Frog and Toad are Friends

July 8, 2020 8:15 AM

These amphibians, they act in complicated ways to each other, but the friendship is the only thing standing between them and despair.” For the uninitiated, reading such deep psychodrama into a story about a couple of anthropomorphic polliwogs might seem a bit much. But anyone who’s spent time in the world Lobel built for these two critters knows that, if anything, it’s almost an understatement. Bonus.
posted by If only I had a penguin... (35 comments total)

Is it just me, or were Frog and Toad kinda…dicks to each other? I remember having a vague sense of unease about that even as a child, reading one of the Frog and Toad books and thinking "wow, these guys...aren't very nice to each other. Why are they friends?"
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:26 AM on July 8, 2020 [1 favorite]

Maybe I'll find love again,in the form of a friend. Lovely.
posted by lextex at 8:27 AM on July 8, 2020

A few years ago the Contemporary Jewish Museum in SF had a wonderful exhibit on Arnold Lobel - one of a number of fantastic exhibits on illustrators.
posted by niicholas at 8:34 AM on July 8, 2020 [2 favorites]

Frog and Toad are the kind of couple, er um friends, that have been together so long they sometimes get on each other's nerves or really piss each other off, but in the end no one else has known them longer or better and been more committed through life's ups and downs, so ultimately they always make up and go to bed content.
posted by Flannery Culp at 8:35 AM on July 8, 2020 [17 favorites]

Is it just me, or were Frog and Toad kinda…dicks to each other? I remember having a vague sense of unease about that even as a child, reading one of the Frog and Toad books and thinking "wow, these guys...aren't very nice to each other. Why are they friends?"
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:26 AM on July 8

It's just you. When Frog is late for Christmas Eve, Toad strikes out into the night armed with a frying pan, rope, and lantern to save him. They both rake each other's leaves, and go to bed happy to have done something nice for their friend (even if the wind messes up their plans). Frog gets Toad a new ice cream cone when his melts and sticks to him and he's mistaken for a horrible horned beast. When Toad has a nightmare, it's about Frog shrinking while an unseen voice announces how good Toad is. I can't think of a single story in which they're even remotely mean to each other.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 8:35 AM on July 8, 2020 [23 favorites]

I can't think of a single story in which they're even remotely mean to each other.

I'm starting to think I read a knock-off, then, because I swear that one of the books I read had a story where one of them was house-sitting for the other (don't remember for certain, but I think Toad was housesitting for Frog) and the mailman came with a package, and Toad thought it'd be a really funny prank to say "Oh, no, Frog doesn't want that package" and returning it to Sender. Only when Frog got back and learned Toad had done this, he said "well, that's just great, that package was going to be YOUR birthday present so now it'll be late."

If that wasn't in one of the Frog and Toad books I may have been reading some weird knockoff. But that's the thing that I think gave me a weird feeling as a kid.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:41 AM on July 8, 2020 [1 favorite]

There is at least one book where they have skirmishes of that type, but it all works out in the end.
posted by Flannery Culp at 8:46 AM on July 8, 2020

They have a conflict dynamic because they’re kind of an Ask/Guess, uptight/chill pair...but hey, opposites attract!
posted by sallybrown at 8:53 AM on July 8, 2020 [2 favorites]

God the dream one is amazing.

The one mean instance that comes to mind is when Frog and the other animals laugh at the way Toad looks in his swimsuit.

But even then, Toad preserves his dignity. And Frog is more helplessly overcome than bullying.
posted by Rat Spatula at 9:18 AM on July 8, 2020 [3 favorites]

“But Toad,” said the crow, “you are alone on the sled.”
Toad looked around. He saw that Frog was not there.
“I AM ALL ALONE!” screamed Toad.

Sam Becket ain't got nothing on Lobel.
posted by nushustu at 9:21 AM on July 8, 2020 [17 favorites]

They have occasional misunderstandings but always come from a place of love. I can't imagine Frog or Toad playing a mean prank for the lulz.

I never read the books as a child because I thought they sounded babyish (if there's anyone more snobbish than a chapter-book-reading five-year-old I have yet to meet them). I got them for my kids and really regret that I didn't open them up when I was little.
posted by potrzebie at 9:22 AM on July 8, 2020 [3 favorites]

I had almost forgotten about Frog and Toad; I loved those books when I was a kid. I just ordered the box set for my daughter.

