There's Some Whores in This House
August 11, 2020 4:36 PM   Subscribe

"I’m an active participant. I’m not just a vessel. The reason you’re having such a good time, sir, is because I am squeezing your dick." CW: Wet and gushy. While men have been musically aggrandizing their genitalia for, well, ever, Cardi B feat. Megan Thee Stallion have conservative knickers in a (damp) twist over WAP, a paean to Wet Ass Pussy.

Twitter something-or-other Ben Shapiro cited his "doctor wife" in a concern troll tweet about medical issues.

VULTURE asked a gynecologist about the song and the science.
posted by cyndigo (90 comments total) 41 users marked this as a favorite
 
Oh Ben... Why are you so funny? Oh yeah, that's why.
posted by Your Childhood Pet Rock at 4:51 PM on August 11 [7 favorites]


Way to self-own Shapiro.
posted by BrotherCaine at 4:52 PM on August 11 [23 favorites]




My theory for how James Bradley managed to hear WAP accidentally (as he claims) is that he was doing a Google search for the term “wet ass pussy” unaware that there was a song.

Not enjoying the song one bit, his next search was for “wet ass pussy (white)”.
posted by Parasite Unseen at 4:55 PM on August 11 [41 favorites]


I feel horrible for not being more sympathetic to the rampant symptoms of gynecological issues among my past lovers.

*flex*
posted by allegedly at 4:58 PM on August 11 [21 favorites]


Not enjoying the song one bit, his next search was for “wet ass pussy (white)”.

I know that version. It's a cover by Brittany Snow and Anna Camp, featuring Meghan Trainor.
posted by Your Childhood Pet Rock at 5:05 PM on August 11 [4 favorites]


From the first article:
What did you think of “macaroni in the pot” as a descriptor for a wet vagina?

“Macaroni in the pot.” I don’t know. I think the idea of something being really slippery … I spend a lot of time in my writing using that kind of visualization to describe things, and it’s funny because I use food a lot when I talk about the body. I just finished writing a thing about the intestines being like spaghetti and your ovaries being like meatballs. I like the idea, but I think it’s kind of a false equivalency to say it’s like macaroni in the pot. I don’t know if that’s what I would use.
Clearly, the doctor is unfamiliar with the classic Vine that the lyric is referencing
posted by mhum at 5:10 PM on August 11 [66 favorites]


Clearly, the doctor is unfamiliar with the classic Vine that the lyric is referencing

So was I. OMG.
posted by evidenceofabsence at 5:15 PM on August 11 [32 favorites]


Way to self-own Shapiro.

Reminds me of all those "Women just don't enjoy sex, I've never been with a woman who enjoyed it" tweets.
posted by star gentle uterus at 5:20 PM on August 11 [31 favorites]


Vulture really loves writing about this song.?. Here's another article of theirs on the sample from the WAP hook that many 90s house/techno/club kids probably recognize.
posted by p3t3 at 5:23 PM on August 11 [2 favorites]


Clearly, the doctor is unfamiliar with the classic Vine that the lyric is referencing

I was as well but I was familiar with the concept... Acquaintances of mine in University had a scale of arousal based on the various stages of Kraft Dinner preparation and consumption. But that was the early 90s and it was the fashion of the time.
posted by Ashwagandha at 5:23 PM on August 11 [7 favorites]


MetaFilter: I don’t find it offensive, but it’s also not that interesting, frankly. It’s just another day at the office. It was kind of catchy.
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:38 PM on August 11 [7 favorites]


The video and song are great, thank you for posting.

The doctor in the Vulture interview was having fun with the whole thing: "Problem is if his balls are obstructing her nose. That could be dangerous."

It is interesting that the doctor was thinking about the visuals of macaroni, not the sound effects.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:09 PM on August 11




YouTube comment:
jozer77
Kidz Bop: “There’s some s’mores in this house.”


Also, that chain link hair was pretty cool.
posted by Gorgik at 6:11 PM on August 11 [10 favorites]


I wish there were a version of the video with the original lyrics.

