Topher's Breakfast Cereal Character Guide

June 4, 2020 5:16 PM

Painstakingly created mostly from photos of actual cereal boxes.

It was an FPP in 2003. Now is as good a time as any for the momentary diversion and comfort we can take in this comprehensive guide to breakfast cereal characters.

posted by MoonOrb (24 comments total)

"To date, the Trix Rabbit has only tasted Trix five times: 1968, 1976, 1980, 1987 and 1991."

Great stuff, thank you.
posted by Rinku at 5:52 PM on June 4, 2020 [5 favorites]

I'll be shocked if there isn't a 90's-vintage "under construction" gif somewhere on that site.
posted by Greg_Ace at 5:55 PM on June 4, 2020 [4 favorites]

This so-called "Captain " aka Cap'n, Crunch - a case of Stolen Valor?
posted by bartleby at 6:04 PM on June 4, 2020 [2 favorites]

A part of this complete comment thread
posted by thelonius at 6:11 PM on June 4, 2020 [14 favorites]

From bartleby's link: Jay Ward, the creator of Rocky and Bullwinkle, Dudley Do-Right and George of the Jungle, created [Cap’n Crunch] ....

Well I'll be danged.
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:19 PM on June 4, 2020 [2 favorites]

"To date, the Trix Rabbit has only tasted Trix five times: 1968, 1976, 1980, 1987 and 1991."

Bookmarking this. Many a pub argument can be settled.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 6:21 PM on June 4, 2020 [4 favorites]

I needed to know that there is a Cereal Collectors Zine with 17 issues that heavily features Freakies. I might have to print these out and just keep them under my pillow or something.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 6:30 PM on June 4, 2020 [2 favorites]

Or lucrative pub bet made, if one is clever.
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:30 PM on June 4, 2020 [1 favorite]

Very old-School navigation. Took me forever to find Captain Rik.
posted by rikschell at 7:36 PM on June 4, 2020 [1 favorite]

Pfft. Captain Rik? I can still sing the "We all like Ricicles, they're twiceicles as niceicles" jingle from when Noddy was spox.
posted by scruss at 7:50 PM on June 4, 2020 [1 favorite]

Sad to see my old nemesis the Clusters Squirrel is represented but not pictured. I worked with him once. Squirrelly as hell.
posted by Mchelly at 8:07 PM on June 4, 2020 [4 favorites]

I worked with him once

I am loathe to ask in what capacity.
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:37 PM on June 4, 2020 [1 favorite]

Highly recommend the Cereal Creator page...
"Fruity Bypass Bran Delight"
posted by wordless reply at 8:44 PM on June 4, 2020

Also TIL that the Gritty-prefiguring Honeycomb hairball had a name which was "Crazy Craving". This is like the time I learned the absurd Fox Sports football robot was named "Cleatus".
posted by wordless reply at 8:59 PM on June 4, 2020 [1 favorite]

"Fruity Bypass Bran Delight"

Well, there’s a phrase I definitely didn’t need in my head.
posted by mhoye at 9:00 PM on June 4, 2020 [9 favorites]

Technically, Yummy Mummy was not classified as a "Monster Cereal" by General Mills.

Somehow in the deepest depths of my childhood, I have always known that to be true.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 5:23 AM on June 5, 2020 [2 favorites]

Fruit Brute (1974/1975-1983) is a werewolf. He was discontinued in 1982. A Fruit Brute box shows up occasionally in Quentin Tarantino movies. It appeared in Pulp Fiction (a scene in which Vincent calls Lance on his cell phone, Lance is eating a bowl of Fruit Brute), and Reservoir Dogs (in Mr. Orange's apartment).

I am somewhat impressed, and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
posted by gimonca at 5:40 AM on June 5, 2020 [3 favorites]

I actually remember the 1991 moment when the Rabbit finally got to taste the Trix, because it was a culmination of many years of childhood me thinking "just let the poor rabbit have some cereal!"
posted by Zargon X at 5:55 AM on June 5, 2020 [4 favorites]

Hate to break it to you Zargon X, but cereal commercials are the main reason for the downfall of civilization. Just think what they taught you as a kid: You should never share with people who are different from you (Trix). It's OK to steal from someone who is smaller than you (Lucky Charms). It's perfectly fine to lie and trick your friend out of something you want (Fruity Pebbles).

In all honesty I realized these things one day as a kid... and started wondering what the hell the adults were thinking when they wrote these commercials. I have been suspicious and cynical about advertising ever since.
posted by caution live frogs at 6:09 AM on June 5, 2020 [4 favorites]

and caution live frogs, let us not forget "addiction is comedy" (Cocoa Puffs)
posted by Zargon X at 6:33 AM on June 5, 2020

I used to work on children's cereal advertising (see above). To me the most hilarious part was "the legal breakfast."

When the announcer says "Part of this nutritious breakfast," it's because otherwise they'd have to call the stuff candy.
posted by Mchelly at 8:09 AM on June 5, 2020 [3 favorites]

Holy cow, I went back to the source URL and the webpage is still being updated in the same style, that is awesome!
posted by Canageek at 10:51 AM on June 5, 2020 [1 favorite]

All these many years laters, my Mom still has three Freakies magnets on her refrigerator door, holding up notes, appointment reminders, etc.
posted by Oriole Adams at 11:24 AM on June 5, 2020 [1 favorite]

Yummy Mummy got screwed.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 1:15 AM on June 6, 2020