Office Noise Generator
April 17, 2020 6:13 AM   Subscribe

 
Awesome. Now if it can just randomly produce the scents of canned tuna fish and popcorn being cooked in a microwave 30 feet away, the illusion will be complete.
posted by mrgoat at 6:25 AM on April 17, 2020 [22 favorites]


Together???
posted by The Card Cheat at 6:30 AM on April 17, 2020 [2 favorites]


Oh, and the tuna fish has hot sauce on it. Yes, I work in trollsville.
posted by mrgoat at 6:35 AM on April 17, 2020 [3 favorites]


Why is there so much ping pong?
posted by soren_lorensen at 6:43 AM on April 17, 2020


Where is all the screaming and crying?
posted by Justin Case at 6:49 AM on April 17, 2020 [16 favorites]


So odd. I've been using Ambient Mixer to make my fake office sounds. You can mix all kinds of tracks and I made a satirical one about working in our office on campus in the summer. An inside joke, for sure, but a really great one.
posted by advicepig at 7:04 AM on April 17, 2020


corporate accounts payable, nina speaking! just a MO-ment
corporate accounts payable, nina speaking! just a MO-ment
corporate accounts payable, nina speaking! just a MO-ment
posted by entropicamericana at 7:07 AM on April 17, 2020 [37 favorites]


Why does the wastepaper basket sound like a telephone?
And why does it sound like people are playing table tennis on the desk that has a computer on it?

This is a very strange office.
posted by lollusc at 7:10 AM on April 17, 2020


Where is all the screaming and crying?

At my house! Come on by, I'll crack a window at nap time
posted by phooky at 7:16 AM on April 17, 2020 [12 favorites]


I haven't worked in a standard office setting for years and years, but I have this cued up and it's soothing, especially all the German muttering. (OK, could skip the copier sounds. What Would Eno Do? Less!)

It's really strange how this faux-nostalgia can be induced. When Toronto's Metro Morning show changed their theme music (also years and years ago), it immediately induced a mild level of anxiety and despair in me, evoking getting a shower at too bloody early o'clock, grabbing breakfast and packing lunch, and going out in the cold to wait for public transit just in time. This hasn't been my experience on a daily basis since early 2002, well before the new theme.
posted by maudlin at 7:20 AM on April 17, 2020 [3 favorites]


Why is there so much ping pong?

Because I like to imagine that this takes place in silicon valley.
posted by Fizz at 7:28 AM on April 17, 2020 [3 favorites]


(Wait -- new Fiona Apple released today? Bye, Swiss people!)
posted by maudlin at 7:39 AM on April 17, 2020 [6 favorites]


Do I have to? My current office mate is a bit demanding attention and sleeps most of the work day, but at least he's not on the phone all the time and doesn't eat a smelly lunch at his workstation.

The downside is he has the worst case of dooritis I've yet seen in a feline.
posted by bonehead at 7:41 AM on April 17, 2020 [3 favorites]


The chair at the top left sounds like a fart 😄
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 7:44 AM on April 17, 2020 [1 favorite]


Awesome. Now if it can just randomly produce the scents of canned tuna fish and popcorn being cooked in a microwave 30 feet away, the illusion will be complete.

This is real.
posted by Young Kullervo at 8:24 AM on April 17, 2020


Fun! I should have made up a bingo card before playing with it: sound of high heels crossing a hard floor, *check*; loud typing, *check*; squeaky chair, *check*. Wait, no coffee grinding? Bah, no full house for me!

Why is there so much ping pong?

In one of my previous offices, people used occasionally to set up a net across a conference table in order to play ping-pong at the end of the day. Unfortunately, we had somewhat flexible start times, and the end of their day was typically at least half an hour before the end of mine. Also, the office was open-plan, including the space where the table was. Turns out a little bit of ping-pong goes a really long way, at least in terms of how the sound carries.
posted by ManyLeggedCreature at 8:48 AM on April 17, 2020 [4 favorites]


One of my stupid evening hobby projects recently has been creating absurd audio edits over a couple of Star Trek Discovery clips. (I'm a bit embarrassed by this. But it makes me giggle.) After spending five or six hours listening to and modifying three minutes of film, I'm really impressed by how rich the sound bed is in that show. Every part of the ship has entirely unique, not-simply-repeating, very subtle room texture. It's consistent and just enough to be noticed without ever going to excess. (Unlike the music.) I'm a little ashamed that I don't know the names of anyone doing that work. It's really impressive. Trek's usually been pretty good at that, but Disco has really raised the bar.

