Bonus take: hot dogs taste better cold
May 24, 2020 3:31 PM   Subscribe

David took his first sip of warm, flat Pepsi about eight years ago at a Christmas party. As bored 12-years-olds are wont to do, he recalls “constantly fiddling around” with his Pepsi bottle the entire night, to the point that the soda lost all carbonation and turned into syrup-y sugar water. Still, he swigged away nonetheless. “I enjoyed the taste so much more, and the carbonation didn’t upset my stomach or burn my eyes and throat,” he says. The Absolute Masochists Who Love Drinking Flat Soda (Quinn Myers, MEL Magazine)
posted by Johnny Wallflower (108 comments total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
 
My dear old dad still loves his warm, flat Diet Squirt.
posted by sugar and confetti at 3:38 PM on May 24, 2020


why don't they just buy pepsi syrup and mix it with water?
posted by grandiloquiet at 3:39 PM on May 24, 2020 [1 favorite]


My parents often drink a mix of half cold water, half room-temp Diet 7-Up. It's particularly refreshing on a hot summers day.
posted by muddgirl at 3:42 PM on May 24, 2020


Ah, my people. Flat mountain dew is perfect, it tastes like being 15 years old again, having smuggled enough coins to buy a 2 liter and hide it in my room.
posted by cowcowgrasstree at 3:42 PM on May 24, 2020 [13 favorites]


I’ve been experimenting with root beer concentrate, and suffice to say it is not the same without copious sugar and carbonation.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 3:46 PM on May 24, 2020 [3 favorites]


Why does the link say "sadists" but the article says "masochists"?
posted by Saxon Kane at 3:48 PM on May 24, 2020 [4 favorites]


flat soda isn't nearly as bad as warm soda. warm soda is a war crime.
posted by poffin boffin at 3:49 PM on May 24, 2020 [10 favorites]


I'm one of them weirdos so far as colas are concerned at least, but warm is still gross.
posted by juv3nal at 3:50 PM on May 24, 2020


Can't people just like what they like without some sort of thinkpiece being written to other them?
posted by grumpybear69 at 3:54 PM on May 24, 2020 [20 favorites]


Oh yeah, flat coke classic or root beer ain't bad. I mean, I don't prefer it, but why waste that 2 liter in the back of the fridge?
posted by selfnoise at 3:56 PM on May 24, 2020 [1 favorite]


I completely understand. Hell, I drink gin without tonic! Or vermouth!
posted by dobbs at 4:03 PM on May 24, 2020 [15 favorites]


I used to really love chowing down on warm flat soda and cold boiled potatoes at the aid stations on ultra marathons. (Back when I was able to such things.)
posted by monotreme at 4:13 PM on May 24, 2020


Can't people just like what they like without some sort of thinkpiece being written to other them?

brb, pitching 7000 words to the new yorker on weirdos who dislike fractal culture war
posted by inire at 4:14 PM on May 24, 2020 [46 favorites]


Back when I was able to such things.

I have some... well I won't say good.... news for you.
posted by axiom at 4:17 PM on May 24, 2020 [1 favorite]


My dad not only loves flat soda, but he actively waters it down. Even as a child I recognised what a crime against humanity that was.
posted by forza at 4:19 PM on May 24, 2020 [4 favorites]


THESE ARE MY PEOPLE. I grew up with warm soft drinks that were usually pretty flat as apparently that was how cheap soda in rural Ireland rolled in the 70s. Now, I open things and leave them out for a few hours before drinking.
posted by lesbiassparrow at 4:35 PM on May 24, 2020 [4 favorites]


jesus. I don't like carbonation so I just... don't drink things that are carbonated? why do these people hate themselves?
posted by nonasuch at 4:37 PM on May 24, 2020 [3 favorites]


Pizza is better cold. Baguettes are better a day old and crusty. And beans are best eaten straight out of the can-- why overthink it?
posted by phooky at 4:37 PM on May 24, 2020 [6 favorites]