I also loved Owl at Home, also by Arnold Lobel—I still finish my mashed potatoes because of that book.
posted by vitout at 9:26 AM on July 8, 2020 [1 favorite]

I love Frog and Toad. I don't remember the books from when I was a child but we read them to our kids over and over. Hell, I read them even when the kids didn't want to.
posted by ceejaytee at 9:35 AM on July 8, 2020

Frog & Toad and Crowley & Aziraphale have very similar vibes.
posted by hapaxes.legomenon at 10:07 AM on July 8, 2020 [10 favorites]

See also Bert and Ernie.
posted by Flannery Culp at 10:09 AM on July 8, 2020 [6 favorites]

BEST BOOKS from that age(ish):
Frog and Toad are Friends
Happy Birthday to You! Dr. Seuss
Corduroy, Don Freeman
posted by Glinn at 10:11 AM on July 8, 2020

God Frog and Toad are truly masterpieces of literature. The pathos mentioned in this article! So resonant, so beautiful and subtly painful, yet the equanimity of it all.

Found linked within the FPP: this delightful piece about the gay authors of our 60s and 70s faves.

Speaking of great (if not gay) children's literature: William Steig was a genius and Abel's Island should have a place in the cannon of great American novels.
posted by latkes at 10:23 AM on July 8, 2020 [5 favorites]

I am frustrated that this article doesn't do a good job of noting the possiblity that frog and toad are a couple
posted by PinkMoose at 10:37 AM on July 8, 2020 [1 favorite]

Oh, wow, I LOVE Frog and Toad. I don't think I remember them from my childhood; I'm not sure when I (re-?)discovered them, but I love the books -

and I love the musical, A Year with Frog & Toad, and Alone is one of my favorite songs ever, and I think really captures Frog, and Toad, and their relationship.

Other favorites: Seeds and I'm Coming Out of My Shell, in which a minor character (Snail) gets a moment in the spotlight.

There's also an animated Frog and Toad series, which I haven't seen at all, and all kinds of fun things on Youtube, from various people reading the stories aloud to college theater productions of the musical.

Jessamyn's profile links to her quoting the Cookies story.

(Interesting thing: actor Mark Linn-Baker was married to Lobel's daughter for about 15 years; he helped adapt the stories for the musical and played Toad on Broadway.)

Your library (or favorite audiobook provider) may have the audio version of the stories read aloud by the author.

I think my favorite story from the whole collection is The List.

I REALLY like this bit from the main linked article:

If, as Maclear suggests, Frog and Toad asks fundamentally “existential” questions, it does so not in the lonely reveries we associate with that sort of thinking, but through friendship itself.

“That is the practice of Frog and Toad, if you want to think about it in Buddhist terms,” she told me. “It’s how to sharpen your compassion in relation to the other.”

Hooray for Frog and Toad!

Thank you for posting this, If I only had a penguin... !
posted by kristi at 10:42 AM on July 8, 2020 [3 favorites]

I don't think I had Frog and Toad growing up, but I've become a big fan while reading them to my kid.
posted by madcaptenor at 10:44 AM on July 8, 2020 [2 favorites]

EmpressCallipygos - I think I remember that story too along with the childhood discomfort. I wonder what story it was! I'd like to revisit it.

Meanwhile, maybe it's time to buy all the Frog and Toad books. I have an older kiddo I never thought they would resonate with, but there's a younger one now. Yay books! Revisiting your childhood ones is one of the best things about having kids.
posted by kitcat at 12:00 PM on July 8, 2020

I read a lot of books to my kids over the years, but I don't think anything was as delightful and worth repeated re-reading as Frog and Toad.

That McSweeney's parody is funny because it captures something of their personalities and relationship but is so boring and cliche compared to the actual freshness of Lobel's story ideas.
posted by straight at 12:21 PM on July 8, 2020

The story about the mail goes like this: Toad is waiting for the mail, even though he never gets any. Frog, when he hears this, promptly goes home and writes him a letter saying how glad he is that they are friends. But he gives it to a snail to deliver - so, when he goes back to Toad's and says that Toad should wait for the mail, absolutely, until it comes, it takes four days to get there. There is naturally some impatience and frustration on Toad's part in the meantime.
posted by Lawn Beaver at 2:06 PM on July 8, 2020 [6 favorites]

I grew up with and deeply love these books. My sister did as well. One of those fun facts, they've been translated into a ton of different languages, so when I had the chance, I bought the Hebrew editions for my sister, who is a Hebrew school teacher, and she treasures them. When I found them in Japanese, you're damn right I bought the whole set, which, years later, led to the hands down best part of quarantine for me:

I tried to read them as a bed time story to Mrs. Ghidorah, but my Japanese reading ability is sadly terrible, even worse is my ability to read aloud. So she took over, reading a Frog and Toad story to me every night until we'd worked all through the books. Reading children's books aloud was new to her, and listening to her reading voice grow as she worked through the books was part of how much I enjoyed it. I slept so, so well after hearing the stories again.
posted by Ghidorah at 3:59 PM on July 8, 2020 [7 favorites]

