The Romanian Orphans are Adults Now.
June 19, 2020 8:38 AM Subscribe
Can Unloved Children Learn to Love? 30 years ago Romania deprived thousands of babies of human contact. What happened to them? Following the downfall of Ceausescu, Romanian orphans were adopted by Western families and scientists studied the impact of neglect upon neurological and emotional development. These are the two foci of the article. First, a moving portrait of Izidor who is adopted by a kind family but has trouble with the unfamiliar familial gift of affection; and second the Bucharest Early Intervention Program, the first-ever randomized controlled trial to measure the impact of early institutionalization on brain and behavioral development.
"As early as 2003, it was evident to the BEIP scientists and their Romanian research partners that the foster-care children were making progress. Glimmering through the data was a sensitive period of 24 months during which it was crucial for a child to establish an attachment relationship with a caregiver"
"Marlys was the tall American and Debbie was the short American … “Roxana, which one is going to be my new mother?” I asked [the translator].
“Which one do you want to have as your mother?”
“Which one is my mother?” I begged to know.
“The tall American,” she replied.
“Then that’s who I want to have as my mother,” I said.
When I picked Marlys, she began to cry, filled with joy that I had picked her."
"As early as 2003, it was evident to the BEIP scientists and their Romanian research partners that the foster-care children were making progress. Glimmering through the data was a sensitive period of 24 months during which it was crucial for a child to establish an attachment relationship with a caregiver"
"Marlys was the tall American and Debbie was the short American … “Roxana, which one is going to be my new mother?” I asked [the translator].
“Which one do you want to have as your mother?”
“Which one is my mother?” I begged to know.
“The tall American,” she replied.
“Then that’s who I want to have as my mother,” I said.
When I picked Marlys, she began to cry, filled with joy that I had picked her."
Well, that was depressing. Most depressing was the last paragraph that there are still 8 million children in the world being institutionalized. And even when these children are adopted into loving families, they are still scarred for life.
posted by Stargazey at 9:25 AM on June 19, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by Stargazey at 9:25 AM on June 19, 2020 [1 favorite]
I remember seeing stories that were heavy on the fear, about this type of adoption; the boy whose adoptive mother wanted to "rehome" him back to Russia a few years ago, for example.
This article is better, in that it gives you the orphan's story, not just that of the loving-but-frustrated families.
It makes sense to me, how a person ends up this way. If emotions and attachments hurt you when you are young, then you learn to suppress them, to live on the surface, to be self-sufficient. It's not "healthy" but after such a profound injury so young, it's understandable.
No wonder he didn't want therapy. He knew what a dark pit he would be digging into and wanted no part of it. He may never want to do that work, and who can blame him.
Of course, all those feelings are still there, which is the hell of it. All the anger and hurt and longing and sadness are still there and they keep affecting you. And you lash out, or sabotage things, and push others away.
posted by emjaybee at 9:52 AM on June 19, 2020 [8 favorites]
This article is better, in that it gives you the orphan's story, not just that of the loving-but-frustrated families.
It makes sense to me, how a person ends up this way. If emotions and attachments hurt you when you are young, then you learn to suppress them, to live on the surface, to be self-sufficient. It's not "healthy" but after such a profound injury so young, it's understandable.
No wonder he didn't want therapy. He knew what a dark pit he would be digging into and wanted no part of it. He may never want to do that work, and who can blame him.
Of course, all those feelings are still there, which is the hell of it. All the anger and hurt and longing and sadness are still there and they keep affecting you. And you lash out, or sabotage things, and push others away.
posted by emjaybee at 9:52 AM on June 19, 2020 [8 favorites]
That was a tough read.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 10:22 AM on June 19, 2020 [4 favorites]
posted by The Underpants Monster at 10:22 AM on June 19, 2020 [4 favorites]
As I've previously described, my parents kept me in a cage from the age of 2 until 5 1/2, only releasing me when I started Kindergarten. Their concern for my well-being even after that was non-existent. I think I have a little personal experience in this area.
After years of therapy and self-reflection, I'm afraid that the damage to children "raised" in these circumstances is likely impossible to correct unless they're moved to improved circumstances by the age of 5. After that, they're like Harlow's monkeys; a "Mom" made of chicken wire is indistinguishable from a human being.
It's a hell of a thing to realize about yourself, that you have literally no insight in how the rest of humanity lives.
posted by SPrintF at 1:19 PM on June 19, 2020 [50 favorites]
After years of therapy and self-reflection, I'm afraid that the damage to children "raised" in these circumstances is likely impossible to correct unless they're moved to improved circumstances by the age of 5. After that, they're like Harlow's monkeys; a "Mom" made of chicken wire is indistinguishable from a human being.
It's a hell of a thing to realize about yourself, that you have literally no insight in how the rest of humanity lives.
posted by SPrintF at 1:19 PM on June 19, 2020 [50 favorites]
Thank you for this. My then-boyfriend's family adopted a young child from Romania in the late nineties -- some fuzzy mental math sets their birth post-Ceauşescu, but without revealing too medical history (which I was only tangentially aware of anyway), none of this is surprising. It's hard to read, but it recalls me to a time I didn't understand, and gives me a grain of understanding.