I like cold soda, but often it's SO carbonated that that it's almost painful and detracts from the overall experience. I tend to go through a repeated shake/carefully release process until the carbonation is maybe 50-65% of its original intensity, so that I get what I think is a more equitable ratio of fizz to flavor.
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:42 PM on May 24, 2020 [3 favorites]


I dunno about cold, but I find that hot dogs taste best without any condiments at all.
posted by xigxag at 4:45 PM on May 24, 2020 [4 favorites]


Hot Dr. Pepper with lemon. A Texas winter treat.
posted by slagheap at 4:46 PM on May 24, 2020 [3 favorites]


jesus. I don't like carbonation so I just... don't drink things that are carbonated? why do these people hate themselves?

I like the flavor of root beer. Sometimes I satisfy myself with a candy but sometimes I want a cold root beer flavored drink. It’s not my fault people ruin it with carbonation. I actually don’t mind the feel of carbonation, but it makes me incredibly sick. So, it’s either drink 1/4 of a can and stick the rest in the fridge (and then drink 3/4 of a can of flat soda later anyway), or just let it go flat to start. Though I usually go with the former, because I’m lazy and want instant gratification, so I just drink a very little bit of carbonated soda to satisfy me immediately, and drink the flat stuff later.

All other sodas are pointless, though. And carbonated water is a sin against god.
posted by brook horse at 4:49 PM on May 24, 2020


Since we're all friends... I like stale popcorn. But buttered while the popcorn is fresh. I'm not a monster.
posted by Ashwagandha at 4:51 PM on May 24, 2020 [6 favorites]


They could skip all the complicated machinations and just drink sweet tea, like every respectable Southerner knows. Bonus: costs 1/20th the price of soda, plus you control the sugar content.
posted by halfbuckaroo at 5:04 PM on May 24, 2020 [9 favorites]


Back when I worked theatre in college, I drank Mountain Dew for the caffeine hit, and because it tasted very much the same cold and carbonated or warm and flat.
posted by drivingmenuts at 5:17 PM on May 24, 2020


drink sweet tea ... you control the sugar content.

That if my own southern upbringing is any indication, ended up being at least as high as the most sugary available commercial soda. The dense, vaguely-tea-flavored sludge at the bottom of the glass was my favorite bit. I think I consumed enough sugar before I was 14 years old to last the rest of my lifetime, which may go some way toward explaining why I only rarely indulge in sweet beverages or foods anymore.
posted by Greg_Ace at 5:29 PM on May 24, 2020 [3 favorites]


Through most of high school I worked the desk at a fitness facility. My usual snack would be a bottle of coke classic or orange soda from the machine and a bag of pretzels. I'd always go through a routine of shaking up and carefully releasing pressure from the bottle until it got substantially flatter. Something about single(-ish) serving bottled sodas, they always seem way too carbonated. Way more than soda from the fountain or poured from a 2-liter, or even a can probably.
posted by ghharr at 5:36 PM on May 24, 2020 [1 favorite]


As a kid I would drink about half a can of soda normally, then shake and swirl the rest around until it got flat. I never really thought about why I was doing it. Just a habit I got into. Now I kind of miss it.
posted by penduluum at 5:37 PM on May 24, 2020


Room temperature flat Irn Bru is bearable. The one that is not good is flat Vernor's: it taste like the inside of a tree.

Hotdogs seldom make it to the pan with me around: cold, slathered in ketchup or sweet bbq sauce.
posted by scruss at 5:47 PM on May 24, 2020 [2 favorites]



jesus. I don't like carbonation so I just... don't drink things that are carbonated? why do these people hate themselves?


Sadly, there isn't a non carbonated beverage that I have ever seen that tastes like like flat Coke or Pepsi. Or McDaid's Football Special, the pride of Northern Donegal.

They could skip all the complicated machinations and just drink sweet tea, like every respectable Southerner knows. Bonus: costs 1/20th the price of soda, plus you control the sugar content.

I genuinely can't understand how people can like cold tea of any sort. I find it an abomination, and I have diligently tried a lot of iced teas to change that opinion. I am sure it is good, I just don't like tea cold. But I don't go around trying to shove other drinks at them thinking that they will do, because people like what they like.

