Computer vision is the easy part

August 25, 2020 5:31 PM

On Optimal Peanut Butter and Banana Sandwiches.
posted by kaibutsu (27 comments total)

This is the very model of a man who needs to listen to his wife.
posted by rikschell at 5:43 PM on August 25, 2020 [8 favorites]

Who slices their banana into 23 slices? You can get a better peanut butter to banana ration by using sufficiently thick banana slices.
posted by jeather at 5:50 PM on August 25, 2020

I’m not a sociopath

Isn't that exactly what a banana-medallion-slicing sociopath would say?
posted by Greg_Ace at 5:52 PM on August 25, 2020 [9 favorites]

I start a peanut butter and banana sandwich by spreading peanut butter on two slices of bread. I then slice circular slices of the banana, starting at the end of the banana, and place each slice on one of the pieces of bread until I have a single layer of banana slices

Well how else would you do it we’re not animals
posted by The Underpants Monster at 5:54 PM on August 25, 2020 [2 favorites]

If lengthwise was good enough for The King, it's good enough for me.
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:07 PM on August 25, 2020 [3 favorites]

Impressive but this entire premise is flawed.

A banana cleaves easily into perfectly bread shaped strips. You open your banana, break your banana in half, and then press your thumb into the center of each half. It'll split into 3 pieces per half. A standard slice of bread will fit 5 standard banana strips. You get an extra piece of banana as a snack. A wider slice of bread will fit all 6.
posted by phunniemee at 6:09 PM on August 25, 2020 [10 favorites]

I'm upset by all the precision and then "I DUNNO PEEL IS 20% AND ECCENTRICITY IS 1.5". Why are you even using a computer in the first place!
posted by aubilenon at 6:13 PM on August 25, 2020 [6 favorites]

His sandwich is wrong because it lacks honey.
posted by sjswitzer at 6:42 PM on August 25, 2020 [10 favorites]

Incidentally, "The 5 Standard Banana Strips" is the name of my new psychedelic-rock band.
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:44 PM on August 25, 2020 [2 favorites]

the daft bastard would've saved months if he'd just mashed the damn bananas.
posted by scruss at 6:45 PM on August 25, 2020 [6 favorites]

Where’s the chocolate syrup?
posted by Big Al 8000 at 7:27 PM on August 25, 2020 [1 favorite]

Yeah, and where are the raisins?
posted by storybored at 8:55 PM on August 25, 2020 [1 favorite]

Yeah, and where are the raisins?

Is there no END to the horrors 2020 will inflict on my psyche?
posted by Paladin1138 at 9:00 PM on August 25, 2020 [13 favorites]

I think I see the problem here, he neglected to pull in a simple library that would’ve solved the packing issue and removed the need for all that computer vision code.

from nytimes import peas
posted by sysinfo at 12:40 AM on August 26, 2020 [1 favorite]

This is great fun.

But, since bananas are cheap, I'm tempted to suggest that fabricating a hex cookie cutter and accepting some lost banana may actually be optimal. (I also can't imagine ever eating this instead of eating toast and a banana. . . so, maybe I'm missing something.)
posted by eotvos at 1:49 AM on August 26, 2020

I think these "sandwiches" are best et like upside-down margaritas:

You get a banana and you peel it.
You get a jar of peanut butter and you open it.
You get some bread and you slice it.
You get a spoon and you ready it.

Take a bit of banana, spoon a bit of PB into your mouth, and plug the hole with a bit of bread.

Chew. Wash down with milk if needed.

Repeat until sated or ingredients are gone.
posted by chavenet at 3:03 AM on August 26, 2020

I just noticed that the little video illustrating this article would serve perfectly to illustrate the concept of the mythic "Rainbow Party"
posted by chavenet at 3:49 AM on August 26, 2020

I guess you could put the whole banana in a hot dog bun.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 4:24 AM on August 26, 2020 [5 favorites]

Strips are for adults, coins are for babies. This article sucks and I'm mad about it.
posted by saladin at 4:43 AM on August 26, 2020

Everybody is right, strips are superior. But I can't abide honey. If your banana is good enough, you don't need sweetener; if your banana isn't good enough, you should be eating this sandwich tomorrow.
posted by penduluum at 7:02 AM on August 26, 2020

There is no need for honey, peanut butter is a completely adequate adhesive on its one
posted by aubilenon at 8:08 AM on August 26, 2020

If your banana is good enough, you don't need sweetener; if your banana isn't good enough, you should be eating this sandwich tomorrow.

What are you, some sort of banana-dependent time traveler?
posted by Big Al 8000 at 8:49 AM on August 26, 2020 [1 favorite]

He should throw some half-slices into the packing to get better coverage at the edges.
posted by We had a deal, Kyle at 5:24 PM on August 26, 2020

Optimal packing? A real condensed matter physicist would smash that banana.
posted by rodlymight at 6:28 PM on August 26, 2020 [1 favorite]

Lop off the tip, one medallion in the center with six around it, eat the rest whole. Easy!

(Also, they missed a fantastic opportunity to make the banana progressively riper in each photo.)
posted by Rhaomi at 7:28 PM on August 26, 2020

The proper way to do this is, as stated above, by MASHING the bananas. You want maximum coverage? There ya go.

Also, in the name of Elvis, these sandwiches should be fried in butter. I mean, please.
posted by Dr. Wu at 7:52 PM on August 26, 2020

But I can't abide honey...you don't need sweetener

Sure maybe I dont need sweetner, but I want it. And add those chocolate chips too!
posted by LizBoBiz at 1:29 AM on August 27, 2020