In re Toilet Flush

May 12, 2020 7:44 AM

In response to the pandemic the US Supreme Court began hearing oral arguments via conference call, and it was only a matter of time before the inevitable happened. From Ashley Feinberg at Slate: Who Flushed? A Supreme Court Investigation.
posted by jedicus (26 comments total)

This seems like a perfect illustration of why they’ve been so reluctant to broadcast or record oral arguments.
posted by star gentle uterus at 7:49 AM on May 12, 2020 [4 favorites]

This is the investigative journalism we all need right now. Thank you, universe. I appreciate you.
posted by Automocar at 7:51 AM on May 12, 2020 [16 favorites]

so reluctant to broadcast or record oral arguments

They've been recording, and making available, recordings of oral argument for like 60 or 70 years now.
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 8:00 AM on May 12, 2020 [6 favorites]

Who gives a ... shit?
posted by aniola at 8:16 AM on May 12, 2020 [2 favorites]

The flush heard 'round the world.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 8:29 AM on May 12, 2020 [4 favorites]

The Court's strict constructionist conservatives presumably have an alibi, since they surely use outhouses as the framers intended.
posted by tonycpsu at 8:46 AM on May 12, 2020 [32 favorites]

Oral arguments? More like fecal arguments!
posted by evidenceofabsence at 8:48 AM on May 12, 2020

I prefer to believe, now and forevermore, that this had to be Alito, IMHO the rudest and crankiest Justice of what has lately seemed to me to be a particularly dyspeptic Court. He just looks like the kind of miserable fussbudget who'd drop a deuce during oral argument, then flush and not wash his hands.

Gorsuch looks like a sneaky shit, but that's a different story altogether...
posted by cheapskatebay at 9:02 AM on May 12, 2020 [3 favorites]

That was worth it for the first image alone
posted by sjswitzer at 9:13 AM on May 12, 2020

"Have you boofed yet?"

"Yes, on a live mic."
posted by tclark at 9:51 AM on May 12, 2020

*sniffs*

“Oh geez. WOW. I hope you left the fan on in there.”

“Sorry about that. Full docket.”
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 10:15 AM on May 12, 2020 [4 favorites]

“Sorry about that. Full docket.”

But now it's been vacated and remanded to a lower court.
posted by dephlogisticated at 11:26 AM on May 12, 2020 [18 favorites]

As soon as I saw Ashley Feinberg’s byline I knew I was going to be peeing my pants with laughter.
posted by Morpeth at 12:20 PM on May 12, 2020

Alito, IMHO the rudest

It would be ruder not to flush, so perhaps you need to look to the other end of the spectrum?
posted by biffa at 12:24 PM on May 12, 2020 [1 favorite]

Breyer also seems to have established a willingness to multitask during arguments. As you can hear in the audio below, when Breyer unmuted at 11:57 a.m. to indicate that he had finished questioning Deputy Solicitor General Malcolm Stewart, he was accompanied by an audible clinking of what sounded very much like dishes.


After years of listening to hyperbole about how there's nothing left for The Onion, we finally have a bullseye.
posted by polecat at 1:20 PM on May 12, 2020

Brown v. Board of Defecation
posted by mhum at 1:22 PM on May 12, 2020 [1 favorite]

"They've been recording, and making available, recordings of oral argument for like 60 or 70 years now."

I believe this is in reference to the current pandemic...

That said... Picturing them reluctant for the past 70 years because someone is shitting while literally on the bench made me think of "The Burgundy Loaf (SLYT)":

RUDY WILL AWAIT YOUR FOUNDATION!
posted by symbioid at 2:05 PM on May 12, 2020

Fortunately nothing else important is happening in the Supreme Court
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 2:45 PM on May 12, 2020 [2 favorites]

I am not above the same myself, but I am always extra, extra, extra careful to be on mute.
posted by hwestiii at 2:56 PM on May 12, 2020 [1 favorite]

They've been recording, and making available, recordings of oral argument for like 60 or 70 years now.

And yet somehow the new format has solicited more activity from Justice Thomas than the past 30 years combined.
posted by pwnguin at 4:58 PM on May 12, 2020 [1 favorite]

And yet somehow the new format has solicited more activity from Justice Thomas than the past 30 years combined.

My guess is that he feels a lot more comfortable without the visible audience.
posted by suelac at 5:54 PM on May 12, 2020

he feels a lot more comfortable without the visible audience.

He seemed pretty dang comfortable in the courthouse.
posted by pwnguin at 6:14 PM on May 12, 2020 [1 favorite]

Please someone base a TV detective on Ashley Feinberg & have her solve cases exactly like this
posted by taquito sunrise at 6:29 PM on May 12, 2020 [1 favorite]

Seconded. This is some very in depth arguments here.
posted by jenfullmoon at 7:03 PM on May 12, 2020

She makes a compelling case for Breyer as the culprit.

It is so righteously appropriate that the Supreme Court's pompous, obnoxious, anti-democratic decades-long refusal to broadcast oral arguments live has now been capped by the sound of plopping shit turds and a toilet flush.
posted by mediareport at 6:11 AM on May 13, 2020

I'm still astounded at the hypocrisy of the five right-wing-nut judges who isolate to protect their own lives but just a couple weeks ago forced hundreds of thousands of Wisconsin voters to risk their lives in order to vote in person.

It's the same hypocrisy as Trump ordering everyone in the White House to wear masks and have daily testing at the same time he says it isn't necessary for the general public.

They are all sociopaths.
posted by JackFlash at 6:38 AM on May 13, 2020