Not sure why this is freaking people out. Lots of people grew up and grow up without easy ways to keep things ice cold. We didn't have a fridge when I was young, and if you wanted cold beer or anything you stuck in the river for a while. Childhood experiences have a huge relationship to how you enjoy things and expect them to be.
posted by lesbiassparrow at 5:51 PM on May 24, 2020 [7 favorites]


Bonus take: hot dogs taste better cold

Watching people eat cold hot dogs gives me the willies just like eating raw chicken. Intellectually I know that doesn't make any sense, the hot dogs are pre-cooked and are as safe cold as they are hot, but it's always made me feel that way.

Flat soda isn't to my taste, but I don't get the (pretend internet) outrage -- people like all kinds of weird concoctions, flat soda doesn't even make the top twenty of weird things to drink.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:07 PM on May 24, 2020 [3 favorites]


If you're worried about the amount of carbonation in your soda, just add more bourbon.
posted by Panjandrum at 6:17 PM on May 24, 2020 [15 favorites]


I had like an all-access to an international enduro event once, and observed that while the North American teams had Gator and Power and various neon coloured ades, many of the Europeans just chugged flat cola as their sportsdrank of choice.
posted by rodlymight at 6:22 PM on May 24, 2020


The one that is not good is flat Vernor's: it taste like the inside of a tree.

...ok, but I think you've captured what I like about Vernor's
posted by nebulawindphone at 6:24 PM on May 24, 2020 [14 favorites]


The only sports drink I want is Glocuzade Port. (One of my favorite physical comedy bits ever)
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 6:25 PM on May 24, 2020 [3 favorites]


I like stale popcorn

The saltines I normally buy have an alternate, fresher version available, where the sleeves of crackers come packaged in these 'fresh packs', and it turns out saltines can be too fresh (and maybe even a little dangerous. When crumbled the they're almost shard-like and not a great complement to any soup).
posted by marimeko at 6:25 PM on May 24, 2020 [1 favorite]


The Good Britains with their not-chilled pints makes sense where evenings are damp & not sunny.
posted by ovvl at 6:26 PM on May 24, 2020 [2 favorites]


In my high school years I spent a summer loading and unloading delivery trucks for a local 7up bottler. Was never tempted to taste any of the hot, flat soda remains but was fascinated how Nehi orange soda, when exposed to enough UV radiation, would turn bright blue...
posted by jim in austin at 6:29 PM on May 24, 2020 [3 favorites]


Most Cursed Of Metafilter.
posted by mhoye at 6:44 PM on May 24, 2020


Hot Dr. Pepper with lemon.

I didn't think anyone remembered this. They also had a commercial for hot Dr. Pepper in the 1970s: the setting was a log cabin and someone with a faux-French Canadien accent extolling the merits of the preparation.
posted by Insert Clever Name Here at 6:51 PM on May 24, 2020 [2 favorites]


I feel like a freak for liking room temperature coffee. Specifically, when I'm having a lazy day off, I like to make a pot the night before and just sip from it for most of the next day.
posted by Halloween Jack at 6:55 PM on May 24, 2020 [2 favorites]


Hot Ribena with lemon was my mom's sovereign remedy for colds as a kid. That is to say black current sweet syrup with a lemon slice and hot (but not scalding) water. It was wonderful.
posted by bonehead at 6:56 PM on May 24, 2020 [2 favorites]


Flat Dr. Pepper that has been in the fridge overnight that you drink while standing with the fridge door open the next morning is one of the greatest tastes known in all of humanity. And it is the stuff of my teenage years. Such intense flavour.
posted by Fizz at 6:56 PM on May 24, 2020 [5 favorites]


I'm going to add anamatha to apostasy here and proclaim in public that I'm a next morning beer dregs drinker, and I don't mind it at all.