Also, I can’t stop giggling over “my doctor wife”. I keep saying it to myself in a Borat voice.
posted by mr_roboto at 6:12 PM on August 11 [25 favorites]


Huehuehuehue...
posted by Windopaene at 6:25 PM on August 11 [1 favorite]


Cupcakke, she got a “ fat cat”.
Its name is “Garfield
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 6:26 PM on August 11 [2 favorites]


When did Ben's wife divorce The Monarch?
posted by Iris Gambol at 6:30 PM on August 11 [16 favorites]


I.. don't really know most of these twitter names, but I do know that the man who said, "I've yet to meet a hetero woman who enthusiastically participates in sex," is not debate team material.
posted by Horkus at 6:31 PM on August 11 [80 favorites]


Metafilter: musically aggrandizing their genitalia
posted by The Underpants Monster at 6:38 PM on August 11 [3 favorites]


I read this week that when Cardi B realized her career was outgrowing her manager, who was a longtime friend, she agreed to sign on with a big name, high wattage manager... but only on the condition they take her friend on as an apprentice and teach her to up her game. That's class.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 6:46 PM on August 11 [113 favorites]


needs more banjo.
posted by clavdivs at 7:11 PM on August 11 [2 favorites]


Not my cuppa, but as with the white people clutching their pearls over Anaconda what we're seeing is misogyny dressed up in one of its favorite costumes: fake concern for women. It isn't that they personally hate seeing women own their sexuality, oh no, it's that they are just **SO** worried about how badly girls and women will be affected by such a horrible awful song.

The whole point is that if she'd been a guy singing about her dick and fucking lots of women no one would blink. At absolute most a few of the older white culture warrior types might decry the lack of decorum, but no one would declare it was a deeply destructive and dangerous song. It's only when women take ownership of their sexuality that all the moral scolds start claiming it means civilization is ending.

Which was Cardi B's point, and why she did the song.

So I'm for it, and her, despite personally not really liking the song that much.
posted by sotonohito at 7:24 PM on August 11 [58 favorites]


I’m not sure we’re sufficiently appreciating the majesty of Horkus’s debate team remark. I want to favorite that twice.
posted by hototogisu at 7:26 PM on August 11 [4 favorites]


Meanwhile, herpetology Twitter is focused on the snakes in the WAP video.
posted by mbrubeck at 8:09 PM on August 11 [11 favorites]


Have hyphens gone the way of the dodo? The judicious insertion (!) of one between 'Wet' and 'Ass' would bracket the two and avoid the taint (!!) of a possibly not-even-metaphorical ass besmirching the otherwise lovely and inviting pussy. Do people want ass pussies nowadays? Or am I being a old-fashioned fuddy-duddy stick-in-the-mud?
posted by sensate at 8:29 PM on August 11 [31 favorites]




would bracket the two and avoid the taint (!!) of a possibly not-even-metaphorical

I will now wage war with the apostrophe'.
posted by clavdivs at 8:43 PM on August 11 [2 favorites]


I hadn't realized until now how badly my life was missing music about wet-ass pussy.
posted by medusa at 8:44 PM on August 11 [5 favorites]


Do people want ass pussies nowadays?

Now, I'm pretty sure we've been down this here road before.
posted by Slackermagee at 8:48 PM on August 11 [1 favorite]




Is this something I'd need to own a copy of The Delta of Venus to understand ?
posted by y2karl at 9:10 PM on August 11 [2 favorites]


fuddy-duddy stick-in-the-mud

You're so kinky!
posted by Saxon Kane at 9:13 PM on August 11 [5 favorites]


WAP slaps, but I want to remind y'all that Lil Kim had the platinum single Not Tonight in 97 with a chorus of "I don't want dick tonight, eat my pussy right." Oh and the album it was on was title Hardcore, it went double platinum.

I listened to that shit when I was 11, and all I knew afterwards was that I needed to learn how to eat pussy.

Moral of the story, make yr children listen to nasty ass sex rap from the female perspective if you want them to grow up to be responsible pussy eating citizens.
posted by dudemanlives at 9:17 PM on August 11 [105 favorites]


I'm partial to Raven Sutton's ASL version (via Twitter).
posted by progosk at 9:28 PM on August 11 [13 favorites]


Once upon a time, there was a woman named Lucille Bogan.

And then later on there was a woman named Millie Jackson.

