And knowing is half the battle

July 18, 2020 2:59 AM

10s' kids get She-Ra. 00s' kids get Avatar. 90s' kids get Disney Afternoon. But 80s' kids get Hasbro's YouTube channel with a livestream of GI Joe episodes.
posted by Katemonkey (27 comments total)

So this finally gives me a chance to tell the story of my childhood trauma.

My brother and I obsessively watched GI Joe when we were kids. And one day, we saw There's No Place Like Springfield, Part 1. Which is a freakin' traumatic episode, with people melting and becoming giant blobs and Shipwreck not knowing what was happening. I mean, if you're 8 years old and a huge Shipwreck fan, it's horrific.

And then, somehow, I don't know, I DIDN'T SEE PART TWO.

I didn't see part two for THIRTY FIVE YEARS. Until Hasbro went "Hey, you know what? Let's put GI Joe on YouTube."

Thank you, Hasbro. Knowing really is half the battle.
posted by Katemonkey at 3:05 AM on July 18, 2020 [32 favorites]

Alas, "The Viper Is Coming" doesn't appear to be up there yet.
posted by detachd at 5:21 AM on July 18, 2020 [5 favorites]

Metafilter: so this finally gives me a chance to tell the story of my childhood trauma.


😉
posted by darkstar at 5:25 AM on July 18, 2020 [8 favorites]

Favorited hard. I can't believe I still remember these characters' code names.

In my very elementary BASIC programming youth, I entered all the action figures' ID card details into a program I built so I could input a code name and return the bio.

Who wants a body massage?
posted by emelenjr at 5:27 AM on July 18, 2020 [15 favorites]

I remember that episode quite vividly! Nothing like a heaping helping of body horror with your toy merchandising!

Also, stop all the downloadin!
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 5:51 AM on July 18, 2020 [8 favorites]

If G.I. Joe was “a real American hero”, who were the false American heroes who preceded him? Loyalist Larry? Confederate Charlie? German American Bund Gary?
posted by panama joe at 6:03 AM on July 18, 2020 [5 favorites]

To those of us born in the 60's, this was The One True G.I. Joe. I wish I still had all of my figures and sets and vehicles.
posted by Bill Watches Movies Podcast at 6:06 AM on July 18, 2020 [6 favorites]

Who wants a body massage?
PORKCHOP SANDWICHES!

I am a dude in his forties; I have been binging the new She-Ra and it is fantastic. Also, if you haven't marathoned through Steven Universe, treat yourself.
posted by xedrik at 6:34 AM on July 18, 2020 [12 favorites]

My older brother and I were born in 1971 and 1972, and we acquired dozens of Star Wars action figures, which we played with along with my younger brother, who was born in 1975. After us older two were too old to be collecting action figures, but my younger brother was not, people started giving him GI Joes (though I don't think any of us ever watched the cartoon). Of course all three of us still played together, "too old" or not, and we came up with elaborate alternate personalities for the GI Joes, who were constantly oppressing the Star Wars figures for their lack of knees and elbows.
posted by rikschell at 6:35 AM on July 18, 2020 [3 favorites]

Katemonkey I love the title. My husband says that all the time and I had to ask him what the hell he was talking about. He thought I would want to see the GI Joe movie when it came out in 2010.

That said, like Bill Watches Movies Podcast, although I wasn't the target market for the cartoon, I think of the old school GI Joes. In fact I still have two.
posted by biggreenplant at 6:38 AM on July 18, 2020

The best G.I. Joe episode ever made is an episode of Community (S5 E11 "G.I. Jeff").
posted by LooseFilter at 7:28 AM on July 18, 2020 [1 favorite]

I'm ashamed for having forgotten about Cold Slither.
posted by detachd at 7:33 AM on July 18, 2020 [2 favorites]

Nothing against GI-Joe, but I'd like to point out that '80s kids also get She-Ra.
posted by signal at 10:34 AM on July 18, 2020 [3 favorites]

Nothing like a heaping helping of body horror with your toy merchandising!

Oh are we talking about the Inhumanoids now? Best kids cartoon ever, and part of the same Hasbro universe as GI Joe, The Transformers, and Jem and the Holograms!
posted by gusottertrout at 11:16 AM on July 18, 2020 [1 favorite]

@detachd

Thanks a whole f’n lot. I HAD forgotten it. Finally.


That was some hilarious shit though. They were like a terrible ‘river bottom nightmare band ‘tribute ensemble
posted by das_2099 at 11:19 AM on July 18, 2020

the same Hasbro universe as GI Joe, The Transformers, and Jem and the Holograms!