I do try to make sure they were always MY beers.
posted by hippybear at 6:59 PM on May 24, 2020 [6 favorites]


it's SO carbonated that that it's almost painful

I love that level of carbonation. I'll occasionally get corona Premier because is always seems so bubbly. My dad is the opposite and swirls his diet caffeine free cokes until their flat. We both like ginger beer that makes you sneeze though.

And I won't say pizza is better cold, but I still like it.
posted by ghost phoneme at 7:03 PM on May 24, 2020


I've got nothing against these people and I wish them all the happiness and flat soda in the world. Cheers to diverse tastes! But, I can't entirely understand them, in the same way I can't entirely understand the lived experience of an octopus.

I have my own home brew soda maker, which I turn up to 80 PSI after freezing the bottle until ice forms on the surface, which results in carbonation roughly 3 times a pepsi. If you ask me, isn't properly soda unless it stings the back of the throat and leaves a ring of droplets around the glass on the table. (I used to go to 120 PSI, but the bruises from the first 2L bottle explosion convinced me to back off a bit. Always wear your safety glasses, kids.) My spouse pours a glass and then leaves it out for an hour to make it more like pepsi. I've suggested making seprate his and hers batches. . . but, she's not taken me up on it yet. We're currently waiting for a post-pandemic chance to install appropriate hardware in her home.
posted by eotvos at 7:07 PM on May 24, 2020 [12 favorites]


(Though, I do really enjoy luo han guo tissane, which is about as close to a flat pepsi as anything I've ordered a second time. Somehow, the heat makes a big difference. I don't really understand why.)
posted by eotvos at 7:10 PM on May 24, 2020


Flat Dr. Pepper that has been in the fridge overnight that you drink while standing with the fridge door open the next morning is one of the greatest tastes known in all of humanity. And it is the stuff of my teenage years. Such intense flavour.

This is such a peculiarly specific thing that I'd never thought about until now and it's never something I'd engineered for myself but I have experienced, and it is indeed quite great

How strange. Thank you for crystalizing that thing for me!
posted by hippybear at 7:13 PM on May 24, 2020 [4 favorites]


I just finished off the last of three 12 packs of diet caffeine free mountain dew I got from the store over the course of a few weeks that were completely flat in the can. The first can was weird, but I had gotten pretty used to it by the last can, and now normal carbonated mountain dew is sort of weird. Not weird enough that I'm going to crack open a few and leave them in the fridge. That would be weird. But you definitely recognize the citrus origins of dew much more when it's flat.
posted by Kyol at 7:22 PM on May 24, 2020 [1 favorite]


The thing about carbonated drinks is they fight you; drinking a pint glass of fizzy water at one go you have to block a reflex that tries to reverse the process of swallowing and send it right back up— through your nose, if need be.

When I gave up carbonated water, the hardest thing to get used to was the lack of resistance. I'd be sitting at the table with a big thermos pitcher of plain water, and half an hour later I'd drunk two liters without really noticing.
posted by jamjam at 7:23 PM on May 24, 2020


The only carbonated drink I liked as a child was watered down orange soda that had been sitting in a giant thermos full of ice in the blazing sun all day. It tasted like Field Day.

I still don't like soda.
posted by deludingmyself at 7:47 PM on May 24, 2020


I'd be sitting at the table with a big thermos pitcher of plain water, and half an hour later I'd drunk two liters without really noticing.

Your kidneys were looking at you with giant anime "thank you" eyes!
posted by hippybear at 7:53 PM on May 24, 2020 [2 favorites]


diet caffeine free

Dread words of blasphemy!
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:04 PM on May 24, 2020


My father used to eat Raisin Bran cereal with warm seltzer. Every morning. For years. To this day I cannot even begin to guess why he would think this is a good idea.

I tried it once. It was just as bad as you’d imagine.
posted by Guernsey Halleck at 8:11 PM on May 24, 2020 [7 favorites]


MetFilter: It was just as bad as you’d imagine.
posted by hippybear at 8:14 PM on May 24, 2020 [2 favorites]


Also....

posted by Johnny Wallflower

*looks at own username*

COME ON!
posted by Fizz at 8:19 PM on May 24, 2020 [8 favorites]


And beans are best eaten straight out of the can-- why overthink it?