As someone who often works in a lab with cryogenics and vacuum equipment, I'd build a very different office environment. There are a surprisingly number of mechanical typewriters in this office. But, the concept is great fun, and I really like their choice of how to represent people.
posted by eotvos at 8:59 AM on April 17, 2020 [5 favorites]


MetaFilter: Why is there so much ping pong?
posted by ricochet biscuit at 9:02 AM on April 17, 2020 [2 favorites]


Man, I do NOT miss the office. I'm really hoping to make a case for at least one day work from home when this is over, assuming I still have a job. I sit in a big open office normally, right outside the Extremely Extroverted CEO's office, and I don't miss the constant background of ten different conversations going, getting sick every time someone sneezes, people taking incredibly awkward personal calls right behind me, visually distracting nonsense. Even sharing a home office with my husband now, I can think more clearly and get more done. I like being able to wear big headphones and listen to whatever I want, knowing that I won't offend anyone or miss people coming up behind me every ten minutes to ask a question about the printer just because I happened to be there. I try not to mention it too much because talking about quarantine silver linings seems like poor sportsmanship when people are suffering so much, but I could continue life in sweatpants (but business up top for the webcam) without 2 hours a day of commute on the subway to a loud open office pretty much indefinitely. I miss some of the sidebar conversations with coworkers who are now too busy with kids home full time to make small talk during meetings or join video happy hours, but that's about it.
posted by bowtiesarecool at 9:11 AM on April 17, 2020 [10 favorites]


Wasn't there a "NYT office sound simulator" posted awhile back? My Google-fu (or their search algorithm) fails me.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 9:59 AM on April 17, 2020


There doesn’t appear to be an option to add the sound of someone clipping their nails at their desk.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 10:11 AM on April 17, 2020 [6 favorites]


There doesn’t appear to be an option to add the sound of someone clipping their nails at their desk.

This happened at my workplace, I told the fellow that if he moved on to his toenails I would be calling H.R.
posted by Larry David Syndrome at 10:47 AM on April 17, 2020 [2 favorites]


Against my own expectations it was only when I went to Max Coworker that I really got sad and nostalgic.

The sounds of three separate children on classroom conference calls is not a good substitute.
posted by q*ben at 11:36 AM on April 17, 2020


Looks awesome. I'll start that up as soon as I'm off my next conference call.
posted by JoeZydeco at 11:56 AM on April 17, 2020 [3 favorites]


Awesome. Now if it can just randomly produce the scents of canned tuna fish and popcorn being cooked in a microwave 30 feet away, the illusion will be complete.

My boss once burned popcorn in our small office, which then smelled like burned popcorn for three days. Three days.
posted by trillian at 12:24 PM on April 17, 2020


A friend of mine who was chased out of his last place of work due to harassment mentioned to me of his former co-workers the only ones seemingly to have the hardest time with the current conditions were the extroverts and the bullies who harassed him. I sent him this link and we both listened to this site for a few seconds each and we both noped right out of it. Before the self-isolation I dreamed of working from home all the time. So much peace and quiet. I know a lot of people here love Curb Your Enthusiasm, right? Imagine working with Larry David's character from that show but less funny and with less boundaries. That's my life...
posted by Ashwagandha at 1:01 PM on April 17, 2020 [2 favorites]


Turns out a little bit of ping-pong goes a really long way, at least in terms of how the sound carries.

I'll see your improvised ping pong table and raise you a foosball table. Yes, a real one. In the office.
posted by Cardinal Fang at 1:12 PM on April 17, 2020 [2 favorites]


This is completely unrealistic because it doesn't include four people having a scrum meeting at full volume and moving post-it notes around on the wall right outside my office while I'm trying to fucking concentrate ARGH.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 1:12 PM on April 17, 2020 [1 favorite]


I'll see your improvised ping pong table and raise you a foosball table.

Yeah... I feel your pain. Those turned up at the next office, a WeWork. Which also featured such delights as piped music EVERYWHERE, including and in fact especially in the loos, where the volume varied from a surprisingly-loud-for-office-toilets 65 decibels to an astonishing, is-this-a-workplace-or-a-bar, 85 decibels.

Coworking spaces are on my "never again" list.
posted by ManyLeggedCreature at 3:49 PM on April 17, 2020


My coworker clipped her nails at my desk while she was relieving me for my break. I found a nail clipping floating in my coffee.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 7:21 PM on April 17, 2020 [3 favorites]


My coworker clipped her nails at my desk while she was relieving me for my break. I found a nail clipping floating in my coffee.

Did they ever find her body?
posted by gtrwolf at 7:54 PM on April 17, 2020 [7 favorites]


This happened at my workplace, I told the fellow that if he moved on to his toenails I would be calling H.R.

You were way more diplomatic than I was.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 8:31 PM on April 17, 2020 [1 favorite]


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