OK, what I mean to say is, Ben is a racist, misogynist twerp.
posted by droplet at 9:43 PM on August 11 [16 favorites]


Obligatory Denise LaSalle Lick It Before You Stick It.

you are making her feeling good
but you can make her feel better
If you treat you lady like a stamp on a letter

posted by Pyrogenesis at 11:48 PM on August 11 [17 favorites]


Have hyphens gone the way of the dodo? The judicious insertion (!) of one between 'Wet' and 'Ass' would bracket the two

Ah, but would you then render it as "Wet-ass Pussy" or "Wet-Ass Pussy"? Capitalisation within titles is tricky once you get hyphens involved.
posted by Paul Slade at 11:58 PM on August 11 [2 favorites]


i saw this last night after seeing several random women on twitter (authors and historians) make some reference.

it's a great video. the lyrics are fun. i'm not super into sex but i get that some people are and i love that they're like welp this is how i like it.

and you know what's funny, i don't think there was a single man in this excellent video about women lyrically addressing the ways in which they enjoy sex. i've yet to a see cis het man make a music video about almost anything that does not have a woman in it in some way, esp if said song is definitely about getting it on. i haven't had enough thought about this yet but something something patriarchy, this song rocks, strong women are great.
posted by affectionateborg at 1:10 AM on August 12 [7 favorites]


With my flip-phone I get all the WAP I can handle, night and day, let me tell you.
posted by w0mbat at 1:34 AM on August 12 [6 favorites]


Do people want ass pussies nowadays?

the ass is pretty popular these days, I hear
posted by atoxyl at 2:47 AM on August 12 [2 favorites]


I don't want french fried potatoes, red ripe tomatoes
I'm never satisfied
I want the frim fram sauce
With oss-en-fay with sha fafa on the side
I don't want pork chops and bacon
That won't awaken, my appetite inside
I want the frim fram sauce
With oss-en-fay with sha fafa on the side
Well you know a girl
She really got to eat
And a girl she should eat right
Five will get you ten
I'm going to feed myself right tonight
I don't want fish cakes and rye bread
You heard what I said
Waiter please, I want mine fried
I want the frim fram sauce
With oss-en-fay with sha fafa on the side
posted by chavenet at 2:59 AM on August 12 [4 favorites]


I wish there were a version of the video with the original lyrics.

I know, she doesn't even get to say the title phrase!
posted by atoxyl at 3:08 AM on August 12


It reminded me of Avenue D - Sex that I need. Similar energy!
posted by fizban at 4:42 AM on August 12 [1 favorite]


A ghost appeared briefly from what feels like the distant past in the form of Carole Baskins, who doesn't approve of the WAP video's use of big cats. Cardi B was Team Joe Exotic for a few seconds way back when.
posted by LindsayIrene at 5:18 AM on August 12


What do you think about the Republican politicians who’ve decided to weigh in on this song?
I think they need to get a life.


HEE
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:51 AM on August 12 [1 favorite]


How has no one linked any of the remixes?
posted by charred husk at 6:10 AM on August 12 [1 favorite]


I wish there were a version of the video with the original lyrics.

Me too! I watched the video first and it's phenomenal and she keeps singing "wet and gushy" and I'm like ok, ok, deliver the rhyme! Say "pussy!" And she never does.

The I listened to the uncensored song and I was like :-O. The lyrics hit much harder, partliculy the way she emphasizes the "p" in "pussy". It's grand.
posted by Nelson at 6:48 AM on August 12 [2 favorites]




Ah, but would you then render it as "Wet-ass Pussy" or "Wet-Ass Pussy"? Capitalisation within titles is tricky once you get hyphens involved.

According to AMA style, "Wet-Ass Pussy" is correct:
[In] the case of a temporary compound, in which each part of the hyphenated term carries equal weight, capitalize both words.
  • Drug-Resistant Bacteria
  • B-Cell Lymphoma
  • Age-Related Macular Degeneration
Source: AMA Manual of Style, 10th Edition, Section 10.2.2, Hyphenated Compounds
posted by purplemonkie at 7:02 AM on August 12 [27 favorites]


Do people want ass pussies nowadays?

Some people do!
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 7:42 AM on August 12 [1 favorite]


I enjoyed the OED pronunciation of "hoes." (in this house)
posted by kozad at 7:54 AM on August 12


As a menopausal woman, I feel personally attacked* by this song.




*not really, because like Ina Garten says, "if you can't make your own store bought is fine."
posted by vespabelle at 8:07 AM on August 12 [50 favorites]


When I saw #WAP trending and people talking about it; I really thought it was a response to BLM .... White And Proud. Tells you where my head is these days!!
posted by indianbadger1 at 8:27 AM on August 12 [3 favorites]


[In] the case of a temporary compound, in which each part of the hyphenated term carries equal weight, capitalize both words.

See, I'd argue that in the hyphenated term "wet-ass," ass is merely an intensifier modifying the term wet, which is actually descriptive. I don't think ass "carries equal weight" and therefore it's arguable whether it should be capitalized per AMA rules.