“Put ‘em on a plate, son, they’ll overthink better.”
posted by Ghidorah at 8:20 PM on May 24, 2020 [7 favorites]


Beans on toast on a plate.. that has a foundation for overthinking!
posted by hippybear at 8:22 PM on May 24, 2020 [1 favorite]


Can anyone recommend a good codpiece thinkpiece?
posted by thelonius at 8:28 PM on May 24, 2020 [1 favorite]


Other than Rocky Horror Picture Show?
posted by hippybear at 8:37 PM on May 24, 2020 [1 favorite]


I enjoyed PopRocks when I was a teenager, but as a middle-ager I stir much of the carbonation out of my soft drinks. Not flat, but flat-adjacent. And cold. It's a taste and mouthfeel preference, but lessening the carbonation also lessens the acid reflux later.
posted by bryon at 9:15 PM on May 24, 2020


I had my first taste of something carbonated (I think it was Nehi orange) straight from the bottle when I was about 8. I swear it went straight up my nose and stung like hell. I was mystified why anyone Would actually want to experience that. I was probably 14 when I finally, sorta enjoyed a soft drink.
Of course later Mountain Dew and Nacho Cheese Doritos became the perfect Road Trip Food, so there’s that.
posted by dbmcd at 9:16 PM on May 24, 2020 [1 favorite]


Can anyone recommend a good codpiece thinkpiece?

Previously.

posted by bryon at 9:17 PM on May 24, 2020 [2 favorites]


When I was a kid I would occasionally pop a Fizzies tablet in my mouth and let it do its thing until it was just a thin bubbly sheet. Sometimes I was in the mood for a carb(onation) rush, and I would chew one. Mmmm.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 9:26 PM on May 24, 2020


Day old McDonald's fries, anyone? No, just me?
posted by meows at 9:33 PM on May 24, 2020


Not soda, but one of the main breweries in Japan, Asahi, had a huge hit when they introduced what has since become their flagship beer, Asahi Super Dry. It's a standard rice-based lager, and it's... it's not my favorite. It took until Mrs. Ghidorah started drinking plain soda water on a regular basis for me to figure out what it was I didn't like about it.

I mean, plain soda water, because of the carbonation, it just tastes bitter to me, and I don't enjoy drinking it without something in it, like fruit vinegar, lime juice, whatever. But after tasting plain soda, it hit me. Asahi Super Dry is just hypercarbonated, and underneath the artificial bitterness from the carbonation, there's almost no flavor there whatsoever. Just an utterly unremarkable, not great beer that fits one situation, and one situation only: when it's so hot out that sweat beads up from your pores, that just standing still makes you sweat, and the Asahi is so ice cold it hurts to touch the can. And even then, if you don't finish it within two minutes, it'll get unbearably warm.

So, yeah, avoid Asahi. It's terrible.
posted by Ghidorah at 9:34 PM on May 24, 2020 [3 favorites]


diet caffeine free

Dread words of blasphemy!
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:04 PM on May 24
[+] [!]


I know, I know. But he can't have a lot of caffeine without aggravating his tinnitus and sleep fighting. The latter of which aggravates my mother. Honestly, he's usually happy with a few sips of my mother's diet coke, but the flattening process is almost a nervous tick at this point when he has bubbles in hand. The result of that also aggravates my mother. So he gets his own pack. And they'll be celebrating 40 years at the end of the summer.

And it's been years since I've had it, but I remember the caffeine free had slightly less fake sugar taste.
posted by ghost phoneme at 10:00 PM on May 24, 2020 [1 favorite]


Warm flat soda brings the flavor out of a cold hot dog, straight out of the package, on an untoasted wonder bread bun.

