly fitted jacket.
posted by dmh at 6:40 AM on April 2, 2020

I've been praised for making my "fuck"s and "fucking"s more effective and assertive because I keep the hard "g"

Could you post an audio file so I can understand how you keep the hard "g" in fuck? Fuguck? Gahfuck?
posted by solotoro at 6:41 AM on April 2, 2020 [1 favorite]

Who are you calling a cootie queen you lint licker?
posted by The_Vegetables at 7:49 AM on April 2, 2020 [3 favorites]

What a bunch of smurfwanking moominshit

Karking moof-milkers.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 8:19 AM on April 2, 2020

Fart, a turd honking for the right of way.
posted by mule98J at 11:50 AM on April 2, 2020 [1 favorite]

I enjoy the term "chucklefuck" I use it to describe table players who are invested in making out of context jokes and facetious character actions to the detriment of the game.

that being said, I can enjoy a bit of chucklefuckery
posted by Ziabatsu at 1:21 PM on April 2, 2020