Me too! I watched the video first and it's phenomenal and she keeps singing "wet and gushy" and I'm like ok, ok, deliver the rhyme! Say "pussy!" And she never does.

Does anyone know what's up with this? In what scenario is the "clean" version of these lyrics actually clean enough to be acceptable for, say, radio play? Does the mere usage of the word pussy really carry that much weight?
posted by Mothlight at 8:27 AM on August 12


There's also another notable 'radio edit' change, a very carefully placed "There's some WHRRRs in this house".
Honestly that's one of the things which unexpectedly stood out most to me (vs. the expected things that stood out), just how precise the edits were.

How far we've come from the early-2000's "BEEEEEP and I BEEEEP BEEP every day" cuts.
posted by CrystalDave at 9:01 AM on August 12 [2 favorites]


I would also appreciate a version of the video with the original lyrics, because I mostly loved it but it turns out that my reaction to the word gushy is total and irrational revulsion.
posted by merriment at 9:01 AM on August 12 [5 favorites]


the ass is pretty popular these days, I hear

Wet ass has never been very popular.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 9:09 AM on August 12 [2 favorites]


Cardi-b on using the "wet and gushy" edit for the video (source):
I just want to let y'all know, I wanna give y'all the heads up, the music video is going to be the censored version of the song, because the song is so nasty that YouTube was like, 'Hold on, wait a minute, someone might be too Goddamn nasty'
The radio edit has been replaced by the YouTube edit.
posted by Nelson at 9:28 AM on August 12 [11 favorites]


The “Clean” Version of ‘WAP’ Is Actually So Much Filthier

I love this song and video so so much!
posted by ellieBOA at 9:45 AM on August 12 [5 favorites]


So, from the republican point of view:

Grabbing a woman by her pussy against her will and bragging about it: perfectly acceptable male behavior

A woman talking about her pussy in a positive way: THE END OF CIVILIZATION
posted by Saxon Kane at 10:20 AM on August 12 [9 favorites]


That ASL version is so good! She really captures the fun of the song.

I love the historical pussy-focused music people are sharing. I notice that most of them are about eating a woman out, which is a great message to be sure, but it's interesting how WAP is just bragging about the pussy itself. It's not about how men can be good lovers, it's just about the power of WAP. I think that's part of what makes it feel transgressive and exciting or threatening (depending on your male fragility).
posted by Emily's Fist at 10:55 AM on August 12 [16 favorites]


As a menopausal woman

Same. I'm imagining a sexy crone version... "bring a bucket full of lube for this dry-ass pussy"
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 11:05 AM on August 12 [21 favorites]


It's funny that conservative commentators are in a tizzy over this when Khia's My Neck, My Back is almost 20 years old, is also performed by a woman, is really just as explicit about very similar things, and got a fair amount of airtime in its extremely censored radio edit.

Maybe they just couldn't figure out what Khia was talking about and didn't have twitter around to explain it to them.
posted by allegedly at 11:18 AM on August 12 [11 favorites]


The only thing that truly shocked me about Cardi B was that I needed to hear her name like 2,000x before I got that it's a joke on Cartier.

Cartier, Cardi B.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 12:40 PM on August 12 [17 favorites]


Same. I'm imagining a sexy crone version... "bring a bucket full of lube for this dry-ass pussy"
posted by Serene Empress Dork

There's some crones in this house
There's some crones in this house...
posted by vespabelle at 12:40 PM on August 12 [13 favorites]


Also, the Steve Allen-style "Let me read these ridiculous, uncivilized lyrics to you out of context like a Poindexter, and we civilized folk can have a good 'tut-tut' at those people!" routine is really old and stale.
posted by droplet at 12:43 PM on August 12 [5 favorites]


Do people want ass pussies nowadays?
That's a bussy, hun
posted by FirstMateKate at 12:47 PM on August 12 [5 favorites]


purplemonkie: "According to AMA style, "Wet-Ass Pussy" is correct:
[In] the case of a temporary compound, in which each part of the hyphenated term carries equal weight, capitalize both words.
"

It's not really a compound, though. Ass is an intensifier, like Ala-fucking-bama.
posted by signal at 12:51 PM on August 12 [1 favorite]


I'll just leave this here, then.
posted by rmd1023 at 12:51 PM on August 12 [1 favorite]


The only thing that truly shocked me about Cardi B was that I needed to hear her name like 2,000x before I got that it's a joke on Cartier.