I AM SERIOUS.
posted by not_on_display at 10:05 PM on May 24, 2020 [1 favorite]


Glocuzade Port

And now I want a Portello. 🍇
posted by zamboni at 10:13 PM on May 24, 2020


this makes so much sense. i remember this one paper cup of pepsi that i drank at a birthday party at a roller rink when i was like 8 years old. it was warm, and it was flat, and it was one of the best things i've ever tasted. i'm being 100% serious. i've been chasing the dragon ever since
posted by capnsue at 10:18 PM on May 24, 2020 [3 favorites]


My favourite soft drinks used to be 7-Up or Old Jamaica Ginger Beer (neither of which contained artificial sweeteners, which I don't like) diluted about 50% with cold water, not just because they were carbonated but mainly because they are way too sweet undiluted. If I fancied a bit more carbonation I sometimes diluted them with fizzy water. Unfortunately, the government put a levy on drinks with high sugar levels a year or so ago and the manufacturers responded by reducing the level of sugars and adding sweeteners, which made the ginger beer taste especially horrible. I can't be the only person who would like a soft drink that was about half as sweet at the standard.

Oddly enough, flat 7-Up has (or used to have) a reputation as a treatment for an upset stomach. I was often given it as a child, and when I lived in Hackney, my elderly neighbour (a central casting cartoon Cockernee) used to boil 7-Up and drink it lukewarm for indigestion. Only 7-Up - other fizzy drinks just don't have the same medicinal effects.
posted by Fuchsoid at 11:04 PM on May 24, 2020 [1 favorite]


I do not relate. I loves me my Diet Cokes ice cold and highly carbonated. My kids are amazed at my ability to chug carbonated drinks out of a can. It hurts so good.

Now if you want to talk about eating Spaghetti-Os out of the can...
posted by AugustWest at 11:18 PM on May 24, 2020 [1 favorite]


Every single one of you are wrong about flat soda but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯, you keep doing you.

When I was a kid, I would eat cheap Corn King brand hot dogs straight out of the package. Like, just thinking about them right now, I remember the taste, smell, and texture and I want one so bad.
posted by Big Al 8000 at 12:03 AM on May 25, 2020 [2 favorites]


MetaFilter: weirdos who dislike fractal culture war.
posted by loquacious at 1:00 AM on May 25, 2020 [2 favorites]


Fuchsoid: "Only 7-Up - other fizzy drinks just don't have the same medicinal effects."

Au contraire. Where I live there is a long-held belief that flat Coca Cola has medicinal effects & should be taken in small doses (with a spoon) when you have a bellyache. You can even buy very small cans of Coke here, like 15 cl.
posted by chavenet at 1:17 AM on May 25, 2020 [2 favorites]


I have a sudden craving for Campbell’s Pork n’Beans. It’s 7:19 in the AM. That ain’t right.
posted by drivingmenuts at 5:20 AM on May 25, 2020 [1 favorite]


I had a good friend who had an aversion to carbonated beverages of any kind; as kids he would seek out flat bottles of Coke or whatever soda he could find that had been sitting around opened in the fridge. Once we reached adulthood he became known for ordering draft beer with an extra glass, then studiously pouring his beer back and forth between the two glasses until it was flat enough for him to drink. He claimed that in addition to preferring the taste, he didn’t like the way carbonated beverages made him burp a lot. Yet this same individual was quite proud of the fact that he could pass gas at will, much like Le Pétomane. Needless to say, he was a pretty unique person, to say the least.
posted by TedW at 5:21 AM on May 25, 2020 [1 favorite]


Where I live there is a long-held belief that flat Coca Cola has medicinal effects & should be taken in small doses (with a spoon) when you have a bellyache.

When I was a lad, our pediatrician believed in it. "Just give him a little Co-Coler," he'd say. Imagine trying that now!
posted by thelonius at 5:22 AM on May 25, 2020 [1 favorite]


lesbiassparrow: Or McDaid's Football Special, the pride of Northern Donegal.

Our cat will beg for everything we eat or drink, and my husband usually lets him have a sniff. Every time, it's followed by more begging or (for things like black coffee or heavenly, fizzy Diet Coke) total disinterest.

