“Is that, like, six months? When you've had dinner?”
September 24, 2020 1:31 PM Subscribe
Where Matt Hancock, the UK minister for health, struggles to clarify one of the latest guidelines/rules for Covid-19, namely that you can only have sex with someone who lives outside of your household in England if you are in an established relationship, but what is an established relationship? How does this differ from casual bonking? Local variation exist: in Manchester, non-established couples cannot have sex at home but can in a hotel. For safety, the THT cautions against 'blow jobs and rimming' but for 'masturbation, using sex toys and phone or cam sex', but to limit your number/rota of partners. It is unclear how the new laws affect the Dogging or Swinging communities. Previously: “Coronavirus is making everyone polyamorous, in a sense.”
As usual Re: the UK & sexxxx, I leave the last word to Frankie Boyle (scottish socialist comedian), from E2 of his new world order series
‘We may have a Prime Minister who tragically looks after us as if we were his own children, but let’s not forget the terrible people he’s surrounded himself with.
Gavin Williamson, looks like every interview is a distraction from the serious business of Googling “does this dream make me gay".....
while the Home Secretary, Priti Patel is "the only woman in Britain who can orgasm imagining a slow puncture at sea"'
posted by lalochezia at 1:46 PM on September 24, 2020 [7 favorites]
MetaFilter: making everyone polyamorous, in a sense.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 1:47 PM on September 24, 2020 [4 favorites]
posted by ricochet biscuit at 1:47 PM on September 24, 2020 [4 favorites]
The UK. It's so fucked.
posted by chavenet at 1:51 PM on September 24, 2020 [11 favorites]
posted by chavenet at 1:51 PM on September 24, 2020 [11 favorites]
this is filthy for those looking for a return to a more innocent time nothing like a good old fashioned english cottage google cottaging for more
plz don't if you are at work, sorry not sorry
posted by lalochezia at 1:57 PM on September 24, 2020 [3 favorites]
plz don't if you are at work, sorry not sorry
posted by lalochezia at 1:57 PM on September 24, 2020 [3 favorites]
You are your best sex partner
For those of us who grew up during the AIDS Crisis, this is all sounding annoyingly familiar.
posted by Capt. Renault at 2:09 PM on September 24, 2020 [16 favorites]
For those of us who grew up during the AIDS Crisis, this is all sounding annoyingly familiar.
posted by Capt. Renault at 2:09 PM on September 24, 2020 [16 favorites]
...for those looking for a return to a more innocent time...
Quite. I remember those innocent and simple times when all you had to worry about was whether you'd been to Ikea to buy a penis beaker for the post-sex cleansing ritual but now it's all "Well, I think we're established because I bought us a cheeky Nandos and you got us a fish supper, but I'm not sure if that's still legal enough so we'd better just stick to toe sucking so Boris doesn't send round the Sex Police..." and too miserably exhausting to figure it all out.
posted by Wordshore at 2:12 PM on September 24, 2020 [3 favorites]
Quite. I remember those innocent and simple times when all you had to worry about was whether you'd been to Ikea to buy a penis beaker for the post-sex cleansing ritual but now it's all "Well, I think we're established because I bought us a cheeky Nandos and you got us a fish supper, but I'm not sure if that's still legal enough so we'd better just stick to toe sucking so Boris doesn't send round the Sex Police..." and too miserably exhausting to figure it all out.
posted by Wordshore at 2:12 PM on September 24, 2020 [3 favorites]
I suppose Britain is the alternate timeline America where the Republicans take coronavirus/science semi-seriously.
posted by eagles123 at 2:13 PM on September 24, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by eagles123 at 2:13 PM on September 24, 2020 [1 favorite]
Avoid bright light during sex
Don't let your sex get wet
Never have sex after midnight
posted by The otter lady at 2:17 PM on September 24, 2020 [16 favorites]
Don't let your sex get wet
Never have sex after midnight
posted by The otter lady at 2:17 PM on September 24, 2020 [16 favorites]
plz don't if you are at work, sorry not sorry
Even though I know "cottaging" does not mean the same thing in Canada, I was still startled to see a bright LED sign giving roadside advice to COVID COTTAGERS travelling from Manitoba to Ontario.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 2:32 PM on September 24, 2020 [6 favorites]
Even though I know "cottaging" does not mean the same thing in Canada, I was still startled to see a bright LED sign giving roadside advice to COVID COTTAGERS travelling from Manitoba to Ontario.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 2:32 PM on September 24, 2020 [6 favorites]
In metropolitan Melbourne you can have sex with one friend or family member outside for up to 2 hours. In regional Victoria up to ten people from a maximum of two households can have sex outdoors. Use of face coverings is mandatory.
