Robert Pattinson: A Dispatch from Isolation
May 13, 2020 1:19 AM   Subscribe

Robert Pattinson was interviewed by Zach Baron for GQ to promote the upcoming Christopher Nolan film Tenet, but everybody’s talking about Pattinson’s “pasta which you can hold in your hand”.
posted by Kattullus (34 comments total) 13 users marked this as a favorite
 
Technically all pasta can be held in your hand. Like Bartleby, we mostly would just prefer not to.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 1:41 AM on May 13 [21 favorites]


I forgot to credit the writers of the explainer piece in The Guardian, they are Alyx Gorman and Steph Harmon.
posted by Kattullus at 1:46 AM on May 13 [1 favorite]


Pattinson also claims he can’t remember the plot of Tenet, an upcoming movie he just starred in directed by Christopher Nolan. So Baron calls Nolan to see if he’s being played. The response: “The interesting thing with Rob is, he’s slightly fucking with you...But he’s also being disarmingly honest. It’s sort of both things at once. ”
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 2:05 AM on May 13 [11 favorites]


This is looking like a long set up for Wes Anderson’s remake of Apocalypse Now.
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:53 AM on May 13 [4 favorites]


Yes! Someone posted it! This sparked much joy in me yesterday.

Was also delighted to learn via this that James McEvoy turned up to the set for Xmen First Class with a shaved head, having not fully gotten that it was a reboot. Wonderful.
posted by ominous_paws at 4:44 AM on May 13 [7 favorites]


That 2nd photo in the $7700 jacket and the $950 shirt is hilarious.

High Life is kind of an unsatisfying Claire Denis sci-fi flick but Pattison was so good in it I didn't mind. He was fantastic in Good Time too. Cronenberg's script was too...I dunno, off the mark or something for me to like Cosmopolis very much but again, Pattison was good. Glad to get a few more names of indie films he's been in that I now want to see.

The guy is one of the most interesting young actors in Hollywood so I'll give him a pass on the "I'm such a hapless boychild" and "But am I really fucking with you?" things I'm sure he'll talk about regretting in future interviews (mostly because that ridiculous pasta thing is so funny, and because that "therapy of attrition" line cracked me up.) I believe him on most of the anxiety and isolation stuff, which makes him more interesting as both a person and Major Movie Star I Appreciate As A Distraction. What an odd, interesting guy.
posted by mediareport at 4:48 AM on May 13 [2 favorites]


This reminded me very much of this article from last year.

"He was like a cursed prince in a fairy-tale who wished on a monkey paw. Here is your charm and your fame, BUT — mwahahaha — nothing you say will ever matter. He is Phil Connors in Groundhog Day trying to kill himself over and over again. Robert Pattinson telling Matt Lauer a fake anecdote was a pointless shout into the void, like eating a tableful of pastries when you know your life will restart the next day. Life is meaningless. Celebrity is false. One day, even Twilight and its hordes of fans will be dust. Like a made-up clown in a made-up clown car, we’re all going to die."
posted by cpatterson at 5:16 AM on May 13 [20 favorites]


Omigod that is also hilarious.
posted by mediareport at 5:28 AM on May 13


This is a crime against pasta
posted by entropone at 6:32 AM on May 13


oh the fake anecdote about seeing a clown die
posted by poffin boffin at 6:39 AM on May 13 [2 favorites]


> High Life is kind of an unsatisfying Claire Denis sci-fi flick

There are many ways to describe High Life and 'unsatisfying' is definitely one of them but that does not really get across the batshit way-out-there-ness. Neither does the official IMDB description:

"High Life (2018) A father and his daughter struggle to survive in deep space where they live in isolation."

I described it to a friend just after watching like so:

A bunch of death row inmates are sent into space for unethical medical experiments. The setting: as you'd imagine in a space vessel, long corridors, a biome for food, crowded bunks, an eerie sense of ever-present danger.... About halfway through, a fuckbox is introduced and Juliette Binoche unrolls a black condom onto a ten inch silver dildo and carries off a huge orgasm during which the fucking machine turns into an animal and the fuckbox leaks gallons of diluted semen.