Loneliness and aloneness are common themes in the Frog & Toad stories. Several people here have mentioned Toad's dream ("I AM ALL ALONE"), but the story titled simply "Alone" is probably my favorite. It's about fear of abandonment, the joys of solitude, and the warmth of company--all in like, 10 illustrated and sparsely worded pages! Plus there's a turtle that's a spectacularly unhelpful sounding board. Here's a video of me reading it!
posted by sugar and confetti at 5:49 PM on July 8, 2020 [1 favorite]

Also, they're not dicks to each other (except for the swimsuit story, NOT COOL, FROG) but it's true that they're both kinda... A LOT a lot of the time, in subtly distinct ways. They're also incredibly loyal and loving friends. We should all be so lucky.
posted by sugar and confetti at 5:53 PM on July 8, 2020 [3 favorites]

OH AND ALSO

Arnold Lobel had a real gift for using as few words as possible to communicate extremely relatable emotional states. "I feel very seen" is a common reaction I have to the Frog & Toad stories, perhaps none more so than the story about Toad's delicious cookies, which in a moment of pure kismet I googled, and found posted online by someone you may recognize.
posted by sugar and confetti at 5:59 PM on July 8, 2020 [2 favorites]

I would pay good money to see a production of 'A Year With Frog And Toad' starring Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen.
posted by fings at 7:56 PM on July 8, 2020 [10 favorites]

I am not as bothered by the swimsuit story and I'm really trying to figure out why! It's actually one of my favorites (along with Ice Cream). I think superficially, I like the story in most every Frog and Toad and so what really makes it sing for me is excellent pictures, and Toad's adorable little swimsuit is just such a top-notch getup. But in general I don't like stories where mean-spirited stuff happens; I've just never read that one as mean-spirited.

Maybe I like it because I am kind of a Toad in a lot of ways, including feeling weird, self-conscious and uncomfortable in a body that is, by all accounts, a perfectly fine body. And I feel like maybe while what Toad wanted was to have his self-consciousness respected and taken seriously, what he needed was to have his self-consciousness pointed out to him as a bit ridiculous? Ultimately all bodies are embarrassing and all clothing is absurd, and what better way to call that out than to put a frog in a swimsuit? Because after all, they aren't laughing at his body. They're laughing at the fact that an amphibian is wearing a special, very silly outfit to swim, while none of the rest of them feel called to modesty. It's like he brought a Victorian bathing-machine to Spring Break and then told everyone to stop looking at it.

I think it's clear from his dignified exit that there's no lasting harm done. I personally think Toad looks cute as a motherfucking button in his bathing suit, and while I'd try not to laugh to spare his feelings, I think if I were Frog I'd be laughing out of love, the way I sometimes can't help but laugh at my kids when they cry over ridiculous things. Because, you guys...he does look silly in his bathing suit. Come on.

The great thing about Frog and Toad is that I absolutely don't feel silly mulling this deeply about my reaction to this story. They're so short and SO deep.
posted by potrzebie at 10:12 PM on July 8, 2020 [10 favorites]

I am awake with insomnia and just registered how Jewish Frog and Toad are. I wish I'd seen that exhibit you mentioned niicholas... I'd love to have seen Lobel contextualized within Jewish culture.
posted by latkes at 12:07 AM on July 9, 2020 [1 favorite]

OMG look at this Tomie dePaula portrait of the queer cohort... I love the scowling Sendak..
posted by latkes at 12:31 AM on July 9, 2020

I’ve been thinking about Ian McKellen as Toad all day, with Patrick Stewart as Frog.
posted by Ghidorah at 5:37 AM on July 9, 2020 [3 favorites]

A Year with Frog and Toad originated at Children's Theatre Company in Minneapolis where it starred local treasures Reed Sigmund and Bradley Greenwald. I couldn't find video of their performance in a quick search, but if you can, it's well worth watching.
posted by Flannery Culp at 6:11 AM on July 9, 2020

My biggest smackdown on MetaTalk was also my introduction to Frog and Toad, and for that I am ever grateful to jessamyn. Since then I have purchased the collection and it has been our family's most treasured of bedtime readings through the years.

Edit: Hah! I just saw Kristi's comment, it me!
posted by furtive at 10:35 AM on July 9, 2020 [1 favorite]

I am not as bothered by the swimsuit story and I'm really trying to figure out why!

I think it's because it's not about Toad learning to have a thick skin when people are mean, but learning there's such a thing as people laughing without meanness and that it's fine, that it doesn't hurt to let them laugh even if you don't see what's so funny.
posted by straight at 2:56 AM on July 11, 2020 [1 favorite]