It's a riff on Bacardi, her old nickname.
posted by Iris Gambol at 1:24 PM on August 12 [8 favorites]


This is the only place I feel safe saying this (I do trust our mods). My sisters are sex workers. I am not directly, but I've been used and abused. This song gave me a moment of celebrating what the rest of the world monetized without my consent...
posted by lextex at 1:52 PM on August 12 [23 favorites]


Moral of the story, make yr children listen to nasty ass sex rap from the female perspective if you want them to grow up to be responsible pussy eating citizens.
posted by dudemanlives at 12:17 AM on August 12 [69 favorites +] [!]

Nice.
posted by Space Kitty at 2:16 PM on August 12 [6 favorites]


wet ass-pussy according to xkcd
posted by um at 11:06 PM on August 12 [3 favorites]


If you grew up listening to Robert Plant urging you to squeeze his lemons and Steven Tyler extolling the virtues of love in an elevator or smirked about Cherry Pie and are bothered by a woman singing about wet macaroni, the issue isn't that you don't approve of dirty lyrics

Also this is a slapping dance track so excuse me, I must dance.
posted by Joey Michaels at 3:14 AM on August 13 [6 favorites]


i've yet to a see cis het man make a music video about almost anything that does not have a woman in it in some way, esp if said song is definitely about getting it on

D'Angelo - Untitled (How Does It Feel)

If anyone is into men with muscles, then you might end up with a WAP after this video...
posted by LizBoBiz at 8:08 AM on August 13 [1 favorite]


Also, I am loving all these songs about amazing pussy and now thanks to yall I can build a playlist for my other pussy having and pussy loving friends
posted by LizBoBiz at 8:33 AM on August 13


This song seems extremely ripe for a Weird Al parody.
I hope he can convince the artists to let him record one.
(Something food-related, obvs. Gettin' sushi, perhaps?)
posted by cheshyre at 12:58 PM on August 13 [2 favorites]


"If you grew up listening to Robert Plant urging you to squeeze his lemons and Steven Tyler extolling the virtues of love in an elevator or smirked about Cherry Pie and are bothered by a woman singing about wet macaroni, the issue isn't that you don't approve of dirty lyrics"

Moreover, if you told Led Zep they could not use Baby in any of their songs; there would be no Led Zep.
posted by indianbadger1 at 2:03 PM on August 14 [1 favorite]


WAP was trending this week on twitter, and I was all ???? And now not only do I know the meaning of the acronym but I had the pleasure of laughing my head off at all of you witty Mefites! Thanks to all of you.
posted by bluesky43 at 3:51 PM on August 14


> This song seems extremely ripe for a Weird Al parody.

Proposed title: Weird Al Parody
posted by mbrubeck at 5:23 PM on August 14 [11 favorites]


anybody else try to go to ASL version and got punked?
posted by Belle O'Cosity at 12:15 AM on August 15


anybody else try to go to ASL version and got punked?

yes... it's still on Twitter here, tho ;-)
posted by progosk at 6:17 AM on August 15 [2 favorites]


Yay! thanks progosk. I am kinda obsessed with that clip. That wink she does!
posted by Belle O'Cosity at 1:26 PM on August 15 [1 favorite]


Right?!?? That wink is like the embodiment of 😘 ! The whole thing is so delightfully expressive. Thanks from me too, progosk!
posted by Westringia F. at 9:11 PM on August 15


Actually, I should've directly linked her own Twitter post of it. (It's off TikTok likely because, as Raven puts it, someone ain't got one 😜)
posted by progosk at 12:48 AM on August 16 [2 favorites]


The Ben Shapiro remix
posted by chavenet at 3:50 AM on August 16


If you grew up listening to Robert Plant urging you to squeeze his lemons and Steven Tyler extolling the virtues of love in an elevator or smirked about Cherry Pie and are bothered by a woman singing about wet macaroni, the issue isn't that you don't approve of dirty lyrics

‘The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. Macaroni.’

‘Oh yeah?’

‘Yes, they don't like hearing it and find it difficult to say. Whereas without batting an eye a man will refer to his "dick" or his "rod" or his "lemons".’
posted by ricochet biscuit at 3:16 PM on August 21


OT but the idea of not liking the word “macaroni” makes me think of the “Macca. Macca? Macca. Macca!” bit from Derry Girls.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 10:04 AM on August 22


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