He reacted to the smell of Football Special by leaping away and yowling.
posted by carbide at 5:25 AM on May 25, 2020 [2 favorites]


ginger ale is one of the only things that can keep me from puking when my disgusting flesh prison decides it wants to puke all day, but it has to be EXTREMELY cold. so i open the can, have about 1/3 in horrible burpy gulps, and then put it in the freezer until it gets a little slushy and a little flat. bliss. and no puking.
posted by poffin boffin at 5:27 AM on May 25, 2020 [4 favorites]


On the rare occasion that I go to the burger joint I'll have about half a cup of iced tea while eating and then dump out the ice and refill with Dr. Pepper to take home and put in the fridge just for that next morning cool flat fountain machine cup of Dr. Pepper.

As a kid, we used to buy PepsiCo bottles by the dozen pallets at a time directly from the plant. They lived out on the back porch. If you wanted it cold, well there's this thing called a glass full of ice. If you had learned, you filled up the glass of ice, then filled it with water, then poured out the water before pouring in the Pepsi. That would keep it from fizzing up with a head. If you were really hip you'd open a bottle, drink a couple of swigs and then pour in a small pack of salted peanuts. Pepsi+salt+peanuts = yum.
posted by zengargoyle at 5:31 AM on May 25, 2020 [3 favorites]


And beans are best eaten straight out of the can

No, that's the best way to eat canned soup. Really the only way to eat cream of mushroom.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 6:45 AM on May 25, 2020


Warm flat soda brings the flavor out of a cold hot dog, straight out of the package, on an untoasted wonder bread bun.

"What is something an escaped inmate quickly scarfs down while breaking into a cabin in the woods?"


I reckoned maybe not_on_display had perhaps been in a hostage situation, or maybe trapped for five days in an Arby’s depot or something.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:06 AM on May 25, 2020 [1 favorite]


I've always hated carbonated beverages. I used to get the hiccups really bad while drinking pop. That's lessened with age (and acclimation to beer) but I still am not a fan of pop in general. I drink tea (hot or cold) and water with lemon. If I HAVE to have a carbonated beverage, I'll pour it into a glass and let it sit for a while to calm down.
posted by Gray Duck at 7:54 AM on May 25, 2020 [1 favorite]


Really the only way to eat cream of mushroom.

Wait, people eat this as a soup? I though it was only used as a Universal Binding Ingredient (UBI) in casseroles.
posted by hippybear at 8:16 AM on May 25, 2020 [12 favorites]


I like my Diet Coke from a can, highly carbonated, and ideally at like 70 degrees. Warm soda people I get. Flat soda people are terrifying.
posted by Night_owl at 8:18 AM on May 25, 2020


Gray Duck, me too. The moment after the first swallow I get just horrendous hiccups, and it's gotten worse with age, not better. I generally don't drink soda or beer (or even cider, my favorite) very often for that reason.

But sometimes one simply wants a very particular sugary fake-grape-flavored drink... I open it and "age" it in the fridge for a day and it's fine. Well, aside from the fact that my wife finds it disgusting.
posted by the liquid oxygen at 8:26 AM on May 25, 2020 [1 favorite]


Really the only way to eat cream of mushroom.

Ideally using French's fried onions as an edible utensil.
posted by ghost phoneme at 9:11 AM on May 25, 2020 [2 favorites]


CARBONATED CLAMATO

Look for a dented can that appears to be bursting at the seams. It should be strangely aerated due to microbial activity. Drink warm on a clammy day after completing your last will and testament. Be sure it's notarized.
posted by sugar and confetti at 10:04 AM on May 25, 2020 [3 favorites]


SHOTGUN THAT CLAMATO
posted by sugar and confetti at 10:05 AM on May 25, 2020 [2 favorites]


...with vodka, worchestershire sauce, a rimmed glass, a stick of celery and a shot or two of hot sauce to taste. Over ice, with a pickled green bean.
posted by bonehead at 10:13 AM on May 25, 2020 [1 favorite]


My wife always insists on a fresh Coke or Dr Pepper to chase down her meds before bedtime. And she only consumes a few ounces and puts the rest back in the fridge. She refuses to touch it in the morning, so often I'll drink it because I'm thirsty when I get up. Dr Pepper tastes much better flat than Coke. In my experience, Pepsi products are always less carbonated than Coke. Also, they taste like black daemon piss.