(I also babysat for a child who was born during Ceauşescu's reign, at least I'm pretty sure. They were a very interesting person to care for and watch grow up, and I'm glad to have a little more insight into their early life, as painful as it was.)
posted by kalimac at 2:19 PM on June 19, 2020
(I also babysat for a child who was born during Ceauşescu's reign, at least I'm pretty sure. They were a very interesting person to care for and watch grow up, and I'm glad to have a little more insight into their early life, as painful as it was.)
posted by kalimac at 2:19 PM on June 19, 2020
My mother learned from college lectures about Nazi experiments on children and Harlow's monkeys that children require touch and interaction, so to make up for her complete lack of nurturing instinct or attachment to her children, she would set a kitchen timer to remind her to "pat the baby" once per hour. It's strange to think that I owe whatever normality I can claim, as well as my ability to emotionally attach to people (including my children) to the horrific abuse of babies and baby monkeys.
If every worker in orphanages and other institutions housing babies and small children knew to do at least that much, how many more people could avoid the devastating outcomes of having no attachments as an infant?
posted by notashroom at 3:20 PM on June 19, 2020 [12 favorites]
If every worker in orphanages and other institutions housing babies and small children knew to do at least that much, how many more people could avoid the devastating outcomes of having no attachments as an infant?
posted by notashroom at 3:20 PM on June 19, 2020 [12 favorites]
In the psychologist Harry Harlow’s infamous “maternal deprivation” experiments, he caged baby rhesus monkeys alone, offering them only maternal facsimiles made of wire and wood, or foam and terry cloth.
In 1998, at a small scientific meeting, animal research presented back-to-back with images from Romanian orphanages changed the course of the study of attachment. First the University of Minnesota neonatal-pediatrics professor Dana Johnson shared photos and videos that he’d collected in Romania of rooms teeming with children engaged in “motor stereotypies”: rocking, banging their heads, squawking. He was followed by a speaker who showed videos of her work with motherless primate infants like the ones Harlow had produced—swaying, twirling, self-mutilating. The audience was shocked by the parallels. “We were all in tears,” Nelson told me.
My dad was adopted at 9 months of age by an older couple who loved him dearly. He told me recently that when he was an adult in his 30s, he learned about the Harlow experiments in his psychology class and he felt like a ton of bricks had hit him right in the middle of the lecture hall, because all of a sudden he remembered how when he was a kid, like 5 or 6 years old, he would clutch a blanket or stuffed animal to himself and rock to soothe himself, and he saw himself in those baby monkeys. After only 9 months of institutional care. He eventually did grow out of it.
The worst part is that he had an older sister, also adopted, who was 4 years old when she came to their family. 4 years. She wasn't mentally well as a child and her life has turned out about what you would expect.
posted by chainsofreedom at 3:35 PM on June 19, 2020 [9 favorites]
In 1998, at a small scientific meeting, animal research presented back-to-back with images from Romanian orphanages changed the course of the study of attachment. First the University of Minnesota neonatal-pediatrics professor Dana Johnson shared photos and videos that he’d collected in Romania of rooms teeming with children engaged in “motor stereotypies”: rocking, banging their heads, squawking. He was followed by a speaker who showed videos of her work with motherless primate infants like the ones Harlow had produced—swaying, twirling, self-mutilating. The audience was shocked by the parallels. “We were all in tears,” Nelson told me.
My dad was adopted at 9 months of age by an older couple who loved him dearly. He told me recently that when he was an adult in his 30s, he learned about the Harlow experiments in his psychology class and he felt like a ton of bricks had hit him right in the middle of the lecture hall, because all of a sudden he remembered how when he was a kid, like 5 or 6 years old, he would clutch a blanket or stuffed animal to himself and rock to soothe himself, and he saw himself in those baby monkeys. After only 9 months of institutional care. He eventually did grow out of it.
The worst part is that he had an older sister, also adopted, who was 4 years old when she came to their family. 4 years. She wasn't mentally well as a child and her life has turned out about what you would expect.
posted by chainsofreedom at 3:35 PM on June 19, 2020 [9 favorites]
Some previouslies:
On Izidor Ruckel
I had remembered this as a Romanian orphanage; in actuality Bulgarian, but quite similar in circumstance. (Original links broken. It's not something I want to see again but the documentary seems available here.)
(Weird personal coincidence: I read the Bulgaria post whilst living in Sighetu Marmaţiei)
posted by myotahapea at 12:40 AM on June 20, 2020
On Izidor Ruckel
I had remembered this as a Romanian orphanage; in actuality Bulgarian, but quite similar in circumstance. (Original links broken. It's not something I want to see again but the documentary seems available here.)
(Weird personal coincidence: I read the Bulgaria post whilst living in Sighetu Marmaţiei)
posted by myotahapea at 12:40 AM on June 20, 2020
"...up to 8 million children around the world are institutionalized, including those at America’s southern border." I am out of words.
posted by blue shadows at 12:58 AM on June 21, 2020
posted by blue shadows at 12:58 AM on June 21, 2020
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Unable to process his family’s affection, he just wanted to know where he stood. It was simpler in the orphanage, where either you were being beaten or you weren’t. “I responded better to being smacked around,” Izidor tells me. “In America, they had ‘rules’ and ‘consequences.’ So much talk. I hated ‘Let’s talk about this.’ As a child, I’d never heard words like ‘You are special’ or ‘You’re our kid.’ Later, if your adoption parents tell you words like that, you feel, Okay, whatever, thanks. I don’t even know what you’re talking about. I don’t know what you want from me, or what I’m supposed to do for you.”
posted by showbiz_liz at 9:07 AM on June 19, 2020 [2 favorites]