No mention of the fuckbox in the IMDB description, you'll note. Or the semen. Or the ten-inch silver dildo but then I guess they're all over films these days.
posted by humuhumu at 6:45 AM on May 13 [4 favorites]


i just read the wiki page for that film and going by the plot description i can with 100% accuracy say that if someone attempted to compel me to watch that film i would end their life instantly and without remorse
posted by poffin boffin at 7:08 AM on May 13 [3 favorites]


I get that Pattinson is going for the keeping it real, non-Hollywood image, like a 90s Ethan Hawke, but the article mainly left me with the impression that he is Jon Hamm’s character in 30 Rock.
posted by betweenthebars at 7:38 AM on May 13 [17 favorites]


i just read the wiki page for that film and going by the plot description i can with 100% accuracy say that if someone attempted to compel me to watch that film i would end their life instantly and without remorse

OTOH I have put it at the very top of my To Watch list.

I am coping perfectly well with lockdown, why do you ask
posted by inire at 7:41 AM on May 13


what is happening help
posted by gwint at 7:49 AM on May 13 [3 favorites]


everything happens so much
posted by poffin boffin at 7:57 AM on May 13 [11 favorites]


Are empanadas considered "pasta", because you can definitely hold them in your hand.
posted by tommasz at 8:14 AM on May 13


Can't understand anyone opposed to Pattinson playing Batman. This entire article is proof Pattinson was born to play Bruce Wayne. I'd suggest he's just heavily immersed in method acting for the role but it's also kind of true he's also been like this forever.

Partial gallery of evidence:

1. All of the self portraits
2. "Rob’s so beyond dry that it’s, like, meta. You’re like, ‘Is that funny?’ Like, ‘I have no idea what’s going on.’"
3. "In the piece, Pattinson also claims he can’t remember the plot of Tenet, an upcoming movie he just starred in directed by Christopher Nolan. So Baron calls Nolan to see if he’s being played. The response: “The interesting thing with Rob is, he’s slightly fucking with you.”"
posted by Cozybee at 8:18 AM on May 13 [4 favorites]


I like Pattinson. I also like how he is refusing to do the muscular build up routine with the physical trainer for Batman because he thinks the ultra pumped muscular hero look is dumb and a bad example to promote.
posted by Liquidwolf at 8:33 AM on May 13 [10 favorites]


Or the ten-inch silver dildo but then I guess they're all over films these days.

Please please please tell me the soundtrack is by Steely Dan.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 8:35 AM on May 13 [7 favorites]


If you have two (or maybe four?) pairs of $200 socks, I think it's only sensible to tie them onto your extremities over your clothes to really show them off!

I really enjoyed this whole... situation.
posted by euphoria066 at 8:41 AM on May 13 [5 favorites]


I love how Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart, so openly mocked for starring in the Twilight movies, ended up helping people like David Cronenberg, Claire Denis, Olivier Assayas and Kelly Reichardt get their visions on screen instead of simply following the biggest paychecks that came their way, like certain other talented young actors I could name. I adore them both.
posted by Mothlight at 9:18 AM on May 13 [16 favorites]


I vacillated wildly between being charmed (definitely some wacky bits in there), not impressed (a lot of this is just like living with someone with ADHD and it was written in this breathless style of like 'look how quirky he is!' and I'm like, no, that's a normal day tbh), and concerned (that bit about "thinking he's speaking a different language entirely" was uhhh one of many things that converged in an unsettling way).

But you know, I'm glad he's doing okay (?) in isolation.
posted by brook horse at 10:24 AM on May 13 [3 favorites]


The captions of the photos together are poetry:

Robert Pattinson self-portrait

Taken
in April
while in isolation
in London.

Coat, $1,430
Shirt, $900,
and pants

$775
by Craig Green

Boots, $1,400
by Dior Men.