I can nurse a can of Diet Coke or Coke Zero for quite a while, going from cold and fizzy to warm and flat. I usually am too distracted to really notice if I am working. I do love that caffeinated carbonated blast you get from the first hit of Diet Coke.
posted by Ber at 10:58 AM on May 25, 2020


SHOTGUN THAT CLAMATO

Sure, but more likely outward than inward
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:16 AM on May 25, 2020 [1 favorite]


Clamato whether fermented or not is one of the grosser things that humanity consumes and and includes flat soda of any kind or whatever else has been mentioned in this thread.
posted by hippybear at 11:20 AM on May 25, 2020


The thing about Clamato is that it makes sense if you stop considering it a beverage. It's a soup. A savory chilled soup. Member of the gazpacho family.

Tomato juice and bloody Mary mix are also soups.

Actual bloody Marys are an alcoholic soup.
posted by nebulawindphone at 11:35 AM on May 25, 2020 [6 favorites]


You keep that nasty Clamato shotgun to yourself, sugar and confetti.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 12:05 PM on May 25, 2020 [1 favorite]


if i had a choice between a clamato and a shotgun to the face i would pick the latter without a second thought
posted by poffin boffin at 1:04 PM on May 25, 2020 [1 favorite]


Unless the shotgun was loaded with Clamato.
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:14 PM on May 25, 2020 [4 favorites]


I somehow knew YOU were going to go there, and then you did, and now I'm both vindicated and disappointed in you at the same time.
posted by hippybear at 3:33 PM on May 25, 2020


I somehow knew YOU were going to go there, and then you did, and now I'm both vindicated and disappointed in you at the same time.

Well, one does have a reputation to maintain.
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:41 PM on May 25, 2020 [2 favorites]


flat soda isn't nearly as bad as warm soda. warm soda is a war crime.

Nothing is as bad as having nothing else to drink but that half litre of coke left in a too warm car during an Italian summer going back to your vacation home.
posted by MartinWisse at 1:52 AM on May 26, 2020 [1 favorite]


After seeing a soda left in the car, I came up with the idea of Hot Coke. Isn’t it weird that they haven’t tried to enter that market?
posted by snofoam at 4:33 AM on May 26, 2020


Why does the link say "sadists" but the article says "masochists"?

Because the URL was generated from the original title of the article, which had used the incorrect word, but was later fixed.
posted by snofoam at 4:35 AM on May 26, 2020


Hot Coke. Isn’t it weird that they haven’t tried to enter that market?

Hot coke with ginger and lemon is a thing in Hong Kong, apparently as a cold remedy - a long time ago I bugged my mother to order it for me at a cha chaan teng once, and it was cola, hot, with notes of ginger and lemon.. a bit of an "I don't know what else I expected" moment 😐
posted by btfreek at 9:04 AM on May 26, 2020 [1 favorite]


(One of my favorite physical comedy bits ever)

You should try Wasabi.
posted by Evilspork at 11:08 AM on May 26, 2020 [2 favorites]


Cold hot dogs are just differently-shaped bologna. (And, if you've ever wondered why people make fried bologna... well, do you like grilled hot dogs?)
posted by xedrik at 6:50 AM on May 27, 2020 [4 favorites]


I spent a few summers doing field work in a small town in Guatemala where American-style hot dogs were the most common kind of meat — not a lot of people raised livestock, and fresh meat from elsewhere was expensive. And when you're an honored visitor from another country, people really, really want to feed you meat. Meaning hot dogs.

I never really adjusted. A lot of the poverty food I ate there was amazing, but hot dog soup for breakfast is not my thing.
posted by nebulawindphone at 6:03 AM on May 28, 2020 [1 favorite]


if i had a choice between a clamato and a shotgun to the face i would pick the latter without a second thought

So you've come to bury Caesars, not to praise them?
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 11:51 AM on May 28, 2020 [1 favorite]


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