500€, Same As In Town
June 16, 2020 11:56 PM   Subscribe

Austrian man fined for farting at police officer...and this is how we know how that provocatively breaking wind is a 500 Euro offense, a tenfold increase compared to the last time somebody farted at an Austrian police officer, which happened 10 years ago in Styria (article in German).

See original complaint (article in German).
posted by Omnomnom (22 comments total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
What's the German translation of "massive intestinal wind"?
posted by vverse23 at 12:04 AM on June 17 [1 favorite]

The notice in German just says a "lauten Darmwind" was released. So, loud gutwind. Massive seems like editorializing.
posted by starfishprime at 12:12 AM on June 17 [2 favorites]

"I fart in your general direction," is still a valid retort in my family any time we don't want to tell someone to fuck off so I totally understand this dude's motivation
posted by Kitchen Witch at 12:19 AM on June 17 [16 favorites]

Who at the moment has less standing than police officers to demand restraint in the use of chemical weapons?
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 12:26 AM on June 17 [22 favorites]

Massive seems like editorializing.

The massive part came from Polizei Wien’s tweet(s) on the matter. (I think they’ve been copying it as a reply to several people recently!) The relevant bit is “ließ offenbar in voller Absicht einen massiven Darmwind in unmittelbarer Nähe der Beamten ab”.
posted by scorbet at 12:59 AM on June 17 [1 favorite]

"Violating public decency" - not giving the police the demanded amount of deference then. Guess he should feel lucky they didn't tase him.
posted by Absolutely No You-Know-What at 1:28 AM on June 17 [2 favorites]

For context and to prevent a further Americanisation of this thread, I would like to put in that the expectation of police violence is much lower in Austria than in the US. That's not to say that it never happens or that racism and xenophobia do not cause unequal treatment. Police absolutely do go on power trips and deference is quite shamelessly expected.

But in general, the expectation is not that guns, chemical weapons and sudden death are in your future when you're approached by a police officer.

For instance, car drivers stopped by police officers will absolutely reach into their jacket pockets to take out their ID without asking for permission or keeping their hands on the wheel. (We get warned of the dangers of that before travelling to the US!)
posted by Omnomnom at 1:44 AM on June 17 [34 favorites]

Does it have to be directly or just in their general direction?
posted by fairmettle at 1:48 AM on June 17 [2 favorites]

More beans, Mr Taggart?
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 2:59 AM on June 17 [2 favorites]

Es passierte.
posted by allium cepa at 3:44 AM on June 17 [2 favorites]

Immediately thought of this.
posted by Fizz at 5:05 AM on June 17

Lauten Darmwind is now the name of my alter-ego.
posted by srboisvert at 5:06 AM on June 17 [7 favorites]

Lauten Darmwind is now the name of my alter-ego.

Isn’t he in Game of Thrones?
posted by GenjiandProust at 6:58 AM on June 17 [9 favorites]

"Of course no-one will be reported for accidentally 'letting one go' once," Vienna's police department said on Twitter.
Someone spent their entire education and career working toward being in communications for the police department of Austria’s capital only to have to write reassuring tweets to the public that minor farts will not be considered an indictable offence.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:07 AM on June 17 [9 favorites]

500 Euros seems like a lot for just a fart. Did he call the officer's mother a hamster as well?
posted by SansPoint at 7:22 AM on June 17 [9 favorites]

I wish I could fart on demand whenever someone violates social distancing near me in a store.
posted by neuron at 7:27 AM on June 17 [11 favorites]

I read about this happening in America a few years ago. The arrestee was a black man who was already in custody and farted in a pointed manner at a nearby officer, who tacked on a battery charge (IIRC). It was one of those wacky news stories that isn't actually funny but gets laughs when it's completely divorced from its context and shared widely.
posted by Countess Elena at 7:31 AM on June 17 [3 favorites]

Update: 22 year old rogue farter Mitja M. blames his grandmother's bean polenta, says he was certainly not being uncooperative or provocative and has announced his firm intention to dispute the charge. See article and video in German.
posted by Omnomnom at 8:10 AM on June 17 [3 favorites]

Sorry for the multiple posts, but this guy is my hero.
Deshalb melde ich mich bei Ihnen, da ich diese Unwahrheiten nicht als solche stehen lassen möchte und der Meinung bin, dass ich furzen können soll wo immer ich will, wenn ich muss, und dafür - genausowenig wie jedeR andere Steuerzahler/in - keine 500 Euro zahlen müssen sollte.

"I refuse to let these falsehoods stand and am convinced that I should be allowed to fart wherever I want, whenever I have to, and that just like any other tax payer I should not have to pay 500 Euro for it."
posted by Omnomnom at 8:17 AM on June 17 [10 favorites]

I think so too.
posted by glasseyes at 8:24 AM on June 17 [1 favorite]

The interview is hilarious to watch (and appears so to the interviewer) even if the only words you can catch are 'uncooperative' and 'provocative' and 'furzer.'

Furzer. Good sock puppet name.
posted by glasseyes at 8:29 AM on June 17 [2 favorites]

Ok ok ok I shared this post with my parents because, you know, we think fart jokes are funny and this is obviously relevant to our interests.

By way of reply my dad decided to tell me of the time he weaponized my mom's farts to get back at one of his bosses for being a jerk.

Basically, my dad has a stomach of iron. My mom? Not so much. Her poor GI tract produces the most horrible silent toots ever, and while I somehow possess a genetic ability to shrug and get over it, my dad fundamentally Can Not Deal any time my mom does something like eat a giant bushel of cherries, which activates her propensity for GI distress. I'll be sitting in the living room minding my own business when all of a sudden I'll hear my dad rushing down the stairs from my mom's room exclaiming, "PHEW!!! CHOLERA!!! OPEN THE WINDOWS," with my mom dying of laughter in the background. (They love each other endlessly and have spent decades teasing each other about bodily functions so no worries, all good here.)


So when I was a little kid my dad had this one boss who was just horrible. He made my dad's life so miserable and it was really coming to a head right around the time the man was hosting a holiday party. My parents begrudgingly attended as it was a required work event, but once she saw the fruit spread at the buffet she made the most of it and assembled a fruit feast for herself.

Well, about 15 minutes later the silent farting started. My dad was trying desperately not to lose his composure. It wasn't working, and he kept making these strained faces at my mother who was, in turn, trying desperately not to laugh.

All of a sudden my dad's boss appeared and loudly began to complain about my father to one of his other employees right next to where my parents were sitting, blocking the way out. My dad was losing his mind.

Then he had an idea.

He quietly pulled my mom to her feet and hid them both behind a large plant.

"I need you to fart in [Boss's] general direction right now," he whispered to my mother.

"That is... that is not how this works. I cannot control the farts," my mother replied.

My dad placed his hands on her shoulders.

"Yu must fart, and fart as horribly as you can. It is the only way.*

Right as my dad's boss was launching into another diatribe, my mother was miraculously able to comply.

Immediately the people around reacted in horror and stared at my dad's boss in revulsion. He was so busy talking that when the smell finally got to him, he gagged, then realized everyone thought the odor was coming from HIM.

My parents discreetly disappeared through the exit and RAN back to their car where my dad rolled down all the windows and proceeded to profess his undying love to my mother, interspersing his complaints of, "CHOLERA! IT SMELLS LIKE CHOLERA IN HERE! HOW?????" all the way home.

Now any time my dad tries to give her a hard time about farting, she smugly reminds him that she is his favorite source of chemical warfare and has been for 40 years.

posted by Kitchen Witch at 11:40 AM on June 17 [28 favorites]

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