posted by are-coral-made at 3:07 PM on September 24, 2020 [5 favorites]
posted by are-coral-made at 3:07 PM on September 24, 2020 [5 favorites]
Oi mate, you got a license for that sexual partner?
posted by bracems at 3:17 PM on September 24, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by bracems at 3:17 PM on September 24, 2020 [1 favorite]
Haha dogging community! Is that like gun “culture”? Too funny!
posted by freecellwizard at 3:20 PM on September 24, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by freecellwizard at 3:20 PM on September 24, 2020 [1 favorite]
What’s a common sense way to deal with this?
posted by Selena777 at 4:39 PM on September 24, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by Selena777 at 4:39 PM on September 24, 2020 [1 favorite]
management laying down a bunch of confusing and impossible to enforce rules and creating a situation where individual rule-breakers and those tasked with enforcing the unenforceable rules can be blamed for any future unpleasantness
posted by The Card Cheat at 4:55 PM on September 24, 2020 [3 favorites]
posted by The Card Cheat at 4:55 PM on September 24, 2020 [3 favorites]
You are your best sex partner
No. no I am not.
posted by 922257033c4a0f3cecdbd819a46d626999d1af4a at 4:56 PM on September 24, 2020 [14 favorites]
No. no I am not.
posted by 922257033c4a0f3cecdbd819a46d626999d1af4a at 4:56 PM on September 24, 2020 [14 favorites]
outstanding tags. well done.
posted by j_curiouser at 5:17 PM on September 24, 2020 [3 favorites]
posted by j_curiouser at 5:17 PM on September 24, 2020 [3 favorites]
What’s a common sense way to deal with this?
Safely.
posted by Wordshore at 8:14 PM on September 24, 2020 [2 favorites]
Safely.
posted by Wordshore at 8:14 PM on September 24, 2020 [2 favorites]
What’s a common sense way to deal with this?
According to New York City and British Columbia public health advisories, the COVID-19 common sense is to “use barriers, like walls (e.g., glory holes), that allow for sexual contact but prevent close face-to-face contact.”
So really, the UK just needs to catch up with the science and fully legalize cottaging... YouPorn is ready to step in with public infrastructure grants!
posted by QuixoticGambit at 9:40 PM on September 24, 2020 [2 favorites]
According to New York City and British Columbia public health advisories, the COVID-19 common sense is to “use barriers, like walls (e.g., glory holes), that allow for sexual contact but prevent close face-to-face contact.”
So really, the UK just needs to catch up with the science and fully legalize cottaging... YouPorn is ready to step in with public infrastructure grants!
posted by QuixoticGambit at 9:40 PM on September 24, 2020 [2 favorites]
According to New York City... public health advisories
Pro-tip for threesomes and more: "Bring an alcohol-based hand sanitizer."
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 11:48 PM on September 24, 2020 [2 favorites]
Pro-tip for threesomes and more: "Bring an alcohol-based hand sanitizer."
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 11:48 PM on September 24, 2020 [2 favorites]
Well, I think we're established because I bought us a cheeky Nandos and you got us a fish supper
Still working on the Carry On revival?
posted by biffa at 12:26 AM on September 25, 2020 [1 favorite]
Still working on the Carry On revival?
posted by biffa at 12:26 AM on September 25, 2020 [1 favorite]
The nature of any rules that aren't "do whatever" or "do nothing" is that there are going to be ridiculous edge cases.
Mind you, Hancock looks like a boy turned into a man at the hands of a well-meaning but bungling wizard which makes it even harder to take seriously.
posted by atrazine at 12:32 AM on September 25, 2020 [3 favorites]
Mind you, Hancock looks like a boy turned into a man at the hands of a well-meaning but bungling wizard which makes it even harder to take seriously.
posted by atrazine at 12:32 AM on September 25, 2020 [3 favorites]
Metafilter: ridiculous edge cases.
posted by RandomInconsistencies at 3:10 AM on September 25, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by RandomInconsistencies at 3:10 AM on September 25, 2020 [1 favorite]
Ridiculous? I think edging is probably relatively safe.
posted by Panthalassa at 3:34 AM on September 25, 2020 [4 favorites]
posted by Panthalassa at 3:34 AM on September 25, 2020 [4 favorites]
Ridiculous? I think edging is probably relatively safe.
No comment.
posted by loquacious at 9:46 AM on September 25, 2020 [1 favorite]
No comment.
posted by loquacious at 9:46 AM on September 25, 2020 [1 favorite]
Trad: Fascinating Aida
posted by How much is that froggie in the window at 9:27 PM on September 25, 2020
posted by How much is that froggie in the window at 9:27 PM on September 25, 2020
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(unsure if that is technically true, or only applicable if you are having sex outside in your own garden or possibly in a pub garden, as opposed to inside your house)
posted by Wordshore at 1:44 PM on September 24, 2020 [8 favorites]