...

Blazer, $3,600, and shirt
$875 by Louis Vuitton
Men’s.

Underwear,
his own

...

Jacket, $7,700,
and shirt, $950

by Dior Men.

Tuxedo, $5,200
shirt, $650
and hat, $3,900

by Dior Men.

...

Blazer, $1,595, and pants
$695, by Paul Smith

Scarf (worn on head), $270, by Turnbull & Asser
Scarf (worn on neck), $170, by Dior Men
Socks (yellow and pink), $205 for pair

and
(turquoise and red)
$155 for pair
by The Elder Statesman

Flip-flops, his own

Necklaces
(cross, hand, and rectangular pendants)

$350 each
and
(round and square pendants)
$260 each,

by Alighieri.

...

Shirt (price upon request),

by Dior Men.

Hat, $3,900,

by Dior Men.
posted by pazazygeek at 10:25 AM on May 13 [6 favorites]


I'm just impressed he learned how to sew underwear and craft flip flops. I haven't picked up any skills during quarantine!
posted by graventy at 10:48 AM on May 13 [1 favorite]


The trick about making a pasta you can hold in your hand is you just take ravioli and tweak how you make and prepare the shell a little bit and you get something lots of cultures have already invented.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 11:21 AM on May 13


Robert Pattinson send to have the same sense of humour as this map drawing child. I am not particularly into most of the movies he makes, but read every interview he does. I wish I could get more of his humour, honestly. Has he considered writing or, y'know, map-making?
posted by Margalo Epps at 12:20 PM on May 13 [1 favorite]


Welp, I haven't read an interview this wackadoo since Amy Winehouse. I seriously worry that he needs A Keeper or that he can function at all to go to work.

I mean, he's also hilarious about it, mind you, but I'd be afraid to leave him alone for five minutes and would expect that something else would explode.

He makes me feel sane and normal all of a sudden.
posted by jenfullmoon at 12:40 PM on May 13 [1 favorite]


I Disgraced My Italian Ancestors With Robert Pattinson’s Microwave Pasta

"Unfortunately, I enjoyed Pattinson’s over-sugared recipe. Now I must unpack why."

"By the time you’re done thoroughly questioning what in your life led you to make an actor’s microwaveable pasta at noon on a Tuesday afternoon, your timer should have gone off."


Robert Pattinson Claims He Invented a Pasta Burger. I Tried to Perfect It.

"Pasta burgers are an abomination. No amount of wizardry can change that fact. Whether they’re coated in sugar and corn flakes or fried like a chicken cutlet, the results will always be the same. Pasta was never meant to be handheld."
posted by jenfullmoon at 2:40 PM on May 13 [1 favorite]


The captions of the photos together are poetry:

For some reason, every time I read "Dior Men" here, I mentally pronounce it like Will Arnett saying club sauce.
posted by palmcorder_yajna at 3:08 PM on May 13 [1 favorite]


That was... an unexpected read! Thank you for posting this; celebrity interviews aren't usually my thing and it's totally conceivable this would have passed me by were it not posted on Metafilter.
posted by unicorn chaser at 3:44 AM on May 14 [1 favorite]


Robert Pattinson Sounds Insane Trying To Describe Christopher Nolan's New Film, 'Tenet'

Throughout the interview, his aloof candor falls away and is replaced with a man clearly having a panic attack whenever Tenet is brought up. He's reduced to sounding like a mob lackey deciding if he wants to sell out his boss.

The writer contacts Christopher Nolan to find out how much of what little Pattinson described of Tenet is true. Nolan says, "He's slightly fucking with you." That helps no one, you asshole.

posted by jenfullmoon at 8:48 AM on May 14 [2 favorites]


I have a slight suspicion he may be using drugs.
posted by kevinbelt at 3:48 PM on May 14


you can hold any pasta in your hand if you're not a coward
posted by poffin boffin at 9:50 AM on May 16 [4 favorites]


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