Wait, were there crossovers?
posted by wildblueyonder at 12:28 PM on July 18, 2020

I am obligated here to mention that nearly everything worthwhile about the 80s G.I. Joe is directly attributable to to Larry Hama and he doesn’t get nearly the credit he deserves for it.
posted by Parasite Unseen at 12:34 PM on July 18, 2020 [4 favorites]

They were like a terrible ‘river bottom nightmare band ‘tribute ensemble

You take that back. River Bottom Nightmare Band for life!
posted by Faint of Butt at 12:42 PM on July 18, 2020 [2 favorites]

My brother and I obsessively watched GI Joe when we were kids. And one day, we saw There's No Place Like Springfield, Part 1 . Which is a freakin' traumatic episode, with people melting and becoming giant blobs and Shipwreck not knowing what was happening. I mean, if you're 8 years old and a huge Shipwreck fan, it's horrific.

Oh wow, yeah, this episode was so memorable! I think I did manage to forget about it for a few years until the Star Trek TNG episode, Future Imperfect, which had a similar-ish plotline with Riker, minus the melting blob people. Then eventually I saw 36 Hours, which inspired both (or at least was directly based on the book that did).
posted by Pryde at 1:28 PM on July 18, 2020

We can't talk about '80s Hasbro body horror without mentioning Doctor Arkeville. Did Hasbro have, like, a VP of Childhood Trauma or something? Is this just the sort of thing that happens when you're headquartered in the same place Lovecraft is from?

detachd, check out the Tubi streaming channel. It has the complete runs of GI Joe and Transformers. I just watched "The Viper is Coming" last week, as it happens. It holds up!

wildblueyonder, a few characters crossed over, such as Hector Ramirez. And then there was Ol' Snake.
posted by MrBadExample at 2:05 PM on July 18, 2020 [3 favorites]

It's like a box of Cheat Commandos O's that comes with a Fensler Films flipbook in it
posted by the painkiller at 2:08 PM on July 18, 2020 [3 favorites]

There’s no place like Springfield wasn’t the only body horror episode. There was a later episode where a magic youth formula disappeared a lady’s face. There was also an episode about G.I. Joe friendly fire burning down an orphanage, and Shipwreck tells a great and funny story to the orphans while the others rebuild.

Apropos to our leadership today, cobra hacked GI Joe to promote new commanders while the General was out of town. When he got back, the general described the 3 new leaders as having neither the desire or ability to lead, the desire but not the ability, and the ability but not the desire, which I thought was an amazing lesson to teach children.

So yeah, lots of people describe the show as a commercial to sell toys, but that is not all it was.
posted by The_Vegetables at 5:46 PM on July 18, 2020 [1 favorite]

G.I. Joe taught me that appleseeds contain poison. Small enough quantities to not cause problems unless you shoot a few tons of apples into a giant germ attacking the populous.
posted by m@f at 6:20 PM on July 18, 2020 [3 favorites]

xedrik: "I am a dude in his forties; I have been binging the new She-Ra and it is fantastic. Also, if you haven't marathoned through Steven Universe, treat yourself."

If you're done with those two, you have 2 seasons of Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts to catch up with. Better get on it.
posted by signal at 6:24 PM on July 18, 2020

Gotta shout out Worlds Without End, another quality if slightly grim 2-parter.

For years I held onto a bare 1983 Breaker. While I was stressing out about a move, I went on ebay and found him a replacement helmet, radio, and bapackpack, re-painted the silver on his pouches...felt pretty good.

He now resides in a place of honor in a drawer somewhere, but it felt good to complete after 25+ years.
posted by StarkRoads at 7:31 PM on July 18, 2020

Born in 81. By the time I was three or four, i had Joe figures.

One winter early on, we took our Joes outside to play in the snow and lost one. RIP Footloose.

To this day my bro and I get a new Flint off Ebay when ours' rubber band breaks. Flint occupies a place of royalty in our toy world as back in the day we felt he needed a girlfriend after Lady Jaye broke, so he hooked up with Cloud City Leia.

As for the show... It was, is, and forever will be my favorite childhood cartoon series. Up to the movie. I hate what they did with the movie and after. Cobralalala-blah!
posted by Fukiyama at 4:08 PM on July 19, 2020

To this day my bro and I get a new Flint off Ebay when ours' rubber band breaks.
You can buy GI Joe rubber bands at any hardware store. You could have an army of Flints (if you keep the broken ones)!
posted by The_Vegetables at 10:45 PM on July 19, 2020 [1 favorite]